Welcome to another series here at Writing Between Pauses. This month, we’re going to be talking all things self-care and the holidays—given how November started, I think we all need a little self-care refocus these days! I hope you enjoy this series. We’ll be covering everything self-care gifts, what’s the difference between self-care and self-soothing, and much more.
When writing self-care posts, it is very easy to slip into those easy tropes we’ve all seen. Take baths! Read a book! Put on cozy socks! Those things are nice and they’re very soothing, but they aren’t self-care for everybody. (We’ll talk about why I consider those things part of self-care, but actually a different part of self-care in a future post. Stay tuned!)
In this blog post, I wanted to give you 4 ideas right now that you can use to prioritize your mental health in the coming months. This past week, I think most of us (at least, those who read my blog—and if you know me, you know where my thoughts lie) experienced a huge lifting of feeling and emotion. The past 4 years have been hard. The past year has somehow been the hardest. And yet, here we are.
If you’re reading this, you survived. You made it.
We can do hard things. You can do hard things.
But I know for so many of us, this has taken a huge toll on our mental health. Personally, the past 3 months have been perhaps the lowest I’ve been since 2015, when I struggled hard with postpartum depression. It is a very hard time right now; part of me is always guilty because I think, I have it so much easier than other people. I want so badly to be someone who remains resilient. But the truth is: we all have our struggles and we can’t put up a decent fight if we aren’t giving ourselves kindness and space to be healthy.
I hope these suggestions give you ideas for the holiday season, for moving forward with self kindness and self-care. Thanks for reading, as always. Let’s dive in!
1. Set Clear Boundaries Early.
Do you have family who wants you to visit for the holidays, even though there is still a pandemic and you’re not sure how safe it is? Do you have family who doesn’t believe the pandemic is even real and they want you to visit them during the holiday season? Here’s one suggestion you can do right now: set your boundaries now.
“Hi [relative’s name]. Thank you so much for thinking of us this holiday season. We won’t be able to make it to your party this year, but expect a gift from us in the mail!” That’s all you have to say. You set the boundary. You communicated it. If there is pushback, you don’t even have to give a reason if you don’t want to; you can just say, “we aren’t able to make it!” No apologizing, no giving in. That’s your boundary.
If that isn’t your boundary (and I get it, it’s totally your choice), still work on setting your holiday boundaries early. Communicate when you’ll be working and when you won’t. Let others know when you’ll be available and when you won’t. Setting these boundaries now means you’ll be more comfortable enforcing them later.
2. Create a System that Prioritizes Your Needs.
Guess what? You’re important! Your needs for sleep, comfort, food, and more are important!
Creating a system is a kind of complicated way of saying this: make it easy to prioritize yourself now. Create the framework that means you have the things you need and will need for the coming months available. Schedule the grocery pick ups. Meal plan. Set aside special days for take out or just plan for it once a week when you feel like it. Order your prescriptions and medications. Stock up on what you’ll need for your favorite holiday baking or craft projects.
Make it easy to prioritize yourself and your needs now so that it’s easier later.
3. Ask Your Friends if They Can Be An Ear.
Reach out to your closest friends and ask in advance: if I’m struggling in the next 2 months, can I call or text you?
It’s just as easy as that! If they say yes, add them to your favorites. If they say no, thank them for their honesty. If you’re in the mental place for it as well, you can also offer in the same breath to be available to someone if they need to call and vent, or get advice, or just talk about something happy for a moment. Ask for an ear, offer to be an ear. No matter what, get a list of people you can turn to for support now, rather than later.
4. Schedule Therapy.
You don’t know you need therapy until, well, you need therapy. I’ve been going to therapy once a month recently; more frequently and it tends to have an opposite effect for me. This is the perfect sweet spot for me to have enough to talk about and get enough “homework” to work on.
However, if you suspect the holiday season might be hard for you, here’s my suggestion: find a therapist to work with now (if you don’t have one) or schedule your sessions in advance (if you do have one). Right now, I have sessions scheduled for the coming month, knowing that the weather, the holiday season pressures, and work issues are going to come to a head.
No matter what, I’m prepared to either be fine OR need additional support from my therapist. Whatever happens, happens, but I have my schedule in place and I’m prepared.
