My 4 Tricks for Getting Kids to Eat Healthier Snacks

Snacking is a shockingly controversial topic in the parenting world.

Some parents are vehemently anti-snack. And some parents let their kids go hogwild.

The truth is: no matter what your approach is, as long as you’re approaching it from a mindset of wanting the best for your kids, that’s great. Do what works for you!

But I know for me, I’ve always stressed a little bit about what Forrest eats in a day. Like most 4-year-olds, he can be really picky. Kids don’t have a lot of control over their day-to-day lives so food is often the one thing they can control. Plus, they like routine and all the things being pretty similar day-to-day. Almost all kids (except the few outliers, you lucky ducks!) have a few (or quite a few) foods they simply won’t touch (Forrest’s are broccoli and potatoes).

Snacks are a great way to teach kids good habits—not just to pick foods that help them meet their nutritional goals, but also to have fun with food and to let their body’s needs guide their choices. However, making sure kids have access to a good mix of snacks—both the fun stuff and the good-for-you stuff—can be really challenging.

Here are my 4 tips for helping kids pick healthier snacks every day. (As a note, these are just a few things to try! Different things, as always, will work for different families. Experiment, find what works, and don’t stress too much about it!)

1. Focus on what your kids already like.

I am a picky eater and I can remember what it was like for me when my mother tried to force me to try new foods or eat new foods. It was stressful and it created a lot of anxiety in me. Especially with snacks, I always wanted to eat the same things over and over: chips and salsa; Cheerios; and maybe an apple with peanut butter.

Forrest is definitely not as picky as I was, but he definitely has different tastes. Whereas I would have happily lived on mashed potatoes (and only mashed potatoes) as a child, he hates potatoes in all forms: fries, roasted, mashed, whatever, he doesn’t like potatoes. However, he does love fruit and yogurt; he will eat fruit and yogurt pretty much always.

The solution? Snacks of fruit and yogurt. Freeze yogurt tubes for afternoon snacks on hot days. Keep cut up apples and peaches in the fridge. We always have apples and strawberries on hand, as well as mangos, peaches, and other seasonal fruits. Forrest is probably never going to be a kid who happily accepts carrots as a snack—but he will eat strawberries and peaches, a smoothie, or some yogurt with fruit and granola.

This has been one of the best things for my anxiety around food and making sure the snacks Forrest eats are at least 80% nutritionally sound most of the time: instead of trying to form his tastes into ones that help me tick all those boxes (5 servings of veggies? check!), I just work with what he likes—rather than what he’s still learning to like.

2. Offer variety and choices.

There are actually 2 ways to approach snacks in your house.

1. Presenting a schedule at the beginning of each day that lists what’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and what is for morning and afternoon snack. And that’s it.

2. Giving them choices (just 2 choices, not all the choices) throughout the day at each mealtime and snack time.

How you approach this really depends on your child and their personality—as well as how well they’ve handled quarantine. (Isn’t that true for all of us?)

For us, I try to give choices. Here’s an example of what I say:

“This morning for breakfast, you can have oatmeal with apples or peanut butter toast with peach slices and granola. Which one sounds better?” Then, Forrest gets to choose—and he knows he always will be able to help me make breakfast.

At snack time, this is what I might say:

“For snack, you can have some cheese puffs and apple slices or yogurt with strawberries. Which sounds best right now?”

It’s really easy to get stuck in the rut of doing the same thing every day for kids. And some kids definitely thrive under that kind of structure. However, it can easily lead to boredom and kids begging for other snacks that you don’t necessarily want them to have every single day.

3. Make healthy snacks accessible.

One of the best things I ever did was make a little shelf for Forrest in the fridge that he can easily reach; it has his water bottle, juice boxes, and yogurts available 24/7. He also has access to our fruit bowl whenever he wants. We have a very simple rule in our house: if he wants a snack sometime other than our usual snack times, he can always have fruit, a yogurt, water, or a juice box—and he can get it himself. I will often find him happily eating a blueberry yogurt or eating an apple while playing with his Legos. It just makes my life so much easier and lets him know that, if he’s hungry, he is always allowed to access these spots no matter what.

4. Don’t restrict snacks.

Regarding point 3, I know for many parents, they feel they need to limit snacking. Especially if they’re worried their children are snacking more out of boredom than anything else. However, I’m trying to teach Forrest that it’s ok to listen to your body and some days, you just need more food than others! He is a very active child and he needs more food somedays. That’s just the reality of life. And while I definitely want him to make choices that make his body feel good, I never want him to feel like he is being deprived or not allowed to eat.

I have noticed this works with Forrest and lots of other kids; if they’re asking for a snack incessantly, it’s probably because they’re hungry. Even if dinner is 10 minutes from being done, they’re small humans and they only know they are hungry right then. I will usually put together whatever I have ready for dinner then; let’s say I’m making BLTs with cucumbers and watermelon. Well, the cucumber and watermelon are ready, so they can munch on those while I finish putting together the sandwiches. There is nothing wrong with doing that.

If kids are begging for snacks in between meals, or in between snacks, I often ask what sounds good and offer a few alternatives. If they all want popsicles, that’s a fairly easy thing to offer! Plus, popsicles can help with hydration—always a great choice during the summer. You can also offer a variety of snacks, like some cheese puffs, a yogurt, a few strawberries, and a juice box and see what they end up picking. It’s not like you can’t save whatever they don’t eat to go with lunch or for the next snack.

Is it Too Early to Introduce Journaling to my Kids?

I’ll be the first to tell you: staying home all day with kids, with no break, and trying to keep them a) entertained, b) educationally stimulated, and c) emotionally taken care of is a challenge. When I had Forrest, I didn’t think that in 4 1/2 years I would be handed the absolute weirdest historical event to raise him in.

The other day, I was talking to my mother (on the phone, of course) about how hard it has been lately to get everything done and take care of Forrest. I usually don’t struggle with this day-to-day… but without preschool, without childcare, and without Danny now that he’s gone back to school, everything falls on me.

I don’t want Forrest’s first memories to be of this time, to be quite honest, but unfortunately it’s not up to me at this point; and I definitely don’t want his first memories to be of me losing my patience with him because I need to finish writing copy for a client. (As important as that copy is!)

As I’ve written, I’ve been working on developing some preschool activities for Forrest. I won’t say I’m homeschooling—it’s definitely not that strenuous, but I’m doing my best! He has always been a child that needs constant mental stimulation; he’s very good at playing independently, but it’s extremely curious and wants to ask questions and learn all the time. It’s one of my favorite things about him! But as a non-educator, it’s definitely a challenge for me as it’s definitely not my personality type. (You can read about how I’ve organized our daily schedule here! I have made some changes to this, so I’ll be writing an updated version soon.)

One thing I’ve started trying to incorporate daily is journaling. It got me thinking: when is it the right time to introduce journaling? I love journaling (you can read all my posts about it here) and it’s something I want Forrest to love too. It’s an incredibly valuable way to destress, record your memories, and focus on good memories—letting the others fall to the wayside.

Here’s what I learned through researching:

• It’s never too early to introduce writing skills. At 4, Forrest can write his name and write some simple words. He very badly wants to be able to write notes! This felt like the perfect time to help him work on his early writing skills. We’ve been doing lots of letter tracing, practicing with pencils, and more. A lot of learning to write is learning to hold a pencil and creating those muscle memories and groups.

• Keep it age appropriate. Your 5-year-old isn’t going to sit down and write a thoughtful journal entry. Keep it to writing about one event during the day and how they felt.

• Don’t take it too seriously. If it becomes frustrating, put it away for both of you.

• The benefits are numerous. Journaling, and learning to write early, has a lot of benefits: better communication skills, better writing and reading skills, and an opportunity to work through big emotions.

There doesn’t seem to be an age limit to introducing journaling!

Introducing Journaling to a 4-Year-Old

Did it go well at first? Not really. Forrest was a little perplexed by the exercise, but he’s come around. As I said, he really wants to write. Badly. He wants to be able to write notes, to read, to satisfy his curiosity. Journaling will be a very positive thing for him once he gets a bit better at writing.

We started with supplies.

I ordered Forrest a primary school notebook to start journaling in. It’s a a basic primary school notebook: the top half of the page is blank (for drawing a picture) and then has primary lining on the second half to write a description or journal entry. (There is also a space at the top to write the date!) Every day, I’ve been having him draw a picture about something he did during the day. The first day, he drew a picture of himself dancing. The second day, a picture of the apple crisp we baked. Then, I helped him write a sentence about it, as well as the day’s date. Usually, this is us sounding out words and writing letters.

To help him write, I also got him some basic pencils and some pencil grippers. The pencil grippers are triangular (I’m sure everyone reading this remembers them! I used them for years) and help new writers learn to hold a pencil. Plus, it widens the part they are gripping and makes it easier for little hands. I was going to order some of the thicker kindergarten pencils, but Danny encouraged me not to; it’s better for Forrest to learn to hold a thinner pencil correctly.

If you’ve got a 4-5 year old, these are all cheap supplies you can get just about anywhere and make writing easier.

We try to journal right after dinner or during quiet time. I want to teach him that it’s a good way to wind down in the evening, take a break, and think through the day. He sees me journal a lot and I’m hoping this becomes a habit that is easy for him to keep! Plus, it will be fun to look back on these journal entries later. During a quarantine, his memories are a mix of things we did and random things (like dancing, playing with his Superman toys, or taking a nap on the couch).

Now, it’s your turn: are you considering introducing journaling to your kids? What’s holding you back?

Disclaimer: This post does contain Amazon Affiliate links.

The 4 Resources I Used for Making Pre-K Lesson Plans

A few days ago, I started writing a life lately post about what I’ve been up to lately. I didn’t mean to stop posting here in mid-February… but I did. The reason is that… I started a temp job at a creative agency, which takes up a majority of my time, plus I finally started picking up a bunch of freelance work… which takes up a lot of my time as well. As a result, blogging fell by the wayside.

And then… covid-19.

I have been going back and forth about how much to say. I think at this point—the world is better off with uneducated people saying less and all of us listening to people who do know what’s going on. That’s my stance, really. Listen to the people who know what they are talking about and do not take advice from random bloggers on the internet in regards to medical information. I think that goes for the rest of the time we’re alive, but especially now.

Very late on Thursday last week, we got news that schools in Oregon would be closed until the end of March. That meant Danny won’t be at work for the next 2 1/2 weeks. Forrest won’t be in school either. And I’ll be working from home on about 60+ hours worth of freelancing and contract work. Great!

How can I make this work?!

Here’s the thing about schools closing: on one hand, I completely understand that social distancing will keep people healthy and safe, and reduce the risk of catching and spreading covid-19; but on the other hand, schools are a stabilizer for many children in my community. And I don’t just mean children who rely on meals at school (although that is a very, very pressing issue); schools help kids feel safe in their routine.

I knew immediately I needed to set up structure in Forrest’s life to make sure we didn’t all lose our minds. And now, three days in, I can tell you I feel pretty good about my choice.

I wanted to share how I designed a schedule for us. It’s nothing strict. I’m not doing full homeschooling; I do not have the education or ability to do that. But having activities and structure is really important for Forrest; I wanted him to have opportunities to learn something new, try an activity, and play, which would also give me time to focus on my work.

First things first, I made a quick daily schedule template that I printed off for every single day. I have a blank version here that you can download for yourself—or you can use it as a starting point to design your own. Forrest and I are both early risers, so that is reflected in our schedule, unfortunately.

Once I had it printed, I started filling in blanks as I was able to, such as meal ideas.

Then, I started looking for educational resources to do at least 2 lessons per day.

What Resources Did I Find for Pre-K Students?

There is a lot out there for preschool, pre-k, and kindergarten, fortunately. (And actually, homeschooling blogs do a lot of good work! I’m honestly really amazed.) I wanted to share the 4 resources I used the most. They are:

• Scholastic Learn at Home: Scholastic has put together lesson plans for pre-k and kindergarten (as well as other age groups!) that include free access to Book Flix and the Watch & Learn Library. Right now, they only have a weeks worth of lessons up, but they provided a good starting point for me in terms of picking themes. Plus, having access to Book Flix means I have access to a ton of books I can read to Forrest whenever he gets bored. I just log in on my phone and go from there!
  

• All Kids Network: I’m a big worksheet fan. You’ll probably be able to tell pretty quickly, but I found it easier to center our activities around a worksheet. It’s cheap and easy and means I don’t have to run to the store for craft supplies that I don’t have. All Kids Network is free to sign up and has a ton of free, printable worksheets. I used a lot of resources from here.
  

• 123 Homeschool 4 Me: This was my most used resource! This link is to the entire preschool and pre-k library. I used a ton of their resources, specifically related to spring and holidays. Their Alphabet Search pages are particularly fun and 3 days in, have become Forrest’s favorite thing to do. I just print a few and let him go!
  

• Pinterest: It goes without saying that if I’m looking for something, I’m looking on Pinterest. If I had a specific idea for something, I searched for it on Pinterest first. As an example, one of the Scholastic lesson plans uses a book about the moon; I knew Forrest would love that, but I didn’t have stuff for the craft they recommend. I searched “moon pre-k worksheet” and bingo! Found one immediately. Download, print, and done. I started saving all my favorite worksheets in a single board so I can return to them when I need them.

What Else Can I Do?!

I know organizing a schedule like this is not everyone’s bag. But the thing is, if you’re working remotely, structure will help you get your work done and not spend all your time yelling at your kid! Sanity is important. I’m not anti-screen time, but I don’t want Forrest watching the Simpson’s at 3pm every day (because that’s often the only thing on TV!!), you know?

Even if you don’t want to do a full schedule, I do recommend picking a few things to do every day. You don’t have to do specific lesson plans, but you can structure and make each day fun. Here are a few ideas to get started:

• Plan to spend time outside. You don’t have to go anywhere. But get your kids outside, even if it’s cold. Bundle up in coats and set up some washable paints or sidewalk chalk on the driveway. Or, better yet, do a short nature scavenger hunt. Go for a walk around the block.

• Pick one or two educational things each day. This will keep your kids brain’s active, as well as their bodies. They’re going to have a TON of energy!! Harness is with some crafts, worksheets, stories, and songs.

• Plan for quiet play time. I know some kids struggle with this, and I get it. But we set aside one hour in the morning and one hour in the evening for quiet play time. Forrest goes in his room and shuts the door. Thankfully, Danny’s office is right next to Forrest’s room and my office is right below Forrest’s room, so we can track him through sound. He’s gotten better each day about playing independently, giving us both at least two solid hours for phone calls, team check ins, or silent screaming because we miss other human beings.

• Make it fun. I think a lot of parents have approached this time with dread. And I totally get it. It’s overwhelming; everything is scary; we don’t know how long this is going to last. I think there are ways to make it fun for kids though. We are planning to a “family camp out” in the living room on Friday; we’ve been having Forrest help us with dinner, as well as cleaning up every day. Make things fun for kids, let them use their energy, and, most importantly, use this time to reconnect.

I hope you find these resources helpful! I know it’s a crazy world out there, but stay safe, stay healthy, and help your neighbors.

A Busy Mom's Guide to Back to School Cleaning (+ Free Checklist!)

Back to School season is officially here! While I know many schools in the United States have already started, here in Oregon, school never starts before Labor Day. (And I am still thrown by those mid-August start dates from my friends!)

For many moms, back to school season is time to get everything back in order. The kids have a schedule again (that you don’t have to set yourself!), you have a little more free time or wiggle room in your schedule, and you’ll spend about 50% less on groceries now that you aren’t having to feed them 400 snacks a day. (I always thought that joke about kids snacking constantly in summer was a myth. Then I had a kid of my own and they really do snack more in summer.)

Even if you’re not a mom, there is just something about September, isn’t there? The weather is changing; summer is over; it feels like time to get serious again.

Every September or October, I do a massive deep clean on my house. I mean massive. Moving furniture. Shampooing carpets. Washing all my rugs. Organizing the closets that I’ve been throwing things into and closing the door on with my eyes closed. It makes a huge difference to how my home feels once the holidays roll around.

I wanted to share my tips for taking on a big, back-to-school (or just September!) deep clean. I know cleaning isn’t everyone’s forte. Some people hate it; some people just don’t think about it. But there is nothing like a clean, organized home for your mental health. Some people just are naturally messy or disorganized, but getting your house cleaned up can be great for feeling more productive or overcoming a mental health speed bump.

For me, cleaning is a stress release. It makes me feel better. An overly cluttered home makes me feel incredibly stressed. However, I’m also not perfect; sometimes I find it easier to take advice from people who are doing their best (and have a few messy rooms they let go because, why bother?! I’m busy!) and finding ways to be happy without it being 100% clean 100% of the time.

If this is the same for you, let me provide my guide for a big, massive deep clean to start your Fall and Winter right.

1. Start with a Game Plan

I’m a planner. I like to start everything with a list and a plan to make sure I have all my ducks in a row and everything in order. When it comes to my big back to school (or pre-holiday, if you will) deep clean, I like to have a specific plan in order to make sure I don’t have anything that could distract me from my purpose. Basically, here’s a rundown:

• Schedule a week to spend deep cleaning. For me, this is either the second full week in September or the first week in December. Historically, that’s what it’s worked out to, because it’s when I have childcare & Danny is back at work. (Funny how Danny is a bigger distraction than Forrest!) Making sure I have a week off where I am not working has always been the most important part of my deep clean. Yes, I could probably cram it into a weekend… but it’s much more fun to have time off. Plus, scheduling it in advance means I’m more likely to do it.

• Make arrangements to have a babysitter. If you have a child, then get that babysitter or childcare lined up! Paying for a babysitter for a week, if you’re a SAHM, or keeping your pre-existing childcare, if you work, is important for making sure you have no distractions. Plus, it’s so nice to have time for yourself to tidy your home. Maybe you can sneak in some self-care or trashy TV too.

• Make a priority list. Usually, my deep clean has a focus. I want to get everything looking amazing for the holidays; I want to reorganize the living room; or I want to make sure our closets and garage are ready for a big clean out. Whatever it is, I make a list of my priority rooms and areas.

• Download a few podcasts, audio books, tv shows, or movies. I like to have something playing while I clean. While I fold laundry and clean out my appliances, I often listen to podcasts or new music that I’ve been intending to. While I’m vacuuming or really getting into scrubbing, I like a movie or TV show that I don’t need to follow 100%. No matter what you like, get some media ready and lined up so you can listen and enjoy while you work.

2. Work in Order of Room

Everyone has a priority list (as discussed); now, make your list in order of those priorities. For me, I feel like my house is most clean when my kitchen and living room are in order, because those are our most used rooms. After that, it’s pretty much workspaces, bathrooms, and bedrooms. So, here’s the order I usually deep clean in:

• Kitchen

• Living room

• Kitchen pantry & entryway closet

• Office

• Bedrooms & bathrooms

• Garage

• Other closets

This helps me, again, have a game plan. I might split it up into days. Say I have 3 days off from work to get it done. I’ll focus on the kitchen, living room, and pantry the first day. The second day, I’ll hit the office and bedrooms, as well as the bathrooms. Then on the third day, it’s time for the garage and closets, which often are the most tedious (because it’s just cleaning out). If I have an extra day, I’ll do all the laundry I cleaned out, bag up Goodwill stuff, and do Goodwill runs all day. Otherwise, that’s stuff I can do at home with Forrest.

To me, knowing the order I want to go in keeps me from getting distracted. Say I’m empty the dishwasher and putting stuff away, then remember we have some water glasses upstairs; I’ll run up and grab those, then remember I need to grab the dirty towels for the laundry; I’ll throw them in the washing machine, then notice a basket of clothes that need folded; I’ll carry those downstairs and start cleaning up the living room because I hate sitting in the living room when it’s messy; then I’ll notice how dusty the TV is and start dusting… and on and on until an hour later, I realize the dishwasher is still half emptied.

3. My Favorite Products

When it comes to cleaning products, I like to keep it simple. Yes, you can find some really good specialized products out there, but when it comes down to it, having a set of the basics is just so much easier than buying tons and tons of stuff and having to organize that as well. Here is everything I keep on hand for my day-to-day cleaning and my big deep cleans.

• Mrs. Meyer’s Everyday Cleaner - I use this for everything. Instead of bleach or similar cleaners, I like this for my counters and appliances. We have stainless steel appliances, so once every few months, I might use a specialized stainless steel cleaner. But I have found that this works just as well for my cooktop, sink, and more.

• Mrs. Meyer’s Lemon Verbena Window Cleaner - I love a good window cleaner and this one is my favorite, plus it smells amazing.

• Lysol Toilet Bowl Cleaner - I have tried every all-natural cleaner (like Mrs. Meyers & Method) and none of them work quite as good as Lysol. I try not to clean my toilets more than once a week, as I try not to put too much chemical cleaner into the water table, but I also want stuff clean, you know? Plus, I found that sometimes the scented Mrs. Meyers toilet cleaners made me gag. I don’t know what that was about, but… better safe than sorry.

• Method Foaming Bathroom Cleaner - For showers & tubs, this really can’t be beat. The Eucalyptus and Mint scent is so good. I also use it on my kitchen sink every once and a while.

• Method Squirt & Mop in Eucalyptus Mint - This is one of my favorite cleaning products of all time. I hate mopping, but our entire downstairs is hardwood now, so I have to mop at least once and while. This makes it easy! No bucket, no heavy mop. I usually just wrap a towel around my usual Swiffer and spray this, then mop over. Easy as pie.

• Swiffer Dusters - the best dusting device out there. I use the heavy duty ones, but the regular ones work great as well.

• Swiffer Heavy Duty - since we have a large inside dog, we need to use a Swiffer a lot. I have found that a Swiffer is much more effective than vacuuming hardwood floors. The heavy duty ones pick up a ton of dog hair and make it so, so easy.

• Mr. Clean Magic Eraser - We have hard water, so our sinks and showers often need extra scrubbing. Magic erasers are really the only thing that works without me having to break my back.

• Scrub Daddy Sponge Daddy - These are the best spongers ever made. I don’t like the classic smiley Scrub Daddies. These ones are sponges with a scrub on the other side. I seriously love them.

That’s it! That’s my tried-and-true, every day arsenal, not including basics like laundry detergent, a vacuum, rags… you know, basic stuff.

4. Keeping It Clean

Once you’re done with your deep clean, here’s the thing: it is possible to keep it mostly clean. Here are a few of my tips

Establish a schedule throughout the week.

Every day, I try to do little things to keep my house clean. Daily, I wipe down my kitchen counters, wash dishes, and empty the dish strainer (put the dishes away, basically), as well as clean my living room and wipe down the bathroom sinks. Every weekend, I vacuum upstairs, Swiffer downstairs, vacuum the rugs, and run the dishwasher and do laundry.

Little cleaning, often, is more effective than waiting weeks to deep clean.

That bit about the schedule? Doing little cleaning tasks every week will keep deep cleans from being stressful, awful affairs. Cleaning toilets once a week, wiping down the shower when you get out, wiping down your appliances, and cleaning your fridge once a month means you won’t have a monster growing somewhere waiting for your next deep clean.

Find storage solutions that work for you.

I hate prescriptive storage blog posts; what works for me and my closets won’t necessarily work for you and your closets. My recommendation is to assess what you need to store in each closet, then find a solution for you. I typically buy all my organization stuff at the Dollar Store; no, it won’t be as cute as something from elsewhere, but ultimately, it’s not about how cute it is… it’s about it working in your space. Plus, it’s a closet; no one is even looking in there!

Decorate your space.

Having your space look exactly how you want it goes a long way towards you feeling proud about it. So, decorate! Really focus on making the space yours, even if it’s not trendy or what you see on Pinterest. As long as you love it, that’s what matters.

5. Download my cleaning checklist.

If you’re feeling overwhelmed and need a place to start with cleaning, I’ve made a handy-dandy checklist for a few major rooms in your house. Click below to download!

How to Prepare Your Toddler for Preschool

Forrest turns 4 this year. That’s right: 4 years old. I know a lot of people have read my blog for a very long time might be a little shocked by that—I mean, I’m shocked by it. And I was the one who was pregnant and has raised him for the past 4 years!

The first time your child goes to preschool, it feels like that first step towards “they’re not my little baby anymore.” It can be a big deal. Even for moms who work, going to school for the first time is a big first step. And for moms like me, who have radically altered their work schedules and how they work so that they can spend maximum time with their child, that first day of preschool can be big.

Forrest attended preschool last year, a year earlier (sort of) that he would if I followed a traditional schedule. Since the moment he was born, I’ve debated when to send Forrest to school; with a late September birthday, he falls just outside the typical cut off for birthdays. That means, he will either just a bit under a year older than his classmates, or I could send him to school early (aka get approval for him to start early) and he would be just a little under a year younger. We haven’t officially made a decision about kindergarten (we have some time), but we did try to find a preschool last year that would take him at 2-turning-3, instead of waiting an extra year.

(It goes without saying: he’s doing a second year of 3-year-old preschool this year until we decide what schedule we’ll be following for kindergarten!)

Even though I knew he was ready for school, and he was so excited for school, it was still a big adjustment for all of us. Some kids are definitely readier than others when it comes to starting school.

I know in some parts of the U.S., preschool has already started. But here in Oregon, school doesn’t start until after Labor Day. I thought I’d share a few of my tips I learned last year, and that I’m repeating this year, to help you prepare your child for school.

1. Act as Preschool’s Hype Man

Before your child starts preschool, talk about it constantly. (The same goes for daycare too! If you’re starting children at daycare after the age of 1, talking about how fun daycare is, and talking about it positively frequently, can make a huge difference in how kids react to it.) Talk about how fun preschool will be, all the fun things they will get to do, how many fun kids they’ll get to meet…

Basically, be a hype man… for preschool. Make it sounds like Disneyland. Make it sounds as fun as your kids favorite thing. This will get them in a positive mindset for school from the start.

One thing to definitely avoid is talking about “missing” them at school, or feeling sad that they’ll be at school. It’s totally ok to feel those feelings (no judgement, it can be VERY sad), but try to keep your child from knowing you feel sad or will miss them. If they say, “But I’ll miss you!” respond in a positive way.

2. Remind Them You’ll Come Back

“Grown ups come back!” Thats the song featured in the Daniel Tiger episode about the first day of school—and it’s one I highly recommend for all kids starting school, even if they’ve gone before. Kids can struggle with being unsure, so reminding them, as often as possible, that you’ll leave them at school, but you will come back is a big deal.

As you’re hyping up preschool, it’s important to also keep up with the reminders that school isn’t forever (all day), that it’s just a few hours and you will be back to pick them up. Or, if they’re being picked up by someone else (like a daycare employee, your mom, whoever), that person will be there to get them and they are safe.

3. Pack a Reminder of You

If you’re really worried about your child feeling separation anxiety, pack something to keep close to them of yours. Most preschool teachers would prefer this not be a toy (nothing like a good fight over a toy from home right at the start of the year). However, pictures, a special locket they can wear, or a small trinket from home can help them feel more secure. They can look at it or hold it for a while; otherwise, it can stay in their backpack for most of the day, just a small reminder that you’ll come back to get them or see them later.

4. Make Your Goodbye Quick

This one is easy: when dropping them off that first day, you’ll be tempted to watch them, stay with them, or play with them for a little while. But I encourage you not to. Say hi to their teacher, give them a quick kiss and hug, remind them you’ll be back to get them, and leave. Don’t linger and definitely don’t cry as you leave. (I definitely cried the moment I got in the car after dropping Forrest off the first time!)

A quick goodbye keeps them from being able to drag it out, get upset, or get used to you being there. Make sure they are introduced to the teacher and feel comfortable with them. Then make your getaway, treat yourself to a nice Starbucks (or coffee of your choice), and enjoy a few hours while your kiddo is at school.

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That’s it! 4 tips that might make your transition to preschool just a little bit easier this year (or whenever you send your baby to preschool for the first time). Do you have any other tips? Share with me in the comments!

6 Things I've Learned in 6 Years of Marriage

Danny and I got married June 23, 2013. If you’ve followed my blog for that long (and honestly, some of you have!), you know that I blogged about my wedding heavily at that time. Over the years, just like most things, I’ve questioned how much to share about everything in my life. I try not to share too much about Forrest: this is a mommy blog without being the day-to-day, share too much mommy blog I’m used to seeing. I don’t write about my job at all. I even post less photos of myself these days.

But sometimes, it’s good to reflect and sometimes that means sharing more than perhaps I would normally.

Danny and I met in 2007. Can you believe that? We met in McCall, Idaho at our college’s freshman retreat that happened before classes started. We all moved into our dorms on a hot, sticky Idaho August day, then loaded into busses the next day and drove several hours to McCall. I can’t remember exactly when I met Danny, but I know I met him on that trip and he popped up throughout my freshman year. Sophomore year, we saw more of each other, both being in the campus writing club, writing for the school paper, and having a similar, overlapping group of friends.

It wasn’t until junior year that we really became friends. Over that summer between junior and senior year, he watched my apartment for me (thanks!) and visited me a few times when I had mild emotional breakdowns over my roommate (who eventually moved out). It was a rough, weird time for me. Then, senior year, we were in several classes together: a few literature classes and then in capstone.

And then, of course, we started dating.

Without being too sappy, I knew pretty early on (as in, maybe a month in) that we were pretty serious. We started dating April 20, 2011, exactly a month before we graduated. That’s right: we’d had 4 years together, 4 years rotating around each other, and we waited until a freaking month before I moved away from Idaho and he stayed behind.

It was great!

(It really wasn’t great.)

We graduated. I moved back to Oregon. My grandpa was extremely ill. We talked over Skype every day. I cried every day. It was an awful, difficult year, 2011-2012. My grandpa died in November after I graduated. I worked at a local grocery store and cut part of my thumb off in February 2012, then started working at a car dealership, which was soul sucking and made me feel like garbage.

But we made it. We got engaged after 3 months of dating and slogged through a year of long distance together. We planned a wedding and got Danny certified to teach in Oregon and built a home together. We changed jobs and went through the hardest days of our lives together. The months after I got fired. The months where Danny worked never ending substitute teacher jobs. Sometimes I think back to those days, when I made $11 an hour as a full time receptionist and Danny made about $100 a day as a sub, and how we somehow paid all our bills that way. It was so hard and I felt so embarrassed to let on about how hard it was.

This is all to say: in some ways, our relationship started out as totally idyllic. We liked each other—Danny continues to insist I’m out of his league to this day and I insist we are in the same “weird kid” league, both of us loving astrology, the occult, bats, and other weird shit—and we loved each other and that was enough. And even though the hardest parts of our relationship, I’ve felt like I always wanted to keep that part of us: we’re too weirdos who like and love each other, who learn from each other.

I know for other married couples, it isn’t quite that way. Everyone has their own story. But I think there are a few things that are universal, especially when it comes to marriage and relationships. So, without further ado, here are 6 things I’ve learned in 6 years of marriage.

1. Having kids brings out the best (& worst) in you.

I feel like this is one I wish I had been told before I had Forrest. It goes without saying: kids are stressful. And as I’ve written before, I absolutely, positively hated the newborn months. I’d never been more miserable in my life and I was attached to a pump 12 times a day (for a grand total of 6 hours every day!). That’s something that Danny couldn’t help with. He also couldn’t quite understand what I was going through. It’s one thing for men to watch their wives or girlfriends give birth; it’s another thing for them to completely emphasize with how exhausted and wrecked you feel afterwards.

I felt like a foreigner in my own body. I didn’t recognize it; everything hurt; everything leaked; I had to wear diapers; I could barely walk for a week; my skin freaked out. And all at the same time, I was taking care of a new human being and Danny felt totally clueless (and was occasionally unwilling to guess at how to do things, which is generally his M.O.).

Sometimes, I think we are such good parents. But other times, the stress definitely gets to us and we get snappy or we take naps when we should be doing other things. It happens. But I think it’s important to keep perspective when you start to feel like you don’t recognize yourself or your partner after having a child: things won’t always be this hard.

2. It’s ok to be angry.

The most common relationship advice is always “don’t go to bed angry”… to which I call bullshit.

Go to bed angry. Sleep angry. Stay angry.

Anger is natural human emotion. We tend to view anger as a negative emotion (which it is), but also as one we shouldn’t feel, especially as women. And when women get angry at their husbands, they are often brushed off as “crazy,” “nagging,” or “shrill.”

Again, I call bullshit.

My advice is to be angry. Make your anger heard to your husband. Your feelings matter in a relationship and if your anger is justified (your husband seriously won’t stop leaving crumbs all over the counters or drops his socks at the bottom of the stairs or exactly 2 inches from the hamper), then let him feel it & let yourself feel it.

Anger in relationships isn’t bad, but remember you also need to talk it out, express your anger in a productive way, and make sure that your husband understands how you need him to behave. (Put his damn socks in the hamper! It’s right there!)

3. All relationships have highs & lows.

There will be bad days. It’s easy to think that you’ll always be happy, happy, happy. But there will be bad days, hard days, rough days.

When I lost my job in 2014, there were many bad days. I was stressed about money and feeling like a failure. Danny was working hard, but feeling adrift as well. We were dirt poor and had just bought a house, using food stamps, and just trying to get by. Sometimes, it felt like we barely knew each other.

Then, things got better.

Again, I think in the end, this is something that just needs perspective: sometimes your needs in your relationship won’t always be what they were in the beginning. You won’t always be super clingy, super talkative, or super interested in being together 100% of the time. You’ll want distance. Or you’ll want to go grocery shopping alone. Or you’ll just want to sit on the couch and watch Teen Mom without being interrupted or having to watch someone play video games. It’s ok. There will also be times where you’ll want the opposite of all those things. That’s just how relationships are.

4. You should take breaks from each other.

Going along with number 3, it’s important to spend time away from each other.

In 2017, I took a weekend trip to Sunriver alone. Solo. Without Forrest or Danny or anyone else. I drank wine, watched Netflix, took walks, treated myself to dinner, and did all the things I felt I couldn’t do while watching Forrest or cleaning or cooking or whatever. It was amazing. It made me feel rejuvenated.

Every time Danny and I spend a weekend apart, I feel like we’re always 100x happier to see each other than usual. When you spend all your time with one person, you can get sick of them, even if you really love them. I really love Danny, but sometimes I do need a solo shopping trip or a long drive by myself. It’s just better that way.

5. Find routines that work for you & your family.

In my ideal world, I would wake up every day around 7am, make coffee, make breakfast, clean up the house, write a little bit, get dressed, and go do something fun.

That’s not really how it works with a kid and a husband.

Danny likes to sleep late. Generally, he stays up later than me. However, we both get up whenever Forrest gets up, which is usually between 5am and 6am (although he’s been pushing 6:30am lately). This is an early morning for nearly everyone. We’ve gotten used to it over the years, but it is still really hard to wake up at 5:30am every single morning without fail.

As well, Forrest being awake isn’t super conducive to me making my coffee and drinking it alone. I have always preferred to be alone in the morning; I don’t feel like talking right when I get up and I tend to be pretty cranky. I’ve had to adjust my routine; Danny has had to adjust his routine. Forrest gets to run his routine!

This is my way to say: you might have things you really like to do each day, that are part of your routine. As you get older, as your relationship shifts, you might not be able to hold onto those things anymore. I really miss watching Food Network and cooking breakfast every morning, like I used to before I had Forrest; sometimes I miss it so much, I just wish I could scream! But I know life won’t always be this way (life won’t always be this hard) and so I just adjust my expectations & my routine… and move on.

6. Delegate responsibilities.

I know we’ve all seen those articles about emotional labor and about how today, even with progressive husbands, women still perform the vast majority of household tasks.

It goes without saying but that’s true in my life as well.

It’s not really Danny’s fault; he has less stringent requirements for home cleanliness and while I’ve relaxed about mine in some ways (at a detriment to my mental health), I still wish he did more around the house.

I’ve learned over the years that I have to delegate. I can’t run everything on my own. I can pretty much handle one floor of our house and that’s it. It’s either upstairs or downstairs! So in our house, I’m in charge of inside. Danny is in charge of outside. And I stay on top of him in regards to keeping our outdoor areas nice, especially in our new house! As Forrest gets older and can take on chores (he’s still a little young), we will definitely start giving him responsibilities as well.

I don’t want to put the onus on women to delegate chores to their husbands; they aren’t children, after all. But sometimes, we just have to say: you’re in charge of this. Figure it out! It’s not hard!

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Thanks for reading! Tell me: if you’re married or have been in a relationship for a significant amount of time, what’s the number one thing you’ve learned?

The Moving Diaries: Is It Normal to Feel Sad?

5 years ago, Danny & I bought our first home together. It wasn’t perfect. There were a lot of things, right from the get go, that we didn’t love. We had our home built on land I already owned, so we considered it our forever home.

Fast forward a few years: several job changes, a pregnancy, a newborn turned toddler turned preschooler… and suddenly that house just wasn’t right anymore. It felt tiny. We were cramped, on top of each other, and the prospect of adding another child felt absolutely impossible.

A year ago, we decided to build a second home. We would make better decisions this time! We will pick a better plan, build in a better spot, do all the things we didn’t last time. (I will write more about the process of building your own home later. I know this is a totally privileged thing that many people can’t imagine, so just know, if you’re gaping at your computer, I totally acknowledge that.)

Our home was completed last week. It was about 2 or 3 weeks behind schedule by that point. And when I say completed, I don’t mean… “completed.” It wasn’t really completed. (Again: I can write about this later.)

But either way, we started moving our things out of our home into our new forever home. I was ecstatic.

We moved things for 3 days in the evenings: piece by piece, it felt like the slowest process ever. But there was only so much we could do as two people! On Friday, we went to IKEA to buy some new furniture (including a new kitchen table) and then thankfully Danny’s parents arrived and helped us move boxes and furniture.

Friday night, we all slept in our new home for the first time. Forrest’s room was mostly put together, but in our room, we only had our mattress on our box spring on the floor (our bed frame is still on a delivery truck somewhere!). I had a suitcase and my toiletries and that was about it.

I told Danny, “it feels like we are on a really weird, shitty camping trip.” That feeling isn’t helped by the fact that our contractor hasn’t really finished our upstairs toilet in the master bathroom (again, more on this later!) and 50% of our possessions are still in a different house.

My anxiety was high Friday night. Like really high.

Remus is also an anxious being (in that specifically hyper chocolate lab sort of way), so he woke me up 3 times during the night. He would run outside and pee, then look at me as if asking, “Can we go home?”

And at 3am, my last wake up, I briefly thought: let’s just go home. I started to panic. Do I really want to live in this strange house that doesn’t smell like me? Do I really want to leave all my memories behind?

I thought of all the memories I have of our old house. I let Remus back inside, locked the patio door, went upstairs, and cried while Danny slept. I panicked and cried and felt horribly sad.

I thought of bringing Forrest home—anxious, swollen, bleeding, looking wretched—and seeing the sign my sister-in-law Amy made and put on our front door. I remember sitting upstairs with him, pumping and feeding him, while my family sat downstairs. I thought of the hours I spent holding him during naps on the couch: the light shining through our windows in such a specific way.

I thought of painting our living room wall grey last summer, our breakfasts in our kitchen, standing at the counter making Christmas cookies with Fo.

For once, I thought not of all the things that I didn’t like about that house (the cramped layout, the lack of a closet in the master bedroom, the teeny tiny bathrooms) and I thought about all the things I loved. Sitting with Forrest in his room, reading him Harry Potter. Being in his room when he was 2 weeks old and wouldn’t stop crying and not knowing what to do. The long nights I spent awake and pumping. The sink where I washed all his bottles. Seeing him walk for the first time. Getting home from Disneyland with him and being so relieved and sad.

When Danny finally woke up, I told him I felt panicked. I think a lot of it was the feeling of being totally overwhelmed: we still have so much to pack and move and I feel rushed and anxious to get it done. I want to do it, but I also wish I could hand off the wheel and let someone else (anyone else!) do it! Mostly, I just felt sad.

Danny assured me that this seemed normal: we’re in a new house that doesn’t feel like “us” yet even though it is very “us”. We will get used to it and we will love it.

The same feeling hit me later on Saturday. (I’m actually typing this up Saturday, so it’s a particularly fresh memory.) I ran to the old house one last time—at 8pm, of course—to get my computer. I needed, in order to feel sane, to set up my computer. To get all my desk things and arrange them on my new desk and sit and work and feel normal. I went to the house and packed up my office… then I went into Forrest’s room.

Forrest has gotten a big bed in the new house. He’s incredibly proud of it. But in his old bedroom, his toddler bed is still sitting there, along with some of his toys and some boxed up clothes. About half his books are still there too. (Like I said, so much to move still!) I collected up all his clothes to pack into the car and as I walked out of his room, I started to cry. Again.

It hit me like a wave. To me, that was Forrest’s room. It always will be. I took all his weekly and monthly progression photos in that room on his chevron carpet. I rocked him to sleep every single night for two years—and have read him a story and sang him 3 songs every single night for about 1 and a half more. That room is his room: it feels like him, it smells like him. But we’re emptying it out, shaking out all the things that are Forrest to make into a new space. And while he loves his new room, I can’t help but think of him crawling across the floor, the nights I ran in when I heard him sick and crying, reading him Harry Potter while he drank his last bottle for the night. That toddler bed will be moved to the new house and have the front put back on in anticipation of a new baby: one I don’t know yet, who will fill our lives the way Forrest does.

Moving is hard. As someone said to me on Twitter, moving is nothing but trauma. Change is hard and locational change is particularly difficult for me, someone who is incredibly anchored by my physical space. Not being able to clean and organize the way I want makes it hard for me to feel anything but adrift.

I don’t know if it’s totally normal to be sad over moving. I cried when I moved out of all of my college dorms, however; I cried when I left my college apartment. I cried when I drove away from Caldwell, Idaho, a town I had viscerally hated for 4 years (and now return to on vacations at least twice a year). I cried when I moved out my parents’ house. I cried when I moved in our old house. I suppose for me it is normal, but it feels like this time it has hit me a lot harder than it did before.

It’s a total cliche, but it’s true: moving is hard. It stresses everyone out. And now being the one in charge of the moving (no one is holding my hand and helping me make these decisions!), it’s even more stressful.

I don’t have a real clear message to end this post on. It’s a much more personal one than I usually post. I guess what I’m saying is: I don’t know if it’s “normal” to feel sad when you’re moving, but with emotions running so high, I can’t imagine it’s a new phenomenon either. If you’re moving and feeling sad, tell me about it!

5 Ways to Keep Your Preschooler Entertained This Summer

I am incredibly lucky that Forrest is a highly independent, easy-going child. Most of the time. He thrives on routine, which is why when school finished up, we needed to sign him up for something; thankfully, his preschool offered a summer program & we jumped at the opportunity for him to have more school.

But I know once August rolls around, he’s going to be tired of staying at home.

To save money, I often try to find fun things to do at home. I’d love to be able to take him to the beach (a 70 mile drive) or to the zoo (a 3 hour drive), but all those things cost money. Outside of his summer school, swim lessons, sports team, and everything else costs money—and with moving into a new house, we are trying to save wherever we can.

My husband is a teacher, which means I’ll be trying to work as much as possible during the summer and he will have a nice break. However, he’s not quite as used to how quick Forrest’s behavior can turn from his normal easy-going self to his “I need to go somewhere” attitude. Forrest is, after all, a total social butterfly and extrovert; he is not like us at all and he is not a homebody. He likes projects and visiting people and always having a plan for something to do.

I’ve already started looking for things to keep Forrest from becoming a total handful this summer—and I thought I’d share a few things we’ve had success with.

1. Workbooks

Some kids are not interested in workbooks whatsoever. They don’t want to do them, they just aren’t interested. I’m a bit fan of physical workbooks as opposed to online programs or TV programs. I just think the less kids have access to the internet, computer & tablet screens, and all that blue light, the better. (That’s not a judgement; you do you, but I love workbooks!) Workbooks will help them learn how to write, hold a pencil or crayon, and to do homework assignments.

Here are a few of our favorites:

• The Scholastic Preschooler Workbook Bundle: we have several of these workbooks and they are wonderful. Colorful, fun, and interesting, perfect for a few 10-minute sessions throughout the day. We especially love the early reading skills one, as Forrest is very interested in learning what letters are in every word. You can also find these individually at Target.

• Bear Fairy Education Workbooks: you can find these on Amazon and they are lovely! Simple, affordable, and designed by teachers. Forrest specifically likes the letter & number tracing one, because he can color the pictures on each page, then work on writing his letters and numbers. This has really helped him even out the size of his letters and numbers! He has also started writing his name and tries to write out the words on each letter page (including elephant!)

One note about workbooks: I usually select a few for Forrest to have complete access to at his art table, just like coloring books. These are ones that don’t have a lot of instructions; the Bear Fairy workbooks are perfect for this, as they are just tracing. The Scholastic workbooks, or more complicated ones, often have instructions and we will sit at the table for a few minutes and do those.

2. Kinetic Sand

I am normally not a fan of messy things like this: Playdough, slime, sandboxes, etc., just make messes and I think kids get bored of them quite quickly. But about a year ago, I bought a small container of kinetic sand and a few cookie cutters and Fo loves it. I keep it in a Pyrex container with a lid and store it with the outdoor toys; he knows to keep it in the container and just spends a lot of time cutting out shapes. This is such an easy activity and especially for younger toddlers, provides a lot of sensory information! You can talk about how it feels, teach them to cut out shapes (manual dexterity!), and use words to describe the sand itself. I like these packs here.

3. Sidewalk Chalk Paint

Forrest loves sidewalk chalk and he also loves painting. Combining the two is an instant win. I bought two small containers of sidewalk chalk paint from the Target Dollar Spot section and he loved them—while Googling to see if I could buy more for cheaper, I found that you can make it easily at home! Even better! I whipped up a batch and it was as good as (or perhaps better) than the store bought. This is a more messy activity and would be perfect for those warm summer days where the sprinklers are on, you’re all outside with the wading pool, and you’re all getting baths anyway! You can find that tutorial here.

4. Rotate Your Toys

This is one of those tips I’m embarrassed that I didn’t think of earlier, but has been recommended by nearly every mom I know. As I’ve been packing up Forrest’s toys for our move, it became a lot easier to do: pack up toys into 3 or 4 different bins, then store all but one of the bins away (in a spare room, in your closet, wherever). Switch out the bins every 5-6 days to keep your preschooler on their toys when it comes to their toys. They’ll rediscover things they used to love (Forrest with his tool belt from Christmas this week) and stay interested. Plus, it helps decrease the clutter in your living room, playroom, or child’s bedroom. Perfect!

5. Have a Party

Most young kids love routine—but they also love when parents disrupt the routine for something fun. I already have plans to throw an “at home luau” for Forrest (complete with pineapple string lights I found at the dollar store and making paper leis), but there are a million ways to do this and have fun together.

• Tea parties: whether you have a boy or girl, kids love tea parties. They can help set the table, make the sandwiches & cookies, pour the “tea” (water, or you could make herbal tea), invite the guests (Teddy Bear Tea Party, anyone?), and more. Plus, this is a subtle way to teach manners.

• Dance parties: I got this idea from Elsie Larson of A Beautiful Mess, but fill a jar with your favorite musical artists and have your child pick one slip at a time. Play one song on Spotify and dance it out. Pick a new artist and repeat until your child is exhausted.

• Invite some friends: Invite a few friends over who have kids and just hang out at home. Seriously! I know this is basic, but I often don’t think to reach out to my friends; we’re all busy and I just assume, “you know what? They’re probably busy today!” But they might not be! Fill the wading pool, make some sun tea, and start the grill for some hot dogs for the kids. Boom, everyone is entertained for a few hours!

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What are your tips for keeping kids (preschool age or not) entertained during the summer?