4 Signs You Need Boundaries

This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts. You can read all posts in this series by clicking here.

For years, I heard about setting boundaries. About drawing distinct lines. Putting the toxic people in your life that you wouldn’t be taking anymore or making it clear to your job that after 5pm, you were simply unavailable. I never considered that this was something that applied to me: I was stressed and constantly anxious, but I didn’t consider any of my relationships (with my family, with Danny, or with work) to be toxic enough to need boundaries.

But here’s the thing: toxicity doesn’t necessitate boundaries. A toxic relationship really is the last step in the process, where someone isn’t respecting your boundaries.

Everyone needs boundaries. And some of us are better than others are setting boundaries and keeping them. Some of us are better at recognizing when we need boundaries. So the question here is, of course: what are the signs that we need to set boundaries? Here are a few things I’ve noticed in my own life.

1. You’re Burnt Out.

To me, this is the biggest sign. You find yourself getting snappy and easily annoyed by everything: the people you love, your job, people at the grocery store. You never feel like you’re actually resting. You wake up every morning feeling just as exhausted as the night before and, worse, dreading your day of parenting, working, or interacting with others (or all 3!). That’s burn out, friend, and it’s unfortunately very common, especially among young professional women and mothers. We’re prime targets for not having enough boundaries, imposter syndrome, and feeling like we have to reach peak productivity to be important.

It goes without saying: if you’re feeling signs of burn out, you need to establish boundaries. Here are a few you might consider:

• Setting strict work hours and not adjusting these unless it is a bonafide emergency (as defined by you, not your boss, not your client).

• Scheduling in quiet time for yourself everyday. This might be a bath, watching a movie by yourself in your bedroom, organizing your closet, whatever.

• Taking a week off every 6 weeks to reset, recharge, and get some much needed chores done (or just relax).

2. You can’t get anything done.

It’s not procrastination: it’s stress, baby! Because you’re constantly taking on things for other people, allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted, you find yourself pulled between 100 different tasks and stuck, unable to complete any of them. The laundry that needs folded. The living room that needs cleaned desperately. The dinner that needs cooked. The client project’s that need tackled. There is so much to do and it’s so overwhelming—but the emails don’t stop, your husband standing in the door asking about your child’s favorite stuffed animal doesn’t stop, said child running in to ask to go on a hike… it doesn’t stop.

Between the disruptions, the overwhelm, and everything else, you just can’t get anything done. It feels too hard, too overwhelming. It’s a sign you need boundaries. Here are a few suggestions:

• Set filters on your email or politely ask friends, associates, and clients to limit their emails to you throughout the day.

• Remind those in your household to keep interruptions to a minimum. Using a red-light/green-light system for your kids is really effective.

• Write a to do list of less than 5 items to help narrow your focus and trim away the fluff. If other tasks can be delegated back to clients or coworkers, do that and communicate that this is not a task you can take on.

3. You feel like you don’t have any space of your own.

Speaking of email… your email is full of people asking questions, getting your advice and emotional energy for totally free. Your Instagram DMs are full of people asking questions about your content, your posts, everything. You get texts from clients. You feel like you don’t have any space that you can control, that doesn’t feel overwhelming and demanding.

This is an interesting point because it might feel like it doesn’t differentiate from the others. But I think the point here is: sometimes we have to set boundaries on our communication and carve out space for ourselves that doesn’t feel like it drains us. You might want to just enjoy Instagram and not be bombarded by repetitive DMs! Or you might want to reply to fun emails from friends that don’t ask for favors, free advice, or whatever. You want to enjoy those digital (or physical) spaces without the pressure to be working, productive, providing a service, or answering questions that you’ve already answered.

Here are a few boundaries you might consider:

• Setting up filters in your email. (Seriously, this helps SO MUCH).

• Communicating with friends that you love talking about your work, but that you simply can’t provide free services to them. (This is a hard one for me too, so I get it!)

• Setting clear standards on Instagram and other social media about what kind of messages you will and won’t respond to.

4. You feel guilty constantly.

You’re behind on a client deadline, but can’t focus because you feel so bad that your child is out in the living room alone. You go play with your child only to feel guilty that you should be working on that massive to do list for a client project.

Everything you do makes you feel guilty. Every choice makes you feel guilty. You never feel like you can rest because you feel so guilty.

Carrying guilt is so common these days. There’s a lot to think about, a lot to worry about, and, of course, a lot to feel guilty about. However, if you’re feeling guilt over everything you’re doing and not doing, you need to create some boundaries to free yourself from those feelings and expectations.

Here are a few ideas:

• When you find yourself spiraling into guilt, set up a series of actions to take, such as taking a walk, listening to a song you love, or doing literally anything else besides stewing in your guilt.

• Make a schedule and stick to it: these are the hours you work, these are the hours you spend with your kids, these are the hours you have to yourself.

I Tried Hilma So You Don't Have To

Do you get chronic head tension? Do you take a lot of Excedrin Migraine?

Are you me?

I know I’m not alone in having head tension; it’s an incredibly common issue and it can be triggered by long stretches at your computer (guilty), carrying tension in your shoulders (guilty), and stress (also guilty). It goes without saying, but head tension can ruin your day. If I don’t take care of mine (by lying with a heating pad, taking some Excedrin, or relaxing for a while), it can rapidly morph into a migraine… which is exactly what happened to me last weekend.

It’s been a long time since I was so excited to try (and review) a product. But when Hilma approached me in July about trying some of their products, I was really, really excited. Why? Because even though Excedrin Migraine works for my head tension, I don’t exactly love taking it as much as I do. There is definitely a warning on that bottle about only taking a dose every 24 hours and while I never test that, it does make me nervous. Having a natural alternative, or something that I could take to help prevent head tension (or stiff shoulders, or whatever) would make me a lot happier.

That’s where Hilma comes in.

What is Hilma?

Like many people, over the last few years, I’ve started swapping out my cleaning products in my house. Nontoxic soaps, all natural cleaners. They keep everything just as clean without worrying about what you’re leaving behind—especially if you have kids.

The creators of Hilma found themselves doing the same thing and realized there was space in our medicine cabinets for more natural remedies. Here’s a brief summary from their website:

“We needed a NEW STANDARD for getting back on our feet.

When we looked for the products we wanted, we found that the natural options weren’t backed by science. And the products backed by science didn’t hold up to our clean label standards.

That’s when we decided to create the standard we were looking for — NATURAL REMEDIES, BACKED BY SCIENCE.

And now, after two years of research, assembling a world-class team of scientists, and kicking off three clinical studies, Hilma is here.”

(You can read more here.)

Think of Hilma as an alternative to your medicine cabinet staples, made with all natural ingredients that are also backed by science.

I’m always a little suspicious of medical products that claim to be all natural and effective. Often because those things are a little woo-y and ultimately act as placebos. (I’m looking at you, essential oils.) However, the thing I love about Hilma is their dedication to science, funding studies to show the effectiveness of their products, and really looking to improve people’s health without the worry.

I would classify most of Hilma’s products as both treatments and preventatives. You, like me, can take Tension Relief in the morning along with your vitamins (Ritual, in my case). Or, if you find yourself feeling some head tension or stress in your shoulders, you can take it at that moment. It’s an either or situation: preventative or treat.

That doesn’t mean your traditional products won’t have a place in your medicine cabinet anymore, but rather that you have some things to try before turning to the big things.

One more great thing about Hilma: their products are free from milk, egg, soy, and tree nuts, which means if you have an allergy to those (checking in with a soy allergy here!), you can rest a little easier about your medicine cabinet.

What products have I tried?

Here’s a review of everything I’ve tried from Hilma so far.

Immune Support

This is the first product I tried and wow, it’s good. It’s a powdered supplement intended to boost your immune system; it contains Zinc, Vitamin C (Camu Camu), Echinacea, Ginger, and more. You can add it to hot or cold water, or mix it into smoothies, popsicles, whatever you want really. It tastes great plain (hot is best! It’s almost like a turmeric tea). When it comes to immune support, it’s always hard to say “this helped!” or “this didn’t!” but the most important thing is do I feel like I’m supporting my immune system here? Yes, definitely. In college, I basically drank Emergen-C (bought in a huge package at Costco, natch) by the gallon to keep myself from getting sick. Immune Support is an alternative to that: just as much vitamin C, but without all the… extra.

Upset Stomach Relief

Danny has stomach problems—always has and always will. We go through a lot of Tums in our house. Like a lot of Tums. We have the traditional Tums chewables (those chalky ones that I also lived on when I was pregnant), the new chewy kind that have fancy flavors like Peppermint and Lemonade, Rolaids, Pepto-Bismal. We have a lot of upset stomach medicines in our medicine cabinet.

It goes without saying I was really hoping that the Upset Stomach Relief would work for Danny as something he could take in the morning every day and not have to eat so many Tums, Rolaids, and other things throughout the day. At first, he took this just when he started not feeling good. A few hours later, he said, “that really worked. I feel so much better and I haven’t taken any Tums.”

Honestly, if that’s not success, I don’t know what is.

I have also tried the Upset Stomach Relief—after a barbecue in the hot sun where I ate a burger and a hot dog and ice cream because, it’s a BBQ, what am I supposed to do? It helped so much that I was almost a little shocked.

Upset Stomach relief contains Chamomile, Artichoke Leaf, Ginger Root and more and is designed to help acid indigestion, heartburn, and upset stomach.

Tension Relief

Tension Relief is my favorite product. If you can’t tell, it was the inspiration for my intro today. Head tension is something I’ve struggled with for years and I know it’s because I often find myself shaped fully like a shrimp while sitting at my desk. I carry all my stress in my shoulders. When I go to the chiropractor, he always says, “Your top vertebra has just decided not to come to work today.” This is not uncommon for women my age who work jobs like mine (at a desk, in front of a computer, typing 85% of the day).

Like I said, I take a lot of Excedrin Migraine, but I know that ibuprofen is simply not good for my stomach. It’s just not! If you take too much, you’re in serious danger and I don’t like thinking about that too much.

I was so excited to try Tension Relief. I’ve been taking it every single day since I received it; I usually just take one capsule in the morning alongside my vitamins and then, if I need a second later in the day, I’ll take it. I’ve definitely noticed less head tension. There are somedays where I still will get a tension headache, but I think that’s just kind of the way it is sometimes. Even with Excedrin Migraine, there are days where it doesn’t come close to touching my head tension.

If you get chronic tension headaches, I think this is the one product you should order immediately. The others are good, but this one is so good.

Tension Relief contains  White Willow Bark, Magnesium, Boswellia, Feverfew, and Skullcap, ingredients that are proven to help relieve tension.

Want to try Hilma?

I think you’re going to love it. You can use my code at checkout to get 20% off your first order!

Disclaimer: links throughout this post are affiliate links. Using these helps me keep the lights on here at Writing Between Pauses. You can learn more about my disclosure policy here.

How to Set Boundaries As A Mom

Happy August! This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts.

A few months ago, I was talking to my therapist about how difficult it felt to give my son the attention he needs while also finishing my work. She asked me a few questions about how we spent our time during the day. I talked about the added pressure I felt to be doing activities with him: making things and keeping him entertained.

“It sounds like you need some boundaries,” she said.

We kept talking on our Zoom call and when I hung up, I sat for a while thinking about what she had said. Boundaries? With your kids?

I knew all about setting boundaries: I have pretty strict boundaries set up between my work and my life, such as no working after a certain time, taking every other Friday off, not checking my email on my phone, and more. But as a mother, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what it mean to establish boundaries as a mother. With my kid!

We tend to think of setting boundaries as an ultimatum, as something negative or a consequence of something bad happening. But the truth is, the more I thought about what my therapist said (and the more we talked about it over the next few weeks), the more I realized that setting boundaries doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can be a good thing!

Let’s talk through a few points about setting boundaries as a mother (or parent!). (As a reminder, I’m not a counselor or therapist; this is just what I’ve learned from researching and establishing boundaries in my own life.)

What does it mean to establish boundaries as a mother?

Imagine it: you’re in your office, working away at a task that shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes. 5 minutes in, your son rushes in and needs help. You get up to help him. 5 minutes later, you’re back at your desk… and your son rushes in again to ask you to do something else (fill in the blank: make a comic book, make cookies, go to grandma’s…) That 30 minute task stretches out to an hour, 2 hours, as you work to give your child the attention he needs (because you feel guilty if you say no).

“Sometimes we need to set boundaries around things to protect our own mental health, and that’s ok.⠀⠀”

— ourmamavillage on Instagram

Now, imagine this scenario: you’re in your office, working away at a task that shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes. 5 minutes in, your son rushes in and needs help. You say, “Did you check the door?” He loops back and see’s the “red light” sight on the door, which means “give me time.”

Establishing boundaries isn’t about punishing our kids or making them feel unimportant in comparison to our jobs. It is about providing us the ability to get our work done and not lose our minds in the process.

As working moms (or not working moms, but just moms trying to get shit done during the day), we can often feel like we don’t deserve to set these boundaries because being a parent is one of our jobs of many. We manage homes and schedules, we work jobs, we do the laundry, and we entertain the kids. And if entertaining the kids gets in the way of the other jobs, well, shouldn’t we prioritize our kids? Not necessarily.

You deserve to set boundaries because:

• You deserve to be able to finish a simple task in a short amount of time.

• You need space and rest just as much as anyone else, including your children.

• Your child will benefit immensely from it as well.

How can you set boundaries with young kids?

There is a lot written out there about establishing boundaries with mothers. That is, if you’re an adult and you have a difficult or toxic mother who interferes with your life. There is considerably less out there about establishing boundaries with kids, probably because this is relatively new for women, especially in the millennial generation. We were raised to think kids were our 100% and the current media bent (as well as hospital initiatives like BFHI) is that we should martyr ourselves for the good of our children. However, running ourselves on empty for the sake of our kids… isn’t great either, we just don’t have the evidence to support it quite yet.

So when it comes to setting boundaries with your kids, what can you do?

• Put a small sign on your office door to indicate if they can come in and ask you a question. (My son responds well to “red light” and “green light” signs as he understands what these mean without being able to read.)

• Communicate your boundaries clearly, in language that children understand at their developmental stage. (“When mom is working in your office, please knock before coming in or asking a question” will work for older kids; it won’t work for a 3-year-old!)

• Enforce that some areas are off limits for kids, such as your bedroom or your office. Remind them to knock or ask politely before coming in to ask you something.

• Let kids feel the consequences of a boundary being crossed. It’s easy to give in when kids are sad or disappointed. However, keeping boundaries enforced for both of your sakes is important. Let them understand the consequences and feel the emotion.

What does setting boundaries teach our children?

Setting boundaries in our lives is really hard. We’re all tempted to let them go at certain times (like when your boss texts you to do something ASAP), but setting boundaries, and protecting our mental health, isn’t just good for us. It’s good for our kids too.

Here’s a great post from ourmamavillage on Instagram that I highly recommend you read the entire caption!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jess: Therapist for Parents (@ourmamavillage) on Jul 9, 2020 at 6:15am PDT

Here’s the summary though: it’s kids job to ask for the world. That’s their job! However, giving them the world doesn’t teach them anything about boundaries or what is best for them. If you child asked for ice cream for every meal, they’d be very happy if they got it for every meal. However, they probably wouldn’t feel very good after a few days. It’s our job as parents to create the boundary that says, “you can have ice cream with dinner, but not for every meal. In the meantime, let’s talk about what kind of ice cream we’ll have with dinner!”

In the same way, setting our boundaries as parents helps them learn to set boundaries, protect their own mental health, and respect the needs of others.

How do we stop feeling guilty about establishing boundaries?

Now, here’s the big one: how do we stop feeling guilty?

Part of the reason we feel so guilty is because we are inundated with media that suggests we should feel guilty. Would I have been happier postpartum if I hadn’t read article after article about feeling guilty about not being able to breastfeed? Possibly. If I had just sat down my phone and focused on what was working, would I have been happier in the choices I had to make? I actually am pretty sure of that. Would we feel less worry if we didn’t Google things? Also, definitely.

There are entire Instagram accounts dedicated to feeling guilty, momshame, breastfeeding this, bottle feeding that. It’s easy to get stuck in the idea that there is one best way to parent and we have to follow it or else we’re doing something wrong.

Here’s what I want to ask you: do you think moms in the 1950s were laying awake every night wondering if they were doing it right? The answer is, maybe a few did, but probably not as much as now. Here’s another question: do you think your mother lied awake at night feeling guilty for not letting you have everything you asked for? I know my mom definitely struggled and didn’t get enough time to herself (sorry mom! I love you!), but I don’t think she felt that guilty when she closed her bedroom door and turned up the TV.

If you struggle with guilt (and trust me, there have been a lot of nights in the last 6 months where I’ve lied awake worried that we haven’t done anything fun for Forrest), here’s my advice: stop consuming media about feeling guilty as a mother. Unfollow the Instagram accounts that seem to bathe in their guilt publicly. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel guilty. Stop Googling about it! And most important, set the boundaries so that, when you are in a space to be just with your child, you’re able to have more fun than when you’re letting yourself be run dry.

If you start you feel guilt settling (and sometimes we feel guilt in our body before we think about it), remind yourself that you’re doing your best and that you are protecting both your needs and your child’s (or children’s) needs, that you have a hard job, and our lives right now are not normal. However, if you show your kids love, respect their emotions, and do the best you can… they will be fine. They don’t need supermom.

3 Affordable Sundresses for Plus-Size Women

Good dresses are hard to find, especially if you’re on the plus-size end of the sizing spectrum. I’m sort of right in the middle: at the end of straight sizes and the start of plus-sizes. Sometimes, it’s really hard to tell what size I wear and how I look; there are some stores were the largest sizes simply are never going to fit me and some stores where I wear Mediums and size 10s. It’s hard to know and gauge!

However, I’ve gotten pretty good at hunting down the best items out there for people who are like me and in need of expanded sizes. Target is getting a lot better at this—in fact, one of their labels, Wild Fable, has some incredible sizing. They carry XS to 4X in nearly everything, and up to 2X in stores. That’s pretty incredible, although I wish they went past 2X in stores! Finding good clothes shouldn’t be such a challenge, but here we are.

When I find a good piece, I usually buy multiple of it: different colors, of course, but if I know I like it, it’s hard to not want it in every color possible! Right now, the weather is so warm nearly everywhere, we’re all thinking of sundresses and staying as cool as possible. And hey, just because you wear a larger size doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be cool and comfortable. It’s really stinkin’ hot here in Oregon right now (it’s been 90+ every single day up until yesterday, when it dipped into the 80s—the 80s!) so I’m in sundresses basically 24/7.

Alright, let’s jump into it! Here are my 3 favorite sundresses you can find at Target!

Dress 1: Sleeveless Smocked Dress from Wild Fable, $28.00

I impulse bought this dress in yellow at Target while on a weekend trip to Bend. It was hotter than I expected it to be, I had packed leggings and sweatshirts to wear, and I just needed something I wouldn’t sweat profusely in. Enter, this dress. I bought it in yellow to start with, wore it nonstop for a week, then bought a second in the pink color. They have been staples in my closet ever since then: they’re so easy to throw on and wear a sweatshirt or t-shirt over, or wear with a swimsuit, or lounge around the house in. So many ways to wear them! The only downside is they are kind of see-through; if I wear them out, I wear a slip underneath or similarly colored underwear.

I wear a size Large in this dress. For reference, I usually wear a Large t-shirt and 12-14 size in most jeans. The top is fitted, but very stretchy, and pretty accommodating for all bust sizes.

This dress comes in sizes XS to 4X and in 4 colors (black, pink, yellow, and orange). At my local Target, they’ve had plenty of all the colors except black, which is pretty consistently picked over. However, it looks like all colors are available from the website!

Dress 2: Short Sleeve Knit Babydoll Dress from Wild Fable, $17.00

I bought this dress—a short sleeve t-shirt dress—at the same time as I bought the pink version of the first dress. It was an impulse, sort of; I spotted it, liked it, and decided to try it, telling myself I would return it if I hated it. I didn’t hate it! It fit great. This is one of those dresses that I think will wear well into Fall and Winter too; a pair of tights and a cardigan and it won’t be out of place.

I wear a size Large in this dress as well. One thing to note is that the top is definitely a bit more fitted, but the fabric is stretchy, so again, I think there is some leeway with sizing here. This dress also comes in sizes XS to 4X, but only one color—black with small white stripes.

Dress 3: Women’s Sleeveless Bib Knit Babydoll Dress from Wild Fable, $16.00

This is my most recent Target purchase—and yes, it’s another Wild Fable dress. This one is a nice, soft spaghetti strap dress that fits like a dream. Again, I wear a size Large in this dress and it’s definitely roomy. Wild Fable runs kind of bigger than I would typically expect. I like this dress because the top fits really well and the fabric is so soft and comfy. This is another dress that I think will carry well into Fall and Winter; I have this idea already of layering it over a turtleneck.

For right now, the mustard yellow version is perfect for wearing while listening to Taylor Swift’s folklore and pretend it’s fall. Add a beret or beanie and you’re basically Taylor Swift.

This dress comes in sizes XS to 4X and 5 colors (black, blue, mustard yellow, pink, and striped). I own the striped one (it’s black with white and sort of rust orange stripes—very 90s!) and the mustard yellow. Both are super cute!

Freebie: My Checklist for Daily Organization

I’m so excited to be sharing the last installment of my Let’s Get Organized series. Organization is not about perfection; it’s about having the tools and systems in place to make your life easier, whenever you need it. If you’d like to see May-June’s series on Daily Routines, click here. If you’d like to read the previous posts in the Let’s Get Organized series, click here.

Today’s post is going to be short-and-sweet. I feel like I’ve shared everything I can about creating an organization system that works for you and just you. To reiterate, here’s what to focus on:

• Small spaces first, and then larger.

• Focus on the issue that is keeping that space disorganized (such as too many papers, not having the right storage system, etc) and not the aesthetics.

• Small, daily organization works better than every-6-month-organization-spree.

On that last note, I have a daily organization checklist I’ve been using to help clean up my spaces.

Every week, I print a fresh copy, write out my to do items for keeping my newly organized spaces, well, organized, and then pop it on the fridge to remind me. Here are a few examples of my daily organization items:

• Sort and file new mail.

• Shred any papers in my office that I don’t need.

• Clear kitchen counters and put away clutter.

• Load, run, and empty dishwasher and dish strainer.

I really hope this checklist will be helpful to you as you try to become more organized!

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My 4 Tricks for Getting Kids to Eat Healthier Snacks

Snacking is a shockingly controversial topic in the parenting world.

Some parents are vehemently anti-snack. And some parents let their kids go hogwild.

The truth is: no matter what your approach is, as long as you’re approaching it from a mindset of wanting the best for your kids, that’s great. Do what works for you!

But I know for me, I’ve always stressed a little bit about what Forrest eats in a day. Like most 4-year-olds, he can be really picky. Kids don’t have a lot of control over their day-to-day lives so food is often the one thing they can control. Plus, they like routine and all the things being pretty similar day-to-day. Almost all kids (except the few outliers, you lucky ducks!) have a few (or quite a few) foods they simply won’t touch (Forrest’s are broccoli and potatoes).

Snacks are a great way to teach kids good habits—not just to pick foods that help them meet their nutritional goals, but also to have fun with food and to let their body’s needs guide their choices. However, making sure kids have access to a good mix of snacks—both the fun stuff and the good-for-you stuff—can be really challenging.

Here are my 4 tips for helping kids pick healthier snacks every day. (As a note, these are just a few things to try! Different things, as always, will work for different families. Experiment, find what works, and don’t stress too much about it!)

1. Focus on what your kids already like.

I am a picky eater and I can remember what it was like for me when my mother tried to force me to try new foods or eat new foods. It was stressful and it created a lot of anxiety in me. Especially with snacks, I always wanted to eat the same things over and over: chips and salsa; Cheerios; and maybe an apple with peanut butter.

Forrest is definitely not as picky as I was, but he definitely has different tastes. Whereas I would have happily lived on mashed potatoes (and only mashed potatoes) as a child, he hates potatoes in all forms: fries, roasted, mashed, whatever, he doesn’t like potatoes. However, he does love fruit and yogurt; he will eat fruit and yogurt pretty much always.

The solution? Snacks of fruit and yogurt. Freeze yogurt tubes for afternoon snacks on hot days. Keep cut up apples and peaches in the fridge. We always have apples and strawberries on hand, as well as mangos, peaches, and other seasonal fruits. Forrest is probably never going to be a kid who happily accepts carrots as a snack—but he will eat strawberries and peaches, a smoothie, or some yogurt with fruit and granola.

This has been one of the best things for my anxiety around food and making sure the snacks Forrest eats are at least 80% nutritionally sound most of the time: instead of trying to form his tastes into ones that help me tick all those boxes (5 servings of veggies? check!), I just work with what he likes—rather than what he’s still learning to like.

2. Offer variety and choices.

There are actually 2 ways to approach snacks in your house.

1. Presenting a schedule at the beginning of each day that lists what’s for breakfast, lunch, and dinner, and what is for morning and afternoon snack. And that’s it.

2. Giving them choices (just 2 choices, not all the choices) throughout the day at each mealtime and snack time.

How you approach this really depends on your child and their personality—as well as how well they’ve handled quarantine. (Isn’t that true for all of us?)

For us, I try to give choices. Here’s an example of what I say:

“This morning for breakfast, you can have oatmeal with apples or peanut butter toast with peach slices and granola. Which one sounds better?” Then, Forrest gets to choose—and he knows he always will be able to help me make breakfast.

At snack time, this is what I might say:

“For snack, you can have some cheese puffs and apple slices or yogurt with strawberries. Which sounds best right now?”

It’s really easy to get stuck in the rut of doing the same thing every day for kids. And some kids definitely thrive under that kind of structure. However, it can easily lead to boredom and kids begging for other snacks that you don’t necessarily want them to have every single day.

3. Make healthy snacks accessible.

One of the best things I ever did was make a little shelf for Forrest in the fridge that he can easily reach; it has his water bottle, juice boxes, and yogurts available 24/7. He also has access to our fruit bowl whenever he wants. We have a very simple rule in our house: if he wants a snack sometime other than our usual snack times, he can always have fruit, a yogurt, water, or a juice box—and he can get it himself. I will often find him happily eating a blueberry yogurt or eating an apple while playing with his Legos. It just makes my life so much easier and lets him know that, if he’s hungry, he is always allowed to access these spots no matter what.

4. Don’t restrict snacks.

Regarding point 3, I know for many parents, they feel they need to limit snacking. Especially if they’re worried their children are snacking more out of boredom than anything else. However, I’m trying to teach Forrest that it’s ok to listen to your body and some days, you just need more food than others! He is a very active child and he needs more food somedays. That’s just the reality of life. And while I definitely want him to make choices that make his body feel good, I never want him to feel like he is being deprived or not allowed to eat.

I have noticed this works with Forrest and lots of other kids; if they’re asking for a snack incessantly, it’s probably because they’re hungry. Even if dinner is 10 minutes from being done, they’re small humans and they only know they are hungry right then. I will usually put together whatever I have ready for dinner then; let’s say I’m making BLTs with cucumbers and watermelon. Well, the cucumber and watermelon are ready, so they can munch on those while I finish putting together the sandwiches. There is nothing wrong with doing that.

If kids are begging for snacks in between meals, or in between snacks, I often ask what sounds good and offer a few alternatives. If they all want popsicles, that’s a fairly easy thing to offer! Plus, popsicles can help with hydration—always a great choice during the summer. You can also offer a variety of snacks, like some cheese puffs, a yogurt, a few strawberries, and a juice box and see what they end up picking. It’s not like you can’t save whatever they don’t eat to go with lunch or for the next snack.

My Top 3 Products for My Dog's Health

My dog, Remus, is an 8-year-old chocolate lab. In many ways, he’s a stereotypical lab: he is high energy (2-3 walks per day, plus at least 30-40 minutes of chasing a ball of stick are necessary), he is highly intelligent, and he can be incredibly sensitive to changes in his diet, routine, or home. He is also a garbage surfer: we’ve rushed him to the vet more times than I can count because he ate something he wasn’t supposed to or was so sick from eating something random.

Last year around this time, he ate exactly 3 nuggets of a food we had tried for him and stored in our garage; when we moved, he found those 3 nuggets, ate them, and proceeded to vomit and have diarrhea for 2 whole days. He was diagnosed with colitis, got a stomach x-ray, and cost us about $700… because of 3 nuggets of food. In the course of his life, he’s eating shoes, razors, tampons (so many tampons), napkins, banana peels, coffee grounds, and so many crayons his poop was rainbow colored for several days at a time. (He learned his lesson with the crayons eventually.)

Yeah, labs. They are such great dogs, but health-wise, they are a really mixed bags. Their high energy is fun when you consistently have time, but if you’re having a busy day, it’s equally as likely that they’ll spend the day lying beside your chair (great!) or knocking over every garbage can in your house and eating every tampon they can find (not great!).

As labs age, they also come with an incredibly high risk of arthritis. A few months ago, I started noticing signs that Remus was developing early arthritis. Did you know around 80% of dogs over the age of 5 have arthritis?! It’s very common, even for a relatively young dog of 8. I noticed he was bunny hopping occasionally when he ran outside, as well as sometimes limping when he woke up in the morning or got up after a long nap. His energy level has definitely decreased in the last 2 years—which is somewhat a good thing. But we still go on at least one walk every day (usually early in the morning) and then play fetch for a while.

I asked a few of my lab-owning friends about their favorite products to help their dogs deal with arthritis and aging. I got some great recommendations for everything from joint health to their teeth. I thought I’d share our favorites that have worked with Remus’s admittedly very sensitive stomach.

1. Pure Wild Alaskan Salmon Oil for Dogs & Cats, $34.97

This salmon oil is one of our newer purchases—we’ve been using it for 2 months and I can’t tell you the difference it makes! Right now is prime lab shedding time, at least in Oregon, since we don’t get warm weather until June-July. Labs shed their winter coats in the Spring/Summer, then shed their Summer coats in the early Fall. I’ve been brushing Remus consistently everyday to help, but he just has gobs of hair. So much hair!

Salmon oil is good for a lot of things for dogs—but primarily their joint health and their coats. Remus has definitely gotten a lot shinier since we started using salmon oil and his shedding has been a lot better. Since labs have typically oily coats, it’s not recommended to bathe them very frequently; every 4-5 months is honestly enough. Remus does tend to get a little dandruffy if he gets wet too often, probably from his skin being too dry (and during the summer he runs in the sprinklers a lot)—this has helped with that too.

How to use it: Follow the instructions on the bottle! If you go with a brand different from Pure Wild, make sure to read the instructions carefully. To start, we actually only put about a teaspoon on Remus’s food in the morning and evening; with his sensitive stomach, we wanted to make sure we weren’t setting ourselves up for another colitis incident! He handled it well though. If your dog has a sensitive stomach, definitely start slow. These days, Remus gets a full pump of oil on his morning and evening meals. We’ve used about 1/3 the bottle in about 2 months—so for the price, that’s really good!

2. Dechra Phycox Soft Chews, $49.69

These are a more specialized item; because they are an actual supplement to help with joint health, if you have worries about your dog’s arthritis, make sure to talk to a vet first. These were recommended by our friends, the lab group I’m in, and our vet—so I felt comfortable taking the leap.

We started these chews slowly, just like with the oil. The instructions recommend 4-5 chews a day for Remus’s size for the first 4 weeks, then reducing to 2 a day after that. However, we started with 1-2 chews every day for the first week, just to make sure they wouldn’t make him sick. After the first 4 weeks, we bumped him up to 3 chews a day. We’re giving him 6 weeks with 3 chews a day; we’re really close to that point and then we’ll probably reduce to 2 chews per day.

We’ve noticed such a difference since we started using these! He’s definitely been a bit more spry and less likely to bunny hop when he runs. As well, he hasn’t been limping when he wakes up from naps any more—only first thing in the morning when he’s been asleep for a long time and his limp goes away a little faster.

The one downside is these chews smell really bad! Granted, they’re dog treats—they smell like dog treats, but somehow… more like dog treats. They definitely don’t smell good, but Remus seems to like them.

We haven’t made our way through an entire tub yet—even with just over 2 months of use. We definitely went with an augmented plan though, so this might not be a typical experience. These are available on Chewy.com with a discount for auto-shipping.

3. Milkbone Brushing Chews, ~$10.00

We’ve been giving these Milkbone treats to Remus for about 4 years and I can’t say enough about them. I do want to make sure to emphasize that these are the green brushing chews—they are minty and help brush your dog’s teeth. Remus is never going to be a dog that lets us groom him; we know this, we accept this. We have a special kennel that he uses now that files his nails for us overtime, it’s helped a lot; we can brush him, but it is definitely a chore; and we are never going to be able to brush his teeth. Remus is a super even tempered dog, but the closest he has ever come to having a temper has been when we tried to clip his nails and when trying to brush his teeth.

(I’ve since learned this isn’t abnormal for labs! And especially labs developing arthritis are not going to like their nails clipped.)

However, I really worried about his teeth as I noticed if he chewed on a tennis ball for too long, his gums would bleed. We started giving him these treats and they’ve helped with his teeth so much. He’s never going to have great breath—he is a dog, after all!—but his vet is always shocked at how good his teeth look for being a dog who doesn’t like his teeth brushed at all.

Depending on the size of your dog, the cost of a bag of these treats is super variable; however, for Remus’s size, they are just under $10 a bag on Amazon and at Target. (If you buy them at Target, they are fairly frequently on sale in the Cartwheel app and often have a deal to get a gift card if you buy 2 bags at once.) We give Remus one every day after his evening meal; it’s like his evening snack!

Is There a One-Size-Fits-All Organization System?

I’m so excited to be sharing the second installment of my Let’s Get Organized series: 3 Habits to Stay Organized. Organization is not about perfection; it’s about having the tools and systems in place to make your life easier, whenever you need it. If you’d like to see May-June’s series on Daily Routines, click here. If you’d like to read the previous posts in the Let’s Get Organized series, click here.

There are so many organizational systems out there. And when it comes to finding the best one for you, it can be easy to get overwhelmed. Everyone is talking about Marie Kondo—but I hate those little bins, boxes, and storage systems. Or, you might hear things about having a Command Center—but you might not have storage or space in your home to make that work. You see all these organizational systems and you think… how can I make those work for me? They work so well for other people, but I can’t get my head around it.

Here’s the thing: sometimes organizational systems are presented in a way that makes it seem like once you get X, Y, and Z into place, it will be easy. Or that, everyone has the same abilities as another person, it just requires motivation to get that original bit done.

I’ve been organizing my own stuff, and organizing the stuff of other people, to tell you that this simply isn’t true. Sometimes, organizational systems just don’t make sense to anyone outside of the person who is doing the organizing—and that’s ok! If you’re organizing a room or closet just for yourself, then you don’t really need anyone outside of your family to understand the system.

To answer the question in the title of this post: no, there isn’t a one-size-fits-all organization system. But here are a few ways to find or design one that works for you.

1. What is it that overwhelms you the most?

When it comes to getting organized, what is the number one thing in your home that overwhelms you? For me, it’s mail and the papers we need to save. This overwhelms me so much! I know I need to hold on to medical bills for taxes, receipts, property taxes… there is so much paperwork that piles up. School registrations, sentimental papers, drawings. It gets super piled up really fast.

For me, the number one thing I need to tackle is creating a system that helps control paperwork in my house. That makes it easy to file immediately, find what I need, and look good at the same time.

For you, it might be organizing your pantry. (It can get out of control so fast, especially with all of us home more!)

Or it might be cleaning out all your closets throughout the house.

Or it might be organizing your various collections: DVDs, music, records, serving platters, whatever.

Whatever it is, identifying the main aspect of organization that is challenging for you should be your starting point.

2. What kind of space can you invest in to get it under control?

Let’s use my example. I want to get my paperwork, mail, and more under control. What can I invest in that makes it easy to control?

Firstly, I need a filing cabinet. Right now, I have a filing box that is a little too small, but it works for the moment. I also know I need some kind of sorting system for mail that will go alongside the filing cabinet. One thing I’ve started doing for mail that is so helpful is answering the 2 F’s about each piece: can I file it or frame it? If not, it gets thrown away—I don’t need to save it. So I know I need a system for those two pieces: framing (saving, storing, whatever) and filing.

Obviously, a filing cabinet can be pretty expensive. I don’t know if you’ve ever looked at filing cabinets, but it is so hard to find cute ones that aren’t ugly as hell. I also have the (slightly picky) request that my filing cabinet be large enough for my printer to sit on top of. (I know, I know, what a big ask!)

For me, this is what I’ve been researching and pricing out with the hopes to purchase soon. It’s not big: it’s just a filing cabinet. But it will really change my life, I think.

For you, it might be paying for new shelving in your pantry, or buying a bunch of nice storage bins for your closets, or buying those night shelves for your garage. Whatever it is, what can you invest in this system to help you? That’s your second point.

3. What would help you make it easier?

“It would help me so much if my husband understood this filing system and could file as well.” That’s mine. I want my husband to be able to understand our filing system, once we get a big filing cabinet, so that instead of holding onto important papers and misplacing them, he can just file them himself without disrupting my system or asking me to do it for him.

For you, this might mean setting rules for your pantry (no going into the pantry after 5pm, as an example), or setting up a weekly Saturday clean up of your closets. Whatever it is, sit down a make a list: if you could have the perfect system to keep the space you’re working on organized, what would it look like?

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There is no one-size-fits-all organization system. Probably because no two houses are exactly alike, no two families are exactly alike, and no two people own exactly the same things or require the same function in a space. I hope this has given you some ideas for how to take control of a space and reduce the frustration in your own life through organization. Thanks for reading, as always!