5 Desktop Wallpapers to Make You Feel Like the Dream Girl You Are

Maybe it's lame, but I really do believe that when you think something, it becomes true. It's like in Wild when Cheryl writes about how fear is just a story we tell ourselves--so to conquer fear, we have to just tell a different story. 

I recently reread Wild and I've been using that to help confront the things that, well, are still holding me back. Anxiety is just a story I fell myself: this might happen, or maybe this will happen and you'll be embarrassed, or why start? What if you fail? 

To overcome those things, I have to confront them. 

A big part of this is motivating myself to be better: to follow my dreams, to do the things I love simply because I love them (not because I need to be perfect at them). It's a hard thing to do. I truly believe that seeing the same message every day--whether it's "You got this" or "things will get better"--makes a difference. Heck, it can even just be something I enjoy looking at that will remind me, hey, tell yourself the other story... not the scary one. 

Here are a few wallpapers for your desktop or laptop to remind you that, no matter what, you're a dream girl. 

Download here. 

Download here. 

Download here. 

Download here. 

Download here. 

My Favorite Podcasts

I recently started listening to podcasts at work and at home. Here's why: usually when I'm home with Forrest, I watch a lot of TV to fill the time. This is very much a Bad Thing. As Forrest gets older, I'm trying to turn the TV off more and more--which means I need some way to entertain my brain while he plays in the living room. Enter podcasts. They're absolutely perfect for road trips, working long hours writing, and, of course, filling the kitchen with sound as I clean and cook and make sure Forrest don't hit his head too hard. 

I thought I'd share my favorites. I'm not super discerning when I listen to podcasts, but here's a brief disclaimer: right now, I primarily listen to true crime podcasts. They're just my favorite kind. What can I say? I love TLC specials and the ID channel, and the new American Horror Story season is right up my alley. 

1. My Favorite Murder

When I started writing this list, I knew exactly which podcast would be number one--after that it's a grab bag. I love My Favorite Murder. It's hosted by Karen Kilgariff and Georgia Hardstark, two totally funny ladies with anxiety issues and a love for true crime stories. Sometimes, the idea of a "murder comedy" podcast can sound, um, gross. However, they aren't making fun of victims, but they do try to find humor in what is an interesting subject. They tell great stories, show compassion to victims, and make fun of murderers. What's not to love? They also donate proceeds of their t-shirt sales to End the Backlog, which is a cause I feel insanely passionate about. 

2. Lore

Lore took me a long time to get into, but once I started getting through episodes, I was hooked. Lore is hosted by Aaron Mahnke, who is a storyteller, ultimately. Some episodes of Lore have started and I've immediately thought, "This is such an old story! So boring!" But then at the end, he introduced a story about a legend I had never heard of. For example, in an episode about vampires, he told the story of the "first American vampire." 

3. In Sight

This is another true crime podcast, but it's very different from My Favorite Murder. It's hosted by two women, Ally and Charlie: Charlie is American and Ally is Australian. They discuss unsolved crimes and mysteries and provide their own insight (get it?), research, and theories. It sounds dull when written out like that, but episodes about the Jamison Family disappearance and murder, Talia Head, and the Villisca Ax Murders disappearance have me hooked. 

25 Facts About Me

A week or so ago, my friend Charlotte at Girl Next Door Fashion posted 25 Facts about herself. Which I loved. I've been reading Charlotte's blog since 2009/2010 (I can't honestly remember when I started now...) and I feel like I could probably tell you 25 things about her too! And yet, I still learned new things from her post. 

Like Charlotte says, when we read blogs, we tend to think we know everything about that person's life based on what they post. But personally, I know there are lots of things I never mention here. So I thought I'd share my own 25 facts! 

1. I'm the youngest of 3. I have an older sister (the oldest) and an older brother (the middle child). I subscribe heavily to birth order personality lines: my sister is motivated & driven; my brother is stereotypical middle child; and as the baby, I most resemble an only child. 

2. My favorite song changes every day, but right now, it's "Dustland Fairytale" by the Killers. 

3. I write in my journal every single day and have since I was 14. I have huge piles of old journals in my house. I have no idea what to do with them.  

4. I love to cook, but I often find by the time I'm done, I'm absolutely sick of whatever it is I made! 

5. I work as a marketing copywriter, but since I work at a start up, I wear many hats: graphic designer, content entry, marketing strategist, social media marketer... the list goes on. 

6. I write fiction when Forrest finally goes to sleep at night. 

7. I grew up in the country and never had close neighbors. The idea of just being able to walk to a friends house is still very foreign to me. 

8. I have been bitten by a tick. It's not pleasant (mostly from my own screaming). 

9. I bullet journal every day because I'm always making lists that I want to remember. 

10. I'm already planning Forrest's first trip to Disneyland because I love it so much. 

11. My favorite food is probably macaroni and cheese, followed by bread. 

12. I don't think I've ever drank enough water a day in my life. Ever. Well, maybe when I was pregnant. 

13. As much as I kind of hated being pregnant, I also really miss it. I also really enjoyed my labor & delivery, so I can't wait to do it again! 

14. Everyone close to me calls me Shelly, so sometimes I have a legitimately difficult time responding to "Michelle," even though that's what I've always been called at school and work. 

15. I love working and I find a lot of personal enjoyment from doing a good job. That being said, if I could stay home and blog for a living, I would in a heartbeat. 

16. Growing up, I wanted to be an artist. 

17. When I was in high school, I was very into the Harry Potter fandom. I was even an integral player in revealing the fake Rupert Grint official website (anyone remember that?). 

18. Sometimes, I really do miss Myspace. 

19. Autumn is my favorite season and I actually don't care how basic that makes me. I even run an insanely popular Fall tumblr. (Not to toot my own horn or anything.) 

20. I probably would not have survived the first 6 months of Forrest's life without my mom group on Facebook. Who else could I fret to about rashes, breastfeeding, and not sleeping? 

21. I don't know how to swim. My mom repeatedly put me in lessons to get me to learn, and it's just like a mental block. 

22. I'm really strict about grocery shopping and meal planning, especially with a baby (formula is expensive, y'all!), but I still find myself throwing random things into the cart when I'm actually there. 

23. I love getting mail. Even if it's just formula coupons. 

24. I always have these lofty goals of how I'll spend my weekend (cleaning or cooking meals for the week), but I usually end up walking around wearing Forrest and playing games on my phone. 

25. After having Forrest, I started becoming anemic and have to take iron supplements, as well as eat my bodyweight in lentils and red meat. (At least, that's what it feels like.) 

What I'm Reading: April 2016

Ages and ages ago, I used to do weekly link round ups of what I've been reading and enjoying on the internet. I think it's time for this practice to return--especially as I spend more and more time curating content for my personal life and my professional life. Here's what's been on my (internet) plate lately! 

• Did you guys hear that Jamie Oliver said something, well, stupid? My thoughts are lined up pretty specifically with this article via Independent. In general, if you've never used your nipple to feed a screaming child, maybe don't call it "easy", yeah? 
   
• Slow loris videos are my nemesis on the internet and this video succinctly explains why. 
   
• Hm, all this pro-breastfeeding (no matter the cost) rhetoric sounds suspiciously like anti-choice rhetoric. What are the odds? #supportbodyautonomy
   
• In "funny things I can't stop laughing at news," I'm obsessively reading stories about Rob Kardashian and Blac Chyna's engagement. This tweet is the best. 
   
• This video of a dog playing dead to avoid leaving the park is me every single morning.
   
• Celebrate! Louboutin now offers a range of nude shades for their shoes!
   
• Is this 9-year-old a better journalist than most people working for newspapers? Probably.
   
• Change your stock photography game, change your life. 
   
• Instagram was abuzz the past 2 weeks about potential changes to the Instagram algorithm. For whatever reason, brands and bloggers interpreted this to mean that Instagram would be cherry picking content to show on someone's timeline. That's not so! Like Facebook, the algorithm would show you content passed on accounts and pictures you'd liked previously--so if you're a brand and blogger, if you're posting content people love, it really wouldn't matter. That didn't stop the onslaught of bizarre "turn on notifications!!" posts, however. Only the realizations that people would, literally, be getting non-stop notifications calmed things down. Moral of the story: it's just an algorithm, not the end of the world. 

Got any good links or great reads for me? Share on Twitter! 

How the Kindle Changed My Reading Habits

I was a book purist for the longest time. "I only read paper books,"I sneered to coworkers, friends, and family. I hoarded my thousands and thousands of books (taking up a stupid number of bookshelves in my house) and prided myself on their covers, their contents. In 2012, I started an endeavor to reread every book I owned -- which I successfully did, thankyouverymuch -- and found myself, well, bored.

I bought more books to read, but that got expensive. I started going to Goodwill to buy books for cheap -- somedays, they offered buy one, get one free or for 50 cents days, which is irresistible to book lovers. But in a small town, the book selection was slim. They had, easily, about 20 copies of all three Shades of Grey books and hundreds of Stephen King novels, as well as a surprising number of Harry Potter books, but that was about it alongside a multitude of cookbooks from the early 1990s and self-help books featuring women with shag haircuts on the front.

Occasionally, I would find well-worn copies of great books I'd always wanted to read -- like Possession by A.S. Byatt or Prodigal Summer by Barbara Kingsolver. Usually, I walked out empty-handed, wondering if I would need to reread Harry Potter for the 72nd time. 

Then, in November, I got a Kindle. It's not a fancy kind -- it only downloads and stores books, not movies or anything else. It's black and white only. Simple. I expected to use it occasionally. 

I did not expect to use my Kindle as much as I do -- which is nearly every day. I've ready over 20 books on my Kindle since I received it, a truly insane amount. I now read every night for at least an hour. 

Mostly, I find myself reading books I normally wouldn't read. When I buy physical copies of books, I'm often buying paperbacks of books I've always wanted to read. On my Kindle, I read books I can't find in stores, old books I've wanted to read forever, and new releases for less than the copy of a hardcover. The variety of books I read is greater, which makes reading much more fun. 

I'm not 100% sold by the Kindle though. It's definitely improved my reading habits, making it easier for me to read on the go or at the gym. But there is still something about opening a physical book, the feeling of the spine, the pages. I like writing in books, underlining and highlighting and taking notes. The cover art and font choice lends to the book; it's a piece of physical art to hold a beautiful book in your hands. So what about a Kindle? 

Using a Kindle isn't as much as physical experience as a physical book. But a Kindle lets most people read more books easily -- and when it comes to reading, more is always more, you know? 

I Love: Matte Lipstick

Shades pictured: Wet n' Wild Velvet Lip Color in Plumgenue; NYX Simply Vamp in Covet; NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream in Stockholm and Monte Carlo; NYX Simply Red in Leading Lady; NYX Matte Lipstick in Eden and Merlot.

I love lipstick. But it took me a long time to get it and truly fall in love. For a long time, lipstick was an aspirational beauty item -- the way some people aspire to better grows, longer lashes, or winged eyeliner without actually making an effort to learn the techniques to make it happen. I don't know when it started, but one day I decided to just, you know, buy a lipstick and go for it. That was three years ago, I think, and I've never looked back. My lipstick collection has grown to an embarrassing size and I can't really say I'm sorry about it. 

Most of my lipsticks have been of the standard, cream variety: they require primer and a lot of upkeep throughout the day. I have a few tried-and-true favorites, like Urban Decay's Revolution lipstick (in Naked 2, a perfect YLBB shade) and Covergirl's Coral Crush. A few weeks ago, I decided to try a matte lipstick and... it was amazing. Perfect, really.

The first matte color I bought was NYC Simply Vamp in Covet; technically, it's not advertised as matte, but it is a matte-metallic shade in dark plum. I had loved plum shades from afar and decided an NYX variety would be easiest to learn the rights and wrongs. Well, Covet rapidly turned into one of my favorite lipsticks; it's an instant, easy way to add a little goth-y toughness to a look. And the thing I loved most about it was that it was matte and it stuck around all day long... and? It didn't rub off. It was the perfect thing.

After that, my collection rapidly expanded, mostly in the NYX brand line -- they make some of the best colors for matte lipsticks out there that are both affordable and opaque. I got NYX Simply Red in Leading Lady next, a beautiful, matte, long-lasting pink-red. 

After this, I purchased my favorite matte shades so far: NYX Matte Lipstick in Eden (a bright red shade) and NYX Soft Matte Lip Stick in Stockholm (a nude-brown shade, similar to Rimmel's popular Kasbah). Before I got any more matte shades, I wanted to make sure I really liked them. Stockholm has rapidly become my go-to lip shade on lazy days. Eden is perfect for dressing up or days where I want to look more polished. 

Matte lipsticks have a reputation for being drying, which they definitely can be. The secret is to start with moisturized, brushed lips (use an exfoliating brush or a baby toothbrush to clean them) and to skip primer. However, I've found myself not having very many issues with matte lipsticks; I mostly just love that they last all day with minimal upkeep. In general, I have never liked lips that look super goopy and wet. 

I recently ordered NYX Soft Matte Lip Cream in Monte Carlo (a dark red, similar to Taylor Swift's go-to shade) and NYX Matte Lipstick in Merlot (a rich, dark berry shade); I love both of these as much as I love Stockholm and Eden. I especially like Monte Carlo, as I've been looking for a red that is neither too pink or too orange (I have a habit of picking pink-reds and being disappointed).

The same day I received these in the mail, I purchased a Wet n' Wild Velvet Matte lipstick in Plumgenue (from the Fergie line) for only $5; for the price, I just wanted to see how well they worked. The answer: it is much more sheer than I like, but I love the color of Plumgenue. It definitely feels velvety and smooth, but definitely is not as long-lasting as my other shades. 

Matte lipsticks represent the perfect stepping stone for those who want to use lipstick, but find the upkeep and fussiness annoying. If you find the right formula and shade, they will last all day with minimal smudging and smearing. 

Old habits die hard; I said I wouldn't write about beauty products anymore and yet, here I am, writing about matte lipstick. But sometimes, you just gotta shade what you love. 

4 Little Things that I Miss About Fashion Blogging

I started fashion blogging in 2009. 

I was a junior in college and posting (really bad) pictures of my outfits was a natural progression of my blog. I had started following some of my still-favorite bloggers. That summer, I discovered two of my absolute favorite bloggers of all time -- Charlotte and Sian. Both of these ladies made me really love fashion blogging; the sense of camaraderie and community made it incredibly appealing. Beyond that, I was at a time in my life where I needed a lot of reassurance and emotional boosting and fashion blogging fit that spot perfectly.

I kept posting outfits through my senior year of college. 2010-2011 were really the best years of my fashion blog. I felt incredibly good blogging about my outfits and it gave me a lot of self-confidence. I've really comes to terms with what happened to my fashion blog: my life changed and my blog needed to change, but I wanted what I had back. Fashion blogging stopped being what I needed to be happy, but without it, I really struggled without my confidence. I did have the constant reassurance I used to have and without it, I didn't know how to feel good about myself. That's bad. You shouldn't depend on a blog to make you feel good about yourself. Something had to give. 

I've been incredibly happy and positive since changing the direction of my blog -- and part of that meant leaving that entire world behind. I used to have an incredibly hard time imaging myself leaving my blog behind. After I did it though, I felt incredibly free; I felt like I could move away from the way I used to look and focus on loving myself in the body and life I have now. Both of my blogs are still available to anyone who wants to read them: Locked Out and Ellipsis. 

However, there are times when I really, really miss fashion blogging. Here's why. 

1. The sense of community.

Like I said, the sense of community in fashion blogging was something that made me really love it. Sometimes, I really miss the easy ability to find lots and lots of girls writing about the same thing as me! However, so much time has passed in the blogging community; in the past few years, blogging has become really monetized and no one really seems to fashion blog just for the fun of it anymore. Everything is about how to get more followers, how to get money, how to get sponsorships. I miss the fashion community between 2010 and 2012 -- it is something I still, still miss. 

2. The focus on photography. 

I loved taking my outfit photos! It was a chance for me to improve my photography skills, learn what worked and didn't work, and show off a cute outfit in the process. I really miss working on my photography and I miss having a diary of my daily outfits. 

3. Easy content. 

Honestly, what's easier than photographing an outfit and posting it? It was so easy! There are definitely weeks where I struggle with what to post, what to include what to write about. If I was still fashion blogging, there would be no question. Post an outfit -- boom! Easy! Done! 

4. The ego boost. 

Like I said, I got a lot of confidence from fashion blogging. I really miss that confidence boost sometimes! On bad days, an outfit post would give me what I needed to remember that I was talented, pretty, and worthy. Now, I have to find that within myself -- and while that is emotionally healthier, sometimes I just want the easy way! 

I Set a Goal to Read 100 Books in 2015 & I Have No Idea Why

A book a week is hard, but sane. Two books a week is self-sabotage, obviously. 

I've made a lot of mistakes in my life. When I was younger, I used to worry about how the small choices I made throughout the day could impact my life later; as a child, this meant I would sometimes wonder if a choice I made, like between ice cream or a cookie for a snack, could impact me later on. Like if I chose the ice cream, I'd be okay; but if I chose the cookie, it would start a sequence of events that could hurt me. I don't know why I thought this way, but I did and it's an idea that's followed me forever. I've occasionally attributed big mistakes or big accidents to little decisions I made that really had nothing to do with anything at all, probably because of my childhood theory. 

What I'm trying to say is: I've made a lot of mistakes and sometimes, I blame them on weird things. 

Take, for example, my typing in "100" in the little box on Goodreads for my 2015 reading goal. I felt really ill on Friday; my legs hurt, my throat started to hurt, I was uncomfortable and cranky and feverish. I didn't feel good, so I ate a lot of chocolate and ice cream. Clearly, this junk food binge lead me down a path towards a moment of temporary insanity because as I was selecting books I wanted to read on Goodreads, it really did seem like a good idea to pledge myself to reading 100 books in the coming year. 

Ha! I'm a fool. 100 books? Madness. 

Saturday morning, having woken up with an even worse sore throat and a fever, I set myself to quietly drinking coffee and making a list of 100 books to read in 2015. The fever had obviously lengthened my brief moment of insanity. However, as I wrote out a list of 100 books, it started to dawn on me that... 100 is a lot. It's 2 and 1/4 pages typed in a list. It's 100 books, Michelle, what were you thinking??? 

The deed is done though and once I announce something (and by hitting "save" on Goodreads, I announced it plenty), I don't back down. It's about honor now. Principle. Dignity. 

So I started to fool myself into it, as I continued writing my list of books: "100 books isn't that many, really. I mean, two a week! You can read two books a week! You've read way more than two books a week before." This is true; I can easily read two books a week if I already own those books. But buying two books a week and reading them and having time for, um, everything else??? That's a lot to ask of myself. 

It's been done though. I have a list of 100 books. In 2015, I'm going to read 100 books. To follow my progress (or, um, lack thereof), you can add me on Goodreads.