How to Prepare for Cold & Flu Season with Kids

To my fellow parents with school age kids or just kids in daycare, I salute you. In a few weeks, we’re going to be fully in the trenches, battling cold after cold after cold… but for now, we can only prepare, fully aware that our kids are highly likely to miss picture day and that we’ll, once again, be on a first name basis with the pediatrician receptionist.

For the past 2 school years, my son has gotten sick after the first three days of school. Picture day has always been on the Tuesday or Thursday the second week of school—and he has been sick in both of those school photos. I told him our goal was to avoid being sick this weekend, but who knows if that will actually happen.

This summer, we’ve also had illness after illness: mystery flu (Violet), hand foot and mouth disease (all of us, but especially me); and the stomach flu. We caught the stomach flu right before our cruise in August and HFDM from that very cruise… so we’ve really been through the ringer. I’m not particularly excited about this coming school year. If the summer was bad… what will the school year be like?

There is comfort in knowing we aren’t alone; many of my son’s friends were also, somehow, sick throughout the summer. My pediatrician’s phone line is always backed up. So it wasn’t just us! It seems like this summer was a rough one for viruses.

Which again, that does not bode well for this cold and flu season.

I like to think I know a thing or two about taking care of kids with colds. But if there is one thing being a parent has taught me it’s that once you think you have a handle on a situation, the universe likes to throw a little pizzazz. Call it karma confetti. Parents with older kids sometimes make the mistake of thinking we know what we’re doing 100% of the time, but the truth is we don’t.

One thing I do know though? How to prepare for cold and flu season.

1. Stock up on essentials now.

This one might seem a little bit basic, but hear me out: many cold and flu seasons I have found myself awakened at 2am by a crying, feverish, sick child, gone to my medicine cabinet, and found an almost empty bottle of ibuprofen. Or a thermometer that isn’t accurate or has stopped working. Or, worst of all, someone is throwing up and there is no Pedialyte in the house. And by the time cold and flu season arrives, there is usually a bit of a shortage on these things.

Two years ago, my son got the flu during the big Tylenol shortage. I had to emergency order multiple bottles from whatever source I could and it was so stressful.

My point is: stock up all the classics now, rather than ordering (and often spending too much) later. Here is what I try to get stocked up on before the end of September:

• Saltines & oyster crackers

• Pedialyte (I like the packets as they last longer and you don’t end up with a half used bottle)

• Ibuprofen & Tylenol

• Cough drops

• Immodium

• Children’s allergy medicine

• Thermometer (if you need a new one)

• Tissues

• Hand sanitizer

• Laundry sanitizer

• Extra bedding and towels

• Tea & honey

2. Talk to your kids about washing their hands.

Kids are, as I’m sure you know, notoriously lax about washing their hands. Well, most of them. There are definitely some kids who are extremely dedicated to a hand washing routine and for that we thank them. But a vast majority of kids simply don’t wash their hands or rush.

My oldest is not a kid who skimps on washing his hands. He was 4 when Covid started in early March 2020 and so washing his hands thoroughly has been part of his life for the majority of it. He also loves a good hand sanitizer; I always refresh the one on his backpack keychain every week and he knows to use it throughout the day. But this hasn’t been a natural thing; I had to talk to him about the importance of hand washing a lot for a long time.

We also had to make it a constant habit: washing our hands before every single meal; washing our hands when we got home from an event; using hand sanitizer in the car after every stop. It just became part of our lives and to help prevent the worst colds, it’s something you just have to do. (This won’t necessarily stop them from ever getting sick, but it does cut down on it.

3. Sign up for flu shots & Covid boosters.

Controversial? No. Kids should get their yearly flu shots and, if they’re old enough, Covid boosters. (I actually haven’t heard yet, as of September 3, 2024, if there is a Covid booster this year; I assume there will be though!) In November 2022, my family got the flu; and yes, I was 5 weeks postpartum and yes, my newborn did get the flu. You know why? We hadn’t gotten a chance to get flu shots yet. My son was so, so sick I thought he might have to be hospitalized and I beat myself up a lot that month about not getting him in to get a flu shot.

Long story short: get your kids flu shots and Covid boosters. I promise it is worth it.

4. Set up a “just got home” routine

This piggy backs off of point 2, but set up a “we just got home” routine with your kids. I keep my son’s on a laminated piece of paper on our fridge and he knows to check off each box. This is what ours looks lie:

• Wash & sanitize your hands

• Change into play clothes and put school clothes in hamper

• Wipe down lunch box

• Spray backpack (we use Lysol disinfecting spray for fabric)

• Start homework

• Read 10-15 minutes

• Dinner time

It’s not complicated and the more kids do it, the easier it gets. Obviously, for younger kids, they might need a simpler routine and/or to use pictures on a check off sheets. Either way: make the routine simple to follow and impactful for your evening.

5. Prepare for the unexpected

Not to be dramatic, but anything can happen at any time. RSV was extremely bad last year, as was Covid and the flu. My daughter had multiple colds that landed her in the ER with labored breathing and we had Covid for the first time in December 2023. (That’s a small flex on my part!) We didn’t expect those things, as you can imagine.

Like I wrote earlier: every time I think I have a handle on things, something totally unexpected happens. A stomach bug. The flu. A cold that hits right before a big road trip. You know, regular, schmegular stuff for parents of small and elementary age kids. But it never really gets an easier to handle these things: your kids being sick is extremely stressful for a lot of reasons. You might have general anxiety about their health (hello, me too!); you might have to miss work and, given the economy right now, that’s super stressful; you might have to rush them to the ER and if you’re in the US like me, that’s always stressful.

So, to conclude: you can only prepare so much. Know that you might encounter an illness that shocks you—for me, that’s been hand, foot, and mouth disease (I can’t believe that it’s considered “mild”, my fingernails are falling off). Know that you might have to rush to the ER and advocate for your child in a way you didn’t expect. Your kids will miss school and you will worry about them falling behind. But know that at the end of the tunnel, there is spring and once their older than, like, 12, it won’t be quite this bad.

My Printable Packing List for Your Alaskan Cruise

I’ve already shared my top 5 products for an Alaskan cruise, but now it’s time to share the details of packing. What’s worth bringing, what’s not, and how to organize it. I created a simple, printable guide to help you pack for this trip-of-a-lifetime with your kids and/or toddler.

This guide breaks packing down into specific categories, focused on packing for a toddler—but it applies to kids and adults too! I focus on essentials, the diaper bag, and toddler equipment, plus the basics, with an eye on what is and isn’t available on a cruise ship. Click below to download!

If you haven’t already, check out my blog posts on 5 products that helped my packing organization and everything I learned on our Alaskan cruise.

5 Products to Help Organize Your Alaskan Cruise Packing

Packing for myself for a 7-day trip is often a slog. But packing for 3 people (myself, my 22-month-old, and my 8-year-old) is almost torturous. It’s overwhelming and daunting. 

But I’ve found a few things to help me pack for my kids that take the stress out of it—plus a few pieces that I think will help make your Alaskan cruise just a little easier. 

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1. Day of the week packing cubes

These packing cubes have the days of the week on them and let me tell you, they make packing for kids so much easier. While I was packing for each kiddo, I just laid these out on the floor and stacked outfits and pajamas on top for each day. It cut down the amount of guesswork and just made my life so much easier. Plus, it makes being on the cruise easier as well; my 8-year-old was able to grab the day he needed and change without digging through a suitcase full of clothes. Win-win. 

2. Wet bags

Wet bags aren’t new, but they are a valuable packing tool. I used wet bags to pack swimsuits and sunscreen; this way the sunscreen was contained in case it burst and I knew to look for the wet bag when digging for swimsuits. Plus, once we were on the boat, I carried one with us in case of an emergency diaper change. 

3. Laundry bags

For years while traveling, I have packed a garbage bag to put our dirty laundry in. Times have changed and I knew I needed something a little more resilient for this trip. Plus, you never want someone to mistake your dirty laundry for garbage. These laundry bags are MASSIVE (like way bigger than I thought!) They come in a two pack. We filled one up entirely on our 7-day trip and I was able to put it into our largest suitcase (which was pretty much empty by that point). It keeps the dirties contained until you can handle them. 

 4. Toddler cutlery 

Toddler cutlery? What’s this doing on the list? Well, as I was packing I kept thinking about if they would have toddler cutlery on the boat. News flash: they don’t. I ordered this set to keep in our stroller and it was truly a lifesaver. Violet is at the age where she wants to do everything herself and trying to wield a too-big fork just wasn’t it. This set is compact and barely takes up any room. Perfect for streamlined packing. 

5. Toddler leash harness 

Last but not least, a toddler leash. I know, I know, this might be controversial. But cruise ships can be CROWDED and toddlers don’t like being contained. I recommend not bringing a baby carrier for your toddler—it was just impractical—and opt for this instead. It is super compact and takes up less space than a baby carrier, and you’ll be able to let your toddler have a little bit of freedom. 

I Went On an Alaskan Cruise With a Toddler. Here’s What I Learned.

When my mom first suggested an Alaskan cruise for my entire family (my parents, my siblings and their kids, plus my husband and kids), I was excited. But as the days grew closer, I found myself getting more and more stressed. 

When you have kids, especially those under 6, packing for vacations is always a little more daunting. Not only do you have diapers and wipes (and all the things that come along with those things), you have to worry about packing cups for milk (because when do restaurants ever have cups that toddlers can drink out of effectively?), toddler cutlery, and any emergency supplies. Never mind packing for yourself! 

We set out on our Alaskan cruise on Norwegian Cruise Lines in early August. For 7 days, we sailed from Seattle to Juneau, Skagway, Ketchikan, Glacier Bay, and Victoria BC before returning back to Seattle. There were so many parts that were beautiful, fun, and exciting. But there were also parts that were, well, not-so-fun. That’s just the reality of traveling with a toddler, right? 

I will be sharing a series of blog posts over the coming days about our Alaska cruise experience—including products I bought that I think saved our butts, plus a packing list guide that will keep you from overpacking. 

But first, let’s talk about everything we experienced on our first cruise as a family. 

Let’s Talk Amenities

I went on an Alaskan cruise when I was around 13. I can’t actually remember a ton about that cruise—I know I had fun—and I know it was on a different cruise line. But compared to that cruise, and according to my mom (who has been on tons of cruises with my dad in the last few years), I definitely felt like the amenities had changed. 

Firstly, your stateroom, no matter what, is going to be small. Whether you have a balcony or an interior room, it’s going to be tight with not a lot of storage space. So as your packing, consider that. It’s also something to consider when thinking about sleeping arrangements: if you have a toddler who is very finicky about their sleep, this is going to be tough. We originally planned to have a pack’n’play (provided by the ship), but there was simply nowhere to put it in the room. I mean, nowhere. 

Secondly, your stateroom might not even have items you consider standard in hotel rooms. Prime example, our stateroom didn't have shampoo. I’m not joking. I know other staterooms did (my sister’s did!) but the dispensers in our shower only had body wash and hand soap. (Hand soap!) I hadn’t packed shampoo because I’d expected it—and no matter how many times I requested it from guest services, it never arrived. 

When it comes to food, there is plenty of it. Depending on how you book, you might also have the unlimited drinks package, which means you can pop up to any bar and get a soda or cocktail (or beer presumably). However, outside of meal times, there isn’t a whole lot around: there are ice cream places and a candy shop, but nowhere to grab, say, a bowl of chips outside of buying some from a shop.This is to say: if you’re traveling with kids whose appetites are unpredictable, bring some reliable snacks. 

One thing I found frustrating throughout our cruise was the lack of consistent information; there were times where I was told one thing and then that turned out to not be true. This can likely be chalked up to the sheer size of the cruise ship I was on; it had over 4,000 guests on it, which meant even with a huge staff, they were stretched thin. On days we weren’t in port, everything was crowded. 

That being said, everything we had access to as an amenity was great; the complimentary dining room was fantastic; the specialty restaurants were great; the bar were top notch. There was no aspect of the food or entertainment that I didn’t enjoy. However, if you’re traveling with small kids, there just simply isn’t a lot for them to do and the 3 course dinners in the evening are loooong for them. There wasn’t a single night where Danny or I didn’t have to leave dinner with Violet. We tried to alternate, but it was what it was. 

One other important amenity: after Covid, cruises stopped offering coffee pots in staterooms, primarily because they’re just hard to clean and cleaning so many between cruises is a chore. However, the internet (and my mom) told me I should be able to request one. I requested one for 3 days in a row and finally gave up. It was a huge pain in the butt to have to walk up to the buffet to get coffee in the morning (writing that out sounds so silly, but listen, I was sleeping with an active toddler who kicked me all night, I needed coffee), especially when my family wasn’t ready to actually go to breakfast yet. Something to consider on your trip!

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To Pack or Not To Pack? 

I think I acutely knew even as we were boarding our cruise that I had overpacked. And I did; I packed too much stuff we didn’t touch or need and I didn’t pack enough of stuff we did need. 

One hilarious fact is this: Alaska in the summer is typically not-hot, but not-cold and can be pretty rainy. Watching the weather the week leading up to our cruise, I felt confident in what I packed: spring weather clothes, plus all our rain coats. Friends, do you think we needed those rain coats? No. It was 80+ in every single city we stopped in. According to the Alaskans we met, it was their one nice week of weather during the summer. We did not need those raincoats and I was sweating my butt off in my leggings. I had only packed 4 t-shirts and then primarily sweatshirts. I’m not sure there was any way I could have anticipated such out of the ordinary weather, but I probably should have had more t-shirts at least. 

I’ll have a more in-depth packing list post coming up, but for now, here’s a summary of my suggestions for packing with a toddler: 

• Bring your stroller, not a baby carrier. We brought our tush baby and the snug attachment we have for it and we didn’t use it once. It’s not an easy to pack carrier either. I was very annoyed with myself about it. We used our stroller every single day, though, because Violet just isn’t big enough to walk on her own most places yet. 

• Pack a light number of activities for your kids. I went a little overboard with activities and we really didn’t touch them hardly at all. That felt, again, a little silly of me. A sketchbook and a pack of crayons were really all Forrest and Violet needed to entertain themselves. 

• Don’t bring extra electronics. Ok, so, there is no free wifi on cruise ships. There is wifi you can pay for (it was $200+ for the week and that was non-streaming). This rendered our iPads pretty much useless for the entire week. I didn’t even touch mine. 

• Pack clothes in outfits, not items. 

• Pack snacks you know your toddler will eat or that can keep him or her entertained during dinners. 

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Excursions with a Toddler

Full disclosure: most of them were too long or too boring for Violet. The first excursion we had planned in Juneau, I realized the day of was going to last for 5 hours until past 8pm. I just knew she wasn’t going to make it, so I stayed behind while Danny took Forrest. Even for Forrest, it was a long time with a lot of walking and moving to different locations. He enjoyed it, but he was exhausted afterwards. 

Our second excursion was a train ride in Skagway up to the White Pass. I really, really enjoyed it and so did Danny… but Violet fell asleep and Forrest got very bored. As much as I enjoyed it, I did wonder if we would have had more fun just exploring Skagway on our own or taking the shorter train ride with a more active excursion. Well, hindsight is 20/20. 

That is to say: vet excursions carefully before booking and do so with an eye on what your toddler is capable of. Some toddlers absolutely might love a train ride. Violet was just less than enthused! 

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The Best Parts

The food. It’s sounds so silly, but the food was so good and fun. Every evening, we ate at the dining room, called the Manhattan Room. It was a 3-course dinner where you pick an appetizer, an entree, and then a dessert, plus you can get drinks from the bar. It was… magical. It was my favorite part and even on really hard days, I looked forward to it. 

We also enjoyed the buffet, the Garden Cafe, for breakfast and lunch every day. There was always something for everyone, and they had a huge selection of fruits and vegetables at eat meal time. 

Forrest loved the pool, the arcade, and laser tag. The laser tag arena had very odd hours, so he was only able to go once, but he loved it. 

Violet primarily enjoyed the Guppy room, which was primarily a room for toddlers to play. It was great for her to have somewhere to go. Unfortunately, we did catch hand foot and mouth disease from the Guppy room, so my love for it is now 50/50. 

We had the unlimited drinks package and I will admit that being able to get a cocktail whenever I wanted to was a temptation too strong even for me. I loved getting a mai tai at dinner. Now that’s luxury! 

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The Hardest Parts

The timing of nearly everything is not set up for toddlers at all. The breakfast buffet opens at 6:30, perfect, she’s been up for an hour. None of the dining options opened before 5:30—and Violet’s bedtime is usually 6:30/7. By 5:30, she is in her prime freak out time: overstimulated and getting tired. Especially on the ship, I knew she was pretty much constantly overstimulated because of the sheer number of people around us. So that was hard. 

Thus, the days become loooooong. When you’re up at 5:30am (even with the time changing to Alaskan hours) and dinner ends at 7pm at the earliest, the day becomes so long, especially with just not a lot of space for a toddler to be active and entertained. By the time we were getting off the boat, I knew Violet was totally DONE with being on that boat (never mind that she also had the early stages of HFMD at that moment, so she wasn’t feeling great).

One other note here: I found out the last night that the medical center on the boat will not treat guests under the age of 3. So I guess if your toddler gets hurt or sick, the only options is to get you off the boat. If I had known that before the cruise, I’m not sure I would have actually gone because that does seem unsafe and a little scary. This might differ based on the cruise line (and honestly, it might have been something one employee told me because they didn’t want to take Violet’s temperature—I don’t know!), but just something to keep in mind, especially if you have a toddler with medical issues.  

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Would I Do It Again? 

When my kids are older, absolutely! I would personally not take a toddler on a cruise again. Here is my reasoning for why: 

• Finding out they don’t treat medical issues for under 3 years on the cruise ship scares me. 

• There simply isn’t enough for toddlers to do on a cruise ship and there isn’t enough space to let them safely wander/walk/explore. If you have a toddler like Violet who needs near constant stimulation, this is a nightmare. 

• Since Violet often needed a break, Danny and I would split up throughout the day. Without wifi or cell service at sea, we had no way to contact each other until we paid $200 for wifi. If my kids were older, I wouldn’t be so worried about splitting up and contacting each other—but not being able to text was rough for the first day. 

• 7 days was perhaps too long for Violet (and me). A shorter cruise I might consider taking a smaller child or toddler on… but 7 days was a lot. 

Have you been on an Alaskan cruise with a toddler or small kids? I’d love to learn about your experience in the comments!

Beauty Review: Locallure Lipsticks*

A few weeks ago, the brand Focallure reached out to me to review some of their products. It’s been a hot minute since I accepted products for review, but recently I’ve been trying to find passion for my hobbies again (there may or may not be a blog post or newsletter coming about this…) and it seemed like perfect opportunity.

Focallure is a brand primarily sold on Amazon—if you’ve ever started browsing for a lip product, you’ve probably run into them. They sent me 4 products in total: two of their metallic liquid lipsticks and two of their moisturizing lip balms. I’ll review the liquid lipsticks first, then the lip balms. Let’s dive in!

Focallure Metallic Liquid Lipsticks

I received the shades Painkiller and Dying Star. Painkiller is a metallic, super dark red. Dying Star is a pale, glittery pink—it has a lot of glitter.

When I first received this shade, Painkiller, I swatched it on Danny’s hand. When I tell you that swatch withstood nearly an entire day and I finally had to scrub it off of him with my Junoco Cleansing Balm, I’m being serious. This liquid lip has lasting power. And even better, it’s not actually as drying as I remember a lot of matte, superstay formulas to be. It’s not a day color for sure—but if you’re looking for a Halloween lip for a specific costume (or you’re maybe just more daring than me), this is a great option. It will withstand a lot of things.

The shade Dying Star is not nearly as dark as Painkiller and while it required some cleansing balm to remove after swatching, it doesn’t feel as nearly longlasting as Painkiller. It’s also a little more day appropriate—although, it is… so glittery. I had glitter everywhere. It’s not the worst thing in the world, but it’s certainly a little inconvenient. I really like this shade and I think it would actually be a great topper for other lipsticks or with a gloss.

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Focallure Lip Balms

I received 2 of Focallures’s lip balms—one is a true balm that appears to be PH color changing (the left) and one is more tinted (left). Unfortunately, I can’t find these specific shades on their storefront, but there are similar varieties.

The true balm is really pretty—I mean, it has inset glitter. The packaging is also very cool; the cap is magnetic, so it makes it a little more sturdy for a purse. I didn’t realize it was color changing at first, but as I swatched it, I noticed how pink my lips looked. It wasn’t bad, but as we all know, those PH color changing products all go the same color of pink—so if you’re not a fan of that pink, it’s probably not for you.

The other balm had a color that reminded me very much of 2016. You know those very gray-toned mauve pinks that were slightly liver-y? It’s like that. It would probably look much better on a different skin tone, but it’s not for me. The formula was very hydrating, but again, it had so much glitter that removing it became an issue and I can’t imagine reapplying would be very fun. I would pass on these more lipstick-style lip balms, but I do like the true balm variety.

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Disclaimer: As denoted by the asterisk (*) in the title of this post, these products were sent to me for free in exchange for review. Posts like these help me keep the lights on here at WBP! If you’d like to learn more about my disclaimer policy, click here.

Review: Cocofloss Dental Floss

What a way to start a new blogging era, huh? Floss. Baby’s first review back on the blog grind? Floss.

But listen, I’m 35 years old now. I care about things like my dental health (and hey, we all should after all). And after 2 kids and plenty of years where I didn’t take as good of care of my teeth as I wish I had, I get excited about trying a new floss.

A few weeks ago, while scrolling Instagram, as you do, I got an ad for Cocofloss, a coconut fiber floss that is designed to make dental hygiene more fun (a cute look and yummy flavors), but also more beneficial (a fiber that helps grip bacteria between teeth). (You can learn more about the founders here.)

After a little browsing, I convinced myself to give it a try. Here’s a little context: I hate flossing. I do it every single day, but I hate it. My gums are one of my genetically terrible traits where I have to do a lot of upstream swimming to take care of them. I brush and floss twice a day and then use a special mouthwash every evening that is supposed to help my gum pockets. This is what a genetic weak spot and two pregnancies get you: when I go to get my teeth cleaned now, they call in a specialized hygienist who deals with people with gum issues. Devastating to my self esteem, frankly.

So a floss that would make my twice daily blight a little more fun is… worth a shot.

I ordered 2 products: the Happiness set and the Delicious Mint Dental Floss. The Happiness set is a set of 4 mini spools in 4 flavors: coconut, strawberry, mint, and orange. I got these primarily to 1) try a few flavors and 2) have some cute travel flosses. They are extremely adorable.

I ordered the larger Delicious Mint dental floss to have as my daily use floss.

The Happiness set was on sale for $15 when I ordered it; regularly, it’s $36. $36 is… quite a lot for 4 small spools of floss. $15 is definitely a much better deal. The single spool of Delicious Mint, which is roughly a 2 month supply, was $10 (and is still $10). That is a lot for floss, but it’s 2 months worth—so realistically $5 a month. As it is, I probably spend $5 a month on flossers.

I spent $25 total and shipping was free.

As I was writing this, I realized that there is a confetti cake flavor of floss. That’s incredible. They have a ton of flavors, so definitely do some poking around if you decide to order.

So, what do I think of the floss?

Floss is, at the end of the day, floss. But I do feel like I was able to get between my teeth better with Cocofloss than with traditional floss. My teeth are very close together (even my hygienist gets floss stuck between them frequently) which means I have to do a lot of extra work to get the bacteria that can linger at the gumline. I felt like Cocofloss got more gunk out with less effort. The floss itself feels coated and more fibrous than traditional dental floss, but it still glides between teeth pretty well. I felt like it allowed my special mouthwash to get closer to the gum line.

All in all, I liked the floss. It’s cute and it definitely has a strong, fun flavor. The mint has been my favorite so far, but Forrest, my 8-year-old, really loves the strawberry flavor. And if it gets my kid to floss more, I’ll pay $1 million even.

Would I recommend this floss? I think it really depends on your needs. Will I repurchase? Most likely, but I have pretty specialized dental hygiene needs. If you don’t, you can probably get by with your standard dental floss.

What is Self-Care versus Self-Soothing?

Self-care is important, especially if you struggle with your mental health. Even if you don’t, we all need ways of taking care of ourselves, of prioritizing rest and making time to focus on things that make us feel good.

But there is an aspect of self-care that often gets overlooked when it comes to mainstream articles: self-soothing. Self-soothing is part of self-care and often, self-soothing behaviors get used as examples of self-care. And while they certainly are, we have to start thinking of them separately in order to create a plan that works most effectively.

In this blog post, let’s talk about what self-soothing is versus what self-care is. Let’s jump in.

What is self-care?

Think of self-care as larger, overarching behaviors that help us meet our goals, grow as people, or just develop better habits. This might be things like: taking medication consistently on time; spending time outdoors or getting exercise; cleaning your home or apartment. These things might not necessarily be soothing or relaxing, but they may help us further on down the road.

What is self-soothing?

Self-soothing is more of a micro look at mental health. While self-care can help you repair after feeling burnt out, self-soothing can help you in a moment of distress. Examples of self-soothing might be things like going for a quick walk to get air, hugging a stuffed animal or blanket that makes you feel better, or smelling a candle or essential oil that you really enjoy. These things can help calm you down in moments of distress. So, self-soothing is a part of self-care, but they aren’t necessarily the same activities.

Is there anything wrong with self-soothing?

The short answer is no, as long as self-soothing behaviors are healthy. Unhealthy self-soothing behaviors provide temporary relief, but have negative consequences overall for your mental health; these can be things like substance abuse (such as drinking a glass of wine when you’re stressed), self-harm, or other compulsive behaviors.

This post was originally part of a series about mental health during the holidays. In order to kickstart my return to blogging, I am publishing it now.

5 Things to Include In Your Feeding Plan at the Hospital

Infant feeding is a topic I have spent… countless hours writing about, thinking about, fretting about. I’ve talked to therapists about it. I’ve written blogs and poems and text messages and emails about it. I’ve read books. I’ve determined how much breastfeeding content triggers me (a lot) and how confusing I still find infant feeding messaging (also a lot).

As I prepared to have my daughter this past year, I knew one thing: I did want to try breastfeeding. But I was also prepared to formula feed from the beginning. In fact, I was excited to offer formula from the beginning. I also knew from my past experience that the hospital I would be delivering at did not like offering formula and did not encourage combo feeding.

So, with the help of an amazing doula, I created a feeding plan to include along with my birth plan.

Friends: this worked wonders. I had the exact experience I wanted in the hospital (with only one nurse who pushed back considerably against my feeding plan). It was the best decision I could have made and I would do it again in a heartbeat.

I’d heard lots about birth plans in both of my pregnancies—but not a lot about feeding plans. I wanted to put together this blog post to help you write a feeding plan for yourself, if you’re expecting in the future or plan to expect in the future. It’s always important to think about what you want to happen in the hospital. After all, it’s your baby.

As a mild disclaimer, none of this blog post will be prescriptive: these are just general pieces for you to think about and decide on as you create your birth plan, and by extension, your feeding plan. All of these things are based on being successful in whatever feeding method, or combination of feeding methods, you choose. I hope they give you something to think about and write about as you embark on this journey. And of course, let me know if you have any questions.

1: Your preferred feeding method

This is probably the most obvious one, but first things first, establish your preferred feeding method, whether you plan to nurse right away, exclusively pump, or offer formula (or a combination of all 3)! A few things to consider here:

• Consider what you want to happen immediately after birth. Do you want to latch baby right away (as many baby first hospitals do)? Or do you want a little time to just relax and cuddle? Do you want to latch and then have your partner offer a bottle of formula.

• Consider alternatives. We’ll return to this, but you never know what’s going to happen in labor. I included alternative situations for if I was not able to be with my baby right away—specifically, that I wanted her in the care of my husband or mom and to receive formula (not donor milk).

2: What to do (or who to ask) if you are not able or capable to advocate for yourself

An important part of my feeding plan was the fact that often when I am challenged on something, I have a hard time pushing back or standing up for myself. So, I set in stone that if I was not responding (or not able to respond), that my husband and mom be asked first before a decision was made so they could speak to me or relay my wishes.

A few things to consider:

• Make sure your support team knows your wishes. This includes not just your partner and your doula, but your midwife and/or OBGYN.

• Make sure they know how to communicate your wishes.

• Discuss with your support team the process to follow if something does need to be changed.

3: The services you want in the hospital

Do you want to see a lactation consultant right away? Or do you only want to ask to see an LC? Do you not want to be approached by an LC at all, even just to check in? Include this in your feeding plan. Hospital LCs can be really hit or miss (full disclosure, I had a horrific experience with one in the hospital with my first baby and I refuse to speak to any in a medical setting now). This can also include if you want nurses to help you with infant feeding, if you want your infant to go to the nursery (if there is one), and more.

4: What to do if an alternate decision needs made

Let’s look at a scenario. Let’s say you deliver your baby, but something goes wrong: the baby needs additional support and to be taken to the NICU. What do you want to happen? Do you want to use donor milk or formula? Do you want to start pumping right then?

Now, let’s say that happens, but you also need additional medical treatment. Your partner is presented several options that you have never considered regarding infant feeding. You aren’t there to help him navigate these decisions. What should happen here? What do you and your partner want to happen?

Here’s what I included in my plan: if I was not capable of being part of the decision-making process, all decisions were to be made by my husband, no one else. As well, my husband knew to ask this question: do we have time to discuss this before a decision is made? Often medical decisions are presented as immediate, but if there is time for discussion and research, it’s important to know that. From then, he would discuss with my mom or me if I was available.

5: Language for your support team to use

Since I planned to offer formula within the first hour after birth, I knew there would be pushback at my hospital. Without getting too into it, the hospital i delivered at is part of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (if you know what that is, you’re a soldier in the trenches of infant feeding, unfortunately) and they heavily discourage infant feeding. A huge reason as to why I decided to have a feeding plan was that I had an extremely horrible phone call with a nurse while pre-registering for my second baby—a great time to feel horrible about my experience the first time around!

My feeding plan was created with language built into it for my husband and mom to use should they need to, as well as for me to use. Here are the phrases I learned for this:

• “My wife has expressed her feeding preferences. We ask that they are honored.”

• “I request that this is documented on my patient file.”

• “Please inform me of the benefits, risks, and alternatives, including what happens if we do nothing, when I request it.”

• “We have educated ourselves on our chosen feeding modalities.”

• “If this isn’t an emergency, we’d like a few moments to discuss this in private.”

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No matter what, remember that regardless of how you’re choosing to feed your new baby, you deserve to be supported in that decision, especially by medical personnel.