5 Diaper Bag Essentials for New Moms*

When I had Forrest, I really did not put a lot of thought into the diaper bag I chose. I remember feeling just a little bit judgmental of the moms who spent hours pouring over what diaper bag to get. I just didn’t get it.

I get it now, I really do.

Diaper bags are a thing of mystery sometimes: they can be cavernous and full of all kinds of debris; or they can be super organized and ready to roll. And both of those can be the same person, depending on the day. I ended up hating the diaper bag I used with Forrest and I told myself if I had a second baby, I would find one I loved.

I was recently approached by Keababies to try out their Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag. It’s a diaper bag that is a backpack shape and, let me tell you, this really is a dream diaper bag. Take it from someone who had a complicated relationship with leaving the house with my baby! Keababies Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag is a perfect diaper bag in my opinion. I thought I’d share my 5 diaper bag essentials, and why, illustrated with this dynamo of a diaper bag!

1. The Perfect Diaper Bag

I recently got the opportunity to check out the Keababies Explorer Backpack Diaper Bag. It comes in a few different colors, but I picked the classic gray color—it is really cute! That’s really the first thing. I like cute things; I like functional things; it’s great if those two desires can be combined! And they are in this diaper bag.

I love the backpack style because it makes it easy to be on-the-go with babies. The diaper bag I used with Forrest was really bulky and yet, didn’t have enough room for my things as well. The Explorer backpack has plenty of room for all your diaper bag essentials, plus your wallet, cell phone, and keys. My absolute favorite feature is the two straps at the top (you can’t see them in my photo!) that you can use to attach it to your stroller, giving you easy access to everything.

2. The Feeding Basics

I really am a less-is-more kind of girl; I don’t usually carry around a whole lot of stuff. However, when you have a baby, what you need is sort of… a lot at all times. If you’re breastfeeding, it’s a little easier; you just kind of need your boobs.

However, with Forrest, I was pumping and using formula at the same time, so I often needed multiple bottles, even for a short trip. Sometimes it felt like leaving the house was more effort than it was worth! I needed a bottle of breastmilk, plus a bottle of water and packets of formula. However, that’s another great feature of the Explorer Backpack; it is insulated! That means, you can keep your bottles at the temperature you need them. The bottle holder in the front is absolutely perfect; you can carry a bottle for feeding, plus two for pumping if you need it; plus there is room in the same pocket for any accessories you might need, like burp clothes, nipple guards, and more.

3. A Change of Clothes (or 2)

This one is pretty standard: in case of emergency, you need clothes for your little one and maybe yourself. I always kept two changes of clothes in the car for Forrest; not necessarily in our diaper bag, but just available. I also started keeping a change of top for myself in the car—either a plain t-shirt or a sweatshirt depending on the season. This is because when you’re wearing your child, sometimes they will just spit up down your front—so if you have more places to go, you will want to change that top!

To this advice, I suggest buying clothes specifically to keep in your diaper bag or car. Sometimes, I would lose track of Forrest’s clothes for weeks, only to remember I had packed them up as spares. Buying a few plain onesies and a plain pair of sweatpants that you won’t miss is better than packing something you love, only to realize your baby has outgrown it while it’s been in your diaper bag.

4. More Wipes Than You Think You’ll Need

You will see the cute packs of wipes with decorative covers. My sister-in-law gave me the cutest reusable wipes cover. However: it was far too small for any packs of wipes. Besides, you will always need more wipes than you think you need. If you think you’re running low on wipes, you’re already too far gone, you need to buy wipes immediately. The time between “oh, we’re kind of low on wipes” and “I guess I’m rinsing my baby’s butt in the sink” is razor thin. My advice: pack more wipes than you think you will ever humanly need. Two big Costco packs, if you can: one in the diaper bag and a spare in the car. Maybe 2 spares in the car.

Another great feature of the Explorer Backpack: a really roomy main storage compartment. Perfect for those big blocks of wipes and diapers. (For diapers, I recommend having 5-6 with you at all times, depending on the age of your baby! Make sure to double check sizes frequently.) Wipes are good for everything, not just booties: runny noses, sticky hands, spilled milk, spit up, everything. You need lots of wipes.

5. A Changing Pad

Let me tell you: having a changing pad (aka a really small, compact pad that you can fold out to put under your baby while you change their diaper) is one of the best things I can suggest to new parents. In all likelihood, you aren’t ever going to be able to use changing tables in public spaces—most of the time, they are nasty. They’re also super rickety—I never felt comfortable putting Forrest on one, afraid he would roll off.

The best part about the Explorer Diaper Backpack is that in the back pocket, there is a large, fold out changing pad—perfect for those on-the-go changes in bathrooms, the back of your car, airports, wherever. You can easily wipe it clean and put it back. I would estimate the size as about a foot by a foot and a half, which doesn’t sound big, but is; it’s also really padded, which means it’s much more comfortable for your baby.

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I hope this helps you get that diaper bag organized for your baby, or soon-to-be baby! I have missed writing about baby stuff and even though I’m not expecting myself (I am the 1%, it feels like!), a ton of my friends are. If you’d like to try the Keababies Explorer Backpack yourself, I highly recommend it; you can use my code pauses2021 at check out.

Disclaimer: as indicated by the asterisk (*) in the title, this blog post is written using a sponsored product. I received the Explorer backpack free in exchange for review. Posts like this help me keep the lights on! As well, links throughout this post are affiliate links and by using them or my code, I will receive a small kickback from Keababies. Posts like this help me keep Writing Between Pauses running! If you’d like to learn more about my disclosure and advertising policy, click here.

5 Easy Kids Lunches (That Aren't Fast Food)

Now, here’s the thing: I love a fast food lunch. Drive-thru dinner. Easy peasy, everyone is happy, we all live in harmony. But that being said: fast food can add up fast and become a habit even faster. And while there is nothing inherently wrong with fast food, it can strain your budget and make you feel not-so-great after a while.

If you’re feeling stuck in a rut with your kids’ lunches, I feel you: I feel like all I’ve done since March is make breakfast, lunch, dinner, and 2 snacks without stopping. Have I actually worked? Participated in my hobby? Or is my life only cooking now? I love spending time making something time intensive for Forrest… but I also like being able to just slap something on the table that I don’t feel horrible about and calling it good.

I wrote a post a few weeks ago about getting kids to eat healthier snacks (for those times when you feel like you’ve been throwing a box of Cheez-Its into the living room and running). But today, I want to share some ideas for lunches that are: easy; not the worst for you; and don’t require that much energy. These are for the low days, the days you just can’t anymore, or when you need just 10 more minutes to get that one task done.

Let’s start with my big tip: not every meal needs to be homemade, nor does every single meal need to be 4-5 courses. I promise you, none of us grew up eating perfectly prepared, handmade dishes… and we’re all totally fine. Another hot take: a few years ago, one of my friends said to me, “you know dinner can be a sandwich and that’s fine.”

Dinner or lunch can be a sandwich and that’s fine. How freeing is that idea? You don’t even have to cook!

That being said, here are my 5 easiest, not-that-bad-for-you, kid-friendly lunches.

1. The Classic Sandwich

Honestly, this one goes without saying: if your kids with eat sandwiches, then just throw anything in a sandwich. Cream cheese and fruit? Boom. Peanut butter and jelly. Turkey and cheese. There are so many options. You can also cut sandwiches into fun shapes, into dipping sticks.

Arrange in a bento box with some fruit and a handful of something else (pretzel bites, chips, crackers, veggies, whatever) and you’ve basically got an ideal lunch anyway.

In this photo, we have Forrest’s favorite sandwich: ham with cheese, plus peaches and peanut butter pretzel bites. Nothing spectacular, but I know he’ll quietly eat this for 20 minutes.

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2. Freezer Section Frenzy

Let me tell you: if you aren’t utilizing quick foods from the freezer section, then run, don’t walk, to the nearest Trader Joe’s (safely, of course, please wear your mask) and invest. The Trader Joe’s turkey corn dogs are honestly really, really good, very kid friendly, and done in 60 seconds. They have lots of options like this: chicken nuggets, pizzas, mac and cheese. Add a side of fruit and some dipping sauce, and you’ve made lunch in maybe 5 minutes.

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3. Breakfast for Lunch

When I make breakfast foods, I tend to make enough to last few several breakfasts or, honestly, several lunches. One thing Forrest will always eat is a waffle, pancake, or French toast. We’ve started making breakfast kabobs that he has fun assembling (I don’t even have to do the work!). Cut whatever breakfast item into 4ths and then cut your favorite fruit (strawberries, grapes, peaches, apples) and put onto skewers. Add a little dish of syrup for dipping and again, voila! Easy peasy, it took 5 minutes tops.

Big tip: Like I said, make a big batch of breakfast food to have in the freezer or fridge to reheat quickly when you need it.

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4. Leftover Grab Bag

We always have leftovers in our house because I am terrible at cooking for 3 people. 4, totally doable. 2, fine. When it comes to estimating amounts for 3 people, you think it’d be easy, but it’s not.

Thus, leftovers. I think sometimes we hesitate to feed our kids leftovers because we want to save them for our own lunches (especially if you have a member of your family still working outside the home). However, if it’s stuff your kid will eat, then why not portion it into their bento box for lunch!?

In this photo, we have the Hungryroot chicken & spinach sausage (leftover), some corn and bean salad (leftover), a crisped up cauliflower pizza crust (also leftover), and some caesar salad (which I’d made for myself for lunch—just wanted to see if Fo would eat it). Forrest will always (and I mean always) eat this chicken and spinach sausage—it’s one of his favorites. If you want to try Hungryroot, you can get free black bean brownie batter (another kid-friendly favorite) by using PAUSESBROWNIE. Let me know what you think.

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5. Homemade Lunchable

Kids love Lunchables and they’re a frequent purchase in my house. But they are very expensive, so that adds up fast. As it turns out, they’re very easy to make at home. A few slices of deli turkey or ham, a slice or two of your kid’s favorite cheese, and some crackers—boom, you’ve done it. I always add a fruit and something sweet (in this case, a Partake Birthday Cake cookie, which I highly recommend).

If your kiddos prefer pizza Lunchables, you can use small tortillas (these ones are the perfect size), a dollop of spaghetti sauce, and some cheese and pepperoni (all of which are great fridge staples) to recreate them.

The best thing about Lunchables has always been that they are fun and easy for kids to eat—they make food interactive. It’s pretty easy to replicate that at home with little effort (and much less money).

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There you go—5 easy lunch ideas you can apply to your life, preferences, and more. Let me know what you’re favorite easy lunches are for your kids!

5 Ways to Keep Your Preschooler Entertained This Summer

I am incredibly lucky that Forrest is a highly independent, easy-going child. Most of the time. He thrives on routine, which is why when school finished up, we needed to sign him up for something; thankfully, his preschool offered a summer program & we jumped at the opportunity for him to have more school.

But I know once August rolls around, he’s going to be tired of staying at home.

To save money, I often try to find fun things to do at home. I’d love to be able to take him to the beach (a 70 mile drive) or to the zoo (a 3 hour drive), but all those things cost money. Outside of his summer school, swim lessons, sports team, and everything else costs money—and with moving into a new house, we are trying to save wherever we can.

My husband is a teacher, which means I’ll be trying to work as much as possible during the summer and he will have a nice break. However, he’s not quite as used to how quick Forrest’s behavior can turn from his normal easy-going self to his “I need to go somewhere” attitude. Forrest is, after all, a total social butterfly and extrovert; he is not like us at all and he is not a homebody. He likes projects and visiting people and always having a plan for something to do.

I’ve already started looking for things to keep Forrest from becoming a total handful this summer—and I thought I’d share a few things we’ve had success with.

1. Workbooks

Some kids are not interested in workbooks whatsoever. They don’t want to do them, they just aren’t interested. I’m a bit fan of physical workbooks as opposed to online programs or TV programs. I just think the less kids have access to the internet, computer & tablet screens, and all that blue light, the better. (That’s not a judgement; you do you, but I love workbooks!) Workbooks will help them learn how to write, hold a pencil or crayon, and to do homework assignments.

Here are a few of our favorites:

• The Scholastic Preschooler Workbook Bundle: we have several of these workbooks and they are wonderful. Colorful, fun, and interesting, perfect for a few 10-minute sessions throughout the day. We especially love the early reading skills one, as Forrest is very interested in learning what letters are in every word. You can also find these individually at Target.

• Bear Fairy Education Workbooks: you can find these on Amazon and they are lovely! Simple, affordable, and designed by teachers. Forrest specifically likes the letter & number tracing one, because he can color the pictures on each page, then work on writing his letters and numbers. This has really helped him even out the size of his letters and numbers! He has also started writing his name and tries to write out the words on each letter page (including elephant!)

One note about workbooks: I usually select a few for Forrest to have complete access to at his art table, just like coloring books. These are ones that don’t have a lot of instructions; the Bear Fairy workbooks are perfect for this, as they are just tracing. The Scholastic workbooks, or more complicated ones, often have instructions and we will sit at the table for a few minutes and do those.

2. Kinetic Sand

I am normally not a fan of messy things like this: Playdough, slime, sandboxes, etc., just make messes and I think kids get bored of them quite quickly. But about a year ago, I bought a small container of kinetic sand and a few cookie cutters and Fo loves it. I keep it in a Pyrex container with a lid and store it with the outdoor toys; he knows to keep it in the container and just spends a lot of time cutting out shapes. This is such an easy activity and especially for younger toddlers, provides a lot of sensory information! You can talk about how it feels, teach them to cut out shapes (manual dexterity!), and use words to describe the sand itself. I like these packs here.

3. Sidewalk Chalk Paint

Forrest loves sidewalk chalk and he also loves painting. Combining the two is an instant win. I bought two small containers of sidewalk chalk paint from the Target Dollar Spot section and he loved them—while Googling to see if I could buy more for cheaper, I found that you can make it easily at home! Even better! I whipped up a batch and it was as good as (or perhaps better) than the store bought. This is a more messy activity and would be perfect for those warm summer days where the sprinklers are on, you’re all outside with the wading pool, and you’re all getting baths anyway! You can find that tutorial here.

4. Rotate Your Toys

This is one of those tips I’m embarrassed that I didn’t think of earlier, but has been recommended by nearly every mom I know. As I’ve been packing up Forrest’s toys for our move, it became a lot easier to do: pack up toys into 3 or 4 different bins, then store all but one of the bins away (in a spare room, in your closet, wherever). Switch out the bins every 5-6 days to keep your preschooler on their toys when it comes to their toys. They’ll rediscover things they used to love (Forrest with his tool belt from Christmas this week) and stay interested. Plus, it helps decrease the clutter in your living room, playroom, or child’s bedroom. Perfect!

5. Have a Party

Most young kids love routine—but they also love when parents disrupt the routine for something fun. I already have plans to throw an “at home luau” for Forrest (complete with pineapple string lights I found at the dollar store and making paper leis), but there are a million ways to do this and have fun together.

• Tea parties: whether you have a boy or girl, kids love tea parties. They can help set the table, make the sandwiches & cookies, pour the “tea” (water, or you could make herbal tea), invite the guests (Teddy Bear Tea Party, anyone?), and more. Plus, this is a subtle way to teach manners.

• Dance parties: I got this idea from Elsie Larson of A Beautiful Mess, but fill a jar with your favorite musical artists and have your child pick one slip at a time. Play one song on Spotify and dance it out. Pick a new artist and repeat until your child is exhausted.

• Invite some friends: Invite a few friends over who have kids and just hang out at home. Seriously! I know this is basic, but I often don’t think to reach out to my friends; we’re all busy and I just assume, “you know what? They’re probably busy today!” But they might not be! Fill the wading pool, make some sun tea, and start the grill for some hot dogs for the kids. Boom, everyone is entertained for a few hours!

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What are your tips for keeping kids (preschool age or not) entertained during the summer?

Real Mom Talk: Does My Child Need a Set Schedule?

When Forrest was first born, I had this (slightly) bad habit of obsessively reading blog posts about baby schedules.

I would read first-person blog posts that detailed 3- to 4-month-old schedules. Articles about how to set a schedule for a baby. And everything in between. I would read about the pros and cons of feeding on demand, the different ways to setting schedules, certain schools of thought regarding baby scheduling.

As he got older, I started to get less obsessed with the idea that I was doing him a disservice of not having a very set schedule—but I still thought about it a lot. And I still tried to keep things regular. Thursdays were Grocery Store Days, followed by a walk in the park. Fridays were “Fun Days” where we might go to the mall, a book store, the coffee shop, anywhere.

Now that he’s in school, we do have a much more set schedule, some of which revolves around making sure we always do the same few things every single day (like washing our hands, going potty, picking up our clothes—you know, basic stuff).

I’ve always been told that kids thrive on structure: having a schedule is vitally important. But there is so much information out there about scheduling our kids: when is it too much? When is it too little? What if your kiddo gets bored? What if your toddler gets overwhelmed? How do you know what to do?

As I wrote in my blog post about TV time, I’m not an expert. I’m just one mom who thinks about these things… a lot. I’m always trying to make the “right” decision—and often, we don’t know what that decision is.

I do want to share what I’ve learned along the way when it comes to schedules, and then I’ll conclude with… are they really necessary? Or can we be a little more loosey-goosey with our kids?

1. The Infant Months

For me, having an infant was about one thing and one thing only: both of us surviving. That’s especially true of the newborn months.

When Forrest was a newborn, I was in the unique position of not really getting to experience those first 3-4 calm, sleepy weeks. The thing about newborns (as in, brand spanking new newborns) is they sleep a lot. Like… nearly all the time. If you’re at home and comfy, cozy during those times, it’s a really simple, beautiful part of your life. For us, we were still in the hospital for the first week; then, the second week we were running up to the hospital every single day for blood tests. Then, the third week we had mutiple doctor’s appointments still. (For my preeclampsia, I had three check up appointments to ensure my blood pressure had returned to normal and I was no longer leaking protein.)

We were all over the place those first few weeks, which meant it was so hard to know when the hell we were supposed to do anything. I was barely able to be home during the day and then I was essentially awake all night (following an incredibly strict feeding and pumping schedule 6 times through the night).

Looking back, if I had been able to have a more “normal” newborn phase, I definitely would have been able to keep a better schedule. As it was, I was frequently pumping in the car on the way to and from doctor’s visits, carrying a breast pump, multiple bottles, and a cooler every single place I went. God, it was exhausting!

This is all to say: for us, a schedule just simply wasn’t possible for the first month or so. And then, by the time he was 2 and 3 months old, I still felt absolutely frenzied. I was exhausted all the time, sleeping 4 hours or so every night, and still pumping. (I don’t think I will ever be able to convey simply how much I was pumping in those first months. And it didn’t even establish a good supply! Thanks, body!)

As odd as our experience was, I think most people struggle with schedules for infants. When Forrest was a bit older, we implemented the Play-Sleep-Eat routine, which is less a schedule and more just an order of doing things (to avoid associating eating with sleeping). We kept that routine from about 4 months to about 7 months, when we switched entirely to formula feeding (which gave me significantly more time to do things while he slept or played, instead of just frantically pumping).

2. Young Toddlers

As he got closer to a year, that’s when we started getting more of a schedule going. We would wake in the mornings, have a bottle (or once he was about 13-14 months, a sippy cup), eat breakfast, then play until naptime. Then after nap, we would go to the grocery store, go on a walk, and head home for lunch, then nap. That was pretty much our routine until he was about two or so.

Young toddlers (I would say this age group is whatever age your baby starts to walk until about 2 1/2) are really easy to schedule. In fact, I would say they need a schedule. They like the feeling of security it gives them. And I know for Forrest, whenever we deviated from our schedule, he was much fussier and struggled more to do just about everything. (And it should be said: some days we just had to deviate the schedule for whatever reason.) Here’s a little bit more information about why toddlers crave schedules and routines:

“Creating a regular routine is an essential way to give toddlers the security of knowing “what happens next” in their day. It also develops the prefrontal cortex, the planning and executive function part of the brain.”

(Source)

In short: getting a routine in place by 14-18 months will help your child be better at time management later, as well as helping them emotionally mature.

3. Preschoolers

Preschool age is usually considered about 2 1/2 to 4, so Forrest is right smack dab in the middle of it. Everything about schedules for young toddlers still holds true, but it’s important to deviate the schedule as they mature and grow older. Here is a sample of our usual day right now:

• 6am, wake up and have milk

• Breakfast

• Play time

• 8:30am, Forrest gets to watch Daniel Tiger

• 9:30-10am, naptime

• 11:30am, lunch

• Forrest goes to preschool in the afternoon

• After preschool, he’s allowed to pick a movie from our selection and watch it while I make dinner

• 4pm, dinner

• 5pm, play time

• 6pm, wind down, read books, no TV or screens

• 7pm, bedtime

That’s it. It’s very simple and easy to remember. And it should be said: no schedule for any one child is prescriptive. As I said, I’ve definitely fallen into the trap of looking up other toddler schedules and thinking, Am I doing everything wrong? The answer is, probably not. Fo thrives with this schedule and does really well. On days where he isn’t at school, we might spend the afternoon at the park or go to the library, it just depends. By age 3, some kids have given up naps entirely, depending on how well they sleep at night—however, Forrest just isn’t quite there yet.

Again, having a schedule helps kids stick to a routine and learn time management. However, Forrest is definitely at the age where he’s more likely to get bored—so I spend more time trying to think of creative things to do during playtime (like painting suncatchers, doing small lessons, and more). That’s a bit more active than during his younger toddler days, when he was content to wandering around with a spatula!

4. So Are Schedules Necessary?

Short answer: kind of.

The longer answer is that it very much depends on your child. It’s one thing to look up information and see that schedules help children mature emotionally and mentally—and it’s another thing to actually implement that! Some people, and of course, some children, feel too claustrophobic with a strict schedule! This is the problem with all parenting advice: it really is so intensely personal to your child. Just as we can’t prescribe a specific eating method to every child, it’s impossible to prescribe a way to keep your child occupied during the day—even if perhaps you desperately want to do so for a bit of routine yourself!

I think one thing to consider is to not think of it as a schedule—but as a routine. Having a set routine is different from having a set schedule, but both are very good for children. Doing the same few things every single day in the same order helps ground your child. Healthy sleep routines (such as bath-book-bed) can help encourage your child to sleep more soundly, because they know what to expect. The same goes for each day of the week! Forrest knows we go grocery shopping on Thursdays, he knows he gets to go to school on Fridays, and he knows he gets to go to the park on Saturdays. That’s just our routine!

Just as with all parenting blog posts I write, I feel like I ended this one rather wishy-washy as well. But it’s the truth: I can’t tell you whether your child needs a schedule or not. You know your child best. There is no harm in working on getting a set pattern to your day (especially if it helps you get things done as well!) and if it doesn’t work out, it doesn’t work out! No harm, no foul.

I’ll turn it over to you now. Does your child have a set schedule or routine? What does it look like? And what do you think, are schedules a necessity or too much?

My Monthly Wrap Up: December 2018

December was quite the month, wasn’t it? It always is (what with Christmas and everything), but this year felt particularly… full.

Let’s see: Danny and I went to Idaho for Thanksgiving, so we got back home just in time to get ready for Christmas. I had a load of sponsored content in December, all with deadlines. Plus, I had work. Forrest got sick. Then I got sick for what felt like 2 entire weeks. My brother got married (and as his accidental wedding planner, I felt like I was the bride a bit with how much work I ended up doing at the wedding). Then we had my mom’s birthday. Then Christmas. Then the New Year.

Now, Forrest is sick again, I’ve got a sore throat, and I feel like I’m rushing 24/7 to get caught up on how frenzied everything was in December. I didn’t have much time to write blog content, or social content, or actually do any kind of work whatsoever, between sickness, family events, and more.

It’s nice to think of January as a time to just relax, but I feel like I’ve jumped right back into being super, super busy.

And it should be said: I loved every minute of December. I love being busy! I love having lots of things to do and not being able to sit still. When I get bored, I get anxious. So December was a lovely month, but I would like to have time to actually blog this month!

Let’s get into this wrap up, shall we?

My Empties

I feel like I used up a lot of products this month, despite really falling off the bandwagon with my skincare. (That’s probably why addressing my routine is one of my New Year’s Resolutions.) Here’s everything I used up:

• Lump of Coal Charcoal Face Mask from Bath & Body Works

• Egg Essence Mask Sheet

• Sephora Instant Nail Polish Remover Pad

• Sephora Express Eye Make Up Removed Pad

• Tarte Shape Tape Deluxe Sample

• Clean & Clear Deep Action Cream Cleanser

• Sephora Charcoal Nose Strip

• Sephora Bath Fizzes

• Sephora Overnight Mask in Pearl

A lot of these were things from my Sephora Advent Calendar that I was trying to use up! I also received the Bath & Body Works mask from my mother-in-law in my Christmas present. Everything else was just a matter of using up: the Sephora Overnight Mask was leftover from a while ago and I was tired of seeing it on my bathroom counter; the Clean & Clear Cleanser was a sample I needed to get rid of (and I love how it feels even though I know it is garbage); and the Shape Tape was from my October Ipsy bag.

I feel like it was a good month for using things up, clearing out my drawers, and making room for, of course, more stuff.

My December Highlights

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Dec 7, 2018 at 9:20pm PST

Posting More Photos of Myself

It goes without saying that i’m never 100% happy with my appearance. (And if you’ve followed my blog for a while, you know this is a journey that I have been on for a while.) Being a mom is hard, but the hardest part about it is feeling this pressure to not fall into a specific stereotype of a mom. Even though I know it is garbage and I know I shouldn’t do things to suit what others think of me (we can never control anyone’s perception of ourselves, right?), and I know that I am kinder to others than I am to myself, it is still a huge challenge for me. So, my goal has been in the last few months to post more photos of myself and to taking the stupid photo for the content that I’m working on. I tend to want to stick to product shots—do I matter? I ask—but I know it hurts my blog to not have very much of my own face on here.

So, if you noticed more photos of my on my Instagram this past month, it’s true. There are more! And I have even more that I plan to post! So fancy.

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Dec 12, 2018 at 8:04pm PST

Getting Professional Photos of Forrest

I’m a little embarrassed that, despite my status as a mom who is pretty obsessed with my own child, I’ve never gotten professional photos taken of him. I wanted to when he was a newborn, but he was so small, so fragile, I felt like it was a bit of a “playing with fire” thing. By the time he was big enough and sturdy enough, we were paying hospital bills and having enough disposal income for a photo shoot wasn’t a luxury.

So, in November, I paid for actual, real professional photos of him and, gosh, they turned out amazing. I’ve gifted them, made Christmas cards with them, and basically just stare at them constantly. We had our photos done by Angelique (AH Newborns) and she did such an amazing job. I cannot recommend her enough!

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Dec 11, 2018 at 6:58pm PST

Working with Formulate

I’ve had the distinct pleasure of being able to work with Formulate this month. I wouldn’t normally include this in a wrap up, but I’ve had so much fun taking photos, writing content, and testing out my personalized shampoo. Most importantly, I’m so excited to be able to host a giveaway with them. I love being able to provide something to my readers; without you guys, this blog wouldn’t really be anything! And you’re the ones who enable me to be able to work with cool companies like Formulate. If you would like to enter my giveaway, just click here. I’ll have a blog post about my experience in the next few weeks.

Sweet, Spooky & Super Busy: My October Wrap Up

How was your October?

More importantly, how was your Blogtober?

This year’s Blogtober felt like a little more of a challenge than last year. I had a lot going on this month—visitors, a lot of client work, Forrest in school, and a lot more. I’m also trying to get my house cleaned up and looking better for my own mental health and Christmas, of course.

I’m going to have a best of post going up tomorrow of my favorite Blogtober posts, plus my favorite posts from other bloggers. However, today, I wanted to go through some of my highlights from October. Let’s go!

1. Making These Cupcakes

So I just made these today, but oh my gosh, they turned out way better than I planned! I wanted to get some kind of skull or spider decoration for the top, but couldn’t find anything at the grocery store. They’d already cleaned out the Halloween stuff except the candy!! So I settled for a bag of candy corn and I’m glad I did; they turned out so, so cute! They are my usual spice cake recipe with chai steeped milk for regular milk, plus two tablespoons of molasses. They are for a potluck tomorrow at work and I’m so excited to take them!

2. Going to the Pumpkin Patch

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Oct 21, 2018 at 7:57pm PDT

It goes without saying that one of my highlight every single year is visiting the pumpkin patch. We love visiting our local farms every year. We went apple picking in September and to the pumpkin patch in October. It’s always a good year when we get both in! I wrote about visiting the pumpkin patch here.

3. Going to Sunriver

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A post shared by Michelle 💐 (@michellelocke6) on Oct 13, 2018 at 7:55am PDT

We took a short family trip to Sunriver right at the beginning of October that was somewhat anxiety-inducing for me (nothing like a 3-4 hour drive with a toddler alone to make you feel like a parent), but ended up being a really great time. It gave Danny and I a little bit of a break, plus we had lots and lots of fun.

Inspiration Sunday: October 28

Happy Sunday!

October always feels like a very long month, which is good because it’s my favorite month. But as we get closer to Halloween, it starts to click in just how long this month is. Forrest has been asking nonstop to go trick-or-treating; the concept of days is still a bit strange to him, but I made him a little calendar and we cross off each day to Halloween now. He’s so excited to experience Halloween, which makes me so excited because I’ve always wanted him to love Halloween as much as I did and do! He gets to have a Halloween party at school this week, so I may have gone a little wild and made goodie bags for the other kids in his class.

This all leads me to the point of this post: what do we do when we get to a big event we have been beyond excited for?

For me, I always feel a bit ho-hum and let down after big events. A prime example is my wedding; I planned, I excitedly looked forward to, I had fun on the day and then, the next day… there were no big to do lists, no things to check, no plans. I’m somehow to works best by always having something to look forward to, a deadline to hit, and when I don’t, I find it hard to focus my energy. That’s why I liked being pregnant so much; I knew my body was working towards something very specific. That’s a little bit why I struggle with eating regularly and working out the way I know would help my body; I don’t have anything that I’m specifically working towards.

I always stress a bit how to not pass on this trait to Forrest, because, in general, it’s kind of a difficult one. Having to always set deadlines for myself to tasks so I don’t just languish on something is really challenging. So we often take to Forrest about how exciting things can be every single day, instead of just on days of big events. I try to make him excited for our regular days, by doing crafts and activities and lessons, having him help make dinner, playing games, or learning about chores—but still, I can tell he is just plain more excited for Halloween and he wants the days to hurry up so we can get to Halloween already!

The most challenging part of being a parent, for me, is looking at the big picture. It can be a pretty dismal way of looking at things, to be always focused on what positive traits I’m passing on: I want him to be tidy, like I am, and not prone to being messy, like Danny is, but I don’t want him to be obsessive about it, like I can be. When I reduce my parenting to purely “passing on positive traits,” it can get really overwhelming. And ultimately, Forrest is going to pick up what Forrest picks up!

It is more important for me, as a parent, to work on the things I can change; this shows Forrest, more than anything, that nothing is set. It’s ok to change and it’s ok to adjust your behavior and work on the things you need to improve. A lot of people are so set in their ways because they think their negative personality traits are set in stone; but that’s just not true! My indecisiveness isn’t set in stone; I can choose to work on it, to not get decision fatigue, and to have the confidence to take charge.

So whether Forrest feels let down after Halloween or not, I know I need to let him have that feeling. It's ok to feel that way. But I know it is more important for me to allow him to feel that way, but then also show him ways to keep moving forward, even after a big, exciting day.

This is a bit different of an Inspiration Sunday post. It’s been something I’ve been mulling over for the past few months. And moving forward in my 30th year (!!!) on this planet, I know it’s time to start really working through all these things. What’s inspiring you this week?

Motherhood & Friendship: It's Harder Than it Looks

When I was a freshman in college, my best friend from high school got pregnant. We were very, very close the summer between senior year in high school and freshman year in college--and throughout our first year at college, we wrote each other letters, sent each other silly emails, text messages, and Facebook wall posts. (Remember Facebook wall posts!?) We were each others rock when we didn't really have a lot of other people who understood our background: we were perfectionist girls from small towns outside of a major metro, who went to a Catholic school where everyone was just a little wealthier than we were. We worked hard, took AP classes, played sports, and got good scholarships. 

I wish I could tell you that our friendship survived her pregnancy, that her becoming a mother and having to quit school, because you can't keep a soccer scholarship that covers most of your tuition when you're pregnant. I wish I could tell you that I had been there for her. And truly, I did try: I was 19 years old, however, and while that's no excuse, I didn't really have all the tools necessary to deal with her circumstances.

We fell apart for several years. My best friend disappeared into the background of my life; I remembered her fondly, but I wasn't sure exactly how to reconnect with her. But a year before my wedding, as I was trying on wedding dresses, I spotted her: she was trying on wedding dresses too. We hugged each other, we swore to get together... and we never did. I've chatted with her a few times since: we've met up for dinner once, she gave me the last of her breastmilk when Forrest was in the hospital just after his birth (a favor that is truly one of the greatest kindnesses anyone has ever done for me), and we talk occasionally on Facebook. But the spark of our friendship--that exciting feeling to have someone who just knew me, who understood all my quirks, who laughed at the same jokes as me, who sent me goofy cards she found in the grocery store just because--it's gone and it doesn't really come back. 

Recently, I was reading Jimsy Jampots, a newsletter by Amy that I really love, and she talked about friendship, about how some people seem to have a friend group that survives just about everything and others, well, just don't. I'll be the first to tell you I've never been great at making friends; I'm introverted and shy, with a heaping dose of social anxiety. I'm eternally self-conscious, always convinced I'll say exactly the wrong thing. It's like I never learned how to have a conversation, sometimes. But when people get to know me, I really do think I'm quite funny. But friends? Lasting friendships? That's something I really struggle with. 

In Amy's newsletter, she included a link to an article on the Pool about friendship and motherhood, and about how friendships shift and alter throughout our lives, but especially when we have kids... or don't have kids. You can read that article here. It got me thinking about my friend and how our friendship really dissolved once she was pregnant and especially after she had a baby. I was still in college, living a completely different life from her. 

Similarly, almost 3 years ago, I was having a baby when almost none of my friends were. I've written before that I found pregnancy a really fun experience (despite learning later on that I actually had a quite difficult pregnancy), but that I found the first three months of motherhood absolutely brutal. Postpartum life is isolating, exhausting, and, truly, just not very fun. Some people adjust really well and some people just don't. 

One line stuck out from that article by Robyn Wilder in particular: 

“Recently, the Daily Mail zeroed in on a “controversial” blog post by Australian writer Nadia Bokody, in which she claimed that “I can’t be your friend anymore now you’re a mother”. And in reply I’d like to say this: “Well, of course you fucking can’t.”

I’m not the same as I was before kids. I’m a mother now. I have a pram the size of an SUV that I don’t know how to collapse. I have to watch a YouTube tutorial every time I want to get it on a bus. So, no, I cannot meet you for cocktails in a trendy Brixton bar that you can only access via a broken fridge door in a back alley.”

It's very difficult to explain to people that it's not that I don't want to go to a trendy bar, or, god, even sit on a park bench and eat a sandwich and chat for hours. It's that I literally, physically cannot. I might be able to beg my child off on a babysitter for an hour, but that's just an hour. Or I can bring him along, spend all the time not really listening to someone talk, try to entertain him, annoy everyone else in the coffee shop, bar, or park, and then have to leave early because he didn't get a good nap, or he needs to eat lunch, or some other reason. (And truly, the stroller situation is out of control. Why don't they fold up easily!?) 

Motherhood changes everything in your life. In one monumental way (you have a human life that is dependent on you for basically everything) and in many small, insignificant ways that sometimes feel glaringly painful. They are little paper cuts, reminders that your life is somehow much better, but also much harder, than it was a year ago, or two years ago, or whatever. It's like someone has come into the apartment of your life and just changed the furniture a little bit. Your body doesn't work quite the same anymore and neither does your brain, really; you don't have as much time as you once did to lounge on the couch, or binge watch TV shows, or chat with your friends. Your car has gotten bigger, bulkier, and harder to maneuver and the backseat is basically a non-space, taken up entirely by a plastic potty that you have to carry everywhere, a bag full of extra clothes just in case, snacks, and the carseat that cost about the same as a house payment. You find yourself doing things your parents used to do: folding money into parchment paper and saving in the freezer with peppercorns inside, carefully wiping tennis shoes with wet paper towels to clean the mud off, creating travel books out of old binders and hole punched activity sheets you photocopied from your sister's old books, counting coins out for allowance, creating a chore chart. 

And there are people in my life who don't understand any of these things. They might even have kids themselves, who are older, or who are younger, or maybe they just adjusted to motherhood better than me and don't have to check the stove 3 times before they can get in the car. It makes friendship difficult. It makes it easy to go a week without talking, then two weeks, then somehow it's been two years and you're not even sure how to start the conversation anymore. 

Parenting is hard. It's not the hardest thing in the world and ultimately, it's a choice--but it's still really challenging. And it's hard to juggle parenting and socializing, especially if you, like me, aren't great at socializing to begin with. I've been on both sides of the coin: I've been the one moving on while a friend becomes a parent and I've been the one left in the dust, looking around and wondering when the last time I spoke to so-and-so was. And it's ok. At the end of the day, it's ok for friendships to fade. 

Because, in the meantime, you can find new friendships. Mom groups have bred some of the best friendships I've ever had--people who totally get me, who understand me and my difficulty with parenting, who laugh when I joke about starting a revolution, who understand when I say I don't really know if I want a second baby because I really, really like my first baby. People drift apart and it's hard to make time in the quagmire of our lives, but if you meet someone who is also fighting a two-year-old 13 hours a day, you'll be surprised as how well you can talk over screaming,.