Infant feeding is a topic I have spent… countless hours writing about, thinking about, fretting about. I’ve talked to therapists about it. I’ve written blogs and poems and text messages and emails about it. I’ve read books. I’ve determined how much breastfeeding content triggers me (a lot) and how confusing I still find infant feeding messaging (also a lot).
As I prepared to have my daughter this past year, I knew one thing: I did want to try breastfeeding. But I was also prepared to formula feed from the beginning. In fact, I was excited to offer formula from the beginning. I also knew from my past experience that the hospital I would be delivering at did not like offering formula and did not encourage combo feeding.
So, with the help of an amazing doula, I created a feeding plan to include along with my birth plan.
Friends: this worked wonders. I had the exact experience I wanted in the hospital (with only one nurse who pushed back considerably against my feeding plan). It was the best decision I could have made and I would do it again in a heartbeat.
I’d heard lots about birth plans in both of my pregnancies—but not a lot about feeding plans. I wanted to put together this blog post to help you write a feeding plan for yourself, if you’re expecting in the future or plan to expect in the future. It’s always important to think about what you want to happen in the hospital. After all, it’s your baby.
As a mild disclaimer, none of this blog post will be prescriptive: these are just general pieces for you to think about and decide on as you create your birth plan, and by extension, your feeding plan. All of these things are based on being successful in whatever feeding method, or combination of feeding methods, you choose. I hope they give you something to think about and write about as you embark on this journey. And of course, let me know if you have any questions.
1: Your preferred feeding method
This is probably the most obvious one, but first things first, establish your preferred feeding method, whether you plan to nurse right away, exclusively pump, or offer formula (or a combination of all 3)! A few things to consider here:
Consider what you want to happen immediately after birth. Do you want to latch baby right away (as many baby first hospitals do)? Or do you want a little time to just relax and cuddle? Do you want to latch and then have your partner offer a bottle of formula.
Consider alternatives. We’ll return to this, but you never know what’s going to happen in labor. I included alternative situations for if I was not able to be with my baby right away—specifically, that I wanted her in the care of my husband or mom and to receive formula (not donor milk).
2: What to do (or who to ask) if you are not able or capable to advocate for yourself
An important part of my feeding plan was the fact that often when I am challenged on something, I have a hard time pushing back or standing up for myself. So, I set in stone that if I was not responding (or not able to respond), that my husband and mom be asked first before a decision was made so they could speak to me or relay my wishes.
A few things to consider:
Make sure your support team knows your wishes. This includes not just your partner and your doula, but your midwife and/or OBGYN.
Make sure they know how to communicate your wishes.
Discuss with your support team the process to follow if something does need to be changed.
3: The services you want in the hospital
Do you want to see a lactation consultant right away? Or do you only want to ask to see an LC? Do you not want to be approached by an LC at all, even just to check in? Include this in your feeding plan. Hospital LCs can be really hit or miss (full disclosure, I had a horrific experience with one in the hospital with my first baby and I refuse to speak to any in a medical setting now). This can also include if you want nurses to help you with infant feeding, if you want your infant to go to the nursery (if there is one), and more.
4: What to do if an alternate decision needs made
Let’s look at a scenario. Let’s say you deliver your baby, but something goes wrong: the baby needs additional support and to be taken to the NICU. What do you want to happen? Do you want to use donor milk or formula? Do you want to start pumping right then?
Now, let’s say that happens, but you also need additional medical treatment. Your partner is presented several options that you have never considered regarding infant feeding. You aren’t there to help him navigate these decisions. What should happen here? What do you and your partner want to happen?
Here’s what I included in my plan: if I was not capable of being part of the decision-making process, all decisions were to be made by my husband, no one else. As well, my husband knew to ask this question: do we have time to discuss this before a decision is made? Often medical decisions are presented as immediate, but if there is time for discussion and research, it’s important to know that. From then, he would discuss with my mom or me if I was available.
5: Language for your support team to use
Since I planned to offer formula within the first hour after birth, I knew there would be pushback at my hospital. Without getting too into it, the hospital i delivered at is part of the Baby Friendly Hospital Initiative (if you know what that is, you’re a soldier in the trenches of infant feeding, unfortunately) and they heavily discourage infant feeding. A huge reason as to why I decided to have a feeding plan was that I had an extremely horrible phone call with a nurse while pre-registering for my second baby—a great time to feel horrible about my experience the first time around!
My feeding plan was created with language built into it for my husband and mom to use should they need to, as well as for me to use. Here are the phrases I learned for this:
“My wife has expressed her feeding preferences. We ask that they are honored.”
“I request that this is documented on my patient file.”
“Please inform me of the benefits, risks, and alternatives, including what happens if we do nothing, when I request it.”
“We have educated ourselves on our chosen feeding modalities.”
“If this isn’t an emergency, we’d like a few moments to discuss this in private.”
No matter what, remember that regardless of how you’re choosing to feed your new baby, you deserve to be supported in that decision, especially by medical personnel.