You Shouldn't Feel Bad About Getting Your Nails Done (But That Doesn't Mean You Shouldn't Support Change)

If you haven't read the New York Times series Unvarnished, I highly recommend you do. And if you, like me, immediately feel uncomfortable after reading it, then the following is also something for you. 

If you don't have time for a several series investigate journalism piece, I'll sum it up for you: in New York City, one of the most expensive cities in the world, manicures and pedicures are cheap. Like, dirt cheap. A mani-pedi that might cost me perhaps $50-60 here in Oregon would cost may $20-30. Yeah, that's a big difference, especially considering that the cost of living in Oregon is staggeringly cheaper than New York City. 

Want to know the big reason nail services are so cheap in New York City? Surprise! It's because it's essentially slave labor! 

And it's probably not just in New York City, too. Several large chains are being investigated, which means that mall-based salons throughout the country are going to be under a microscope for their labor procedures. 

The main problem is that many of the manicurists working in New York City are here illegally; they don't speak much English; and they are desperate. The primarily groups are Korean, Chinese, and Vietnamese workers, as well as some Spanish workers and other Asian minorities. 

There are lots of horrible stories in the first part of Unvarnished. You read about a woman charged $270 (more than her average paycheck) for accidentally dripping nail polish remover on a New York woman's sandal, and then being fired; she concludes with, "I am worth less than a shoe." You read about a woman paying $200 to start working in a nail salon--common practice, a fee for "training"--and then working for three months without being paid. When she is finally told she will be paid, she finds out her daily wage is less than $3. There are more stories: tips are skimmed or stolen by the owners, women go months without being paid or are charged for supplies and services they use in their work. Some women hand their entire paychecks over for childcare. Women suffer miscarriages from the fumes or get sick. 

It's devastating. The entire series so far is devastating. 

And if you enjoy manicures and pedicures, it can start to eat at you.

I occasionally get pedicures at a salon in my hometown. It is very small and owned by a Vietnamese family; the manager is their son, who has a degree in mathematics. The workers all seem to be family. They are friendly and seem very happy. I tip well when I go there and chat with them. If they happened to accidentally spill nail polish or drip remover on my shoe, I wouldn't freak out; accidents happen. 

The responses to Unvarnished vary. Lots of women feel guilty. And lots of others get mad about why anyone thinks it is ok to get a pedicure or manicure. "Doesn't it just stink of servitude to begin with??" one comment says.  The answer is, no, not really. It's like any other salon service, like getting your hair cut or colored. Yeah, you could do it yourself; but it's nice to occasionally have someone else do it. 

As long as they're paid accordingly, of course. 

The issue at play here is this: The minute we read about something horrible happening, it's a natural human instinct to think (or potentially say), "but how does this effect  ME???" 

The answer is: it doesn't. This issue doesn't really touch you, unless you are one of the hundreds of manicurists working slave wages. You can't think of this issue in terms of you and your feelings and your guilt. You have to think of it in terms of: What can I do to ensure it improves? 

Already, New York City has taken steps to make changes to their salons. There will be sweeps of all nail salons in the city. That's a big first step. If you truly want things to change, you shouldn't focus on what you feel about it; instead, you should make steps to ensure public policy change. Ask at salons you visit, write your senators and governor, sign petitions. Do something.

You don't have to stop getting manicures or pedicures, especially if you like them. You should support measures that would protect salon workers and ensure them fair wages and safe working conditions (including further testing on the chemicals used during acrylic manicures and their long-term health effects). You shouldn't be paralyzed by your own guilt, but you also shouldn't ignore the issue. 

7 Reasons You Should Take the Trip You've Been Thinking About

1. You can't remember the last time a weekend including something that wasn't errands, cleaning, and/or more of your week time work. 

2. You really, really just want to get out of town. 

3. You found a hotel on TripAdvisor that you just have to visit. It has soaking tubs. Woodsy decor. Eco-friendly mattresses. You read the restaurant menu and rapidly become obsessed with trying green goddess dressing. 

4. You just want to eat, shop, and pretend you have no other responsibilities (such as work, an impending human child, or a house to clean). 

5. It's not really that far away. 

6. You joke to everyone--your coworkers, your husband, your family, your friends--that you "may not come back"! Everyone laughs, but you seriously consider the financial and emotional consequences of raising a child in a hotel. 

7. When you get back, you'll realize how valuable everything you left behind is: work, smelly dog, potentially smelly husband, undone baby nursery, unpaid bills. 

Mothers, Don't Let Your Daughters Make Up Baby Names

This past weekend, I discovered a really funny blog. A woman named Jessie receives a newspeper insert every year that includes the birth announcements for all of Madison County, Idaho. She uses it to create a list of the absolute worst names in Idaho. She's done this for 7 years. She argues (pretty articulately, I must say) and provides evidence that shows that the wacky trend of making up weird names for babies was started in Utah and Idaho; there have been unfortunately named children in these states for decades. 

Before I noticed average everyday people giving their babies truly unfortunate names, I moved to Idaho and found myself surrounded by people with kinda weird names. Unique spellings and interesting pronunciations mostly. It wasn't something I had encountered in Eugene, Oregon. I mean, my graduating high school class was overrun with Michaels, Anthonys, and Christophers. 

However, in recent years, I've noticed more and more unique names from all corners. People making up names for their kids. I think we've all seen the picture of the pretty pregnant woman standing in front of a chalkboard featuring several very unpleasant names for her future baby... and the truly unfortunate one she decided to go with. In case you haven't, here it is. (You can also find this simply by Googling "white people awful baby names". It's the first result.) 

Let's appreciate for a moment that she didn't name the poor child McKarty. 

All of these names (and many popular ones) include the Column A and Column B technique: you take a bunch of random prefixes (La-, May-, Mc-, Brin-) in Column A and a random bunch of names or made up names in Column B (-kynn, -lynn, -ley/lee/lei, and more) and just smash then today. Brinley. Brinlynn. Maylynn. Maylei. It ensures that your child will have a truly unique name and no teacher will ever pronounce it correctly. 

As I wrote on Twitter, while reading the blog post I found, "I know you're not supposed to judge other women for what they name their babies, but I'm going to anyway." People will argue that people have the right to name their child whatever they damn well wish and that is certainly true. But a baby isn't an accessory; it isn't a pet; it isn't a toy. It grows up and has its own life. When little Lakynn or little Oakley or little Remington (not kidding) grows up, they have to put down "Lakynn TwilaLou Smith" on their resume, their college applications. If you think that a person's name doesn't affect their job prospects, then you're fooling yourself. 

It's natural to want to give teeny weeny widdle babies teeny weeny widdle names that are as cute and fat and special as them. But that's an impulse that needs to be shoved down. There are home videos of me as a baby with my parents and siblings calling me Michelle, which is 1) bizarre because my memory only recalls being called Shelly and 2) is a mouthful for a tiny baby. But while Michelle or Alexander or Jonathan are big names for little babies, they are also adult names that suggest adult people. 

In the future, we're going to have generations of people with far out names: the Brinleys and Oakleys and Remingtons and Diezzels and Lakynns and McKartys are going to grow up and apply for college. A generation of little girls are doomed to having people stare at their names in disbelief. "Are these just a bunch of letters smushed together? Did you name yourself?" Will the President of the United States ever be named RyKer or Londyn or Lexxus or Kenlee? Probably not. 

I have a penchant for weird, old names. I really like the way they sound and look, and I love when names have a history. However, I've been talked out of Angus and Ezra as boy names because, well, they're just too odd. (I will argue that a man named Angus is probably destined to be a badass. Just saying.) I find myself scaling back the "weirdness" on the names I pick for future baby because, well, I want it to have absolutely every opportunity. I don't want any decision I make to negatively impact its future. And that includes its name. 

I guess what I'm saying is: this trend seems to treat babies too much as fashion accessories that you can name however you want without consequences. But there are consequences to names. Really. Babies grow up into adults and they don't really get a second chance at having a name. A little girl named Remington will be named Remington for her entire life. Do you really want to do that to a child? Don't make up names for your baby. Stick to the classics. 

Does Everyone Think I'm Lazy? (& Other Questions I Ask Myself)

A year ago, I could have read a variety of opinions on pregnancy and dismissed them as a) just jerks or b) valid, if somewhat stupid. But it took reading a variety of comments on a maternity leave blog post to make me realize that some people really do believe that pregnant women are lazy liars who lie and act like special snowflakes. 

The world definitely feels divided into two camps: those who worship pregnancy and act like it's the be-all-end-all of a woman's life; and those who think that pregnancy is the least important thing the world and that pregnant women are just lazy, excuse-makers. 

News flash: neither one of these opinions are very good. 

I read a lot of articles about women in business. Like, a lot. Last week, I read an interview with a woman (who'd been the CEO of a major company) who admitted to believing women who were pregnant or mothers were lazier than other employees.

No dancing around it--that's what she believed. She routinely scheduled last minute meetings at 4:30pm and wondered why female employees with children always said they couldn't make them (were they lazy? Definitely, she believed). She hated that they left at 5pm on the dot. She hated that they didn't go to after work drinks or make the attempt to socialize. She resented them. In an interview once, she didn't stand up for a female interviewee as her male coworker berated the interviewee for having children. She turned down a collaboration with Time magazine because her contact with them had "too many photos" of her kids in her cubicle so she assumed the contact at Time would be flaky. Yeah, she assumed a high-powered exec at Time freaking magazine would be flaky because she had too many pictures of her kids. We won't even get into how she treated pregnant employees: while it is illegal to fire pregnant women, she made it clear she wished she could have. 

This all changed when, surprise, she herself had a child later in life. She realized that mothers couldn't make 4:30pm meetings because they had to pick up their kids from daycare; she realized that was the same reason they were "lazy" and never stayed past 5pm or met up with coworkers for drinkers. She also realized that while they left at 5pm on the dot, they also showed up at 7:30 or 8:00 (about two or three hours before she showed up for the day) and had been working consistently while she enjoyed a workout and coffee. She realized she'd held a lot of really stupid opinions about women and mothers. 

This isn't a topic I really thought about before I got pregnant. I genuinely didn't pay attention to what happened to women with children. I casually avoided those articles about "leaning in" and "having it all." It just wasn't an interest of mine. 

But in the last month, I've found myself thinking more and more about it. I can't brush off negative opinions about pregnant women or mothers anymore because I realize more and more this is how people may begin to see me.  

While reading another article on maternity leave, there were comments that talked about how some people find pregnancy "creepy" or "gross" (ok, fair enough, it's kind of weird). There were also comments that talked about the selfishness and laziness of pregnant women. While I hoped these comments would be singular, I was surprised to see tons of people replying in agreement: that, yes, pregnant women and mothers are obviously lazy and think they are special. 

I always wonder if people like that are projecting. Are they themselves bad at their jobs? Do they wish they could be lazy? Do they want to be the center of attention? Who knows. All I know is: they got on the internet and decided to say pregnant women are lazy and tons of people agreed. 

This made me ask: do people totally think I'm being lazy?

There seems to be the common thought that women who are pregnant (or mothers) just need to "buck up and get to work" and not complain. The fact is, that probably won't be able to happen. Every pregnancy is different, but depending on the individual they might not be physically able to "buck u[ and get to work." If someone is throwing up until 11am everyday, they won't be able to go to work until then. If someone is so tired they fall asleep at 6pm everyday, they probably aren't going to be able to work past 4 or 5pm. Despite what many people think, growing a human being is pretty tiring. 

That doesn't mean pregnant women should get whatever they want. That certainly isn't the case. I still drag myself to work--even when I feel pukey or tired or whatever--and try my hardest to get my work done. However, there are days when I say screw it and take a few hours break or work from home or whatever. That's just the way it is. C'est la vie. Does that make me lazy? Maybe. Could I totally work through it? Probably. But would I be miserable? Yeah.

Maybe that all makes me lazy--and maybe people will judge me for it--but at the end of the day, I think we can all agree: anyone who judges women on their pregnancy or their position as a mother is probably a huge jerk. 

My Writing Routine

Do you ever wonder what other people do at work? When they get in, what's the first thing they do? 

I spend so much of my time writing -- and thinking about writing, and researching writing -- that writing dominates my thought process and my routine at work. But when it comes to other writing, what's the routine? When I'm not checking my email, researching, or writing work-related material, what do I do with my writing life? 

I research (a lot) & make lists (a lot). 

About 65% of writing for me is researching & planning. I have successfully kept notebooks since my freshman year of college and while I haven't been as organized about it as I wish I was, I still have a vast amount of information I've collected throughout my life. Lists of quotes, ideas, stories, authors, books I want to read... I've written down basically every idea and thought I've had since 2007 and that's pretty awesome. 

It's something I still try to do today. I read; I research; I make lists. These things inform my writing in ways that are obvious and not-so-obvious. 

The Little Things

I write best under very specific circumstances. Early mornings where I have the house to myself. A cup of coffee. A candle. My notebook. My favorite pen. And good music and/or a good movie. I can write for hours like this. 

My house also has to be clean. Before I can write, before I can really get any work done, my house has to be in order -- at least the part of the house I'm in (whether that's my office or my kitchen working area). That usually means I organize and tidy up my desk area, wipe down the counters, clean the floors, and set up some flowers or a candle. I just like a cozy, clean vibe before I can get down to work. 

I mean, why work in a messy place when I can work in a clean place? Plus, less cluttered surroundings leads to less cluttered thoughts. 

Actually Writing 

When I actually get down to writing -- and I mean, really writing -- I lose track of time; I can't pay attention to anything else. All noises blend into one that lulls me into my task. My notes are there only to glance at and perhaps add to or reference, but I don't spend more than 30 seconds looking at them at a time. 

Writing is an all-consuming task that can either be immediately time consuming or can be like picking pills off a sweater (that is, dull, useless, and painful). Everyone has their own unique writing routine -- things they like to have, things they have to do before they can write -- but this is mine. And it's worked so far. 

Doing My Taxes Makes Me Feel Grown Up

As an adult, you have to take the highs with the lows. Nothing exemplifies this quite like doing your taxes. 

If you've ever used TurboTax, you've experienced the joy, and the heartache, of watching the amount of your refund (or the amount of taxes you owe) change as you enter W2s. By the end of entering your income, you're at the bottom of the barrel, the dredges: if you owe money back, the number looks huge, monumental, unfair. 

But then, the roller coaster changes and you aren't aimed down anymore. You enter deductions. Student loan interest. Mortgage interest. That number changes again -- it soars with each deduction, each business expense. You're elated, your overjoyed. 

Ok, maybe that's just my experience with taxes. The last few years, I have had teeny tiny refunds and then owed state taxes -- an experience I don't really enjoy. This year, however, I made more money, paid a mortgage, and helped pay Danny's student loans. My taxes were a much more roller coaster experience -- but the end result made me ecstatic. 

More than anything, I realized how old I am: how much I enjoy putting in numbers and learning more about the tax system, the amount of money I should owe and the amount I overpay. I enjoy the process of this learning and, more than anything, I like feeling like an adult who does her taxes herself (well, kind of -- thanks for the TurboTax, Mom!). 

Now, post-taxes, I can uncork a bottle of wine and wait for my refund checks to roll in -- so I can plop them right into savings again. 

When It Comes to Strengths, I'm Most Interested in My Weaknesses

I recently took a strengths test. It was recommended to me by my boss -- and, in fact, all of my marketing coworkers took the test as well. We had a meeting to discuss our strengths, and weaknesses, and what they mean for the department. 

Here's how the test worked: when taking the test, I was asked to rank statements on a Likert Scale (0-9, disagree to agree). The statements included phrases like "I enjoy meeting new people," "I enjoy starting ice breaker conversations," and "I like to find solutions for problems." At the end of the test, it ranks 34 characteristics on a scale with a score (out of 100). 

My top ten (including my score) were: 

• Structurer (100) 
• Information Excavator (100) 
• Thinker (100) 
• Fixer (98) 
• Solutions Finder (96) 
• Historian (93) 
• Believing (91) 
• Student (91) 
• Prudent (89) 
• Visionary (89) 

Some of these were really surprising to me. I was not surprised that Structurer was one of my top strengths -- I follow patterns and regiment my life to an almost insane degree. I desire structure and routine. I like doing the same things everyday, eating the same things, watching the same TV shows. I like repetition. Information Excavator and Thinker didn't surprise me either; both traits recall a curiosity and a love of research, which is something I definitely love and find myself very good at. 

I was surprised by Fixer and Solutions Finder in my top 5. I do not often think of myself as someone with very good problem solving skills, but I do spend a lot of time researching how to fix my problems, fix problems I experience in my work, or improve anything I'm working on. In some ways, it make sense. 

However, when it came down to it, the traits I ended up paying the most attention to are those I scored the least in. My lowest scoring trains were Charismatic (40), Flexibility (40), Motivator (38), Confidence (38), and Foreman/Commanding (36). Basically, I don't like meeting new people, I am not flexible, I am not upbeat, I lack confidence in my talent and abilities, and I cannot lead people. 

Wow, that says a lot doesn't it! 

All of those traits are important for some jobs and in general, are skills that are good to have. There are things I know are not my strengths. But looking at these traits, I realize something: I may be a good problem solver and researcher, but my lack of confidence, and inflexibility, make it difficult for me to implement and lead people towards my ideas. 

That's kind of a bummer, of course, when I really think about it: I have many positive traits, but if confidence ranks as one of my greatest weaknesses, it seems to invalidate my abilities otherwise. 

It's possible to learn a lot about yourself by identifying your strengths. You can determine what kind of leader you are and how to properly focus your energy. However, I learned the most by evaluating my weaknesses and deciding how to make them strengths instead. 

With a test like this, it's very easy to get bogged down by what it says about you: oh, I'm not very confident. Aren't I the worst? It's difficult to fight that impulse, to let the test tell you that that is inherently how you are. However, strengths and weaknesses are flexible and they have the ability to change. You shouldn't feel constricted by learning your weaknesses -- you should feel empowered to change. 

If you'd like to take this test, you can here.  

What I Talk About When I Talk About the Kayla Guides

The first draft I wrote of this blog post, I let sit as a such (a draft) for three whole days. When I came back to it, I realized that the entire time I danced around my true opinion about the Kayla Itsines Beach Body Guides. I was also really negative, which made it harder to express my opinion. So I'm going to start from the beginning and that beginning includes a major, major point that I need to communicate. 

A few months ago, Kayla posted something akin to "if you want a beach body, you can never drink alcohol." Which, ok, whatever. I'm not a huge drinker. I'm really not. But that kind of statement rubs me in such a wrong way that I can barely explain it. The extreme restriction of your food, even if you end up with a "healthy" body like Kayla's, is not healthy. This leads me to a secondary point: Kayla's entire bit is about having a body that looks a very particular way. If you want a body that looks just like Kayla's, then these are the workouts for you. If you want your body but better, then maybe hold off. 

Saying you will never eat this or never eat that because it's "bad" for you is incredibly disordered, but is masked by the guise of being "healthy." There are many, many fitness "gurus" with extremely severe eating disorders -- one I used to follow stir fried her vegetables plain in WATER and said it was "tasty and flavorful" with no sauce. Excuse me, but that's boiling a bunch of veggies and calling it a stir fry; not only does it sound frankly gross, it's extremely disordered. It's like the watermelon Greek yogurt "cake" or apples sprinkled with cinnamon and called a "pie." All I'm saying is, thinspo has morphed into fitspo and there are a lot of girls with bad, bad eating disorders hiding it behind "Paleo" diets and weight lifting. Being obsessed with restricting your food and your body is not healthy, no matter how you express it, and denying yourself things you want, from stir fry and cake to a glass of wine, is not only life sucking, but pretty bad for you emotionally. It is possible to live a well-rounded like where you enjoy alcohol and cake as well as kale and chia seeds.  

The fixation on one type of healthy body is not only ridiculous, but damaging, and undermines Kayla's entire message of being healthy. I definitely fall prey to the "bikini body" idea -- I mean, I'd kill for a body like Kayla's -- but the fact is, I'm about 5 inches shorter than her with a completely different body type. It's just not going to happen. There is a way to be healthy, fit, and happy without looking just like Kayla or super thin. The only "fit, healthy" bodies we see are bodies that are thin, and that is wrong. You can be in shape and not that shape at the same time, but you wouldn't know that browsing through Kayla's instagram feed. All the girls end up looking the same (and just like Kayla) and to me, there is something inherently sad about that. 

Beyond those issues, I have issues with the guides themselves as well. Mainly, they cost about $60 a piece (there are two guides, so $120 total) and are about 100 pages long. But way, the workouts only consist of about 15 pages in each guide. So, the bulk of the guide is not workouts: it's Kayla's writing, which hovers somewhere around "big sister telling you how to live your life" and "omg what". For a $60 guide, that kind of grinds my gears. I like to get my money's worth and personally, a 100-page digital file that contains only about 15-20 pages of workouts is kind of a bust. If it was a physical book, it'd be different -- but c'mon, that's just a rip off! 

The guide suggests that alongside the circuits you do 3-4 sessions of HIIT workouts (high-intensity intervals, basically) and then 2-3 sessions of light cardio (like walking). That's a lot of working out. I work out a lot, but I simply do not have time to dedicate nearly 10 hours a week to it. I just don't. I could use that 10 hours to work, write, hang out with Danny, cook delicious dinners, grocery shop, play with my dog, or whatever. 

So what are the workouts themselves like? Most of the workouts are intense and tiring; I find myself sweating, red-faced and exhausted at the end. That being said, Kayla workouts have a reputation as being intensely hard and yes, some moves are challenging (I personally HATE sit ups with a twist and commandos, because I think those moves could easily be replaced by simpler exercises with the same result), but the workouts themselves are not exactly I'm-gonna-die hard. 

It's a difficult concept to express but: most workouts are hard. These workouts are also hard. But I would not rate them the hardest workouts I have ever done. (I think that title will always be held by conditioning weeks in Track when I was in high school.) 

I can see why they get results -- it's nice to follow a simple plan. However, are these workouts worth the $60 Kayla charges? Absolutely not. You could put together these plans on an app like PumpUp or find similar workouts on Pinterest. 

I also want to talk about Kayla's "H-E-L-P" guide, which is about healthy eating and lifestyle planning. It includes a week's sample meal plan and let me tell you, that meal plan is sad. Here are my issues with it: 

• It is not vegetarian. There isn't a vegetarian option. I hope you like eating meat two times a day (and therefore, have the money to do that). 
• It is dry. 

The suggested meal plans are painfully lame. One lunch is literally: flax seed wrap, two cups of lettuce, 1/2 can of tuna. THAT'S IT. I think I would just find the nearest bridge and jump off of it if that's what I decided I needed to eat for lunch everyday to have my ~ideal body~. Way to suck all the joy out of life.  

There are totally ways to eat healthy food that is also fun and flavorful. You don't have to eat plain, dry lettuce with plain, dry tuna on a flax seed wrap, I promise. 

I'm not saying that Kayla sounds like a total bummer to hang out with. Except that I totally am. She advises girls to order "cereal or muesli" when eating out "or just plain fruit." Honestly, get out. That's ridiculous. Have some fun, child, and some restricting your eating so much! Living life miserable and eating cereal while your friends enjoy pizza or pasta or whatever is absolutely not worth it. 

I'm not trying to say that healthy food can't be fun. There are lots of healthy foods that are delicious and fun. But Kayla's guide seems to suck all the fun out of food. She even refuses to call "treat days" treat days. She says you should get one treat meal and that's it, not a day to just enjoy yourself and not stress about how you're going to eat as much dry protein as possible.

Healthy food can be delicious and fun and you don't have to obsess about it like a total weirdo. But that's just me and I guess I don't have Kayla's "beach body" so maybe I'm totally wrong and my life will change when I start eating everything dry and protein-filled. But I also suspect I'd be deeply miserable if I did that too -- and sometimes, you have to make a choice. 

The Verdict

I have a lot of issues with self-styled "fitness gurus", obviously. The fixation on healthy bodies all looking the same way (that is, like Kayla's body) is extremely unhealthy. As well, while I know I need to make choices to eat better, restricting until I'm miserable and forcing myself to never eat certain foods again (like ice cream or full fat cheese) is a concept I don't really want to be involved with. Kayla doesn't seem to have mastered the concept that food can be healthy and delicious, nor does she seem to embrace the idea that there are more examples of healthy bodies than just generally "thin."

Do I like the Kayla guides? Yes, I enjoy them as a workout to supplement my usual cardio and running. Do I think they are the greatest workout ever? Absolutely not. Do I think they are worth the money? No, definitely not. Do I think Kayla needs to think long and hard about the advice she gives to people, especially young girls? Uh-huh, you bet I do.