Meeting Goals & Making Decisions: My November 2019 Wrap Up

Happy December!

You’ll be happy to know that this month’s wrap up will be significantly less maudlin than last months. A good thing too. November was a significantly better month than October in a lot of ways. I feel like I’m overcoming a lot of mental blocks when it comes to setting and achieving goals, and moving forward in my career.

Let’s jump into this wrap up!

1. I Switched Up My Instagram Content

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 5, 2019 at 5:20pm PST

You may have noticed a lot of changes over at my Instagram; I’ve been posting more about goal setting, the mental aspect of being laid off/starting my own business (?)/being a woman in the workplace, as well as taking time for myself and self-care and self improvement. These are all things I care about and think about a lot, but haven’t ever really talked about in my social media presence before.

If those are things you’re interested in too, give me a follow over on Instagram!

2. I Started Working On Daily Goals

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 9, 2019 at 4:20pm PST

One thing I’ve been realizing more and more lately is that I need a routine in place.

When Forrest was younger, I found it much easier to be very regimented and organized about my day. I did the same things every day and it helped ease my anxiety and improve my life. But in the last 18 months, my routines have really fallen apart; I was able to keep things organized for Forrest, but I felt like I never was 100% dedicated to a routine for myself. Danny and I stopped going to the gym as Forrest’s bedtime routine got more and more challenging.

In the past month, I started working on my daily goals: day-to-day, I set little goalposts for myself to reach. A few examples are making my bed every day (which helps me to feel accomplished), getting dressed every day, and making sure to go on a daily walk. Those are just a few things that help me organize my day and start building a routine. I’ve also started blocking out my time for my to do list and making sure I actually get things done—even if I have to force myself.

A big thing I’ve realized is that the burn out I’ve been feeling for a year or more has matched up with feeling like I don’t have a good daily routine in place. I’m hoping that the more I work on it, the more I’ll feel myself falling into a natural routine. And I’m hoping that adding in a good work out routine eventually will come a lot easier.

3. I Started Addressing my Lack of Confidence

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 16, 2019 at 6:20pm PST

Anyone who has read my blog for a long time knows one thing to be true: i’m pretty upfront about my lack of confidence.

I’ve always been a shy, soft spoken person. I don’t make waves. In therapy, we’ve been working on my need for external validation for nearly everything I do; I’m often overly concerned with the opinions of other people, worrying that what they think of me is more important than how I feel about what I’m doing. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I noticed this side of me getting worse after I graduated from college; when I didn’t have the validation of school and grades, I found myself really struggling with happiness and feeling confident.

Building emotional confidence and self confidence, particularly in my abilities and my work ethic, is a huge barrier for me in terms of achieving what I want to in my career. On one hand, I firmly believe that I’m good at what I do; on the other hand, I often hold myself back, not completing tasks and not following through, because I worry that it won’t be good enough, that other people won’t like it, or whatever.

I feel like I’ve really challenged that internalized belief this month and I’m excited to see how I continue to work on this.

Those were my 3 big November takeaways. We had a lovely Thanksgiving, obviously; we were supposed to go to Idaho, but ended up not being able to make it due to the Pass being totally snowed in! That was a huge disappointment, but we all coped as we could.

How was your November?

How a Shanti Bowl Can Help with Meditation

You might be wondering: Michelle, what is a Shanti bowl?

Well, let’s start at the beginning.

Ever since July when I got laid off, I’ve been struggling a lot with anger. Sometimes, I will get so angry, I just want to scream at somebody. I’ve never really had a temper before and while I think I can be a bit of a whiner (I just took a DNA test, I have a Taurus rising, yo I got whining problems, it’s the Taurus in me), I never would have called myself angry. I don’t like arguing or fighting; I’ve never raised my voice at someone in my life unless it was to stop them from stepping out into the street or something.

But after being laid off, I was angry. I was mad at everyone and damn if they didn’t know it.

My therapist recommended a lot of techniques to help me get this under control. I don’t like being angry; I don’t like feeling like I can’t control an emotion. I especially didn’t like that my anger was irrational and illogical; big things would leave me feeling blank (like finding out I would probably never receive payment for my 265 hours of PTO) and little things would send me careening over the edge (like finding a bug on the wall). I started doing breathing exercises and journaling and slowly, my anger started to get better.

But it was still there, like a tagalong friend that I didn’t want around.

So when Shanti Bowl reached out to me recently, I was excited. Shanti Bowl is a company that makes Tibetan singing bowls. It’s also a company owned by the same person who owns Prana Brush, which I reviewed here. I love being able to support small businesses, especially when I’ve had great results in the past. I’ve been using my Prana dry brush religiously since I received it, so of course I wanted to try a singing bowl!

Funny enough, Danny was perhaps a little bit more excited about the singing bowl than I was: he has used it in his classroom before to help his students practice mindfulness. It was him who taught me how to use it and who primarily plays it for me in the evening.

Here’s a full description of a singing bowl in case you’re still confused:

“According to ancient Tibetan teachings, the existence of singing bowls dates back to the time of Buddha. Singing bowls produce beautiful music which invokes deep meditative and peaceful states. Singing bowls are often used in yoga, reiki, music therapy, and sound healing. The rich harmonies produced by singing bowls help balance the body’s chakras, eliminate stress, and promote holistic healing.”

Basically: it makes a nice noise that helps in meditation, can help relieve stress, and help you feel better.

Sold.

One of the techniques my therapist recommended for both anger and anxiety was to take a big breath in and imagine a pitcher filling with water; then when you exhale, imagine pouring the pitcher out. Over and over, this is very soothing: imagining the feel, the sound of the water, everything. I have found that the singing bowl works especially well when I’m doing this exercise; the sound helps me focus on what I’m doing (breathing, imagining) and nothing else.

In the evening, Danny will often play it while I lie in bed or on the couch and we just have a nice, quiet time together. It sounds boring, but for two people with a young child, who both work jobs that are stressful in different ways… it helps so much.

The best part about this singing bowl from Shanti is that it’s gorgeous! I keep it on a shelf in my living room and I have gotten so many questions about it from people when they visit or watch my Instagram stories. Here’s another quote from Shanti Bowl:

“Our handmade singing bowls are unparalleled in beauty and quality. Each bowl is carefully hand-crafted by skilled Tibetan artisans using traditional techniques. In accordance with an ancient Tibetan formula, our singing bowls are made of “panchaloga”, which is a Sanskrit word meaning a five-metal alloy that includes copper, zinc, iron, and traces of gold and silver. Our bowls create an incredible sound with rich, warm and vibrant overtones. Each bowl also comes with a gorgeous hand-carved wooden mallet. The result is a beautiful piece of functional art with incredible healing properties.”

Whether you are more interested in how pretty they are or how they can help you meditate (or you just want to make fun music), a Tibetan singing bowl would make a great, unique Christmas gift for someone in your life (or yourself, let’s be honest).

If you’re struggling with anxiety, anger, or depression, they can help so much with meditation and focusing in on your breathing, how you feel, and releasing the negative feelings you’re holding onto. I highly recommend it!

To learn more about Shanti Tibetan singing bowls, click here. You can also learn how to play a singing bowl (super helpful as a novice!).

How I Deal with Darker Mornings & Evenings

It’s well-established that I do not like the summer months. However, every single Fall, when the nights start coming earlier and I start waking up at 7am to pitch black outside… I’m shocked. I always kind of forget how early it gets dark in the Fall and Winter.

And as much as I love Fall, it is kind of a bummer to wake up totally in the dark every single morning. It can be really hard to start happy & healthy with such early nights and late mornings.

I live in Oregon, which can also be a bit dismal the entire Winter: it can be rainy & cloudy for days, weeks, months at a time. And without any snow, there isn’t even any cheery winter vibes either. Just rain, just clouds, just dark mornings spent driving in the rain. I know many can relate when I say that it can get old fast; it can make days feel longer; and it can make your mood go south fast, especially if you’re pre-disposed depression.

People often ask (not just me, but everyone) how to deal with seasonal affective disorder, or just how to deal with those dismal, dark mornings and evenings. I thought I’d share a few tips that have helped me over the years—so I can love Fall without being miserable.

1. Invest in a good light therapy lamp.

A few years ago, Danny & I bought a Happy Lamp, a light therapy lamp, at Costco and it was a total game changer for both of us. We both noticed that during the winter, we both got sluggish and tired. (This has only increased since we had Forrest and I’m beginning to suspect it’s just my life now.) But the Happy Lamp worked a lot: we would turn it on in the evening as we sat and watched TV, or worked in our office. Within a few weeks, we noticed a marked improvement in our moods.

We’ve used it religiously ever since.

We moved in July and now have separate offices, so I’m looking to buy my own light therapy lamp. As I said, we bought ours at Costco and it was around $40, totally worth it. It’s not a sun lamp, exactly, but mimics the light from the sun to help us get more vitamin D. I’ve found a few contenders, but I think I’ll be purchasing this one for my office this year.

2. Establish a routine that brings you joy.

For me, this is:

• Light a candle

• Take a bath

• Read a good book

On days where the darkness is just getting to me, this helps me feel better and break me out of the cycle. It might be different for you though! This definitely isn’t prescriptive. Doing something that makes you happy, that comforts you, is perfect for those dark mornings and evenings. So whether you’re starting your morning with something you love (like going for a run) or ending your day with a good self-care ritual (like a face mask and painting your toenails), find something that brings you joy to lessen the darkness.

3. Get outside.

“But Michelle! It’s pouring down rain/snowing/20 degrees below 0!”

Ok, extreme weather not-withstanding, go outside. I promise! Really! Taking a 10 minute walk outside is better than sitting inside your house until it gets dark, then feeling miserable. Put on a good podcast, lace up your sneakers (or invest in a very good pair of rain boots), and go outside.

4. Talk to your doctor.

If you notice yourself getting really miserable and struggling with how late the dark starts and how early it ends, talk to your doctor.

In the US, seeking mental health help can often be a huge pain in the ass; it’s not accessible to everyone, which is why I’m sharing some other ways to help yourself. But I’m not a doctor! If you’re really struggling, antidepressants might make Fall & Winter just that much more doable for you this year.

Book Review: A Book That Takes Its Time

Do you ever impulse buy something that turns out to be done of the best decisions you ever made? 

That's about how I feel about this book: A Book That Takes Its Time, by Irene Smit and Astrid van der Hulst. I bought this on impulse at Target in late March; it was on sale, it looked pretty, and I was intrigued by the mini notebook that the book opened to automatically. (They know how to sucker me in, honestly.) It was only when I got home that I realized this was more than a fun journaling book; it was a book dedicated to helping people learn mindfulness in a way that is creative and helps ease anxiety. 

“Take time to breathe. Take time to create. Take time to reflect, take time to let go. A book that’s unique in the way it mixes reading and doing, A Book That Takes Its Time is like a mindfulness retreat between two covers.

Created in partnership with Flow, the groundbreaking international magazine that celebrates creativity, beautiful illustration, a love of paper, and life’s little pleasures, A Book That Takes Its Time mixes articles, inspiring quotes, and what the editors call “goodies”—bound-in cards, mini-journals, stickers, posters, blank papers for collaging, and more—giving it a distinctly handcrafted, collectible feeling.

Read about the benefits of not multitasking, then turn to “The Joy of One Thing at a Time Notebook” tucked into the pages. After a short piece on the power of slowing down, fill in the designed notecards for a Beautiful Moments jar. Make a personal timeline. Learn the art of hand-lettering. Dig into your Beginner’s Mind. Embrace the art of quitting. Take the writing cure. And always smile. Move slowly and with intention through A Book That Takes Its Time, and discover that sweet place where life can be both thoughtful and playful.”

I've been pretty open about my mental health here on my blog (although there are certain things I am hesitant to share and I still wonder if my mental health story would be more full if I shared them--but c'est la vie, right now, I'm not sure if I want them as part of my public history). I've shared about my postpartum depression. I've shared the habits I've started to help reduce my anxiety, as well as tips to reduce stress. I've written about how staying creative helps me be a better mom. I've talked on Instagram about how I struggle with boredom (I get bored very easily, but with a toddler to manage, it's hard to actually dedicate myself to projects), as well as perfectionism and imposter syndrome. I feel like I always need to be busy in order to feel productive--and when I'm not productive, I turn to destructive behaviors, like stress eating and napping throughout the day, which only compounds my feelings of boredom and disappointment in myself. 

At the center of A Book That Takes Its Time is the idea that it is ok to slow down; it is ok to not be working every waking hour, even though it has been drilled into us (especially us millennials) that being productive matters more than anything else. That being busy is a competition and if you admit to not being busy, you have somehow failed. 

Each chapter walks you through a specific part of learning to be more mindful about the world around you. About letting yourself just sit in silence for a little while, instead of scrolling through your phone while watching TV. About learning to name the plants and animals you see outside your home, so you can more fully connect to the natural world. About learning hobbies, like lettering and collaging, that give you time to disconnect from the digital world and unwind. 

Learning mindfulness, especially for someone like me who finds themselves thinking of 100 things every second of the day, can be a real challenge. But also at the heart of A Book That Takes Its Time is the idea that once you allow yourself to really relax and be mindful, you actually get more done in the time that you're working. That thought is somewhat revolutionary to me: I tend to think of work as a glass to fill up, that can never overflow. But if you're constantly overflowing, you never really fill the glass. 

I really enjoyed working on all the chapters and activities in this book. It has helped me to relax and really unwind in the evening (instead of lying in the bathtub pretending to relax, but really listening to a marketing podcast and answering emails at the same time). There are some activities I have skipped--like lettering, which is very labor intensive and sparks some feelings of perfectionism for me--but I've otherwise enjoyed just about everything, from learning the names of plants and animals to working on a 30-day writing journal. It has helped me to get back into bullet journaling and feeling passionate about art journaling in the evening. And as a bonus, I have gotten more done since then. 

I don't want to make a grand statement like, this book totally helped my anxiety! That's just not true. I'm still anxious most days. I still struggle with boredom during the day with Forrest and I've yet to find a good solution for that. However, I found reading this book very relaxing and gave me some methods to deal with my feelings of guilt surrounding being busy and working, as well as dealing with my anxiety.

If you're interested, this is a great book for those wanting to learn about being mindful, especially if you're a bit high strung (like me). You can find it on Amazon here. 

10 Habits I've Started to Reduce Anxiety

I've struggled with anxiety since I was quite young. 

When I was 2, I was well known for twirling my hair. This habit didn't go away when my pediatrician said it would; in fact, it got worse. If you know me today, you know that I still twirled my hair near constantly. Not as obviously as I did when I was 2, but still noticeably. I like braiding my hair or rubbing it between my fingers, or twisting it around my finger over and over again. 

I never associated my hair twirling with anxiety, but I've learned, as I've gotten older, that I use it as a way to comfort myself when I feel anxious. 

The last few years of my life have been defined by anxiety--to the point where my anxiety started to have effects on my health. 

Lots of people have lots of different ways of dealing with their anxiety--and what works for some people definitely doesn't work for other people. For me, my anxiety often calms down when I'm able to spend a whole day cleaning my house and getting bits of my life in order (something I've been desperately wanting to do for ages now). For others, they feel better when they get a chance to relax or treat themselves in a way they normally do. It just depends!

When I sat down to write this post, I thought of every different way I could indicate that these are just the things that work for me and I'm sharing them only in the hope that perhaps they can help you deal with your anxiety. I'm not a doctor and I'm not being prescriptive with this list. If you're really struggling with your anxiety, the best place to turn is a doctor--not the internet, unfortunately. (It's also important to remember that acts of self-care aren't just bubblebaths and eating your favorite foods, but also include self forgiveness, acts of self-kindness, and much more--and ultimately, self-care can't replace other forms of treatment for anxiety and depression! Get the help you need!) 

So, if you want to learn a few ways I've been helping my anxiety lately, keep reading!

1. Bullet Journaling

I've written about bullet journaling before and I know that for those with anxiety, bullet journals (especially as they appear on the internet) can feel really demanding and, honestly, a little anxiety-inducing. But once I gave bujo a chance (and let myself do it my way, instead of feeling like I had to have The Perfect Journal) it was really fun! I spend every evening working on my bullet journal, writing about my day, and filling out any pages that need filled. 

2. Exercising

I know this feels a little bit lame, but it's been a year since I started working out again and honestly, it's one of the best choices I ever made. For me, exercise walks a fine line between "reduces anxiety" and "causes anxiety". I have to be really mindful of how exercise is making me feel and if it starts to feel bad, I take a break. But overwhelmingly, getting myself in a routine feels really good; I love having my exercise time three days a week where I get out of the house. 

3. Creating a cleaning routine

The way my surroundings look is really important for me. I have to be in a clean, organized house. This has been a sore spot for me for a while because my husband is the exact opposite. I genuinely think he could live inside an active, operating barn and be totally fine, probably not notice a thing wrong. I've started doing what I call my "5 tasks" in the evening before bed and it makes a huge difference: emptying the dish strainer, loading the dishwasher, wiping the counters, cleaning the coffee pot, and sweeping the kitchen floor have made a huge difference in my anxiety level each morning. 

4. Reading

I've always been a reader and I read quite a lot, but for the past probably 6 months, I just haven't made time for it. But taking 10-20 minutes every day to read, instead of look at a screen, has really helped me not get my usual afternoon tension headaches. 

5. Washing my face

As much as I love skincare, sometimes I'm the worst at washing my face. But I have found that washing my face and doing the skincare routine that I really, really love helps relax me in the evenings and lets me unwind much easier. Who knew!? 

6. Listening to podcasts in the bathtub

I love podcasts (I've written at least three blog posts about it!) and I love taking baths. I used to primarily read in the bathtub, but I found that actually didn't help me relax as much as I wanted it to. I've started turning on my podcasts as I soak though and it's exactly what I need: something to occupy my brain, but not too much. 

7. Going to bed early

I have this weird thing about "using the time I have before bed", whatever that means. After Forrest goes to sleep, I feel like I have to accomplish everything: clean the house, food prep, whatever. So I usually don't get into bed until 10pm, then I'm up at 5--and frankly, that's just not enough sleep sometimes! And some nights, I just don't feel like tackling my rapidly expanding to do list and... you know what? Sometimes I don't have to. The email can wait until the morning. The blog post can get written some other time. Crawling into bed at 7pm simply because I feel like it is the best treat I can give myself. 

8. Eating breakfast

I've always really struggled with breakfast, as I'm usually not hungry right when I wake up and then I don't have time once I leave for work. But skipping breakfast also gives me a lot of anxiety: I worry about getting hungry later in the day, not having anything to eat, having to find something and spend money... you know, anxiety thoughts. I've been packing simple breakfasts for myself lately--cheese and crackers, yogurt and granola, smoothies, that kind of thing--and it's made a huge difference in allowing me to focus on my work and not feel anxious about getting hungry. 

9. Reducing how much coffee I drink

I love coffee. When Forrest was a newborn, I drank probably 3-4 cups a day, which is substantial for me, someone who never liked coffee before. I've gotten it down to less than 3 in recent months, but even that is quite a lot. Especially since I have pre-existing anxiety issues! I've started limiting myself to one cup in the morning and one cup in the afternoon. Hopefully soon I can cut out that afternoon cup! 

10. Quitting if I need to

I pride myself on not being a quitter. I try not to give up on tasks I set for myself, especially if they impact other people. But lately I've realized that sometimes my insistence on "finishing things" ends up biting me in the butt, for two reasons: firstly, I tend to not do that great of a job if I end up forcing it; and secondly, it just gives me horrible anxiety. Allowing myself to quit something, or at least set it aside for a few weeks and return to it when I feel motivated and able to complete it, has been really freeing. 

Getting Back on Track

In my newsletter a few weeks ago, I wrote about how I'd been having really bad anxiety lately caused by a mix of macro and micro issues. For me, macro issues are global: things are happening every single day that just feel, well, bad, and it can be very scary. Micro issues are personal, individual, smaller issues that give me anxiety. The macro puts me in an anxious mood; the micro issues push me over the edge. So that when I freak out about a bunch of bugs in my living room that I need to vacuum up despite being terrified of bugs, I'm actually freaking out about the threat of nuclear war. 

For that reason, my blog, my Instagram, and my newsletter have been kind of all over the place. I tell myself that, for the sake of my mental health, I need to take a break. So I do. Then I feel bad about not blogging, about not writing my newsletter on Friday evening so it can send on Saturday, about not scheduling a blog post all week despite having a very clear editorial calendar set up. 

Then I get more anxious about it. And thus, the cycle continues. 

I've been thinking about this a lot lately. I love blogging; I love that it gives me something to do that isn't horribly high-pressured outside of my day job. I can experiment with methods here that I can use in my day job. I like having a sense of purpose in everything I do and blogging gives me something to do in my downtime. But I know I can take it a little too seriously. Almost too seriously. 

I get very overwhelmed very easily, despite the fact that I seem to always be looking for something new to take on! I've let myself get too overwhelmed because I try to stay up to date on everything: politics, blogging, what's happening in content marketing. It does not help that I often spend evenings working for my day job, doing tasks for social media and more in the time between when my son goes to bed and I do. 

So what's a girl to do? 

As I've written before, I know I need to work on forgiving myself. I know I live a relatively easy life and, for that reason, I often feel like I can never slack off because I need to earn what I have. As well, I know I need to be easier on myself when it comes to finishing things; it doesn't have to be perfect and my version of success doesn't have to be others versions of success. I don't want to be a blogging phenom; it's hard when the measure of success in the blogging community is a certain level. But realistically, I don't want hundreds of thousands of people reading my blog or emailing me! 

A few months ago, I was doing a great job reducing my anxiety through working out, giving myself real time where I didn't do anything, and saying "no" to new tasks. I know I need to take that on again, so this is a way to hold myself accountable. If you're struggling right now too, I hope you join me.