3 Tools You Need for Freelancing

Some people choose a freelance career. It becomes the best choice for them. They have time to prepare, to create a workflow, to research and get ready for the path they’ve chosen.

However, some of us don’t quite have that going for us.

Have you ever seen those memes on TikTok about puppy dog eyes girls (I can’t add that emoji to my blog post, but you know what I’m talking about!) versus bruh girls? I feel like those memes could be easily applied to lots of things, but especially to “those who choose freelancing” versus “those who fall into freelancing.”

Those who choose freelancing have a great Instagram aesthetic, great topics for their Reels, and a workflow ready for invoicing, keeping time, charging clients, and more.

Then, there are those who fall into freelancing: crash landing into tax season, knocking over everything in a coffee shop trying to figure out invoicing, late night panics about chasing invoices or getting new clients.

You get the drift.

This blog post is for the people who fell into freelancing—people like me. I haven’t shied away from the fact that freelancing wasn’t really something I chose, but really the only option forward at a certain point. After I got laid off, it felt like I was starting my career all over again. I was exhausted and burnt out and I just plain didn’t know what to do. Freelancing opened up as an option and I went after it—pretty much only because searching for jobs, and the variety of biased rejections I experienced, were soul crushing.

When I started freelancing in earnest, I didn’t have a process. I didn’t know what I needed. And unfortunately, I didn’t have time to do the research I needed to do—I just kind of had to figure it out on the fly.

So, for those currently in the process of freelancing, let me make it easy for you. Here are 3 tools you need no matter what kind of freelance services you offer.

1. Bookkeeping Software

Surprise! You’re now your own bookkeeper and HR person! You’re going to need some kind of bookkeeping system. So far in 2020, I have kept myself afloat using a combination of Square for invoicing and a spreadsheet. I don’t have a ton of expenses—and because 2020 is the way it is, I don’t need to have tracked my mileage at all (because I haven’t driven… anywhere?). However, I already have a bettering bookkeeping system lined up for 2021.

One note here: you should definitely start a separate freelance banking account now. Get all your payments sent and/or deposited into this account; make all your purchases out of this account; and pay yourself out of this account. This will really simplify your life. (Unfortunately for me, right when my freelancing kicked into high gear, banks closed and I couldn’t open a separate bank account until JULY! My books are a mess, send help.)

2. Time Tracking Tool

Clients will often want a breakdown of how you spent your time on a project—even if you’re being paid by the service, not the hour. (Although you will frequently be paid by the hour!) My favorite tool for this is Clockify, which I’ve mentioned before. I like it because it has a Chrome extension where you can start your timer from anywhere. Plus, you can set up multiple projects underneath a client, which is great if you need to invoice differently for certain projects. They recently introduced a Dark Mode and while that’s not my thing, I know for many people, it makes a huge difference for them!

3. Email Marketing

You’ll probably need to send emails to clients in some form, especially as you get more clients. If you have a website and start marketing, it’s good to have your email marketing plan set up now, rather than later.

I have used all of the email marketing tools out there but my favorite is Flodesk. The only downside to Flodesk is that there is no free level—it’s only paid. However, most people have sign up codes to use to get it for 50% off for life. (That’s a pretty good deal.) The templates are gorgeous. Plus, it’s the same price for however many email addresses you end up having—whether is 100 or 100,000. In comparison, MailerLite and Mailchimp charge over a certain number of subscribers and emails sent per month. You can sign up here and get 50% off.

The 2 Biggest Mistakes I Made in My First Year of Freelance

Running your own business is hard. Especially when your business is service-based. It would be a whole lot easier if I sold candles or something similar: a single purchase, a relationship formed only if both parties want it to continue.

For service-based businesses, the relationship is the point. And with a business that is predicated on relationships, on managing expectations, things can get really challenging.

This isn’t to say that running one type of business is easier than another. There are things that are super challenging about both, obviously. But sometimes, for me, there are times where I wish I could just ship a physical product and call it done!

Unfortunately for me, I don’t make a physical product. I’ve been super lucky to have a really great first 8ish months of working for myself exclusively—there haven’t been any big issues. However, over the last year, I’ve definitely been able to see the mistakes I’ve made clearly. I wanted to share these as I think, for everyone who works for themselves running their own business, they are things to look out for.

1. Not Setting Clear Expectations with Clients (or, Ignoring Very, Very Red Flags)

If you work in a service-based business, eventually you’re going to come across a client who doesn’t know what they want. They know sort of what you do, they know they need to hire you, but they don’t have any idea what any of this means. They might be micromanage-y about it; they might be standoffish about it; but either way, you’re never going to be able to meet their expectations because they don’t know what they are. For you, this creates a situation where the target is always moving, you aren’t able to get what you need, and, especially if you’re in the early part of your career, you don’t really know how to deal with them.

I have had 2 clients like this so far. Both of them had red flags from the very beginning. With these kind of clients, I often find myself falling into the same cycle:

• They ask me to do something that is outside the scope of my contract with them.

• I’m a pushover, so I start doing that work. I communicate with them a new need (such as a login, payment information for a new tool, etc.)

• They do not respond to my emails.

• I think, “I’m an adult. I don’t need to chase my clients when they don’t respond.”

• I send a follow up email.

• They don’t respond.

• A week goes by and they ask me what’s wrong with their website, why haven’t I done the work they asked for, they don’t understand what’s going on, etc.

I end up feeling gaslit by the end of it—am I the one being flaky? Am I the one not doing what I’m supposed to do? And for both of these clients, I sensed a red flag from the very beginning; I suspected that they didn’t know what they want and got the vibe that they would ask for more work from me than what was in the contract. (Such as asking things like “Oh, you do SEO writing too, not just VA work? That’s good to know!” is usually a sign that they’re going to try to get me to redo their website.)

What did I learn from this mistake? Set expectations at the beginning. Here’s a good script I write for myself:

• “So, from my understanding, you’re asking for [#] hours a week of [task-based work]. While I do provide other services, at this time, that is outside the scope of this contract. I understand that your goals are X, Y, and Z. To help meet these goals, I’ll send check up emails on Monday morning.”

That’s just a brief script—I might include more, as well as an email summary that includes a write up of what I’ll be doing in the hours I have dedicated to that client. I also keep my expectations really clear: I am not an employee and I won’t act like one. If an urgent task comes up, I will do my best to tackle it right then and there—but most likely, I will have to work it into my schedule. Making these expectations clear—that I am not their babysitter or manager, but rather an expert in my field they are hiring to take over—is a huge aspect of my on-boarding now. Live and learn, y’all.

2. Not Invoicing My Clients for All the Time I Spent on Their Projects

“Well, I spent 3 hours working on that due to technological issues, but I feel bad that it took so long, so I’ll invoice for 1.5 hours instead,” I said about literally every project with literally every client for the first 6 months of freelancing.

Not only does this cheat your clients—they think you’re doing a ton of work efficiently in half the time, giving them a false sense of how long projects take—it cheats you. You didn’t spend 1.5 hours on that—you spent 3 of your hours (out of 24 in a day, of which hopefully you spend like 10 or so sleeping!) on it. And you deserve to get paid for those 3 hours, even if it took you longer than you thought it should, even if you feel bad about it.

Which, note to self, why do I feel bad about invoicing my clients? They hired me! They’re paying me! That’s what I’m here for!

What did I learn from this mistake? This was a huge mistake I made that doesn’t really have any impact on the work I did or the relationship I built. But it did effect how I saw my work over time, it impacted me financially (obviously spending 12 hours a day working and invoicing for half of it and then wondering why my invoices are so tiny at the end of the month—note to Michelle, you gotta stop this), and it made me feel burnt out. Not only that, I felt really stupid about it!

Now, I invoice for every minute, every second that I work for a client. I personally use Clockify to manage my time and see how much I’ve worked on a project (and to know if I’m using too many hours—in which case I communicate with the client and let them know I’ll either need to scale back hours or we should increase their budget)—it includes a timer so that I just set it at the start of a task and have a detailed description of every minute I’ve worked.

This leads me to a specific example. This is actually one of the clients in my first example—a client I had to fire for asking me to do more work than was in the scope of my contract, paying me too little (I didn’t negotiate and I was making $12 an hour—that’s right, $12 an hour), and blaming me consistently for things that were not my fault. (A prime example is their website went down because they renewed the wrong website—which unfortunately badly effected their SEO. I wasn’t hired for SEO though and I’m not a programmer; I couldn’t help them with the technical bits of their website!) When I fired them, I sent my last invoice—and they didn’t pay it, didn’t pay it, didn’t pay it. When I finally asked them what was up, as our parting of ways was not contentious, she replied that because she would have to redo some of the work I had done, she didn’t think she should have to pay me for those hours and her bookkeeper agreed. I was so upset that I just said fine, pay me whatever. (Reminder: this was work that was completely outside the scope of my contract to begin with!)

Friends, this is wrong. Your client does not get to determine whether you are paid for the work you did for them or not. You did the work, you get paid for it. There is no arguing. If they do argue, tell them you will speak to a lawyer. If you have a contract (and you should always have a contract), make sure to stipulate payment terms. If you have to prove you did the work, that’s fine. But if you do deliver the work that is asked for, you deserve to be paid for it—and there is no reason why a decent business would ever argue about it or try to step back on a contract.

Whew! All this is to say: invoicing is a challenging part of freelancing, I struggle to bill clients appropriately (due to some guilt issues and imposter syndrome), and I completely understand if you feel lost and confused about the process because, honey, honestly, same.

Ok, over to you: what’s your biggest mistake you’ve made freelancing? I’m not talking email-sent-at-the-wrong-time or email-gone-unanswered, but rather—what is a mistake you made that taught you a serious lesson about running your business?

3 Things I've Learned in One Year of Freelancing

When I started writing this blog post, I tried to find the previous one I thought I remembered writing around July of last year. As it turns out, I didn’t write very many blog posts last July—I wrote a few of my last beauty reviews and that was it. It wasn’t until August that I wrote a blog post about going freelance—and even then, I didn’t really talk about what had happened, just that I had been laid off and it sucked and I had one of two options. (You can read my first blog post about going freelance here.)

I found the blog post I thought I had written in July and it turns out, I wrote it in November. And again, in that blog post… it was in this blog post that I talked about being laid off and what they meant for me and how I didn’t want it to be the overwhelming focus of my life. (You can read that blog post, about resiliency, here.)

As it turns out, my desire to have the lay off and folding of a company I’d worked at for the majority of my career be the focus of my life wasn’t entirely possible. I’ve still spent time talking about it privately for months; at least once a month, something or other comes up about this company and I have to talk about it or interact with it. I still get calls about this company from the Oregon Department of Employment (fun!) and I still have to wonder: who, exactly, was I looking for?

I haven’t known how to write about what happened to me or this company (agency) that I worked for. It’s not my goal in life to make people miserable or to out people. I love gossiping privately, but this is one of those situations where the gossip isn’t that fun. Maybe because so many people’s lives were at stake. At first, I didn’t feel like it was my story to tell; I wanted my previous employers to be ahead of their own story and reputation and to control the narrative, without feeling like they were pressured by their former employees.

In an ideal world, that is what would have happened. It isn’t what happened unfortunately.

Here’s the truth about my being laid off: I got really, really screwed. My former employers still owe me money—over $5,000 to be precise—and it’s money that, over the last year, I have thought about repeatedly in an “I could really use that as capitol for my own business, to be honest” way. However, I’ve had to deal with the fact, internally, that I will never receive that money.

I will also never receive an apology. I know that now too. And they will never try to get ahead of the gossip or story or rumors about what happened. A lot of explanation is left to employees, which makes it hard for us to talk honestly about our experience without feeling like liars or poor sports, or as if we’re vindictive and out for revenge. None of those things are true.

But how can we talk about what happened when no one is being honest? It’s still not my place to talk about why my former workplace closed. But my decision to go freelance was impacted by one, large fact: I didn’t ever want to be screwed over for money like I was. I wanted to control my money and my product.

I lost all my work for 5 years. I have no portfolio, despite running social media for multiple businesses over 5 years, rewriting websites, writing blog content… it’s gone. All the proof of what I did is gone. And besides, as an agency employee to an agency that no longer exists, I can’t even say, “Well, I did X work for X client while at X”—because that place doesn’t even exist anymore, the bridge with the client has been burned so badly that our work was effectively wiped, and I don’t even have emails to back me up.

At the time I wrote my freelance announcement, I did so with the thought that I didn’t want to spill any “tea” so to speak. I just wanted to make people aware of what I was doing and how it was changing my life. But a big part of my motivation, at that point, was total independence. If a business can go under at any moment, then why not be in control of that business at least? I lost thousands of dollars to a business I had no stake in and nothing to show for. If I’m going to be at risk like that again, it might as well all be on my own shoulders.

This is all to say one thing: going freelance was still an incredibly hard decision. Some days are definitely easier than others. I’ve learned a lot over the last year and I hope that by sharing my story in my career it helps other people make better decisions for themselves and their families.

1. Networking isn’t as terrifying as I thought it would be.

Networking was the big scary idea of freelance that I always dreaded and hated. I didn’t know how to do it and what I did know about it, I didn’t particularly like. It stressed me out in ways that I didn’t really know how to identify.

The truth is, though, that networking is just… being friends with other people.

Networking gets a really bad reputation as being shallow and entirely favor-focused. And, of course, there are some people who use networking very shallowly. That being said, there are lots of people using it in very positive ways that aren’t so bad. I’m one of them!

I genuinely want to be friends with everyone I interact with in a networking way. I want to help them grow. I don’t ever approach anything with the “what can I get out of this?!” mentality. It’s just about building a relationship and seeing what happens. There will be lots of business relationships where I don’t see any “return”—and that’s fine! That’s just life!

So, networking isn’t so bad. And so much of my business comes from networking. I’d be really lost without it.

2. Project management is hard.

If you’re a project manager and you’re reading this, please know that your job is so vital and important.

Because it’s really, really, really hard to manage multiple projects and stay organized. Especially if you’re the one doing the work!

So much of my time goes to admin tasks: keeping Asana organized, making sure my calendars are up to date, invoicing, emails, everything. It all takes so much time. Then, when I start a new project, creating it in Asana, updating tasks, creating due dates… it’s so much work.

Alongside that, managing client expectations is part of project management and, oh my goodness, that is hard too. Staying up to date with multiple clients, keeping them updated, using their various task management and communication systems, scheduling meetings… it takes a lot of work!

This is the hardest part of freelance for me. I thought networking would be my bugbear, but it turns out to be actually managing and organizing projects.

3. Using cycle tracking helps plan my month.

Is this a big disparate to the first two items? Yeah, a little bit.

It was last year that I started noticing something that happened to me month-to-month: I realized that about a week before my cycle started, I had absolutely no energy or motivation. I often let this get me down: why can’t I get anything done?! But then, like clockwork, I would get a huge burst of creative energy usually a week before I ovulated—and I would stay in that energetic phase for about 2 weeks.

As it turns out, my experience is not unique. I randomly googled, “Why am I so creative when I’m ovulating?!” and it turns out, there is a whole system to this. Here are a few great resources I’ve found:

• How to Sync Your Business With Your Menstrual Cycle

• A Menstrual Cycle Based Business Calendar

For me, my monthly calendar is broken down week-by-week:

• The week of my period, I avoid meetings or large events. I simply won’t have the energy and honoring my body’s needs are more important. I usually do a lot of admin tasks during this time, as well as invoicing and planning my month financially.

• The week before ovulation, I work on calendars for the next month (so in June, I start my July calendars for clients). I’m ramping up my energy and feeling more creative, so this usually works out.

• The week I ovulate, I schedule meetings, launches, new client consults, and more. This is my most productive week always. I do most of my copywriting and graphic design this week for the next month.

• The week after I ovulate, I usually schedule in more time to rest after a busy and productive time, focus on admin tasks, analytics, reporting, and client relationships.

A lot of this organization has to do with how my exact cycle lands during the month (which will be different from roughly 75% of the population!)

It has definitely helped me to avoid getting in the habit of thinking, “I’ve lost my mojo, I don’t feel creative or energized by my work!” that then effects the rest of my month. This helps me so much with meeting deadlines. I’m so glad I discovered it and started organizing my calendar effectively.

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What a year it has been, huh? I can’t believe we are getting so close. A year ago this week, I was moving into my new house with absolutely no idea what was on the horizon. It’s always good to look back and think about how we’ve changed and what we’ve learned over the last year.

How to Practice Self Care for Freelancers

Working freelance, and working primarily from home, can have a really positive impact on some aspects of your mental health, while also being not-so-great for other aspects.

For me personally, working from home and working for myself gives me the freedom to try new things, to keep flexible work hours so I can also be a parent, and stay on top of tasks, like laundry and keeping my home clean, that improve my mental health. However, working from home can also be isolating, making it difficult for me to keep a routine and making me very, very lonely.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how freelancers can be practice self-care in their day-to-day lives. As I’ve written before, there is a difference between self-care and self-soothing; self-soothing, like taking baths, working out, doing yoga, etc., is just one aspect of self-care, which is a larger routine that makes it possible for you to maintain your mental health.

Recently, I was at a networking meeting with a few other freelancing friends and I asked them what they thought made it easier to practice self-care in their lives. We talked a lot about ways we all worked to keep routines, make sure we were prioritizing our mental health alongside client demands, and more. I gathered up a few of the most common pieces of advice here.

1. Separate Your Life from Your Work

I mean this one literally: separate your life from your work. I love my office at home, but I’ve started to realize that I use it for too much that isn’t my work. Which sometimes makes getting work done harder. I start paying bills when I meant to work on a proposal; I look at the pile of presents I need to wrap and feel a pang of guilt; I decide to tackle my filing (which has been on hold since AUGUST) instead of a task that has higher priority. Something needs to be done and that, obviously, is separation. I need to separate the spaces from my life.

If you don’t have space for a separate office, there are ways you can still make this work; designate a specific corner of your bedroom as your “office” and only work there. Keep your bills and everything else unrelated to work away from it.

2. Keep Boundaries with Clients Firm

It was 6pm and I was cleaning up from dinner, elbow deep in water washing dishes, when my phone rang. It was a client. I dried my hands and pressed to send it to voicemail.

3 minutes later, it rang again.

And then again.

And then again.

When I finally answered it, my client immediately said, “I’ve called you 5 times!” I asked if we had a call scheduled that I forgot and they said no. I reminded them it was 6pm on a Friday and I don’t typically work past 3pm. They scoffed and said they had a question. I decided to take it, reminding them that I did bill for these kind of calls, and they proceeded to ask me a question that wasn’t even urgent! There was nothing wrong with their social media, no pressing need. It was a run-of-the-mill question that could have been sent in email or, if they really wanted to hear my voice, scheduled in a call. I told them this and then wished them a happy weekend, asking them to send me an email Monday morning with the question.

When they didn’t send me that email, I fired them as a client.

For me, I have to have boundaries: I don’t do unscheduled work calls outside of my work hours (we’ll talk work hours in a moment!); I don’t take non-urgent calls outside of business hours; and if my clients don’t keep up their end of the contract or work agreement, then I don’t keep them as clients. I don’t let myself feel bad about these boundaries as I need them to be an effective worker and to stay healthy—and all my freelancing friends agree.

You’ll always have a client that will push the boundaries. When I answered that call on that Friday evening, I expected an urgent question—when I realized it wasn’t urgent, I told them to ask me via email so I could answer on my time and not have to bill them for it. (This was mostly for my benefit, but to them, it seemed like I was being nice!) However, I realized that if someone calls me 5 times in a row on a Friday evening with a question they could easily Google themselves, they are someone who is going to always push my boundaries; if I’d answered their question on the phone that day, they would have continued to push and push. I didn’t want that. So better to stop it before it starts.

3. Make Your Space Functional

I get chronic knee pain from sitting too long when I work, so I have a desk that I can easily turn into a standing desk. This is one aspect of a functional work space.

Sometimes, we tend too much towards wanting our work spaces to look nice (I’m totally guilty of this), without focusing on how it will function. Right now, I have a bunch of boxes stacked beside my desk for my printer because I have yet to find a filing cabinet that I like (I’m working on it, really). While this isn’t really aesthetically pleasing, it works for me right now.

There are many ways to make your space functional; pick a chair for comfort, not for cuteness, because you’ll be spending time in it. Get the blue blocker glasses that will save your eyes and invest in a good, ergonomic set up for your desk top to save yourself from carpal tunnel syndrome.

4. Set Work Hours

This really goes hand-in-hand with the second point, but: have set work hours and make your clients aware of them. I use Contently to schedule 30-minute meetings with my clients and make it clear that I start work at 7am and finish work by 3pm. If they need me outside those hours, they can schedule a meeting if they have no other options. And more than establishing these boundaries with your clients, you need to establish them with yourself.

That means, no leaving dinner early to work on a project. No taking just a few minutes to answer work emails.

I created a new email address that I use entirely for work and I do not have it on my phone; I only open it up, in my browser, during my work hours. I might think of an idea for something for a project or a blog post… but I write it down on a sticky note, stick it in my work notebook, and leave it for the next day.

This has been a huge change for me as I’m used to working basically whenever I get a few free moments or hours. However, I’ve realized that for my mental health, I have to leave work during work hours and give myself a few hours of being just a mom or a few hours where I can just watch TV, or embroider, or read.

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When it comes to self care and freelancing, it’s also important to remember to set aside time for a morning routine: taking your medication, showering, cleaning up your work space, and more. These little things set into your daily schedule can help keep you on track mentally and professionally.

Life Lately: 5 Things I Learned Last Week

I have found myself waffling back and forth between two plans lately.

Sometimes, I’m fully committed to being freelance: I post on LinkedIn, I network, I make meetings, everything.

And other times, I just wish I had a job again: a job that I turned off, that I could clean out my office for, that I could drive to everyday and have coffee provided.

If you don’t follow me on Instagram, then you don’t know the big, bad, and also very weird thing that happened to me last week. I’ll get to it!

But it’s definitely thrown me for a loop. I’ve recommitted to going freelance, even though it is hard, and makes me tired, and fills me with anxiety in ways that are both good and bad. The last few weeks have been a series of lessons, over and over. I wanted to share a few things as I know that many are on this journey with me. If you’re thinking of going freelance or becoming self-employed (or starting your own business), you’ve probably felt a few of these things. And if you, like me, have had moments of self-doubt and tried to reconnect to a different path, well, you might feel some of these too.

1. Sometimes, anxiety is self-protection.

As I wrote in my newsletter two weeks ago, my therapist often talks to me about how my anxiety and self-doubt is often me trying to protect myself. I hold myself back in ways I don’t truly understand because I’m afraid of being rejected—and then when I step outside my comfort zone and experience rejection, it just reinforces the “you should have anxiety about this,” or “you are an imposter and you aren’t good at your job” feelings. (If you aren’t subscribed to my newsletter, then, baby, please do.)

The past two weeks have been anxiety central for me. Which is crazy because I had one week where everything went fantastic: I had meetings scheduled every single day, I was networking, I was sending emails, I felt amazing. But then, the next week, it’s like it all came crashing down and I didn’t know how to cope.

Anxiety is often what I describe as a combination of my gut feeling (which is instinctual) and this buzzing in my brain that seems to resonate with “wrong, wrong, wrong, something is wrong.” It’s hard to have the two happening at the same time and wonder if one is correct and the other isn’t. It’s hard to trust myself when what I inherently think (go the easy route, don’t make waves) is often a way of protecting myself from experiencing rejection or anxiety.

Anyway, this is all to say: I’ve been working on how I react to things and how I make decisions. I sometimes jokingly say that I am a classic Libra because I can’t make decisions. But the truth is, I struggle with making big decisions because I tend to make life decisions focused on what other people would want, rather than what I would want myself.

2. My gut feeling is usually correct.

It’s time for me to write the big, bad, weird story here & talk a little bit more about what it made me learn.

This might feel a little contradictory to my last point, but I sometimes just get a gut feeling about things. This won’t go well or This doesn’t seem right. It’s not anxiety, exactly, but sometimes a part of it. Sometimes, it’s just a feeling I have that I can’t totally explain.

Anyway, let’s talk about the big bad: I was offered a job.

Let’s rewind: two weeks ago, I went to an interview where they loved me. I met with an executive, who thought I would be great in the role, but wouldn’t be happy. She then offered to accelerate starting their marketing department so that I would be added to it. She would get back to me in a few days. A few days later, we scheduled a phone call. I clarified my schedule (I want to be able to pick up my son in the afternoon, but I could work from home as much they wanted). They had never done a remote position before, but were willing to try. She said they would be sending a job offer by the next day.

The next day, Tuesday of last week, I woke up from a nap to see an email from her, telling me they would not be sending me a job offer specifically because I wanted to be able to pick up my son in the afternoon.

I know this is not the worst example of anti-mom bias in the workplace. I know that. I also know I’m in a really privileged position to be able to ask for that, but I don’t think it should be a privilege. I think it should be assumed that parents need to be able to leave to get their kids when school is over, but if they work a job that is 100% online the way marketing is, then why can’t they just finish up the last two hours of work from home?! I just don’t get it.

I cried a lot.

But, I had been nervous about getting the job offer. I’d debated back and forth with Danny about accepting it. And a small part of me on Tuesday thought: this isn’t right. This isn’t going to happen the way I think it will.

Even as I got excited to accept the job. Even when I thought about the salary and how it would have changed our lives. (We could afford a vacation, for once.)

I was still devastated when I got the email, but I found myself thinking: that gut feeling was right. That feeling I got that they wouldn’t be understanding of my role as a caretaker and mother was right. I was right. It still royally sucked, but I was right. It just sucks.

3. Sometimes, a bad thing leads to a good thing.

The day after I got that awful, no good email, I got a text message about a potential freelance gig. I was groggy, with that “hungover from crying” feeling. I was in a bad mood all day, mostly lying on the couch and sometimes texting Danny, “I had already planned a celebratory Disneyland trip in my mind.” (Yes, I know that is full-blown emo, but what can I say?)

But I scheduled another meeting for a freelance gig. Because why not? Because why stop myself just because I’ve had a rough week?

4. It’s ok to get in your feelings about it—but sometimes your primary feeling isn’t the right one.

As I said, I cried a lot last Tuesday. (And unfortunately, a lot of this blog post is about that email on Tuesday. God, it sucked!) I cried a lot and even though I’d had this gut feeling that it wasn’t the right job for me even though it paid so well and I wouldn’t have to worry about money and it seemed perfect… I still had the feeling that it wasn’t quite right.

But I also had that feeling of: I’m a failure, I fucked up, I’m stupid, I shouldn’t even apply to jobs because no one wants to hire a mother, everyone thinks I’m an idiot.

But then I talked to my former boss and she told me that there was no reason blaming myself. What kind of company offers someone a job, then yanks it away because they decide they don’t like the already agreed upon schedule? Especially in marketing, where a flexible schedule is sort of… the point of working in marketing? “Be angry,” she said.

The right thing is not: “I fucked up.” The right thing is: “they fucked up and I’m so angry.”

The worst part is that companies here in Eugene so often complain about being unable to hire good talent. They can’t find people to hire or the people who apply don’t have enough experience. I have 5 years experience; I am a high level marketer; I’m very good at what I do! I am the good talent! But because businesses see “work” as being 40-60+ hours a week in an office, no exceptions, they aren’t willing to accept people who might need other schedules: mothers, or people with disabilities, or anyone else who just doesn’t want to be chained to a desk. Millennials have a much different view about what it means to work “full time” and it’s time for everyone else to catch up.

I sat up on Tuesday night until nearly 3 am writing a blisteringly angry article for LinkedIn. I probably won’t post it, but God, it felt good.

5. It’s ok to be content.

“I should be making more money,” I thought. But is that right? Do I need to be making more money?

If you can’t tell, a big part of why the loss of that job offer sucked is because the salary was good. Full disclosure, I’ve never been motivated by money when it comes to my jobs; I just want to work and to be quite honest, I have a really hard time understanding salary comparisons. I have known, at least somewhat, that as a marketer I should have been making more money ages ago, but it didn’t really matter to me. We got by.

It’s only been the last probably year where things felt really tight, but that was for reasons sort of beyond our control. We had a year of bad financial set backs and then, in 2019, my workplace was becoming more and more financially unstable as well. (Again, no one’s fault! Just the way the cookie crumbles.)

So the idea of a lot more money was huge. We haven’t been on a real vacation since we went to Disneyland in June 2017 and friends, I am exhausted. I think about getting in my car and just driving away at least once every single day. I have worked, for at least 5 hours, every single day since June 2017 on either this blog, or work, or some other professional capacity.

As much as I wish we could be saving more money, I have also realized it’s ok to just get by for a little while, especially if it means improving my mental health. Money is nice and I wish we could afford a trip to take a break (we both need, Forrest needs it), but I’m ok with waiting if it means I’m not continually being punched in the gut by companies!

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Whew, I know that was a lot but it felt good to write out. I’m trying to look at the next few weeks with positivity. I have time to make Forrest a birthday cake, to take him to school most days, to pick him up from school and love him. It has been a rough few weeks for me, but I’m lucky to be doing as well as I am, considering everything.

With that said: how have you been doing? Share with me!

How to Handle Rejection in Your Career

In case you’re wondering how my freelance prospects have gone the last few weeks, here’s a good example conversation I feel like I’ve had about 400 times:

Prospect: So how much would that be?

Me: Well, I charge $250 for an initial strategy, then actual content creation would be $800 per month.

Prospect: (sharp inhale of breath, mild gasp) well that’s just too much! I guess we’ll think about it and get back to you.

Readers, they do not get back to me. They’re never going to back to me. I know that. You know that. They know that.

Even worse than this example is the people who arrange meetings with me, sit across from me in coffee shops acting interested, or spend an hour on the phone with me pretending to be interested, only to ask the inevitable: “So what happened with [name of agency]?” (In case you didn’t read this blog post, I got laid off from the agency I worked at for 5 years, alongside all my coworkers. It sucked, but I’m doing ok!)

I know what I look like when that happens: the smile on my face becomes just a little more strained, my eyes crinkled up. I want to cry because I always know the question will come in every interview and meeting and phone call for the next few years. I have to say the same thing over and over: “It’s not really my story to tell and if you met with me for gossip, you met with the wrong person.” After that, we usually finish up our coffees and they pretend to want a rate sheet, or they pretend that they’ll let me know when they want to move forward and sign a contract. But they won’t. They won’t answer my phone calls or respond to my emails.

I know that. You know that. And they know that.

It’s fine, really. I have some prospects that look great. But the type of rejection I’ve been getting lately has been different from any other type of rejection I’ve ever experienced. It’s not just not getting a job where there were tons of applicants and, ok, maybe I’m not the most qualified. It’s rejection based entirely on me and my skill level and what I’m asking to be paid. Or worse, it’s a type of rejection that happened before I even got a chance: they only wanted to talk to me for gossip that I was never going to use to leverage getting paid.

I feel a lot of things about being laid off, about losing a job I’ve loved for 5 years, but one thing I’ll never feel is like I have to use any gossip about that job in order to get paid. I’d rather be dirt poor than do that, thank you very much.

It sucks to be told you’re charging too much. It sucks to feel like people only want to talk to you so they can get dirt on someone else. (And they’re never going to get dirt about other people from me, that’s just the rules.) And it sucks to have all of this happening when I otherwise feel really vulnerable and unsure about my future and what I want and what I’m doing generally.

Rejection sucks even at the best of times. But when you’re already struggling, it can feel like an even bigger burden.

Luckily, I’ve found a few ways to deal with my feelings of rejection in the last few weeks. I wanted to share them, as I know for many women and young professionals, rejection can be a huge barrier many of us face as we start our careers. Whether we are just out of college, going back to work after maternity leave, or starting fresh after being laid off (or simply leaving a toxic workplace), the truth is we are going to get rejected. It doesn’t have to be such a big knock to your confidence, so let’s talk tips for coping.

1. Fill Your Time

I recently signed up for Vix Meldrew’s Grow & Glow, which I highly recommend for bloggers. The reason is because I needed something to do. I just… needed something! I don’t know how to explain it, but I couldn’t spend one more of my scheduled “work hours” applying to jobs, rewriting my resume for the 400th time, or drafting a LinkedIn post. Or worse, writing another networking email.

I needed something positive to channel all the energy I usually dedicate to my job into it. Something! Anything! So I decided, for the equivalent of $13 a month, Grow & Glow was the perfect level of dedication: modules I can work on at my leisure, always giving me something to read, watch, and journal about when I’m sitting in a coffee shop.

I’m not tell you to sign up for Grow & Glow. (Although, again, I really love it! It’s helped my blog immensely in the last few weeks.) I am telling you to find something to use your energy on. If you’re currently looking for a job, or you are starting your career, or you just have hours to fill that you wish you were spending working on something… find something to fill your time. It might be a cheap online course. It might be a new certification. It might be learning a new language! Anything that will help you and your career and give purpose to your days is important, especially if you struggle with anxiety when you don’t have anything to do.

I know for me, I hate not having at least 2-3 things on my to do list every day. So having something that I can automatically look to for tasks is important.

2. Spend Time with Friends

If you’re struggling to start your career, or really getting down about your career prospects, here’s one thing to consider: spend some time with your friends. I know it can feel daunting, especially if you’re not working while everyone else is. (I definitely felt this just after I had Forrest; I wasn’t working, at a job at least, but everyone I knew was and it was an incredibly isolating experience.) However, send that text message or email. Reach out on Facebook or LinkedIn. Meet with old coworkers, or old friends, or new friends. Meet for coffee. Talk about what you’re going through. Ask for advice. Ask for potential connections.

Even if nothing comes from it, spending time with your friends can boost your mood and help alleviate the isolation you can feel when you’re getting rejected (by jobs, by potential clients, by what feels like everyone). Reach out to your friends, let them know what’s going on in your life, and they’ll be more likely to check on you as well.

3. Take Care of Yourself

This goes without saying but: rejection often isn’t personal.

Even though it feels personal (and lately, everything I’ve experienced feels SO intensely personal), it’s really… not. It’s not! If you don’t get a job you really wanted, it most likely isn’t because you are lacking in some way; it’s because there were tons of qualified applicants and they just happened to pick someone over you. If a prospect says “no” to your freelance services, it’s most likely not because they don’t like you; they probably just aren’t ready to commit anyway (and would therefore probably have made a terrible client).

You deserve a career that leaves you feeling fulfilled and happy. You will find it.

But in the meantime, when everything you’re told feels like a slamming door in your face, take care of yourself. Take a long bubble bath. Read your favorite book. Go out to dinner even though you’re stressed about money. Take your kids to the park or go to a music show with your partner or friends. Don’t treat yourself badly just because you feel badly about how the world is treating you. You come first in your life, so take care of you, show yourself love, and don’t allow rejection to turn into self-hatred.

4. Look at Rejection Realistically

Like I said: rejection is hardly ever personal. Sometimes it is, that’s true. Sometimes, you just might not click with a client.

I recently had to fire a client who I had actually been working with for a long time. I had had some reservations starting work with this client from the get go; they seemed disorganized, very slow to reply, and unsure of what they needed and what they were doing. But I personally really liked them. I should have said, “You know what? No.” I should have been the one to reject them, but I didn’t because I didn’t want them to think I didn’t like them or support their business. (I do like them and I do want to support their business.)

Things went bad fast. They were not an ideal client. They didn’t reply to emails and then, weeks later, would question why something hadn’t moved forward. (Because they hadn’t replied to my emails!) Long story short: I should have said no. Because rejection is about doing the best work possible sometimes, not about how much we like someone.

A potential employer can like you a lot and think you’re incredibly talented… and still say no. Here’s another example: since I graduated college in 2011, I have applied and interviewed at a business at least 4 times! Every single time, the owner tells me how incredible I seem as an employee, how impressed she is with my skills… then she hires someone else. For a long time, I thought she was just doing this to neg me or make me feel inferior—or worse, she was just lying about my skills. But recently, I was talking about this with someone and they said, “she probably thinks you’re great, but just not right for that specific job.” Isn’t that the truth? The rejection wasn’t personal; I just wasn’t the best fit for the job, even though I desperately wanted to be.

All I’m saying is: when it comes to getting that “no” (that can be so painful, so ill-timed), sometimes it’s not really about you. Sometimes it’s about someone else. Not every “no” is a “not good enough”; most of the time, “no” is just “sorry, no.”

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Do you have any tips for handling rejection? Share with me in the comments!

The Freelancer's Guide to Email Etiquette

This post originally appeared on my old blog, Ellipsis. It's still an important topic, especially for new freelancers and those just entering the industry. 

I started freelancing in August 2013. It's been a solid 3 years of freelance, through which I've learned a lot. I don't freelance enough to, say, quit my job and take a full-time run at it. But I do a respectable trade. Freelance writing is one of the best things I've ever done for myself. It's the best way for me to use my talents and be fulfilled at the same time. The thrill of being able to help people start businesses, or advance their businesses, thanks to my writing skills and marketing knowledge is one of the best int he world. 

That being said, there are some things to freelancing that I've learned the hard way. Mostly, if you are doing freelance writing over the Internet for a company or person very far from you, rules of email etiquette. Here are my top 5 rules. 

1. Reply quickly. 

Business owners, social media coordinators, and marketers are busy people. They don't have time to sit around waiting for an email response. If they email you, asking you to write for them or pitching a project idea, reply as soon as you can -- even if you're reply is: I'm at the grocery store, I'll write a longer reply in 15 minutes! It matters... really. 

2. Email as often as you need to, but know when to stop.

Early in my freelance career, I was contacted by a woman launching a new website. She wanted me to write some materials for her and rewrite parts of her website. It was really exciting. I wrote an article for her, sent it along, and... no response. I sent her an email. She replied that she would get back to me. After a few weeks of hearing nothing from her, I sent her a certified letter (per our contract) requesting payment and the materials I'd written to be destroyed due to non-response. Here's the thing: a polite nudge ("hey, if you want this project completed on your timeline, you need to edit the materials I sent along") is one thing. Having to babysit someone who is paying you for a service is totally different. After she received the letter, she sent me a scathing email about how I was "barely 1/4 as busy" as her, how she didn't have time to do such tedious editing work, and she'd expected more from me. It all made me wonder why she'd hired a copywriter in the first place. I used to think I should have just sent her another reminder email, but it's not my job to motivate any owner to do their job. Also: I never got paid for the 40 hours of writing I did. 

3. Keep your emails short.

Sending a potential client a long-winded response to their project proposal isn't a great idea. They don't have time to read you wax poetic about it for 3 paragraphs. I try to keep my emails to one paragraph long--and only three sentences. I read an article about how the average email is too long and that most people stop reading after 3 sentences. So if you have something important to say, say it fast.   

4. Don't pester.

You know how I said to email as often as you need to? Yes, that's true. But don't pester people. You should reply ASAP to proposals... but if you don't hear from someone in three hours, that's not an excuse to send them another email. Remember: they might be busy, just like you, and just because they aren't as good at replying to emails doesn't mean they haven't heard you. Now, if it's been a day or two, email again asking for a quick reply to confirm they've gotten your previous message! 

5. Be polite. Always.

People will be rude sometimes (a lot of times). Don't return the behavior. If you get shorted on money or someone cancels a project halfway through, if a client doesn't like what you've written or acts like a crazy person... it's no excuse to be rude, even if they are! Be polite, be genuine, and accept the things you can't change about people. Taking the high road always makes you seem more professional and that is a positive impact on your reputation! 

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cDo you have any email etiquette tips for freelancers?