How to Stay Creative As An Exhausted Mom

Have I ever mentioned that I'm really tired? Are you really tired? 

Everyone has different reasons for being exhausted. And I'm definitely not one of those people who thinks that, just because I have a kid, it makes my exhaustion more valid or more intense than other people's. This isn't the Olympics and no one gets a medal for being more or less tired than anyone else. 

I will say, however, that having a child drastically reduces the amount of time that I have for 1) recharging and 2) creating. Two things I know I need in my self-care arsenal to make sure I'm not cannonballing off a diving board into the anxiety pool. 

The more tired I get, the less able I am to be creative. The less creative I am, the more anxious I feel. The more anxious I feel, the more tired I feel. You get where I'm going with this? It's an endless cycle for me. 

After I finished Blogtober (October), NaNoWriMo (November), and Blogmas (December), a friend asked me: just how did you manage to do three solid months of constant writing & creative output without absolutely losing it? 

The answer: I just... did it. 

Ok, it's not that simple. Let's what through how I did it--and how I start creative, outside of that 3 month timespan, with raising a toddler. 

A Little Disclaimer

I wanted to start with a little disclaimer: it's ok to not have creative output. 

If you're a mom, who is creative, who based her life on creating prior to having a child, it's ok to not create anything if you genuinely don't want to. It's ok to not feel inspired. You don't have to force yourself to do it if you think it will be damaging to your mental health. Your health takes priority over writing, or painting. Getting sleep, eating meals, and having time to relax is more important that writing a week's worth of blog posts. 

So this is just my gentle way of saying: this is what works for me. This is what helps me to feel better. It is not for everyone. Take care of yourself first!

1. Make the Time

When Forrest plays in the afternoon, I often sit on the couch with my cell phone and take flat lay photos, or I write Instagram posts. Or, if I don't feel like doing that, I cross stitch. Both of these activities stimulate my mind, but don't invite Forrest's attention (he is obsessed with my work laptop) and aren't so time consuming that I can't focus on Forrest as well. 

I am someone who needs to be "productive"--and for me productive means actually producing something. This is why I sometimes struggle with handling my anxiety around cleaning and doing laundry; it doesn't necessarily "create" anything. So little things like editing photos, doing cross stitch, or organizing my bullet journal during playtime help me to stay creative and mentally stimulated--without throwing myself into a larger project. 

This is what I call "making the time." It isn't forcing yourself into a big project during a one-hour nap time or anything like that. It's just doing little creative things, when you can, to keep your mind active. 

2. Have a Goal

I've said this before but: having Blogtober, NaNoWriMo, and Blogmas as goals really helped me to focus and stay on top of creating, in a way that was motivating and didn't make me feel like I was wasting time. I like having goals that are relatively simple to meet--all that Blogtober and NaNoWriMo required of me was writing a little bit every single day. So instead of spending my evening watching TV or cleaning the kitchen, I wrote blog posts or I worked on my NaNo novel. 

Having a goal to works towards, for me, keeps me working towards something. I'm not a huge fan of big, big goals--but writing a blog post every day or creating a small piece of art every week is absolutely doable. And once you do it enough that it becomes habit, it's a part of your life--and it's something that can keep you creative every day, even when you're very, very tired. 

3. Create What You Can 

You aren't always going to be working within your medium of choice. I am a writer, but sometimes, I keep myself creative by taking on other tasks that keep my brain stimulated and help sooth my anxiety. Things like bullet journaling, coloring, cross stitching, and baking are huge stress relievers for me, and allow me to experiment, create, and feel productive--without being quite as mentally taxing as sitting down to write a short story or even outline a novel. 

You won't always be creating art that will win awards. Sitting down to doodle a page in your bullet journal or start a new cross stitch pattern might not feel like you're working towards any kind of goal, but you can multitask with both those activities (such as watch Married at First Sight, my guilty pleasure) and they help keep your mind from getting bored and sluggish. 

4. Take Care of Yourself

Like I said: you can't be creative if you aren't taking care of yourself. I don't stay up late writing or working on anything anymore. I certainly used to, but these days, when my sleep is at a premium anyway, I simply don't allow myself to do it. I make myself stop to make dinner or go to sleep. I make sure to spend time before bed reading, doing a face mask, or simply lying in bed, dozing or going through my day. Relaxing is an important part of creating. And even though I like to be in near constant motion through working and writing, I know that if I don't take some time to not create, the next time I really need to buckle down and write... I won't be able to. 

How Can I Keep Creativity Alive?

I was on my approximately 3rd day wearing the same sweatpants and tank top when I realized I hadn't written in my planner or journal in a week and a half. Now, to most people, this thought would enter their mind and then pass without much other thought. So I fell behind on my journal. That's ok, right? 

No, it's actually not ok. At least for me. 

I have a memory that is simultaneously awesome and awful. I can remember the most minute trivia, but ask me what I did yesterday and I'll probably blank. If I don't write down every detail of Forrest's day (how much he ate, when, if he had poopy diapers), I won't really remember it... but I can remember which onesies he wore and in what order. If I don't write down Forrest's big milestones at the end of the day, I won't remember. I'll remember that it happened--but when and why and the context will slowly fade into oblivion. And yet I can remember the names of every contestant on Flavor of Love from 8 years ago. Thanks, brain! 

Even at my busiest, I have always kept some kind of written record of my life: notes jotted down in my journal, a list of things I'm grateful for, a writing notebook with every book I'd read for three years, a checklist of my homework I'd completed. Some people leave behind art; I intend to leave behind a meticulous detailing of my life. 

In the past few weeks, I've been using a Happy Planner to jot down notes of my day. I also decorate each week, so I get two creative exercises in one. But ever since I went into the hospital for preeclampsia, I've fallen behind. I've filled in maybe four days in the past three weeks and that's just barely. I haven't written in my journal or gotten any work done on NaNoWriMo. 

Being creative is incredibly important to me. My journals and planners are one way I stay creative even when I don't have the time, or emotional capacity, to create anything else. 

So when I neglect my journaling for a week... and then a week and a half... and suddenly I have about four weeks to write about... it becomes daunting. I know I'll never be able to cover everything I wanted to in those weeks. I already don't remember the details. 

I've devised a little plan to help myself stay creative. Here it is: 

1. Make time for it. My number one problem, really, is that when I get Forrest to nap, I either 1) sleep or 2) mindlessly browse the Internet or my phone. While sleeping is a great idea, mindlessly scrolling through my phone is not so much. When Forrest naps, if I can go without a nap, I need to spend time working on things that keep my creative brain active. 
2. Do NaNoWriMo. I have gone back and forth in the last few weeks about competing in NaNoWriMo this year. I was 100% set on it until I had Forrest--and realized just how sleep deprived I would become. However, I think I've gotten back to be 100% for it. Why? Because I know, more than anything, that NaNoWriMo will keep me motivated to write at least a little bit everyday. It can't hurt, right? (And I'm awake at 3am everyday anyway.) 
3. Ask for help. Have I mentioned how terrible I am at asking other people to help me? I tend to get really intense about things and forget that other people are available to help me. If that means asking my mom to come over so I nap or catch up, or asking Danny to watch Forrest while I write, I need to remember to do it. 

How do you keep creativity alive when you're super busy?  

The Power of Decisions

According to Time, the average person makes up to 5,000 decisions per day. 

And for some people, that number is probably even higher. When you think about it, each action we take is a decision: going to bed at 10pm or continuing to watch a movie until midnight; hitting snooze or turning your alarm off (and getting out of bed); making coffee, taking a shower, putting on make up, getting dressed. Teeny tiny decisions every day. We decide what to eat for breakfast, when to leave for work. At work, we decide whether to schedule or postpone meetings, whether or not to email a client back or wait. Thousands upon thousands of decisions, sometimes lasting only a fraction of a second -- but some last even longer. 

There is nothing quite like the agonizing argument I have with myself every weekday evening. I should work out, I text my husband, but in the back of my mind, I whine: But I don't waaaant to. You should -- it's good for you. You ate a bagel for lunch. But I am so tired. I barely see Danny... Back and forth, until I decide one way or another. I decide which route to take home. I decide what to make for dinner. I decide... I decide... I decide. 

And at a certain point, we just aren't able to make decisions anymore. That's kind of the funny thing: the more decisions we force ourselves to make in a day, the more difficult it is for us to make those decisions -- which means, it's more difficult for us to be creative. To be creative -- that is, to create, to write or draw or scrapbook or anything -- we need to be able to make decisions that impact what we're doing. Should we use this word or that one? Should a character be named Angela or Angelica? So if we've used all of our decisions on the minutiae of our lives -- whether or not to work out, raspberry or strawberry smoothie, nonfat creamer or milk in our coffee -- then we have a harder time actually being creative people. 

For people who are terrible at making decisions, it's even worse. 

I've always agonized over decisions. Sometimes, I fantasize about how my life would be different based on all the decisions I've made in my life. When I was younger (that is, under about 13), I would often wonder if the decisions I often agonized over -- chocolate or vanilla ice cream, going to Portland for my birthday or the coast -- really had an impact over my life. Would I have more friends if I was a vanilla ice cream person? (I am decidedly a chocolate ice cream person -- and I have since found that people who favor vanilla tend to be more personable and outgoing than me, so perhaps I'm onto something there.) 

I like to make decisions alone, but I also secretly like to have people make suggestions to me. I always text my husband and my mom when a big decisions comes up -- and while both of them usually reply, "I don't know, you should decide" or something to take effect, I kind of always want them to tell me what to do. I'll always frame it as "well, I decided this" -- but really, I like to leave the hard stuff up to other people. I often wonder if I have a hard time making big decisions -- whether or not to be short term disability insurance, whether I should plan for a pregnancy in 2015 or 2016, how much money I should save every month for property taxes and insurance -- because I spend so much time agonizing over the little things, like whether to buy lunch that day or if I should work out. 

---

There is one thing I know for absolutely sure: 

When I spend a lot of time making decisions -- whether it's little things or big things -- I have a harder time getting work done, being creative, and writing. I don't write in my journal; I'll fall behind on creative projects; I'll put off scrapbooking, my favorite hobby. 

So what does that mean for me? If I intend to live a more creative life -- which is a goal I have for myself -- what can I do to keep myself from taking away all of my decision-making power? 

One of the most important things I need to do is have a routine. I used to be one of those people that did the same things at the same time of day, no matter what. Throughout college, I got up at the same time, worked out at the same time, ate at the same time, went to sleep at the same time. I had a routine I did when I woke up, when I went to bed, when I did my homework. I was a human of routine. The farther I've gotten from school, the more I've gone rogue -- and in that time, I've spent a lot of time making stupid decisions. (Should I brush my teeth now or later? Just kidding, I'll spend 20 minutes sitting on the living room floor picking out a movie -- the Hobbit, Venture Bros, or Blade 2?) 

Right now, I'm working on a routine. Planning outfits, planning meals, planning workouts. Not having any excuses. Not allowing myself to change the decision I've already made. If I've already decided to wear jeggings and a sweater tomorrow to work, if I've already decided to pack my gym bag and put it in the car and work out after work, if I've already decided to make lasagna for dinner, then I've already removed the burden of those decisions. I've created a somewhat streamlined day for myself already. But I can narrow it down even further. I can just know I'll wake up, shower, put on make up, make coffee, pack up my car, and leave. No deviations -- I've already decided. If I know that, I'll be more prepared to be productive at work, to make creative decisions, to get home from a good workout and write. 

I want to be a more creative person and part of working towards that goal means altering the behavior I've allowed myself to get away with out of pure laziness. It's time to get things in order. It's time to get my decisions under control.