Real Mom Talk: Does My Child Need a Set Schedule?

When Forrest was first born, I had this (slightly) bad habit of obsessively reading blog posts about baby schedules.

I would read first-person blog posts that detailed 3- to 4-month-old schedules. Articles about how to set a schedule for a baby. And everything in between. I would read about the pros and cons of feeding on demand, the different ways to setting schedules, certain schools of thought regarding baby scheduling.

As he got older, I started to get less obsessed with the idea that I was doing him a disservice of not having a very set schedule—but I still thought about it a lot. And I still tried to keep things regular. Thursdays were Grocery Store Days, followed by a walk in the park. Fridays were “Fun Days” where we might go to the mall, a book store, the coffee shop, anywhere.

Now that he’s in school, we do have a much more set schedule, some of which revolves around making sure we always do the same few things every single day (like washing our hands, going potty, picking up our clothes—you know, basic stuff).

I’ve always been told that kids thrive on structure: having a schedule is vitally important. But there is so much information out there about scheduling our kids: when is it too much? When is it too little? What if your kiddo gets bored? What if your toddler gets overwhelmed? How do you know what to do?

As I wrote in my blog post about TV time, I’m not an expert. I’m just one mom who thinks about these things… a lot. I’m always trying to make the “right” decision—and often, we don’t know what that decision is.

I do want to share what I’ve learned along the way when it comes to schedules, and then I’ll conclude with… are they really necessary? Or can we be a little more loosey-goosey with our kids?

1. The Infant Months

For me, having an infant was about one thing and one thing only: both of us surviving. That’s especially true of the newborn months.

When Forrest was a newborn, I was in the unique position of not really getting to experience those first 3-4 calm, sleepy weeks. The thing about newborns (as in, brand spanking new newborns) is they sleep a lot. Like… nearly all the time. If you’re at home and comfy, cozy during those times, it’s a really simple, beautiful part of your life. For us, we were still in the hospital for the first week; then, the second week we were running up to the hospital every single day for blood tests. Then, the third week we had mutiple doctor’s appointments still. (For my preeclampsia, I had three check up appointments to ensure my blood pressure had returned to normal and I was no longer leaking protein.)

We were all over the place those first few weeks, which meant it was so hard to know when the hell we were supposed to do anything. I was barely able to be home during the day and then I was essentially awake all night (following an incredibly strict feeding and pumping schedule 6 times through the night).

Looking back, if I had been able to have a more “normal” newborn phase, I definitely would have been able to keep a better schedule. As it was, I was frequently pumping in the car on the way to and from doctor’s visits, carrying a breast pump, multiple bottles, and a cooler every single place I went. God, it was exhausting!

This is all to say: for us, a schedule just simply wasn’t possible for the first month or so. And then, by the time he was 2 and 3 months old, I still felt absolutely frenzied. I was exhausted all the time, sleeping 4 hours or so every night, and still pumping. (I don’t think I will ever be able to convey simply how much I was pumping in those first months. And it didn’t even establish a good supply! Thanks, body!)

As odd as our experience was, I think most people struggle with schedules for infants. When Forrest was a bit older, we implemented the Play-Sleep-Eat routine, which is less a schedule and more just an order of doing things (to avoid associating eating with sleeping). We kept that routine from about 4 months to about 7 months, when we switched entirely to formula feeding (which gave me significantly more time to do things while he slept or played, instead of just frantically pumping).

2. Young Toddlers

As he got closer to a year, that’s when we started getting more of a schedule going. We would wake in the mornings, have a bottle (or once he was about 13-14 months, a sippy cup), eat breakfast, then play until naptime. Then after nap, we would go to the grocery store, go on a walk, and head home for lunch, then nap. That was pretty much our routine until he was about two or so.

Young toddlers (I would say this age group is whatever age your baby starts to walk until about 2 1/2) are really easy to schedule. In fact, I would say they need a schedule. They like the feeling of security it gives them. And I know for Forrest, whenever we deviated from our schedule, he was much fussier and struggled more to do just about everything. (And it should be said: some days we just had to deviate the schedule for whatever reason.) Here’s a little bit more information about why toddlers crave schedules and routines:

“Creating a regular routine is an essential way to give toddlers the security of knowing “what happens next” in their day. It also develops the prefrontal cortex, the planning and executive function part of the brain.”

(Source)

In short: getting a routine in place by 14-18 months will help your child be better at time management later, as well as helping them emotionally mature.

3. Preschoolers

Preschool age is usually considered about 2 1/2 to 4, so Forrest is right smack dab in the middle of it. Everything about schedules for young toddlers still holds true, but it’s important to deviate the schedule as they mature and grow older. Here is a sample of our usual day right now:

• 6am, wake up and have milk

• Breakfast

• Play time

• 8:30am, Forrest gets to watch Daniel Tiger

• 9:30-10am, naptime

• 11:30am, lunch

• Forrest goes to preschool in the afternoon

• After preschool, he’s allowed to pick a movie from our selection and watch it while I make dinner

• 4pm, dinner

• 5pm, play time

• 6pm, wind down, read books, no TV or screens

• 7pm, bedtime

That’s it. It’s very simple and easy to remember. And it should be said: no schedule for any one child is prescriptive. As I said, I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of looking up other toddler schedules and thinking, Am I doing everything wrong? The answer is, probably not. Fo thrives with this schedule and does really well. On days where he isn’t at school, we might spend the afternoon at the park or go to the library, it just depends. By age 3, some kids have given up naps entirely, depending on how well they sleep at night—however, Forrest just isn’t quite there yet.

Again, having a schedule helps kids stick to a routine and learn time management. However, Forrest is definitely at the age where he’s more likely to get bored—so I spend more time trying to think of creative things to do during playtime (like painting suncatchers, doing small lessons, and more). That’s a bit more active than during his younger toddler days, when he was content to wandering around with a spatula!

4. So Are Schedules Necessary?

Short answer: kind of.

The longer answer is that it very much depends on your child. It’s one thing to look up information and see that schedules help children mature emotionally and mentally—and it’s another thing to actually implement that! Some people, and of course, some children, feel too claustrophobic with a strict schedule! This is the problem with all parenting advice: it really is so intensely personal to your child. Just as we can’t prescribe a specific eating method to every child, it’s impossible to prescribe a way to keep your child occupied during the day—even if perhaps you desperately want to do so for a bit of routine yourself!

I think one thing to consider is to not think of it as a schedule—but as a routine. Having a set routine is different from having a set schedule, but both are very good for children. Doing the same few things every single day in the same order helps ground your child. Healthy sleep routines (such as bath-book-bed) can help encourage your child to sleep more soundly, because they know what to expect. The same goes for each day of the week! Forrest knows we go grocery shopping on Thursdays, he knows he gets to go to school on Fridays, and he knows he gets to go to the park on Saturdays. That’s just our routine!

Just as with all parenting blog posts I write, I feel like I ended this one rather wishy-washy as well. But it’s the truth: I can’t tell you whether your child needs a schedule or not. You know your child best. There is no harm in working on getting a set pattern to your day (especially if it helps you get things done as well!) and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out! No harm, no foul.

I’ll turn it over to you now. Does your child have a set schedule or routine? What does it look like? And what do you think, are schedules a necessity or too much?

Should My Toddler Watch TV?

When I took Forrest to the pediatrician back in October for his 3-year well check, this is the question his doctor asked me, more than once: “does he watch a lot of TV?”

My pediatrician, bless her, is an advocate for reduced screen time. She probably asks this of every single parent she encounters every single day and, most likely, it gets very annoying after a while. And she probably also knows that most parents fudge the answer a bit.

Are you curious about what I said?

My answer was this: “He watches some.”

Ok, you’re right, I danced around the answer.

She gave me a knowing look and a nod and then asked if I had any concerns I wanted to talk about. Right back into the appointment.

But I knew it, she had me pegged. I was a parent who let my kid watch TV—and probably too much TV. Is there anything worse?

TV time is a controversial subject among pediatricians and mom groups. There are lots of differing opinions on whether or not TV is a good or bad thing—or even perhaps just a neutral thing. On one side, you have people saying that screen time can effect children’s vision (I agree), can cause ADHD (um, maybe a bit less), and just shows plain laziness on the parents part (hm, definitely disagree there). And then, on the other side, you have the “I watched TV my whole childhood and I’m fine” group (but… are you fine?).

And in between, you have me. And probably you, if you’re reading this.

If you’re like me and buy arguments on both sides, you might still find yourself overwhelmed by what to decide to do. Should I let my toddler watch TV? Or should I be a one woman show every single day? (Ok, that’s an exaggeration.)

I am by no means whatsoever an expert when it comes to children and screen time. But I wanted to write down some of my very own beliefs and thoughts about TV and my toddler—in the hopes that it helps other parents. Because I think when we learn from actual parents (and not just experts, not just data), we’re more likely to find an answer that is more nuanced than just yes or no.

What’s the Harm in a Little TV?

Do you want to know what else happened at my son’s 3-year well-check? After my pediatrician asked about screen time, she asked if I had any concerns.

And I did!

Here’s what I asked: “I have noticed that my son sometimes feels the need to fix when other people are upset. He wants everyone to be happy and gets quite upset if he feels others are sad, mad, or just having a bad day.”

Our pediatrician thought on this for a few minutes (as she took his temperature, checked his reflexes, and had him do an eye test). Then she told me something really important: “Did you know most children don’t show empathy until around the age of 8? They understand when other people are sad before that, most of the time, but what your son is showing is empathy. Which is very developmentally advanced.”

So, on one hand, I felt I’d been outed as a screen time monster. And the, 5 minutes later, she was bringing me paperwork about raising a gifted child.

Then, I told her about his drawings.

Forrest has been drawing people since he was about 2 and a few months. He started drawing circles, with rudimentary dots for eyes and a jagged mouth. Then, he started adding arms and legs, ears, hair, and smiles. I took pictures on my phone and showed them to his pediatrician.

She was, again, impressed. Drawing people, especially with properly placed facial features and arms and legs, is developmentally something that happens closer to the age of 5. I got more pamphlets; I got told to definitely limit screen time and have him listen to music or foreign language tapes instead.

This isn’t my way of saying, “He totally watches TV and he’s a genius!”

Instead, this is my way of saying that maybe the answer isn’t totally black and white. There is lots of evidence to show that too much screen time can cause shortened attention spans, as well as damaged eyesight—especially as studies have started to expand to include toddlers who use tablets specifically.

So, About Tablets

Forrest has never used a tablet. Really, never. Well, my mom might let him play on her iPad once and a while. But he’s held my iPhone maybe 7 times in his life (and usually when we were somewhere and he was very tired) and we don’t even own tablets ourselves. He sometimes plays on my computer, when I’m trying to work and get up for a moment, only to turn around to him pretending to type.

By and large, Forrest’s screen time is primarily our actual TV. And we’re one of the few people left in the world, it seems, who pay for cable (or in our case, satellite).

Here’s my opinion (and again, this is just my opinion, just my method as one parent out of millions trying to make sense of all the information out there): TV time is fine, but tablet time is not fine.

Many parenting experts actually say they prefer that toddlers use tablets because it is more interactive screen time, versus TV, which is a form of passive screen time. While I’m not a parenting expert (again), I can’t help by disagree. I’ve seen my son’s friends use tablets in grocery stores, in restaurants, at playdates: they stare at it passively, watching YouTube videos, skipping video after video. Kids are smart and they learn negative behaviors really fast. As well, using a tablet can effect your posture bad: I mean, I only use my cell phone and I’ve noticed a definitely change in my posture that I have to actively correct. Tablet use has also been linked to poor eyesight; the blue light, especially on young, developing eyes, can be particularly damaging.

I don’t think tablets are the worst, but from what I’ve read, I find them the most scary. Did you know that it was only recently that Apple started insisting that apps alert you when they are recording the screen as you’re using it? I mean, as in, within the past few days. That means, some apps have been recording our usage in terms of video recording. Sorry, but that is wild! Some apps seem fun for kids, but are just dangerous. And don’t get me started on how much messed up stuff is on YouTube Kids! There are graphically violent videos on YouTube Kids pretending to be Peppa PIg. At least when I turn on the TV and put on Sesame Street, I know it’s Sesame Street, you know? And also I know Forrest isn’t going to buy $30 worth of apps because he’s smarter than me.

How to Keep TV Interactive

This leads me back to why I prefer TV. Even though parenting experts say that TV time can be too passive (that is, just sitting and watching versus learning, writing, and drawing), again, I disagree. I think it really depends on the shows.

Forrest watches about 3 hours of TV a day. I try to keep it less that that, but truthfully, some days he definitely gets more (depending on how much work I need to get done). And I heavily control what those 3 hours consist of. I fought hard against letting him watch Paw Patrol, for example but one day last summer, Danny let him watch it. I don’t think Paw Patrol is a highly educational show and it doesn’t invite interaction.

What shows do invite interaction? We like Daniel Tiger, Sesame Street (of course), Team Umi Zoomi, and Little Einsteins. Two of those shows aren’t even on anymore, so we primarily watch them on DVD. All of those shows are educational, teach valuable lessons, and invite kids to interact as they watch—and learn. One channel that we watched a lot when Forrest was little was Baby Connect, a channel I found in the 800s on our TV; I don’t know how common it is, but if you can find it on your TV, I highly recommend. It has some foreign language shows that have been dubbed (like a Welsh show about a tractor), as well as lots of singing, counting, and color naming. I always joke that Forrest knew all his colors, numbers, and letters by 18 months because of Baby Connect.

Is This the End All Be All?

Obviously, no. I’m not a parenting expert. I’m just sharing the decision I’ve made for our family to help us survive. I think if you can get by without TV, more power to you! That’s amazing! Forrest plays while he watches TV; I’d say he actively pays attention to TV maybe 50% of the time. But he often needs a higher level of interaction than I can provide, especially in the middle of the day when I’m working, and so, TV becomes a lifesaver. But if you’re like me and just trying to make the best decision, this is the best advice I can give you: if you feel like it isn’t working, or you notice things happening in your child’s behavior, then there is no shame in seeing if less TV will help.

In December, I started noticing Forrest whining, crying, and throwing tantrums way more than usual. I dialed back his TV watching a lot—and I mean, a lot—during Christmas break and it made a huge difference. We started listening to music instead and he loved that.

Here’s a rundown of my tips:

• As many hours as their age: Forrest is 3, so I try to limit him to 3 hours of TV per day. Usually, we listen to music until Daniel Tiger comes on (which is an hour), then nap, then in the afternoon, he gets to pick a movie or TV show to watch.

• Interact with them: As they watch TV, ask questions. “What is Daniel doing?” “Does he look sad?” I have found that it works best for me to watch at least part of it with him.

• Give them other activities to do: I make sure that Forrest has lots of activities to do throughout the day when I need to work. Stickers, lots of crayons and paper, and lots of books. I also try to stop what I’m doing and play with him a few times a day.

So, I turn it over to you: do you let your toddler or preschooler watch TV? What works for your family?

Motherhood & Friendship: It's Harder Than it Looks

When I was a freshman in college, my best friend from high school got pregnant. We were very, very close the summer between senior year in high school and freshman year in college--and throughout our first year at college, we wrote each other letters, sent each other silly emails, text messages, and Facebook wall posts. (Remember Facebook wall posts!?) We were each others rock when we didn't really have a lot of other people who understood our background: we were perfectionist girls from small towns outside of a major metro, who went to a Catholic school where everyone was just a little wealthier than we were. We worked hard, took AP classes, played sports, and got good scholarships. 

I wish I could tell you that our friendship survived her pregnancy, that her becoming a mother and having to quit school, because you can't keep a soccer scholarship that covers most of your tuition when you're pregnant. I wish I could tell you that I had been there for her. And truly, I did try: I was 19 years old, however, and while that's no excuse, I didn't really have all the tools necessary to deal with her circumstances.

We fell apart for several years. My best friend disappeared into the background of my life; I remembered her fondly, but I wasn't sure exactly how to reconnect with her. But a year before my wedding, as I was trying on wedding dresses, I spotted her: she was trying on wedding dresses too. We hugged each other, we swore to get together... and we never did. I've chatted with her a few times since: we've met up for dinner once, she gave me the last of her breastmilk when Forrest was in the hospital just after his birth (a favor that is truly one of the greatest kindnesses anyone has ever done for me), and we talk occasionally on Facebook. But the spark of our friendship--that exciting feeling to have someone who just knew me, who understood all my quirks, who laughed at the same jokes as me, who sent me goofy cards she found in the grocery store just because--it's gone and it doesn't really come back. 

Recently, I was reading Jimsy Jampots, a newsletter by Amy that I really love, and she talked about friendship, about how some people seem to have a friend group that survives just about everything and others, well, just don't. I'll be the first to tell you I've never been great at making friends; I'm introverted and shy, with a heaping dose of social anxiety. I'm eternally self-conscious, always convinced I'll say exactly the wrong thing. It's like I never learned how to have a conversation, sometimes. But when people get to know me, I really do think I'm quite funny. But friends? Lasting friendships? That's something I really struggle with. 

In Amy's newsletter, she included a link to an article on the Pool about friendship and motherhood, and about how friendships shift and alter throughout our lives, but especially when we have kids... or don't have kids. You can read that article here. It got me thinking about my friend and how our friendship really dissolved once she was pregnant and especially after she had a baby. I was still in college, living a completely different life from her. 

Similarly, almost 3 years ago, I was having a baby when almost none of my friends were. I've written before that I found pregnancy a really fun experience (despite learning later on that I actually had a quite difficult pregnancy), but that I found the first three months of motherhood absolutely brutal. Postpartum life is isolating, exhausting, and, truly, just not very fun. Some people adjust really well and some people just don't. 

One line stuck out from that article by Robyn Wilder in particular: 

“Recently, the Daily Mail zeroed in on a “controversial” blog post by Australian writer Nadia Bokody, in which she claimed that “I can’t be your friend anymore now you’re a mother”. And in reply I’d like to say this: “Well, of course you fucking can’t.”

I’m not the same as I was before kids. I’m a mother now. I have a pram the size of an SUV that I don’t know how to collapse. I have to watch a YouTube tutorial every time I want to get it on a bus. So, no, I cannot meet you for cocktails in a trendy Brixton bar that you can only access via a broken fridge door in a back alley.”

It's very difficult to explain to people that it's not that I don't want to go to a trendy bar, or, god, even sit on a park bench and eat a sandwich and chat for hours. It's that I literally, physically cannot. I might be able to beg my child off on a babysitter for an hour, but that's just an hour. Or I can bring him along, spend all the time not really listening to someone talk, try to entertain him, annoy everyone else in the coffee shop, bar, or park, and then have to leave early because he didn't get a good nap, or he needs to eat lunch, or some other reason. (And truly, the stroller situation is out of control. Why don't they fold up easily!?) 

Motherhood changes everything in your life. In one monumental way (you have a human life that is dependent on you for basically everything) and in many small, insignificant ways that sometimes feel glaringly painful. They are little paper cuts, reminders that your life is somehow much better, but also much harder, than it was a year ago, or two years ago, or whatever. It's like someone has come into the apartment of your life and just changed the furniture a little bit. Your body doesn't work quite the same anymore and neither does your brain, really; you don't have as much time as you once did to lounge on the couch, or binge watch TV shows, or chat with your friends. Your car has gotten bigger, bulkier, and harder to maneuver and the backseat is basically a non-space, taken up entirely by a plastic potty that you have to carry everywhere, a bag full of extra clothes just in case, snacks, and the carseat that cost about the same as a house payment. You find yourself doing things your parents used to do: folding money into parchment paper and saving in the freezer with peppercorns inside, carefully wiping tennis shoes with wet paper towels to clean the mud off, creating travel books out of old binders and hole punched activity sheets you photocopied from your sister's old books, counting coins out for allowance, creating a chore chart. 

And there are people in my life who don't understand any of these things. They might even have kids themselves, who are older, or who are younger, or maybe they just adjusted to motherhood better than me and don't have to check the stove 3 times before they can get in the car. It makes friendship difficult. It makes it easy to go a week without talking, then two weeks, then somehow it's been two years and you're not even sure how to start the conversation anymore. 

Parenting is hard. It's not the hardest thing in the world and ultimately, it's a choice--but it's still really challenging. And it's hard to juggle parenting and socializing, especially if you, like me, aren't great at socializing to begin with. I've been on both sides of the coin: I've been the one moving on while a friend becomes a parent and I've been the one left in the dust, looking around and wondering when the last time I spoke to so-and-so was. And it's ok. At the end of the day, it's ok for friendships to fade. 

Because, in the meantime, you can find new friendships. Mom groups have bred some of the best friendships I've ever had--people who totally get me, who understand me and my difficulty with parenting, who laugh when I joke about starting a revolution, who understand when I say I don't really know if I want a second baby because I really, really like my first baby. People drift apart and it's hard to make time in the quagmire of our lives, but if you meet someone who is also fighting a two-year-old 13 hours a day, you'll be surprised as how well you can talk over screaming,. 

June 2018 Wrap Up: Summer's Here!

Tomorrow is the last day of June. I can't believe I'm writing that sentence to be perfectly honest. It doesn't feel like we should be here yet. Danny is on summer break (teacher life) and I'm trying to work while he gets to relax with Forrest (it's fine, I'm not jealous). The weather is great. 

We're prepping for our big vacation of the summer (we're just going to Idaho), but there are a few things I wanted to write about on this post. I love writing these wrap ups because it's nice to look at the month and really talk about how it was. 

A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Jun 1, 2018 at 7:31pm PDT

1. My 5-year wedding anniversary

My anniversary is June 23. It feels so strange that 2013 was only 5 years--and also, 5 years ago. 5 years is a long time. It's also weird to think that Forrest is almost 3. At the time when I got pregnant, it felt like we had waited a long time to get pregnant after getting married. But not really! I've learned a lot about relationships over the past 5 years. Sometimes, things are really good; and sometimes, things are really difficult. It's not always perfect and I don't think there is any value at pretending otherwise. Marriages don't have to be constant drama to be good, but they also don't have to be perfect 24/7 to be good either. 

A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Jun 9, 2018 at 8:45pm PDT

2. A month with no surprises

Can I tell you guys something great? In June, we didn't have any major expenses. I wrote before about how from January to May, we had a major expense almost every single month, rarely under $500. It was rough. That's a lot of money, y'all! It felt like we were really drowning for a while and it was very stressful. But thank goodness, nothing happened in June and, fingers crossed, July will be the same. I'd love another month without me crying over a checkbook, thanks. 

A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Jun 22, 2018 at 11:40am PDT

3. Promising more adventures

Danny and I are homebodies, by nature, but in the past few weeks, we decided that we didn't want Forrest to be bored all summer. We drove to the coast spontaneously the day before our anniversary. And we have a few other day trips planned for this summer. I'm a planner by nature, so it's hard for me to let go and not plan everything down to every single minute detail. But it was really fun to just explore, drive, and talk as a family. 

A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Jun 20, 2018 at 8:03pm PDT

4. Potty training success

We've been potty training for exactly a year now that it's June. And finally, finally, Forrest has it. In February, I thought we might be successful in watching the Elmo potty training DVD around the clock and talking about potties nonstop--but no dice. At the beginning of June, I told Forrest he couldn't go to preschool if he didn't start wearing underpants and using the potty. And guess what? A few days later, he started wearing underpants and going in the potty almost every time. I mean, seriously. That's all it took? Preschool? 

5 Non-Scary Halloween Movies for Kids

Halloween is one of my favorite holidays and I love all the movies related to Halloween. I think I've written so many lists of my favorite Halloween movies that it would be impossible to round them all up. But trust me when I say: if a Halloween movie exists, I've probably watched it. 

Now that I have a toddler, I've had to adjust my favorite Halloween movies. Some are just too scary for Forrest to watch, especially if they have dark scenes or any really suspenseful parts. For my fellow moms out there, I've put together a list of our favorite non-scary (or not too scary movies) for kids. You'll notice one of my favorite movies ever is not on this list; I find Hocus Pocus to be just a little too scary for Forrest yet. But maybe next year! Here are our favorites right now. 

1. Halloweentown 

I love Halloweentown and thankfully, Forrest does too. This is one of those movies that has some slightly scary parts, but not scary enough to really scare a toddler. I have great nostalgia about this movie because it was one of my absolute favorites when I was little. We recently bought the double feature of it from Amazon. 

2. It's the Great Pumpkin, Charlie Brown! 

This is such a classic; everyone loves this movie! I've been searching for this movie relentlessly for months and finally, it popped up on Amazon for $10. Thankfully, though, it starts being played on TV as Halloween gets closer so we've watched it several times already. 

3. Trick or Treat on Sesame Street 

Forrest's number one obsession is Elmo and Sesame Street. He loves this DVD. It's basically a collection of Elmo trick-or-treat episodes and scenes. There are also some great special features on it about dressing up in costumes that aren't along the gender binary, which is my favorite part. As with any Sesame Street DVD, there is lots of subtle teaching: counting, learning how to talk to others, being creative, and how to deal with jealousy are the biggest themes. 

4. Spookly the Square Pumpkin

This is a TV movie (that you can buy on Amazon) that came out when my oldest nephew was a toddler. It's about a square pumpkin named Spookly who is different from the other pumpkins. It's a really cute, slightly spooky (but not scary) movie with lots of cute Fall imagery and a really great message about how being different makes you special. It's one of Forrest's favorites. 

5. Hotel Transylvania 

This is one of those movies that... really starts to grate on me after a while. But as a parent, I have to put up with it a little bit! It's definitely not on my list of favorite movies, but Forrest really enjoys it, it's not scary, and it doesn't have anything that I particularly object to (unlike other movies). 

5 Meal Ideas for Picky Toddlers

Before Forrest turned 1, he was an excellent eater. He would regularly eat meals of chicken, broccoli, and potatoes, or pasta, or just about anything. He ate protein and vegetables great. 

But a few weeks after he turned 1, everything changed. Like most toddlers, he became increasingly more picky--and any change in his temperament (say, a molar cutting or a cold) made him unwilling to eat just about anything.

As he's gotten older, I've found ways to sneak in everything he needs: fruits & veggies, vitamins, protein, meat, and more. Here are a few meal ideas that I always return to. They're easy, they produce the least amount of waste, and they make it easy to hide things!

1. Quesadillas, Grilled Cheese, or English Muffin Pizza

Forrest will eat carbs and cheese all day, every day. These three foods all fall into this category: carb + cheese + the capability to hide other foods. When I make quesadillas, I will mash black beans (a great source of protein) with some veggie puree and then mix it with cheese; that's the filling of the quesadilla. All he cares about is the cheese, anyway!

For grilled cheese, I layer a little turkey or chicken, as well as an leftover roasted veggies, between layers of cheese. English muffin pizzas are so easy to make and if you mix the pizza sauce with veggie puree, you can easily hide an extra serving of veggies--but all he knows is there is cheese, as usual. 

2. "Snack Lunches" 

This is an infinitely popular toddler lunch that I think every mom has done before: you let your toddler have a variety of their favorite snacks. A lot of Forrest's favorites are "sneaky" healthy things: he really loves the Ella's Kitchen oat bars (the carrot + mango flavor is his favorite), as well as the Nature's Bakery oat bars which has whole wheat and real fruit. One of these bars, plus a banana and some yogurt mixed with a pack of Similac Mix-In, is as well-rounded of a lunch as I'll get sometimes! 

3. Mac & cheese 

You know that carb + cheese equation I posted above? This is the same principal. I like the Annie's Organic Mac & Cheese bowls because I can make a single serving (although Forrest usually only eats about half). I make him a bowl and then add half a packet of vegetable and meat puree. (Yes, I know that sounds great.) But he eats it, loves it, and gets a serving of veggies and meat in! 

4. Green Juice

Having a day where you simply cannot get your toddler to eat anything that isn't in the form of white bread? Been there! Forrest had croup recently and all he wanted to eat was milk. Seriously. I decided to take a chance and bought a bottle of Naked Green Machine juice; I mixed half juice and half water. He drank it up in barely 10 minutes. Hey, it's a serving of fruit and vegetables if nothing else. Smoothies and homemade juices are a great way to get some nutrition in your kiddo who is refusing everything else. 

5. Pancakes

If it is in pancake form, Forrest will (usually) eat it. I make both fruit pancakes AND oatmeal pancakes. Here are my basic recipes: 

Fruit Pancakes

• 1 banana, mashed 
• 1 packet of fruit + veggie puree
• 2 eggs
• 1 1/2 tsp baking powder
• About 4 tablespoons of flour
• Vanilla + cinnamon

Mix well and cook like normal pancakes. 

Oatmeal Pancakes

• 1 serving of oatmeal, cooked
• 1/2 packet of fruit + veggie puree
• 1 egg
• 1 tsp baking powder
• About 3-4 tablespoons of flour
• Vanilla + cinnamon 

Mix well and cook like normal pancakes. 

The possibilities for adding to these recipes are endless. I will often use leftover oatmeal, add a bit of yogurt to up the calories, and try new combinations of fruit and vegetables. Forrest will eat them, covered in peanut butter, every day. 

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How to Dress a Toddler Boy

The minute I found out I was having a boy, it felt a little bit like, "oh crap, the clothes." 

Boy clothes are notoriously awful. As I've written about before, I know people can find this sentiment frustrating; at the end of the day, babies are just babies, after all. Gender constructs are real. However, my (male) child really has no capacity to choose his own clothes for at least 2 years. So for those first 2 years, it's my job to dress him in a way that prevents him from being targeted. If he wants to wear whatever when he's picking his own clothes, that's fine, I don't care. But until then, it's my job to keep him safe and comfortable and clothed. 

Boy clothes tend to fall into two categories: middle aged banker and offensively gendered. It's hard to find anything outside of these categories. The little t-shirts that say "FUTURE HEARTBREAKER" or "MACHO MAN" are, honestly, just plain exhausting. At the same time, however, some of the other hand, a lot of the commercially available clothes for baby boys and toddlers are what I would label "middle aged banker" chic: khakis, cargo pants, tiny button up shirts. It's somewhat cute, but really, is my 18-month-old managing a Radio Shack now? 

I spend a lot of time narrowing down Forrest's wardrobe. People love to buy tiny baby (and even small toddler) clothes because it's fun. Honestly. And the clothes are not exactly super expensive, especially if you're at stores like Target. However, very little is what I would describe as my "style" for Forrest. 

When it comes to dressing a toddler boy, I have a few simple tricks to keep him comfortable and cute. Here they are. 

1. Onesies Are Done by Age 1

I loved onesies when Forrest was little. He rarely wore pants unless we left the house and onesies made it easy to change him. As well, t-shirts ride up on babies when they are only crawling and rolling. However, by the time Forrest was standing and walking, onesies started to get a little bit difficult. Changing diapers after a year old is like wrestling some kind of octopus: he's turning, he's trying to run, he's flipping over, he's kicking me in the face. Trying to snap the buttons on a onesie is an added step that's never going to happen. So, exclusively t-shirts now. Yep. 

2. Shop At Kid-Specific Stores

This breaks my heart a little bit because I love Target. But their toddler boy's section is massively lacking. They don't even have a wide selection of toddler boy's shoes! There are two aisles of girl's shoes, as well as a HUGE section of girl's clothes. Meanwhile, there are two racks of toddler boy's clothes. You probably think I'm exaggerating, but I'm not. 

When I really need something for Forrest, I have to shop at the kid-specific stores. Our favorite was Children's Place, but they are, unfortunately, closing. We also shop a lot at Gymboree and Carter's. Boutiques for toddler boys are very hit-and-miss; most of them focus entirely on baby and toddler girl's clothes, which is truly unfortunate. I would love to recommend some, though, so if you have, or know of, a boutique that caters to toddler boy's, let me know! 

3. Keep Things Comfortable

I occasionally do this really dumb thing where I buy Forrest something terribly impractical--like a train print, fair isle sweater. It's cute. He's probably only going to wear it once, if that. It's a nice thought. But it's dumb. Most days, he wears a pair of jogger sweatpants and a t-shirt. Sometimes, we go a little crazy and he wears a hoodie or one of his pairs of "real pants." But I try to only buy him things that are comfortable, that he can play in and get dirty without me being fussy about it. 

4. Avoid the Cartoon Characters

This one is hard because a certain point, it feels like the only clothes out there feature some kind of garish marketing ploy. Lightning McQueen on everything? Mater? It's the same with girl's clothes, truthfully. The only advice I can give is: once you cave, your kid will expect it every time! I don't do t-shirts with cartoon characters. Forrest has two Star Wars t-shirts, which I feel like are "different" than something that seems like just marketing. But that's it. I draw the line at any more! I feel like I always want Forrest to look "put together" and clean. To me, the cartoon character stuff just gets a bit too garish! 

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How to Be More Active When You Don't Have Time

For an entire year after Forrest was born, I really struggled to get back into being active. When you feel like you don't have time, when you're always moving from one thing to the next, it can be hard to add "go for a walk" or "do an exercise video" to that. In the last three months, I've tried harder to be active: to take Forrest on walks, to not just sit on the couch. 

If you're busy in the same way I'm busy, and you're not willing to wake up at 4am ahead of your toddler (someday, Forrest will sleep in, right?), here are a few tips for trying to be more active. Here's the caveat of these tips: I'm not claiming you'll be able to work in a 2 hour work out. It won't be easy. But here's what I do. 

1. Get a Fitbit 

This is a daunting one for some people. But I love my Fitbit. I have a cheap, $50 Fitbit (it's the most simple version) and a hand-me-down Fitbit One. Both work just fine. You don't have to get the fanciest version for it to work, I promise. I mostly just need my steps. Here's the thing: I work a sedentary job, I have a toddler. I know it's going to take a while of practice for me to hit 10,000 steps a day. (For some people, who live in cities where walking everywhere is possible, this is nothing.) So my goal everyday is 5,000 and if I hit that, I feel pretty good. If I can hit 7,000, I feel like a champ. Set realistic goals for you and your Fitbit. 

2. Fit in what you can 

Ok, this is a big one for me. I used to love going to the gym every single day after work. I would spend an hour doing cardio and lifting weights. It kept me healthy, made me feel good, and improve my mood. But the truth is, I just don't have time to do that anymore. I've thought of ways to fit it in: going before work, leaving work earlier, going in the evening once Forrest is in bed. But I'm so exhausted by the end of the day. Instead, I try to go walking when the weather permits. Forrest and I will walk around the park, then play on the play structure. It's a nice little exercise and we get outside the house. On days where I'm home with Forrest, we go in the morning, and then usually play outside for a little while in the afternoon. 

3. Download workout apps. 

I have tons of work out apps. FitStar and Pump Up are two of my favorites. In the evening, I have about enough energy to clean the house and then for a 10-15 minute work out using one of these apps. It's not a huge time commitment, but it's enough to make me feel like I'm active. I like FitStar because it automatically syncs to my FitBit. However, I like Pump Up because you can generate work outs depending on what areas you want to target and whether to include cardio or not. So if nothing else, a quick work out using an app is doable, especially in the evening or early morning. 

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