Let's Talk About that #2006vs2016 Thing

It's crazy to look at pictures of me in 2006. I was 17/18, in high school, wearing bad puffy jackets with faux fur trim and clutching gigantic Slurpee cups. (In my defense, you could refill that XTREME Slurpee cup for only $1.09. Really.) It's not difficult to say that 2006 me was a different person that 2016 me. 

2006 me still thought that things would be easy once I graduated high school and went to college. I would keep every single one of my best friends (uh duh, of course!); I would become a different person of my choosing in college; I would become a high powered editor at a fashion magazine; my skin would suddenly become "adult" (a myth that is still repeated to poor girls like me with crappy skin to this day) and I'd look great. 

2016 me knows lots of things that 2006 me didn't know. But neither one of us is better than the other. 

2006 me struggled with self-esteem, just like 2016 me, just in different ways. 

Looking back, I wish 2006 me had known that she was just as good as all of her friends, that she didn't have to have boys pay attention to her to be important, that she didn't have to be embarrassed that she worked a part-time job to pay for her car insurance and clothes. I wish she'd known that she was pretty great on her own, that she deserved people who wanted to spend time with her, and that she could have found different, potentially better friends. (No offense high school friends. 2006 me certainly wasn't a party to be around, admittedly.) 

I wonder what 2006 me would think looking at me now. I think she would be shocked and appalled that 2016 me lives in the same boring town and goes to the same boring places, but she'd probably also be terrified that I have a baby. A real life human baby that I take care of, alongside a dog and a husband. She'd probably also feel I'd sold out a little bit by working in marketing (gotta do what ya gotta do, baby girl!) and would be appalled that I wasn't published by now. (2006 me had some very unrealistic expectations for the publishing industry and her own writing output). 

To me, the 2006 vs 2016 hashtag isn't really about looks though. Do I look different than in 2006? Duh. I've aged 10 years; I've had a baby; I survived college and the terrible economy and working as a receptionist. My hair is somehow darker and more gray. I weigh more. I wear a lot more make up. But hey, at least I've learned to work the selfie angle. The most important thing is that I feel differently than I did in 2006. I feel like I've grown up. Sometimes I worry that I feel too much like a teenager still, but looking at pictures of high school me makes me realize that, realistically, I'm so much more adult than I think I am. I'm basically a grown up. As if it wasn't obvious before. 

Tell me: what's different between 2006 you and 2016 you? What would you think of each other? 

3 Tips to Get Better Christmas Photos of Your Toddler

Taking photos of a one-year-old is more challenging than I ever thought it would be. Forrest is constantly moving, but doesn't stand independently for very long yet--so I can't get those cute standing shots!

I've figured out a few ways to take better photos though. These are just a few of my tips and hopefully, they'll help other moms get those all-important holiday photos. 

1. Give your little one something to hold. 

Best examples: a leaf, a pumpkin, a chalkboard. Something to simultaneously distract them, keep them still, and give them something to focus on. When I use this technique, I know I have maybe a 2-3 minute window to get photos--so I kick it into high gear and hope for the best. 

2. Pick one spot and stick with it. 

If I try to move Forrest around--say to face another direction or to get different lighting--it's over, it's done. He's not gonna do it anymore. That's usually when the tears start or the eatings of rocks and leaves--whatever he knows will get us to go back inside and play sooner. So, my advice: pick one spot you like, watch the lighting, and stick to that one area. If it's a bust, it's a bust--try again later. 

3. Be patient

Toddlers don't quite get the picture thing yet, especially younger toddlers. Forrest is 13 months old and kind of gets what I'm doing--but doesn't really follow instructions. It's important to remember that they don't know what you're doing or why it's important to you. Don't take it personally if they just don't want to cooperate, make faces, or generally make it impossible to get a good photo. 

Want more photography tips? Follow my Photography board on Pinterest!

My November Goals

November is always a big month for me, thanks to #NaNoWriMo. I thought I'd share a few goals I have for November, because it's always fun to talk about goals. 

1. Win #NaNoWriMo!

NaNoWriMo is my number one goal for November! I'm already 5000+ words in--and so, so excited to be there. You can follow my progress on NaNoWriMo on Twitter and Instagram. 

2. Read

I've been reading a ton lately! Like 3-4 books a week thanks to a Kindle Unlimited free trial. I want to keep it up this November--thankfully, that free trial will go to the end of the month. Reading is a huge priority for me because I feel happier and healthier when I have time to read. 

3. Take more photos

I love photography--always have, always will--but I haven't legitimately practiced at it for several years. I think November is the month to finally get back in the game and learn how to balance taking photos with entertaining Forrest. 

4. Save money

Danny and I have a Disneyland vacation to save up for! The past year has been pretty expense heavy, between hospital and medical bills, formula, and more. We're going to be dialing it back so we can save money. I have a few ways I plan to sneak extra money into our savings.  

The Perfect Holiday Bucket List

I get...overly excited about the holidays, I'll admit it. I'm one of those people who get excited once September starts because first, it's Halloween, then it's Thanksgiving, and then it's Christmas. It all is just a snowball: one favorite holiday after another. Then, a stretch of months until summer returns. Oof, that stretch of January through May is hard. So I really believe in making the most of October through December. 

Halloween used to be my favorite holiday; however, as I've gotten older, I've found myself favoring Thanksgiving because it combines my favorite parts of Christmas without the pressure of giving gifts. Either way, though, I consider late October to be the start of the "Holiday season," starting with Halloween.

I wanted to share my holiday bucket list for this year. Sometimes, I frame these things as "goals," but they're not really goals, are they? They won't really improve my life in any way; I just really want to do them. 

So, here it is: my holiday bucket list. 

1. Take Forrest to a Halloween party

I have never been a fan of trick-or-treating, I should probably come clean about that, and I'm not 100% sold on Forrest doing it. I am, however, very into Halloween parties and festivals. Our town has a ton of options--including trick-or-treat at downtown businesses, several Trunk or Treats at local churches, and at least one Halloween festival. We'll be picking our favorite as Halloween approaches and taking Forrest. 

2. Go Christmas light hunting.

This is one of my favorite things to do at Christmas: load up the car with a snack and some hot cocoa and then, just drive around looking at the best Christmas lights. I love the houses that go all out, even if I don't!  

3. Get the perfect Christmas card photo of Forrest.

This is truly a bucket list item, considering the fact that Forrest barely sits still to eat, let alone for a photo. 

4. Buy matching Holiday pajamas. 

5. Find Forrest a really cute, entirely inappropriate outfit for Thanksgiving

I'm talking fancy suit level inappropriate! Last year, I dressed him in a tiny sweater vest at Christmas and it was totally adorable, totally uncomfortable, and totally inappropriate for a tiny baby. However, it made for some great photos, so I refuse to stop doing it. 

6. Sing Christmas carols with Forrest

Forrest is just starting to get the singing thing and he loves music. I like to imagine us dancing around the Christmas tree, in matching pajamas, singing at each other. But most likely, I'll just turn on a Spotify station while we eat breakfast. 

7. Help Forrest put ornaments on the tree. 

We probably won't do a real, or very big, tree this year because Forrest would undoubtedly tear it down, but I really want to get him involved in decorating. 

8. Make Christmas cookies

My absolute favorite Christmas tradition! I'll probably make some eggless cookie dough that Forrest can roll out and safely eat (because most likely, he will just put it in his mouth), and then he will get to try his first real sugar cookie. 

What's on your holiday bucket list this year? 

My Personal Goals

Yesterday, I wrote about one of my most important personal goals for my 28th year: taking better care of myself, including allowing myself to want things. 

Just like with my blog goals, I find it easiest to break goals into small steps that I can follow one at a time. My typical process for doing this includes doing one thing a week. As an example, when I was pregnant, I set a goal to get dressed every day for a week; then I set a goal to shower every day for a week; and then I set a goal to do my make up every day for a week. I slowly build on my goals until I feel like I'm actually accomplishing something. 

For my personal goals for the next year, that's what I'm doing. 

At work, we often do something that I find very helpful: you plan just 3-4 months at a time (usually a quarter); then in 6-8 weeks you reassess what's happened and what's coming up next and you make appropriate changes. I really like this process because, combined with my usual method of setting and achieving goals, it makes it really easy to stay on top of things. 

As with my blog goals, I want to share the next 3 months of goals. 

November

For November, my goal is to focus entirely on self-care and intuitive eating. I recently started listening to Food Psych by Christy Harrison (a podcast about eating disorders and intuitive eating) and I've found it really helpful in terms of dealing with my anxiety and food issues, as well as body image. For November, my goal is to do one self-care process a week--and really focus on it. These include journaling, quiet reading time, alone time (going shopping or out to a meal on my own), and incorporating exercise into my daily life. 

December

My goal for December, as promised, builds on my goal for November: I want to focus on staying active, maintaining my mental health, and focus on intuitive eating. As the holidays approach, I can sometimes get overwhelmed and retreat into my feelings of anxiety. This year, my strict goal is going to be to continue to allow myself alone time, but to also say yes to all social obligations (unless childcare arrangements cannot be made). This last part is very important as I'm a pretty well known social flake! My main goal is to attend one social function a week. 

January

For January, I want to start taking steps to improve my anxiety through improving the appearance of my home. I've written before about how my house is messy, by my standards. (Most people tell me my house looks "cozy": not pristine, but not a disaster. To me, it's a disaster.) In January, I want to focus on deep cleaning one space per weekend, focusing especially on my office and bedroom. This goal will definitely improve my self-care goals and feelings of anxiety. 

How do you set personal goals? Share with me on Twitter!

The Worst Advice I've Ever Received

Last week, I wrote about the best advice I've ever received. I thought I'd also share the flip side: the worst advice I've ever received. 

We all receive different kinds of advice every day (or maybe it's just me and Forrest!) and some of it is just plain awful. For me, bad advice often falls into 3 separate types. Here they are: 

1. Telling me what to do and not following up with why

This happens a shocking amount with Forrest. Here's the thing: I'm a rule follower. Tell me a rule and explain why and I will follow that rule for the rest of my life. (A few examples: No soda before 11pm; no eating after 7pm; no swimming after eating; etc.) It may be wrong or it may be right, but I will follow it. But I also hate being told what to do with no explanation. So suggesting I take a specific action with my job or with Forrest and then not telling me why--or when I ask for an explanation, just being told, "just try it!"--is supremely annoying. It's also bad. 

2. Negging on what I'm already doing

"Listen," you say, leaning forward, "I know you decided to do THIS, but I really think you should do THIS... I know it's been, like, 2 months, but I think it's better." 

Gee, thanks! Here's the thing: when I decided what I'm going to do, I want to see it to the end. I don't care if your uncle's brother's best friend's sister's dog did the same thing and ended up dead or something. I just want to try and forge my own path. I'm an adult. If it's not working, I think I can make that decision on my own.  

3. Giving me advice I did not ask for

Whenever someone on Facebook posts a photo of their, usually quite young, baby in a car seat, usually while their parents blearily wander through a store or wait at a doctor's office, I brace myself for what will inevitably come. Someone sees an innocent photo, cracks their knuckles, and begins to type. Listen, whether you think a baby's car seat straps are wrong or they shouldn't be wearing a hoodie or that they shouldn't be in a doctor's office, with germs everywhere, it's none of your business. So keep it to yourself. 

---

Bad advice has happened to the best of us. What's your least favorite type? 

I Worked with a Murderer (& This is What I Learned)

Because of the type of person I am (a true crime buff), I followed the disappearance closely when it first happened. A woman (we'll call her S) went missing at the beginning of December, 2013. She had been in Cottage Grove (my hometown) for Thanksgiving to visit friends and family and then had planned to return home to Beaverton. Sometime between Thanksgiving and December 2, she disappeared. Her family reported her missing, scared for her safety due to her health problems. 

I remember November and December 2013 very clearly: I was working at a job I hated, totally miserable; and those two months were two of the coldest I can remember in a long time. It was in the negatives every single night and barely got above freezing during the day. Those kind of temperatures are abnormal for Oregon. 

When they found S, she was discovered not far from where I live, on a piece of BLM property. She had been shot. Not long after, an ex-boyfriend who she had visited in Cottage Grove was arrested. For a long time, that was the last I read about the case. It seemed pretty simple, an open-and-shut, sadly way too common kind of case. 

Fast forward a few months. I had started a new job, it was early Summer, and as I walked into the office, I glanced at the newspaper on the front counter. Staring back at me wasn't just any face: it was a face I recognized. 

It was the ex-boyfriend who killed S. Where on Earth have I seen him before? I read his name over and over again, but I just couldn't remember. His face was so familiar. I was sure I knew him, but I couldn't place him. It was the worst feeling. 

I went about my day and read up on the case. I read about the trial, about how the ex-boyfriend's ex-girlfriend testified about his behavior after their break up (this also rang as very familiar, but I couldn't place it), about how he had been found guilty, about how he had tried to claim self-defense, about how he had hid S's body in his house for weeks thanks to the abnormal temperature and how the cops even visited his house while she was still there. 

As I drove home, I kept thinking about it. 

Then, it hit me. 

Figaro's Pizza. I had worked with him at Figaro's Pizza. 

We'll call him M. The minute I remembered, the minute my mind connected him to Figaro's, it all came back to me. I knew his ex-girlfriend who testified at the trial. I knew M. I had worked with him, hours and hours and hours, in high school. We had talked hundreds of hours, complained about the same things, laughed at the same jokes. 

I immediately texted Danny. "That's crazy," he replied. What an unsatisfactory answer. 

The true crime lover in me (I do listen to My Favorite Murder, Casefile, and In Sight an embarrassing amount) was thrilled I had worked with someone connected to a murder case; however, another part of me felt really, really repulsed. 

It's strange to look back at part of my life and see it in a totally different light. There was no way for me to know, at the age of 17, that one of my coworkers, a grown adult, in his 40s then, was going to go on to murder a defenseless woman. But for whatever reason, that knowledge now changes how I see everything during my life at that first job. 

Working with M was not like working with the boogeyman. I would easily describe him as strange, as a little off, but then, I am a little weird myself. Who am I to judge? He also seemed very kind and, to be quite honest, a little slow. Sometimes, he showed up to work in a really strange mood, talking strangely. My coworkers and I chalked this up to drug use, but we could never really be sure. 

I shiver now thinking about the number of times I closed the pizza place with him. We would lock the doors at 10:30 pm and walk to our cars in the dark. I am terrified of the dark--it's one of my biggest fears--and so, this walk was often the worst part of my day. Looking back, I feel like my memory of the fear is amplified now that I know what I know. 

Sometimes, as a true crime buff, it's easy to mentally distance myself from things that happen: these are just stories, I think, and it can be easy to dehumanize, to not remember that behind these stories are real people--with friends, family, children, dreams, and paths they no longer get to pursue. It can be challenging to remember the reality: that both sides, victim and perpetrator, had and have lives away from the crime. 

I found myself, for a while, feeling guilty for feeling sympathy for M: I felt like a line in the sand had been drawn and that I had to accept that the person I knew was not the person I thought I knew. But the truth is, it's possible to feel both: it's possible to simultaneously be horrified by something someone did and to remember them as a decent human. Good people can do terrible things and it's ok to miss them, to feel sympathy for them, to question why they did it. 

I'm turning this over to you. Have you ever had something like this happen to you? 

10 Ways to Improve Your Wardrobe

"I need to do something about my wardrobe," I said. "But I don't want to spend money." 

I have said the above phrase at least 100 times in my lifetime. It seems like the constant conundrum, right? You have tons of clothes, but nothing to wear. 

I wrote this post, originally, over 5 years ago--but I think the ideas still stand! I've edited my original post, but wanted to share it again here. When it comes to improving your wardrobe, there are little things you can do to make changes and feel inspired again. Here is everything I do. 

1. Take everything out. Seriously.

Start sorting. Does it still have a tag on it? If so, when did you buy it? If it was more than six months ago, be honest with yourself: you're never going to wear it. Sorry! Then, assess the things you've worn in the last six months or so. If you haven't worn it in over a year, ask yourself if you seriously ever plan to wear it. (This doesn't include winter items, obviously. Seasons are tricky!) The things you don't think you'll ever wear, put into a pile. The things you still think you want to wear, put into another pile. Immediately put the things you don't plan on ever wearing again into a box or bag--you're donating these things, so say goodbye. 

2. Write it out.

Take out a pen and some paper and start writing a list of ways to wear your "questionable" items. By that I mean, the things you weren't sure if you would ever wear (if they still had tags) or would ever wear again (if you haven't worn them in 6+ months). If you can't think of a way to wear an item... put it in the box or bag with the things you're already donating. Use this method to work through everything in your wardrobe, from tee shirts to dresses. Eventually, you'll start moving a lot faster. 

3. Donate everything you never plan on wearing again. 

Don't mope about it. Don't hide it in a closet in the back of your house and tell yourself you might wear it someday. Don't put it in your garage and say you just want to wait until you lose weight or start a new job or win the lottery. It's just taking up space--physically and mentally. They're just clothes. 

4. Reorganize your closet. 

Think of the best way to group things in your closet. Typically, I do all dresses together, all cardigans together, etc. Each section is organized by color as well (usually in ROYGBIV style). This might not work for everyone, though! Think of a system that will work for you (items you wear together often grouped together, for example) and implement it... and then stick with it! Changing how your clothes are arranged can make you look at everything fresh as well. 

5. Organize your drawer spaces. 

I roll my scarves; fold tee shirts and tank tops into little squares and store them in rows so I can see all of them; and roll my skirts and shorts. This prevents both wrinkling and losing track of anything. Again, organize your drawers in a way that will help you stay organized! And remember, whenever you do laundry, stick with the system. Don't just start squishing things in!

6. Clean out your shoes... and clean them up. 

Remember what you did with your closet? Do the same with your shoes! And while you're at it, clean your shoes up! I'm really bad about getting my shoes muddy (I live out in the country! I can't help it), so every once and a while, give them a bath. I keep all of my shoes in a variety of bins in a closet downstairs. I recently did a clean out and narrow down my entire shoe wardrobe to under 10 pairs. 

7. Put art up in your closet: inspiration quotes, paintings, photos, goals, whatever. 

Basically, pretty up the space in a way that will inspire you. You can tape editorials from magazines to a blank wall and create a collage, or pin up quotes or images. Think of your closet as your vision board: it includes your clothes, your inspiration, and you.  

8. Use old shoeboxes (covered in wrapping paper) to store small items, like sunglasses, belts, or large costume jewelry you rarely wear. 

This is my favorite way to pretty up a space without spending any money. I have tons of Christmas and birthday wrapping paper, as well as lots of spare shoe boxes! Just wrap them up in your favorite papers and use them to store delicate items like sunglasses. Then you can stack those boxes on a shelf in your closet easier than keeping these items out in the open. 

9. Set up a row of hooks (or pushpins in an old corkboard) to hang up your favorite necklaces. 

I love being able to visualize everything -- including my favorite necklaces. I used a corkboard, but you can just set up a row of command hooks or push pins in the wall! You can also put up bracelets, rings, or whatever in plain view, so you can easily match outfits to accessories without digging through your jewelry box! 

10. Start keeping a notebook (or Word document) of outfit ideas. 

Starting a notebook to hold all of my outfit ideas was the best decision I ever made! Whenever I need a little inspiration, I just open it up and I have tons of ideas that I forgot I had. I also use it to jot down items I haven't worn in a while, so I can start visualizing ideas for them or looking through magazines for inspiration. It's a great way to stay organized and remain aware of all the pieces you own -- and all their potential!