What Does Being Petite Really Mean?

For as long as I could remember, I thought of the term "petite," as least when it was applied to body size, as meaning "short." Short sizes. Small inseam lengths. That kind of thing. When my mom and sister shopped in the petite section, it was to try to find pants they didn't have to hem. It did not, in my mind, mean that the sizes were teeny tiny. 

A few years ago, I encountered a very strange argument on Instagram regarding the introduction of new Anthropologie petite sizes. Firstly, I don't shop at Anthropologie; I cannot justify a $70 pillow or a $200+ cotton dress, I just can't. And secondly, Instagram arguments are weird and petty and always kind of funny.

The drama on the Anthropologie issue started over people leaving comments that seemed to be a little, well, thin-hating. Obviously, bodyshaming of any variety is not ok. However, I started to think: wait, what? The line is a line of smaller sizes or shorter lengths?

Basically: are they just making smaller clothes or are they making a petites line, like the petites sections that have long existed in department stores like Macy's or JCPenny's? Have we officially confused the English language so much that we have multiple different definitions of "petite"? 

As it turns out, the line is for women 5'3" and under. From what I can tell on the website, the clothes aren't necessarily smaller (except for length) and come in almost all conventional sizes. That's pretty awesome. But it made me wonder: why did the post about it on Instagram devolve into arguments about sizes (and by that I mean number sizes, not inseams), including quite a few comments that could be read as a bit thin-hating? 

I decided to google what petite meant Interesting. "Having a small and attractively dainty build." Stop, Google, you're making me blush. But seriously, is petite about being physically teeny, as in both short and extremely thin?

I have a dainty build (re: small bone structure), but some sizable fleshy parts of my body. I'm 5'2" and wear a size 8 regularly, yet I still often find myself being called the smallest person in the room (even though I know a ton of people who are smaller than me, physically, if not height-wise). Further definitions included: "small, slender, and trim; used for girls and women; a clothing size for short, slender women." Thanks, Free Online Dictionary. 

Another unhelpful, but maybe helpful, fact is this: the number of blogs dedicated to fashion for "petite" women is astonishing. I started reading through a few and I found myself getting, well, uncomfortable. The purpose of these blogs is ultimately noble and good-intentioned, but I found myself feeling a little weirded out by the constant description of their super small bodies, their need to only buy children's clothes or to search out specifically "narrow fit" boots. Some of the women who run these blogs are also not very short in stature; they just happen to be very, very thin. So, that's what petite means to some fashion blogs. 

I always thought to be petite, you just had to be short. And as far as I can tell, short people come in lots of different clothes sizes, including plus-sized. There is a disparity between what clothing producers mean when they say "petite" and what people think when they say "petite"--in fact, I think it's two different things. I think when Anthropologie posted about a new "petite" line, some people immediately thought: "clothes for skinny people." Because, apparently, that's the main definition of the word petite. 

However, when you look up Petite Size on Wikipedia, it mentions that conventional clothing sizes in the United States are designed to fit a woman who is over 5'5" (which is insanity, no wonder none of my pants fit) and so petites lines and entire store sections emerged as a place for women under 5'3" to buy clothing. And that clothing came in a variety of conventional sizes with the wonderful P added to indicate they were just cut differently. That's pretty awesome for ladies of the short variety (like me). However, now we have other definitions of petite popping up: thin or not-thin, short or not-short. 

Can we just have all words mean the same thing, ok? Thanks, English Language. 

This reminds me overwhelmingly of the use of the word "curvy": some people mean one thing when they say it, some people mean another thing when they say it, and sometimes people aren't being necessarily nice when they say it, which is pretty sucky of them. All kinds of arguments and anger can spring up when someone uses the word "curvy". I distinctly remember referring to myself as "curvy" once in college and the person I was talking with immediately consoled me, saying, "You aren't fat! Don't say that!" Except that wasn't what I meant by curvy, but ok. 

So, the real question is: are petites sections in department stores lies? What gives? 

It turns out, it's not. There are two meanings to the word petite and unfortunately, that gets confusing most of the time. Some people will claim that petites sections in stores cut their sizes about 1-1.5 sizes smaller (so a size 8 in a petites isn't really a size 8), but that doesn't make sense and isn't really true. I find I'm the same size in petites sections as I am in regular sections, everything is just shorter (and let's be real, frumpier, because apparently department stores think all people under 5'3" are 85 years and older).

Basically, what this all boils down to is this: words are just words and you shouldn't get up in arms about them, or upset about them, unless they are used intentionally to upset you (then you should totally get your cranky face on). A chain store creating a line of petites clothes wasn't meant to offend anything; it was meant to create clothes for shorties, because sometimes it is hard to find clothes in a world where all clothes are cut for people 5'5"+. Getting cranky about a store creating a line of petites -- or plus sizes or whatever -- might be personally offensive to you if, I don't know, you really dislike short people, but it's not meant to be and so... cool it and stuff, seriously. Once a "well, I don't personally like that" turns into a "I'm gonna leave hate comment on Instagram," you've magically transformed into a jerk. Congratulations!

10 Ways to Improve Your Wardrobe

"I need to do something about my wardrobe," I said. "But I don't want to spend money." 

I have said the above phrase at least 100 times in my lifetime. It seems like the constant conundrum, right? You have tons of clothes, but nothing to wear. 

I wrote this post, originally, over 5 years ago--but I think the ideas still stand! I've edited my original post, but wanted to share it again here. When it comes to improving your wardrobe, there are little things you can do to make changes and feel inspired again. Here is everything I do. 

1. Take everything out. Seriously.

Start sorting. Does it still have a tag on it? If so, when did you buy it? If it was more than six months ago, be honest with yourself: you're never going to wear it. Sorry! Then, assess the things you've worn in the last six months or so. If you haven't worn it in over a year, ask yourself if you seriously ever plan to wear it. (This doesn't include winter items, obviously. Seasons are tricky!) The things you don't think you'll ever wear, put into a pile. The things you still think you want to wear, put into another pile. Immediately put the things you don't plan on ever wearing again into a box or bag--you're donating these things, so say goodbye. 

2. Write it out.

Take out a pen and some paper and start writing a list of ways to wear your "questionable" items. By that I mean, the things you weren't sure if you would ever wear (if they still had tags) or would ever wear again (if you haven't worn them in 6+ months). If you can't think of a way to wear an item... put it in the box or bag with the things you're already donating. Use this method to work through everything in your wardrobe, from tee shirts to dresses. Eventually, you'll start moving a lot faster. 

3. Donate everything you never plan on wearing again. 

Don't mope about it. Don't hide it in a closet in the back of your house and tell yourself you might wear it someday. Don't put it in your garage and say you just want to wait until you lose weight or start a new job or win the lottery. It's just taking up space--physically and mentally. They're just clothes. 

4. Reorganize your closet. 

Think of the best way to group things in your closet. Typically, I do all dresses together, all cardigans together, etc. Each section is organized by color as well (usually in ROYGBIV style). This might not work for everyone, though! Think of a system that will work for you (items you wear together often grouped together, for example) and implement it... and then stick with it! Changing how your clothes are arranged can make you look at everything fresh as well. 

5. Organize your drawer spaces. 

I roll my scarves; fold tee shirts and tank tops into little squares and store them in rows so I can see all of them; and roll my skirts and shorts. This prevents both wrinkling and losing track of anything. Again, organize your drawers in a way that will help you stay organized! And remember, whenever you do laundry, stick with the system. Don't just start squishing things in!

6. Clean out your shoes... and clean them up. 

Remember what you did with your closet? Do the same with your shoes! And while you're at it, clean your shoes up! I'm really bad about getting my shoes muddy (I live out in the country! I can't help it), so every once and a while, give them a bath. I keep all of my shoes in a variety of bins in a closet downstairs. I recently did a clean out and narrow down my entire shoe wardrobe to under 10 pairs. 

7. Put art up in your closet: inspiration quotes, paintings, photos, goals, whatever. 

Basically, pretty up the space in a way that will inspire you. You can tape editorials from magazines to a blank wall and create a collage, or pin up quotes or images. Think of your closet as your vision board: it includes your clothes, your inspiration, and you.  

8. Use old shoeboxes (covered in wrapping paper) to store small items, like sunglasses, belts, or large costume jewelry you rarely wear. 

This is my favorite way to pretty up a space without spending any money. I have tons of Christmas and birthday wrapping paper, as well as lots of spare shoe boxes! Just wrap them up in your favorite papers and use them to store delicate items like sunglasses. Then you can stack those boxes on a shelf in your closet easier than keeping these items out in the open. 

9. Set up a row of hooks (or pushpins in an old corkboard) to hang up your favorite necklaces. 

I love being able to visualize everything -- including my favorite necklaces. I used a corkboard, but you can just set up a row of command hooks or push pins in the wall! You can also put up bracelets, rings, or whatever in plain view, so you can easily match outfits to accessories without digging through your jewelry box! 

10. Start keeping a notebook (or Word document) of outfit ideas. 

Starting a notebook to hold all of my outfit ideas was the best decision I ever made! Whenever I need a little inspiration, I just open it up and I have tons of ideas that I forgot I had. I also use it to jot down items I haven't worn in a while, so I can start visualizing ideas for them or looking through magazines for inspiration. It's a great way to stay organized and remain aware of all the pieces you own -- and all their potential!

the New Graduate's Guide to Dressing Professionally

This is an extreme oldie-but-goodie. I posted this blog originally in September 2012, rewrote it in February 2014, and now I'm doing another rewrite in August 2016. It's the post that will live on forever! 

The transition from being a full-time student to being a full-time employee can be difficult. Even as a full-time student, you have downtime -- your weekends are always free, you have only 3-4 classes a day, and otherwise, your time is your own. There are no bills dogging you down and you know when December rolls around, you'll have a break. And then Summer comes along, and that's an even better break. But once you're working full-time, there are no extended breaks and sometimes, not even your weekends are free. 

A huge part of that difficult transition is learning to dress professionally. In college, it's easy to think you have a professional wardrobe, especially if you have a collection of dresses. But out in the "real world," some things just might not fly. I've put together a handy-dandy guide with examples culled from my outfit photos to show you what works, and what might not.

One of the hardest things for me was adjusting the length of my dresses and skirts. Suddenly, my micro-mini dresses and bodycon skirts were not appropriate. My typical rule is if it's more than 2 inches above my knees, I should probably only wear it with tights. Of course, some work places might be a little more strict than mine on lengths, so watch what your female coworkers wear and react accordingly. The structure of a skirt also effects the length: a more structured skirt will ride up more, whereas something with a more flowing skirt won't. My look on the left is a little risky -- but the floral dress, either with or without tights, is perfect.

As you guys know, for several months, I was obsessed with bodycon skirts. They were, legitimately, all I wore. However, once I got an office job, my bodycon addiction had to stop. I wear them occasionally -- usually my two black skirts over black tights -- but otherwise, my bodycon collection waits for weekends. Instead, I invested in a black pencil skirt -- which is basically a longer bodycon skirt! It's a good way to continue working a style I love without risking offending anyone with a scandalous length. I wear my black pencil skirt in the exact same ways I would wear a bodycon skirt. Nowadays, the longer bodycon look is very in-style; you can find them for really affordable prices (like, $5!) at Forever 21. 

For a long time, I lived in midi skirts. I'm looking to bring these looks back as I still find them so flattering and easy to wear! You can look put together and be comfortable all day. They won't ever be too short and they are perfect for dressing up or dressing down. So versatile and so trendy. I pair mine with a variety of tops, scarves, sweaters, cardigans, jackets, and shoe styles to create a ton of looks. (Just make sure to invest in a good slip to prevent clinging!) 

Denim. Is it office appropriate? It can be and let me tell you why. The secret is to use denim pieces in a way that elevates them from being just denim. For example, the look on the left is one of my absolute favorites: my polka dot midi paired on top of a yellow shirt dress, with brown boots, topped with a tailed denim jacket. Since I work in a more casual environment, the denim jacket works -- but it won't work with every office. For a more strict office, the look on the right also still works -- a chambray top paired with a pencil skirt, black heels, and a cute cardigan is both casual and professional, while still cute and young. 

Pattern mixing and adventurous color palettes can work in an office setting. Both of these looks are office appropriate. The look on the left utilizes a midi skirt and then a more playfully patterned shirt. For a more conservative office, you could always add a jacket or cardigan on top to tone down the prints, but otherwise, it's playful and young. The look on the right uses a playfully patterned tank top and a patriotic color palette. With red-white-and-blue, it's too easy to look like a big American flag - the secret is to pick pieces carefully when you're playing with color. For this look, I chose one of my favorite midi skirts, a playful top, and then brought it together with a very structured jacket and nude heels. 

Casual Fridays. The trickiest days! Where I work now, it's casual Friday every day; I tend to wear jeans and a nice top every single day (but that's because I'm a mom now and a bit lazy.) The secret to casual fridays is not to treat them like a weekend -- you still want to look good, even if you're dressed up more than your coworkers. (Your boss will probably appreciate that you take looking professional seriously!) A nice pair of jeans, a good top (maybe even a nicer graphic top), and a jacket or cardigan can keep you looking professional, while being super comfy. 

Dressing professionally is a hard lesson and it's often dependent entirely on the office environment. But picking a few basic pieces -- a midi skirt or two, a pencil skirt, a good pair of slacks, and a variety of tops -- can help you transition your wardrobe from college fun to fabulous employee. 

Do you have any tips for dressing professionally? 

6 Beauty Products I Refuse to Live Without

Confession: For the last 6 months, I have really fallen down on skin care. I found myself hurriedly rubbing foundation on my face and putting on mascara then bolting out the door (Forrest in tow) for doctors appointments, lunch dates, and, worst, work. Combined with the fact that I wear leggings and a sweatshirt 2-3 days a week, it was adding up to a pretty bad look (as well as making me feel pretty sloppy most of the time). 

A few weeks ago, I decided it was time: Forrest is old enough to entertain himself for 30-40 minutes at a time (even if he whines about it), which means I deserve time to shower and get ready like a normal human. I also set a goal that I wasn't going to leave the house in the same sweatshirt I'd worn 20 days in a row ever again. 

I started cleaning out my make up in the mean time. I have a lot of crap I've collected over the years, as well as some favorites that I'd let myself run out of. After deciding to repurchase all my favorites and start from scratch, I realized there are a few things I just refuse to give up. 

1. Laura Geller Spackle Supercharged Primer, $32. 

The struggle is real when it comes to primers and oily skin. People with oily skin need a primer more than anyone else, but literally no primers are made for oily skin. None. Most of them leave the skin feeling slick (and trust me, I've tried tons). However, Laura Geller's Spackle Supercharged is, hands down, the best primer I've ever used. A solid runner up is Tarte's tinted BB cream, but it is the same price for a smaller tube. I like a good bang for my buck! I wear this everyday and my foundation is usually set through the entire day. 

2. Urban Decay Primer Potion, $12.

This is one of those stupid expensive things that I know I could probably find a cheaper dupe of, but I just don't want to. It's so good. It's good for eyelids and keeping eyeshadow and liner set all day. It's also good for blemishes and keeping concealer set all day. It's also good for lips and keeping matte lipstick set all day! I mostly use it for a lip primer these days and I swear, it's the best thing out there. A tiny tube lasts forever too, so I feel a little more justified regarding the price. 

3. Beauty Blenders, $20 for name brand, $5 for Ulta brand. 

Beauty Blenders are a specific brand and a specific product: those egg-shaped make up sponges that you use damp. Some people swear by name brand, which are $20+ a pop. However, I use the Ulta brand for $5 a piece ($10 for 2) and I like them just as well (and yes, I forked over $20 for a tiny freaking sponge a few years ago). They are so good for blending foundation and concealer (and contouring, if you're into that), but you can also use them to apply moisturizer and primer, to buff out too much blush (it happens), and to protect your under eyes from fallout as you put on eyeshadow. 

4. Tarte Amazonian Clay Foundation, $39.

I love a full coverage foundation and Tarte's is the absolute best. I also like Naked by Urban Decay, but it doesn't come as close to matching my skin town. Tarte comes in a wider variety of shades and provides the same great coverage. A tube can last me anywhere from 4-8 months, depending on how often I wear it. It's the only foundation that has come close to matching my skin tone at all. 

5. NYX Powder Foundation, $9.99

Some people don't wear powder everyday, but I do. I used to be a devoted fan of Covergirl's Professional Loose Powder, but they recently stopped making the original and replaced it--and now they don't make a shade light enough for my skin tone. I started using NYX's powder foundation as a finishing powder (just using a brush instead of sponge) and it's so good. And for $9.99, you can't beat the price. If I need extra coverage, I just use my Beauty Blender to apply where I need it. 

6. Kat Von D Tattoo Liner, $18. 

I've done the leg work: you cannot find a better liner for winged eyeliner. You just can't. I also love that it's a pen with a flexible brush head. Here's why: most liners for winged liner have a felt tip and I actually don't get that because it's like putting on eyeliner with a marker. How does that make sense? It's the perfect matte black; it has the best brush head; you can get that perfect pointed wing. And at $18, it's not too bad! A close runner up is NYX matte black liquid liner, but I find it gets flaky and the brush is harder to control. 

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Share your favorites with me on Twitter! 

Creating a Postpartum Capsule Wardrobe: Let's Talk Skirts

I'm not being dramatic when I say that sometimes I wake up in the morning and panic because I don't know what to wear. Wednesdays are, often, the worst days for this: I am at the end of my (yes, very short) work week, I often need to do laundry, and I am muddling through work commitments and stresses that have to be cleaned up by 12pm. Even worse, my entire family is getting photos taken this summer, which means I have to look presentable one day in the horizon and that thought alone is enough to make me want to cry. 

So let's talk about this capsule wardrobe thing. Right now, I rotate through two pairs of jeans, a pair of leggings, and maybe 2 dresses if I feel fancy (both of these dresses are maternity); I pair everything with either my sweatshirt (cool), a sweater (usually a gray wool sweater I got from Stitchfix), or a t-shirt and cardigan. Sometimes, I just wear a t-shirt. I'm committed to a capsule wardrobe, but apart from thinking about it a lot and pinning a lot of stuff on Pinterest... I haven't actually bought a single thing,. 

I've thought about buying things! Really! And then I talk myself out of it. Here's my dilemma: A $40 top costs about the same as a box of formula which will last about 10 days. An $80 dress costs the same as Forrest's diaper shipment each month. I get nervous at the thought of spending money. We aren't exactly in poverty these days, but having a baby certainly makes me stress over each and every cent I spend. And what if I end up not loving the new things I've bought? As much as I hate my wardrobe right now (and hate how it makes me feel and look), I don't want to waste money I could have spent on other things--things that would look cute on Forrest, or food to feed Forrest, or whatever. 

That's my dilemma right now: to buy or not to buy, that is the question. Especially with our sudden expenses lately (a busted outdoor faucet and a busted washing machine), I feel bad spending money on myself. I guess that's the struggle, huh? 

I've been thinking a lot about skirts lately.

Mainly, circle skirts (or A-line skirts, as some people call them). After a lot of thought, I've come to the conclusion that circle skirts are probably the best skirt for me. They're voluminous, which means they camouflage ye olde mom belly; they're high-waisted (if worn that way), which means they make me look taller; they show off a part of me that has stayed thin (ankles, ah yeah); and they can be worn with a variety of tops,, which means I can dress them up or down. 

1: Mentor of Attention. 2: Living the Dream. 3: Sculpture Garden. 4: Intern of Fate. 5: Twirl Talk. 

Yes, all of these skirts are from ModCloth. ModCloth holds a special place in my heart, because I want to be one of those cool, quirky girls (cue Zooey Deschanel reference, ugh) who can wear retro-inspired clothing 100% of the time and look fabulous. But alas, a) I'm not skinny enough or b) I don't have the personality to pull it off. That being said, sometimes ModCloth stuff is totally bonkers, like this basic jersey maxi skirt for thirty-five freaking dollars!! I want to personally call every person who bought one (there's one left in stock!!) and be like, "you know you can buy this same exact skirt at Rue21 for, like, $10, right?" 

That being said, ModCloth is the queen of circle skirts. If you're looking for a knee length skirt in any color, trust me, ModCloth probably has it. Downside, it probably costs like $40 or more. C'est la vie! 

All of the options I'm lusting over have a note of neutrality to them (yes, even the florals, I would argue): they can be paired with a variety of colors and patterns, as well as other textures. I'm especially feeling the Mentor of Attention skirt and the Intern of Fate in Latte skirt, because I think they capture the shape I'm looking for as well as being neutral without being plain black. 

I'm keeping my eyes peeled for affordable circle skirt options as I go about my day-to-day life, but if you spot one, send it to me on Twitter! As always, you can follow my capsule wardrobe and style efforts on Pinterest. 

Creating a Postpartum Capsule Wardrobe: Restocking Dresses

Remember when I used to wear dresses all the time? Literally every day? The last time I put on a dress, I cried because it was the maxi maternity dress I'd worn multiple days in a row as my pregnancy neared its end. Yeah, dresses aren't exactly as easy topic for me anymore--especially because all my dresses are way, way too small in the chest these days. 

That means, I have 5 dresses (3 maternity, 2 throw aways ultimately) in my closet right now, none of which make me feel good, but all of which "fit". I'm between a rock and a hard place, but I know with the right dresses, I'll be feeling fine in now time... right? 

When it comes to creating a capsule, I want to follow the rule of simple pieces, with lots of opportunity to remix. Two years ago, I wore a black shirt dress nearly every day (until I washed it, the shirt shrank weird, and it became super unflattering); I loved how it fit, I loved how I could pair it with different scarves, sweaters, and shoes for totally different looks. My dress choices are based off my love for that dress (which I wish I had a good picture of). Here they are: 

Embroidered Back Chambray Shirtdress, Maurices. Women's Classic Denim Shirtdress, Le3no. Women's Shirtdress, Land's End.

1. A Chambray Dress

I like chambray. I like shirt dresses. Plus, denim or chambray is much less likely to misshape in the wash than, say, a polyester blend. Here are three options I found via Pinterest. I especially like the Land's End version (the styling, obviously, makes it super appealing, because the length is great, the fabric is probably higher quality than Maurices, and it has a real belt... rather than an elasticized waist. Besides being durable, chambray is also something you can mix and match with: wear skirts over it, pair with scarves and cardigans, layer with sweaters over or long-sleeved shirts under... the options are endless. 

Perfectly Posh Black Long Sleeve Dress, Lulu's. Long Sleeve Button Front Shirt, Nordstrom Rack.

2. A Long Sleeve Black Dress

Have you ever googled "black long sleeve workwear dress" before? Word to the wise: don't, it's very depressing. Why is it so hard to find age-appropriate black dresses? Who knew this was so needed? The most worn color in the world in the most desired style in the world... really? The options are so depressing. If you can believe it, these are the best of the best... and there are 2 of them. I for sure won't be buying either of these dresses, but these 2 shapes are classics that I like to wear. That being said, the Lulu's dress is obviously way too short, probably poorly made (it's Lulu's, c'mon), and probably wouldn't fit correctly to my postpartum body. The Nordstrom Rack dress is... shapeless. That being said, I'm ultimately looking for the simplicity of the Lulu's dress, the quality of the Nordstrom Rack dress, and long sleeves. What's a girl gotta do to find a long sleeve black dress? 

Meadows on My Mind Dress, Modcloth. Folksy Focus Dress, Modcloth. Folksy the Sights Dress, Modcloth.

3. A Fun Patterned Sundress 

You say "sundress" and Modcloth whispers, "I thought you'd never ask!" Sundresses are where Modcloth excels, because they seem to have an "in" on amazing, fun patterns. A uniquely patterned sundress might seem like the ultimately one-wear items, but I think you'd be wrong, actually: with the right pattern, you can wear it with a variety of cardigans, solid scarves (in the early Fall or late Spring), and fun Summer hats. Plus, it's nice to have one pretty, perhaps impractical thing... even in a capsule wardrobe. 

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I'm still on the hunt for the perfect pieces for my capsule wardrobe, but as I narrow things down, I'm always up for suggestions, advice, or the perfect pieces you might find online. Share with me on Twitter!

Creating a Postpartum Capsule Wardrobe

Whenever I find myself talking about my postpartum body and style, I find myself getting (reasonably) dramatic. "I am a blimp," I have found myself saying to my husband. "I am a planet with a gravitational pull!" I cry to my mom group on Facebook. What is wrong with me? I think privately. Why can't I just diet? 

It's the question the world seems to pose to pregnant women. When you're pregnant, no matter how big or small you are, the world loves your body: you have another human you're taking care of! Eat the ice cream, the Oreos, the Taco Bell! However, it doesn't take long after birth to realize the cold, hard truth: you are now expected to just go back to normal, as if nothing spectacular happened to your body at all. 

I remember the empty feeling immediately after I had Forrest. And in the six days I spent in the hospital, I found myself feeling like a shell, merely a vehicle for this baby. I felt like the nurses treated me like I was nothing more than a delivery service, my needs and wants were secondary, and I was merely a food source, a fleshy cafeteria. 

This feeling is perpetuated at every turn: your baby is your number 1 priority, but it's also everyone else's. No one wanted to know about how foreign I felt in my own body, about how I ached, about how lonely and sad I felt. No one wants to hear about how I struggle to diet now (because, being an exclusive pumper, I know exactly what my supply is... and when I diet, I can see it shrink, the ounces diminishing); no one wants to hear about how tired I am, too tired to exercise. They just want me to do it and/or stop complaining about my body. 

I used to think that way. Really, I did! I thought new moms were lazy. How can you not have time to exercise? I thought, 22 and not a mom. How can you not focus on what you eat? I was a bitch, that's for sure. I'm eating my words now. 

Over the weekend, I decided enough was enough: I was tired of making myself feel bad and I was tired of standing in front of a bulging closet and knowing that nothing fit. I took out every single item that no longer fit and put it in a bag. Part of it made me sad: I find it difficult to say goodbye to things I love, but can no longer wear. That being said, I've decided if it makes me feel bad, I'm not going to deal with it. 

I now have the saddest collection of items in my closet imaginable: four dresses (two maternity maxis); 2 pairs of jeans; 3 pairs of leggings; a smattering of topics (mostly maternity tunics); and sweaters, some of which are a touch too small, but fine for now. 

I decided the thing to do would be to create a capsule wardrobe. 

If I'm going to be starting from scratch, I should probably start from scratch the right way. I still have lots of stuff to clean out (I have drawers full of t-shirts I will never wear), but it's never too early to get started. 

My plan is to invest in pieces to make my body look great now--and rotate them out as I lose weight. As I'm working on my capsule wardrobe, I'll be sharing what I decide to keep and what I decide to buy here. If you'd like to see what I'm pinning along the way, you can follow my Capsule Wardrobe board on Pinterest. 

The Fantasy of Postpartum Style

I came home from the hospital 22 pounds lighter than when I'd given birth, but that didn't mean my pre-pregnancy jeans buttoned.

It's important to know that this is not exactly typical in pregnancy. As of writing this, I'm a mere 2 pounds from my pre-pregnancy weight. As it turned out, I'd been gaining water weight for a majority of my pregnancy (suggesting preeclampsia without ever actually showing any symptoms), meaning that the minute I wasn't pregnant anymore, all that water had to go somewhere.

The entire time I was pregnant, I fantasized about what I would wear post-pregnancy: chic striped shirts and jeans for walks in the park, cute sweaters and boots. I pinned outfits on Polyvore. I spent hours looking at boots, measuring my calves (which were bloated with fluid, little did I know), and excitedly looking forward everything I thought I would wear once I actually gave birth. Part of me knew that I wouldn't just automatically shrink back to how I looked before, but having no experience with a postpartum body, I couldn't imagine any other world. 

But one month postpartum and I'm still dressing, essentially, the same exact way I dressed during pregnancy. I have made little discernible change in my wardrobe, aside from the fact that 1) my shoes fit and 2) my clothes are a little (or in some cases, a lot) more comfy now. I also spend about half of my day pumping and feeding Forrest, which means that my clothes require me to be able to easily take my shirt off and that they are covered in milk at least part of the time. I only recently wore jeans for the first time since giving birth and that's only because I bought a new pair. But, typically, day-to-day I wear a tank top and sweatpants. 

It was very easy to imagine that, the minute I had Forrest, my life would transform back into the life I'd always known: I'd dress the same ways, do the same things, and have time for everything I'd ever done before. In these first few hectic days, I've found myself briefly wondering what, exactly, I've gotten myself into. Am I insane? Why did I ever think I could handle this?

The first few weeks of having a baby are, ultimately, about survival: you do what you have to to get through the day, whether that means not showering for four days, wearing the same tank top, or carrying your baby around near constantly because they won't sleep otherwise. Survival, strangely enough, doesn't really include dressing in all the things you fantasized about wearing. 

That doesn't mean there aren't opportunities for style in the early months. One of the best things new parents can do is take some time for themselves. At least once a week, my mom will watch Forrest while Danny and I go out to dinner or go grocery shopping. It gives us a chance to dress and act like humans again... as well as to eat a full meal with both hands. Often, days where Danny and I go out, even for an hour, on our own are the days that I shower, do my hair, and put on normal clothes. A month ago, I never would have walked out the door with primer, foundation, and mascara, but I frequently find myself heading to pediatrician appointments in yesterday's make up. 

Style is something that will always be incredibly important to me as a person. I love dressing up, creating outfits, and thinking of new ways to wear things. But as a new mom, it's just not a priority... and that's ok.