Book Review: "If the Creek Don't Rise" by Leah Weiss

Disclaimer: I received a copy of this book from NetGalley in exchange for an honest review. Also, warning, this review DOES contain spoilers. 

Start to finish, this book was beautifully written. Leah Weiss deserves credit for weaving a beautifully told tale that captivates readers, allowing them to appreciate and sympathize with the people of Appalachia. 

However, there were a few parts of the novel that just felt a little... unnecessary. At the end of the copy I received, the story is framed as being about Sadie. And while that does feel true, there is a significant portion of the novel dedicated to Kate Shaw (the teacher), Eli (the preacher), and Prudence (Eli's sister who tries to get rid of Kate). This storyline, revolving around Eli falling in love with Kate, a woman who is in a relationship with another woman named Rachel, and Prudence using a letter from Rachel to try and get Kate run out of town. This story is never returned to; instead, Kate is roped back into Sadie's story when she loses the baby. That's fine and good... but what happens to Kate? What does Prudence do? Does Eli find out about Kate?

This is an entire plot line that is introduced, followed, and then promptly abandoned in favor of Sadie's much less interesting story. No offense, Sadie. On another note, we also get some amazing parts from Sadie's grandmother, but then, we also never hear from her again. It's disappointing to meet these great characters and then have them promptly abandoned.  

The end of the novel just felt too tidy. We get a story about Roy and Billy disposing of Darlene's body. Darlene is a sex worker in town who Roy falls in love with and starts paying attention to instead of beating Sadie, which is nice. However, he discovers that when he runs out of money, Darlene immediately starts seeing other men (because he apparently struggles with the concept of what a sex worker does and thought Darlene was in love with him), so he kills her. We then jump to Sadie deciding to finally kill Roy. She makes some hemlock poison, mixes it with Roy's moonshine, and then... it turns out Billy shoots Roy while they're hunting. Ok. Cool. That's...? Simple. It's just too tidy. The rest of the novel felt messy: Kate and the preacher, Kate and Rachel back home, the medicine woman, the violence of the entire area... and then, in the end, Sadie gets the job done for her by Billy. 

She then tells Billy to take Roy's moonshine, obviously with the intent to kill him. Again, that's cool, but it's just a little too easy, isn't it? Someone does the work for her, she then offs that person to make sure no one ever finds out (and also to prevent herself from having to fall in with Billy as, I don't know, a favor in return for killing Roy?), and the novel just ends. 

We don't find out about Kate and Rachel; we don't find out about Prudence and what she does; we don't find out about Eli. We never see Marris or Gladys again, or Birdie, or anyone else. These characters just disappear at the end of the novel and we're expected to believe that the story was only about Sadie all along. No, the story was about ALL of them, so all of the storylines need to be wrapped up. 

It's frustrating to get to the end of a novel that truly had me enraptured... only to find the last page is the last page and not everything is done. Sadie got her ending, but what about everyone else? What about the family that Sadie went to see in the store, whose son had been injured in a mine? What happened to him? There are so many pieces of information we are given that are never followed up on and from a reader's standpoint, that's just sloppy storytelling. 

The book is beautifully written, truly. The story was enchanting. But I feel in the end, Weiss perhaps lost steam and decided to end with Sadie. Which is her choice, ultimately, but it doesn't feel like the right one. I also suspect that a fair amount of editing whittled down the story and perhaps created the thread, via Eli, Prudence, and Kate, needed to get back to Sadie. It just feels abrupt for the reader though. Again, all that being said, a book I thoroughly enjoyed reading and would read again. 

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Complicated, Haunting, & Invasive: My Thoughts on "S-Town"

I'm a podcast junkie. I listen to hundreds every week. My favorites are My Favorite Murder, Wine & Crime, Casefile, In Sight, and basically any podcast relating to true crime. I listened to Serial, way back when, but was generally unimpressed. I personally don't find Adnan's case compelling: I think his trial was a joke, but I wasn't exactly convinced of his innocence. (This is an Unpopular Opinion, generally.) 

When S-Town dropped this week, I hadn't been anticipating it like most people. However, once my podcast friends started to buzz about it in the multitude of podcast groups I'm in, I downloaded the first episode and listened. I was intrigued, expecting some kind of Serial-esque true crime podcast. 

However, at the end of the second episode (which I hurriedly downloaded on my feeble, data-strapped internet because I needed it), I actually yelled out loud. 

Note: my review will contain spoilers. If you haven't listened to S-Town yet, don't keep reading. 

S-Town isn't a true crime podcast. It's not even really a podcast about investigative journalism. S-Town is, ultimately, the profile of a single person: John B., the man who emails Brian Reed about his terrible town (Shittown) in Alabama and a potential murder that happened there. Even before the kicker at the end of episode 2, I knew this podcast was about John B.: I knew it wasn't about any murder. The murder story was so lackluster, so boring. In comparison, John B. was magnetic and interesting. 

This is, verbatim, what I said to my husband after we finished the last episode: Can you imagine being John B. in that small town? Viciously intelligent with serious critical thinking skills. Not just smart, but able to think over issues, to dissect them, to participate in discourse. The number of people who don't understand discourse, who think that any discussion about right and wrong is a judgement, is astounding. John B. was a queer conspiracy theorist, liberal, concerned about civil rights and the environment. He was one of the best clock restorers probably in the world. He most likely gave himself freaking mercury poisoning thanks to the method he used to restore those clocks. More than that, he wasn't secretive about any of these things. People knew those things about John B. in his small town. In that way, I admired him. I felt bad for him. I wondered what his life would have been like if he had left the town he referred to, almost lovingly, as "Shittown." 

It is difficult for me to hear a podcast about someone with such insane potential, and such magnificent intelligence. Especially when that podcast, ultimately, is about the hole left by their suicide. 

That's the kicker, isn't it? Ultimately, John B. commits suicide, right in the middle of the project. Brian Reed is flabbergasted, as you can tell in the audio recording where he finds out. He doesn't know what to say. He put time, and energy, in this project with someone who is now gone. It's a personal loss as well as professional. At that moment, I thought, "so what is this podcast about?" 

Brian Reed, because he's a professional and a very good researcher, keeps going. Because what else is he supposed to do? He keeps pulling at the strings that John left. First, he follows John's friend, Tyler, in the aftermath: Tyler wants what he is owed, but is blocked by John's next-of-kin, Rita, who lives in Florida. Then, he interviews Rita and the podcast seems to shift. It's not about Tyler being screwed over by these next-of-kin anymore; John's family is just trying to take care of John's elderly mother and, thanks to John deciding to not keep his money in banks, there is no money for her care. As much as I want to sympathize with Tyler, who got dealt a rough hand in life, I do have to say: stealing stuff that John's family could sell to care for his elderly mother is pretty low. However, Rita is a strange character herself and her motivations are murky, at best. 

It's during all this that I start to wonder: what's the point of a podcast that airs this kind of familial drama? It sucks, of course. But it's also very familiar. Things like this happen all the time. Someone dies without a will; their next-of-kin steps in to try to get things done; and friends start popping out of the woodwork saying, "Well, so-and-so said this..." This felt weird to publicize. I sincerely wondered why all these people were giving recorded interviews about all this information. 

The end of the podcast is the most problematic for me. A lot of my thoughts are covered pretty succinctly by this piece on Vox. I remember, when listening to Episode 6, as Brian said, "I'm sharing this even though John had me stop recording because..." I grimaced. I realized, at that moment, that the second the podcast continued after John's suicide, that there was no consent on John's part to continue. I felt weird about it. I felt like I'd participated in a serious violation of someone's privacy. The discussions about his gold, about his house, with his lawyer about his will, about his sexuality, his mental health, his health in general... it's almost too much. It just goes too far. 

It'd be one thing to profile the town, Woodstock. To branch off after John's suicide and say, "Ok, let's learn about this place he hated." And relate that back to his original email. But no, Brian Reed decided to profile a person who couldn't really consent to it. And in the process, Reed interviewed old lovers, old friends. Things that he couldn't take back to John and ask, "is this true? Is this ok?"

John may have been an atheist and he may believe he is worm food now and he might not care, but it's still gross. It's like Facebook stalking an ex-boyfriend or someone you don't know: it's voyeuristic and weird. It's normal human behavior to want to listen, to want to know. But that doesn't make it worth a podcast.  

All that being said, at the end of S-Town, I was floored. It's a beautifully made podcast about a Southern gothic character (said every review of it ever). It's the portrait of a man who was tortured and intelligent and charismatic. But I'm not sure I feel comfortable having listened to it. I'm not sure this is the direction podcasts should go: sorting through the dirty laundry of others, exposing the things that we may not want exposed. 

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I Tried eSalon & Here's What I Think

It's been over three (probably closer to four) years since I last dyed my hair. I used to consistently dye my naturally dark brown hair dark red; it was a look that worked for me for a long time. Then, I just stopped; I didn't have the time or money to dedicated to the upkeep. And, in general, I just wasn't interested in doing it long term. 

I first learned about eSalon during one of my favorite podcasts (My Favorite Murder, which I've written about here); it's an at-home, mail order hair dye service. That's really the best way to describe it. I had heard the ad multiple times during My Favorite Murder and finally, I had to take the plunge; it had been so long since I'd dyed my hair and, especially after Forrest was born, I just needed to do something to change my look, if you will. 

The way eSalon works is that you use their website to answer a bunch of questions about your hair: your hair texture, your original color, whether your hair is currently dyed or not, what hair and scalp issues you have, and more. In the end, you get a range of colors to choose from; you pick one, a specialist formulates your color just for you based on everything you've told them, and you get sent it in a box along with instructions and shampoo and conditioner. 

You receive a box that looks like this. It includes the basic hair dye supplies: the dye solution and then a mixer bottle containing an activating ingredient. My kit also came with an application brush, although I ended up not using it. The Perfect Match kit includes a packet of shampoo, a packet of conditioner, a packet of stain shield, and a stain removal wipe, as well as two pairs of gloves.

The worst part of box kits you buy in the store is that they only come with one pair of not very good gloves. The eSalon kit gloves are like medical gloves and two pairs!? So I don't have to rinse off and try to reuse the same pair in the shower?! Genius. 

I hemmed and hawed about when to take the plunge. I've been pretty proud about the fact that my hair is "natural" right now: it's the color I was meant to have. However, family disposition means I am rapidly going gray and so I have pretty substantial grays through my part and bangs. Not a great look for a 28-year-old. 

Sunday night, I went for it--even though I was by myself and I've never dyed long hair on my own. Despite a few challenges (that back, y'all), I felt pretty confident about it and application was really easy. Also, the packet of stain guard is GENIUS; it kept my ears and forehead from getting stained like when I've dyed my hair in the past! 

The color sets for 30 minutes, then my instructions told me to do this thing where I used the leftover hair color and water to lather my hair. Uh, that didn't really work, but it was also freaking MESSY and I was terrified of staining my shower or shower curtain. The shampoo and conditioner from eSalon were amazing and smelled really good; each packet had enough for probably two washes and conditions for hair my length (just above the shoulder) or one for longer or thicker hair. 

I ended up having a TON of extra dye leftover; like almost half the bottle. I don't know if that's normal or not, but it kind of worried me! 

However, I loved my color. Plus, my hair ended up super shiny and pretty looking. Very silky. I couldn't stop touching it. 

The color I selected initially was called Intense Pearl. The thing about my natural hair color is that it is very, very close to black. In pictures, it often looks lighter, but it's really not; it's very, very dark. So when it comes to at home hair color, I don't have a ton of options. Bleaching my hair is something that just will never work--I've gone orange enough times to be able to say with sureness that it's just not ever going to happen, despite my dreams of white blonde hair. 

Intense Pearl was supposed to have mostly violet undertones. However, once I used it, it pretty much just looks like dark brown with red undertones. Which, isn't a big deal! But I'd really been looking forward to those violet undertones! It was a big leap for me and I was very excited about it. However, I don't hate it, so that's fine; I added a note to my eSalon profile for next time, so hopefully I will actually get violet next time. 

Update: 

I had to update this post to share my experience adding notes to my eSalon profile. I added a note that the dye had turned my hair dark brown with dark, dark red undertones. Not a horrible thing! I don't mind! But's far from the cool, violet hair color I had chosen. It's like going to dye your hair blue and getting red, you know? 

Wednesday morning, I received a note from a colorist saying that, essentially, they cannot provide violet undertones because violet is a combination of blue and red (ok, thanks) and they cannot add more blue, so they could resend a violet kit, but it would just make my hair more red. So I replied asking why they showed that color (Intense Pearl) as a violet undertone if it's not possible to achieve. She replied that they can add violet, but they add violet with red, so the color usually shifts from violet to red overtime. But that's not true--my hair is dark red from the start. 

Which again, that's fine. It's not the worst thing in the world. It is absolutely not what I wanted, but it's not like my hair is totally destroyed. 

They offered to send me another kit. I replied asking, again, why they showed a color on their website, for my hair color, that they knew wouldn't look like the picture. So that's when they called me. 

I got a call from the colorist I'd been speaking to (that's what she said, at least) and she explained, again, that violet is a combination of red and blue. Which, I know what the color wheel looks like. She said, again, that Intense Pearl is supposed to go on with violet undertones and fade to red. But that is categorically not the case for my hair; my hair is dark red. Which, again, one more time, is fine. 

She said it was probably because my hair is so dark so it naturally has red undertones. But I'd selected the darkest brown hair they showed on the website and one of the options was a violet undertone hair color, Intense Pearl. If Intense Pearl can't go onto dark brown hair and show up violet, then why do they show it as an option? Why portray it as a cool toned, violet option if they literally can't do it, as she admitted they couldn't? That's when she told me that they actually cannot increase the violet undertone because they cannot add blue dye to their formulations because they don't have it. What is the point of advertising a violet undertone (a mix of red and blue, in case I hadn't been told that 400 times) if you don't use blue dye!? That's when I got frustrated.

My hair was my natural hair color before hair. It was fine! It was great! I just wanted to cover my gray hair! I just wanted to do something different. But right now, my hair is the same dark red I've been dying my hair since I was 16. If I wanted to dye my hair dark red, trust me, I know the hair dye to buy in the store for $6--not $25. I don't need to go to a salon or a specialist for dark red hair, trust me. I'm just really frustrated that something I wanted to do to spice up my look and feel good has ended up making me look about basically the same as I looked pre-pregnancy. It's not new or special. And it's frustrating to feel lied to and as if they really do not care about the fact that they are falsely including a hair color they admit they cannot achieve.  

Beauty Review: Honest Beauty Try Me Kit for Oily Skin

I don't usually try new beauty products. I used to be the kind of person who tried a new moisturizer, a new cleanser, or a new primer every single month. But over time, I realized that was not helping my skin whatsoever. I have my tried-and-true products for oily skin that I use consistently to help me keep things consistent. 

However, in my November diaper bundle that I receive from Honest (I'm a sucker for those cute printed diapers), I had the option to choose any Honest Beauty products. I decided to go to the Try Me Kit for Oily Skin, just to see how their products really measured up. 

Obviously, I get diapers for Forrest from Honest. We also exclusively use their baby body wash and shampoo, bubble bath, diaper cream, and healing balm; they're the only products that don't send Forrest into a tail spin of rashes. I love their products mostly because they deliver them to my house, which is a major bonus. 

When my bundle arrived, containing not just diapers, but the Try Me Kit, I was pretty excited to try it. I was also surprised that the kit arrived in such a nice travel bag; it feels like high-quality faux-leather, lined with a nice canvas. For something you get for free, it's pretty great. 

The Try Me Kit for Oily Skin came with three products: 

1. Refreshingly Clean Gel Cleanser
2. Dependably Clear Oil Free Moisturizer
3. Beyond Protected Daily Beauty Fluid SPF 30

The gel cleanser is the largest bottle and I've been using it for about a week, once a day, without running out. The moisturizer is much smaller, but again, I've been using it once a day for a week and haven't run out yet; the beauty fluid is the same size as the moisturizer. 

Alright, let's talk about each products. 

Refreshingly Clean Gel Cleanser

I actually really like this cleanser; it cleans and gets rid of everyday oil as well as make up without leaving any kind of residue or feeling like it absolutely strips my skin. I can get really dry after washing my face, especially with harsh cleansers, but so far, I haven't noticed any dryness with this cleanser.

My one issue with it is that it smells really strongly--and not very good. Honest is famous for their products being fragrance free (or if they're scented, they have a fragrance free option) and sometimes, this can make them smell, well, a bit weird. When you combine chemicals to create soap, you're obviously going to end up with some kind of smell. They may have wanted to add a little something to cover up the smell of this. The closest approximation I can get is it smells like that really cheap lotion you can buy at the dollar store: chemically and weird. 

Dependably Clear Oil Free Moisturizer

This moisturizer gets a solid OK from me. I didn't feel like it harmed my skin, but I also didn't feel like it really did anything different from my normal moisturizer. It felt nice though and didn't give my skin that tacky feeling that some moisturizers leave. I tend to avoid "oil free" moisturizers because that often means they use something artificial to create moisture and ultimately, oil is actually very good for your skin (yes, even oily, acne prone skin). I worried a little bit about this moisturizer stripping my skin, but I haven't noticed any issues. 

Again, the one major issue I had with this product is... the smell. 

The smell of this moisturizer was different than the cleanser, but not any better. I don't know how to say this without sounding weird, but this moisturizer smells like cheese. It smells like that fake white cheddar cheese dust that's used for packaged popcorn or chips. It smells almost foot-like. That's not a pleasant way for your face to smell. I had a moment where I felt a bit like the scene from Mean Girls where Kady replaces Regina's moisturizer with foot cream. 

Beyond Protected Daily Beauty Fluid SPF 30 

I use an SPF 30 on my face every day anyway, so I was excited to try this product. However, it was my least favorite of the kit and here's why: it's not fluid. It's near impossible to get out of the bottle. It has a super weird texture and you have to use a ton of it to cover your face. And just like the moisturizer, it smells like cheese-and-feet.

That's enough "no thank you" moments to make me put it back in the bag and not finish the little bottle of it. I really wonder why they didn't just add an SPF 30 to the moisturizer; three steps is bordering on too many steps for skincare for me, and especially with a product where the instructions are "shake vigorously" so you can get it out of the bottle, it's just too time consuming. 

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Want to try Honest Beauty for yourself? You can sign up for a free trial here. 

Book Review: The Lauras

I took a break from book reviews for a while, but I decided it was time. I've been reading a ton (thanks to Kindle Unlimited!) and I've been diving into Goodreads. This review originally appeared on Goodreads; you can follow my reviews & reads on Goodreads here. This review does contain spoilers, so if you have not read the Lauras yet, drop everything and go read it. Then read this review. 

Disclaimer: I was provided a copy of this book from NetGalley. 

To sum up my feelings about this book in one word: wow. 

I started this book with no preconceptions about it. I had heard of it, vaguely, but hadn't done any research on it whatsoever. When I requested it from NetGalley, I barely read the description. 

Thus, I didn't really know what to expect. That's usually the best way to start a book: fresh. 

The Lauras is a sweeping story, romantic in that way that it is invested in relationships, both small and big, and the ways in which our lives spread out from us, reverberating over and over again. It's about America, about choosing to live your life your own way. It's touching and frustrating, all at once. 

I have to give Sara Taylor credit for portraying characters outside the binary: Alex, the main character, is genderless, preferring to exist as an either-or-neither. (For the sake of this review, I will refer to Alex by the singular "they" pronoun. Alex's mother, called Ma throughout the novel, will be referred to by the pronoun "she/her.") This is the first book I have read with such a character--one that is still vibrant and loving, sexual and full. Just not defined by a singular gender. I also appreciate that Alex's mother is attracted to both men and women, referenced multiple times throughout the book in the form of the Lauras, and that many periphery characters are portrayed as bisexual as well. 

Alex's mother decides, one night, to leave her husband, Alex's father, and take Alex on a cross-country road trip to pay her debts, visit her old haunts, and generally tell Alex a little more about her life. In many ways, it is sweeping; in other ways, it is purposefully vague, featuring older Alex butting in as the narrator, pointing out times where they are not sure if they remember things correctly or purposefully hide things to avoid shame. It's a charming way to write a story, sure, but I found myself unfulfilled at the end for a few reasons (and perhaps that was the point after all--rarely in life are stories like this, stories where your mother wakes up in the middle of the night and drags you away from the life you've known, tied up neatly at the end).

Mostly, I just wanted to know that Alex was okay, that after such an uprooting they were able to make sense of their life. Did Alex become a reporter, a musician, a professional roadtripper? 

Mainly, the concept of the Lauras is a little confusing, again, perhaps purposefully. Throughout her life, Ma met a variety of "Lauras" (whether they are all named Laura or she just renamed them "Laura" is up for debate, even to Ma and Alex), women that impacted her life in some way.In the end, they travel to Canada to meet one of the Lauras, the Laura that Ma wants to spend her life with. It's never made clear which Laura, described by Ma/Alex previously, it is, but I suspect it is the College-Laura. They all, ultimately, blur into one face, one name. Some are never revisited. Some, Ma dwells on. 

The title suggests that the journey is about the Lauras, but really it's just about one Laura (the Laura in Canada, hinted at earlier in the novel through a map that Alex inspects). However, the most compelling parts of the journey are not related to the Lauras at all, or even tangentially. After they leave Florida (their first pitstop for a year to earn money), they travel to Mississippi, where Ma had worked one summer on a crab boat with her two friends, Anthony and Marisol. Marisol is one of the most vibrant characters in the books--one I wish that more time had been spent on. That summer is romantic and vibrant, sweaty and southern; I want to read more about it. But it's glossed over in favor of a water funeral, performed by Ma, at sunset. 

Next, they travel through Texas, where their car loses a wheel, leaving them stranded, conveniently, in a town where another of Ma's college friends lives. This college friend, Mary-Margaret, was once a bisexual college girl who, after losing both her parents, got caught up in a strict, Christian cult (for lack of a better term) that reminds me of the Duggars. She has a horde of children, including a 17-year-old girl named Anne-Marie. 

Ma and Alex help Anne-Marie escape before she can be married off to someone of her father's choice. This is one of the best parts of the novel--the anticlimactic moment where Ma helps Annie escape, leaves her with her older brother (who also, as children of cults tend to do, escaped), and then worries about her incessantly for the rest of the trip. I wanted to read more about Annie, about her life post-cult, but that's another book.

My point is, these compelling, interesting moments have nothing to do with Lauras. But maybe (maybe) Marisol is a Laura too. And maybe Annie is a Laura for Alex. 

Like most good novels, this made me think. It made me sad. It made me not miss being 13, 14, 15 at all. It made me want to road trip around America, work in dingy bars and stay in cheap apartments--be a little dangerous. Excellent, compelling, and worth a read. Highly, highly recommended to anyone who loves a good road trip, reading gripping motherhood-based stories, and just loves good writing in general.

The Lauras is not available through Amazon at the moment, but the last time I checked, it's still available for a digital copy via NetGalley! 

My Favorite Underrated Make Up Brand

There are lots of great, underrated make up brands out there. Some of them are indie brands. Some of them are larger brands available at places like Sephora. And some of them are drug store brands, available just about everywhere. 

My favorite of those brands is NYX. If you haven't seen NYX at your local Wal-Mart, Target, or WalGreens, don't worry. NYX products are available online and at places like Ulta. But before you rush out to buy something new, let me tell you about why I like them. 

My first NYX product was a Soft Matte Lip Cream in the shade Stockholm. If you follow me on Instagram, you've undoubtedly seen me wearing this shade before. I wear it at least once a week. Actually, the tube is just about empty; I need to buy a replacement. It cost $4.50 and it is my favorite, absolute favorite, pink-brown nude. You can check out Stockholm here. 

Since then, I've started buying more and more NYX products. At first, it was just the Soft Matte Lip Creams: I have Stockholm, Budapest, Prague, and several others. Then, it was face powder (the High Definition Finishing Powder, NYX Blotting Powder, and SFX Setting Powder are perfect if you have oily skin). And then, it was primers: the Soft Focus primer balm is surprisingly amazing and the Studio Perfect Primer in green is perfect if you have reddish skin like me. 

My most recent obsession are the Lip Lingerie lip creams; they come in a ton of beautiful nude shades and dry to a perfect, silky matte. You can check out all the available colors here. I highly recommend the colors Push Up and Lace Details. Lace Details is a gorgeous pale pink nude (pictured above) and I wear it just as much as Stockholm. 

I'm rapidly becoming a "single brand" kind of girl. NYX makes everything I love using--and they are super affordable. I used to spend $35 a bottle on the primer I thought I had to use--but now my primer is $6 or $10, depending on which formula I go with. Which means, I can throw in a few more lipsticks and eyeshadows while I'm at it! 

Do you have a make up brand that you just absolutely love? 

It Took Three Tries, but I Love Stitch Fix

I cried when I opened my second Stitch Fix box (referred to as a "Fix"). I'd harbored suspicions that my maternity status and my size was limiting my options since my first failed Fix, but the second Fix confirmed it. Nothing jumped out at me as "young" or "stylish" or even "cute." It was just frumpy, boring, plain basics. Things I could get cheaper elsewhere and didn't need to hire a specialty service to find. 

After my first Fix, I'd emailed Stitch Fix customer service to inquire as to how, exactly, things were picked for my box and what had went wrong. I'd spent a stupid amount of time answering the Stitch Fix Style Profile; I'd even dedicated time to pinning things on Pinterest to a board that I included in my Style Profile. I'd written long paragraphs on my favorite patterns, my favorite styles, my hesitancy towards anything "boho," my dislike of how frumpy all maternity clothes are. I'd put in effort. But that first Fix didn't seem to return the effort. In fact, it felt like they'd wandered through a warehouse, grabbed the first five things in my maternity size they could find, and shoved them in a box. 

Stitch Fix was obviously sad that I hated what I'd received (minus a dress, that I love and wear at least once a week, but was admittedly out of my budget). They offered me a second Fix for free. 

What does that mean? It meant that the $20 "styling fee" you pay to receive your fix was on the house. If you decide to keep any items from the box, you'll receive a $20 credit towards those items, since you already paid that amount. (However, if you decide not to keep anything, you lose that $20; you don't get it back and it isn't applied to a future Fix.) So basically, I was getting a new box of stuff and $20 credit. 

I was impressed with their Customer Service response and excited to receive a second Fix, hopeful that whatever had gone awry would be solved and I'd love everything in it. 

It wasn't meant to be. I received my second Fix and it was the same, or potentially worse, than the first Fix. Everything was blah, boring, and, of course, frumpy. One shirt, infamously, had a knot in the front that made it look pretty obscene on my baby bump. 

This time, I wasn't just disappointed. I was hopping mad. I'd expressed my concern that it felt like someone was just flinging whatever they could find in my size in a box and now I was convinced that was true. I received a three pack of one-size-fits-all camisoles. Seriously. I read a lot of reviews and I've read a lot of Stitch Fix and no one, no one, that I can remember has ever received a three pack of one-size-fits-all camisoles. That just doesn't make sense. I can buy that at Target or Wal-Mart. 

I fired off an email to customer service, again, mentioning my previous ticket numbers and my disappointment that nothing had been done to improve what I was receiving. What was the point of a "free" box if the stuff in it is just as bad as the first box that caused me to get that "free" box?? 

The emails I received in return from Customer Service were disappointing. I suspect that the person responding was relatively new. It wasn't the same person as before, as I'd hoped, but was instead someone who seemed to be typing right out of a script--a dead giveaway for a newbie who is overwhelmed by a complex customer service issue. I requested someone else answer my emails and received a third response from her, apologizing and using the exact same canned language as the first two emails. Cute. 

Then I received a phone call. 

It was from Julia and I was in the bathtub, nursing my swollen feet and swollen face from crying over my swollen body and disappointing fashion prospects. Julia is a stylist at Stitch Fix. She assured me that it wasn't my specific size or maternity status that was preventing me from receiving good items. However, she just wasn't 100% sure what had gone wrong; she admitted that, looking at my Style Profile and my Pinterest board, my style was crystal clear and the items I'd received were not in line with my style at all. She agreed they were boring and bland, and could understand why I was so miffed by them. It felt good to hear someone agree with my concerns and thoughts, because I'd begun to wonder if I was just hard to please. She did say that my request to not receive synthetic fabrics may have contributed, so I agreed to try out some alternate fabrics to see if they agreed with my itchy preggo skin. 

Julia offered me one more "free" Fix (remember: $20 credit) in a week and a half. She offered to style this box herself, personally, and would take extra time to send me stuff she knew I would love. She couldn't promise to keep items in my desired budget, but I agreed that if something was exactly what I wanted, I was willing to pay more for it. 

That was 10 days ago. I received my third Fix. As I nervously carried it upstairs, I wondered whether I would love it or if, for a third time, I would open the style card showing all the items I'd receive with dread and disappointment. 

In every fix, you receive a tissue-wrapped bundle of clothes and a teal envelope. Inside the envelope is a note from your stylist and five cards showing the items you've received and two different ways to style them. This is a great way to see what all is in your box without tearing open the bundle (although you can do that too, I guess). Also inside the envelope is an invoice that lists the price for all five items, as well as the discount you will receive if you keep (and thus, purchase) all five items. 

Looking at my style cards, I liked every single item I received. This was a first for me, but it's the best kind of first. 

I received a pair of leggings, three tops, and a dress. The leggings I knew I would keep immediately (if they fit right) because they were made of a sturdy material that is higher quality than the cotton leggings I normally buy. As I started putting them on, I had a moment of nervousness that they would be too small--but they weren't! They have a zipped detail on the ankles that I love. 

Of the three tops I received, I ended up deciding to keep one: a black and white striped tunic with a pink detail at the top. It's basically what I've been looking for since getting pregnant. It's lightweight and very flattering. If you want to see what it looks like, I posted it on my Instagram. 

The other two tops were a boho-esque white lace tunic that was a little too tight on the bottom and a little too big at the top, and a blue sleeveless top that was just a little too long on me. They were both really cute on, but the fit problems meant I couldn't justify keeping them. 

The dress I received looked like a t-shirt dress on the styling card. In reality, I'd called it a 70s-reminiscent skater dress with a slim top and a-line bottom. In orange, it was quite cute, but it fit too tight across the chest, which make the skirt not fall right. 

I packed up the three items I decided not to keep, checked out on Stitch Fix, and sent probably the nicest email I've ever sent in my life to my stylist, Julia. She couldn't promise she would be my stylist whenever I get my next Fix, but I'm satisfied enough with this Fix that it doesn't really matter. I've officially gotten what I wanted out of Stitch Fix: a decent outfit that makes me feel like a million bucks. 

Despite my first failed attempts at Stitch Fix, I think I can ultimately say it's a valuable service, to the right customer. If you're tired of shopping, don't like it, or just plain don't have time, it can be valuable to try Stitch Fix; if you have a clear idea of what kind of styles you like (and those you don't), it makes it that much easier. But the casual shopper, who loves to hunt for great deals or genuinely enjoys shopping, won't get much out of it. Under normal circumstances, I don't think I'd like Stitch Fix... but being in the midst of maternity clothes that I hate, it felt like a great way to get some things that actually look decent and don't require me to spend hours searching for them myself!

If you'd like to try Stitch Fix, you can sign up here. (In full disclosure, that is a referral link; if you use it to sign up, I'll receive a $25 credit.)