Setting Intentions for 2021

Happy New Year!

Woof! What a year 2020 was, huh?

Have you felt like we’ve been saying that since, like, 2015? It feels like the last 5 years have been “the worst year ever” and we all hopefully look towards the next one. (Although, to be fair, I think 2017 and 2018 have been my two best years on record in the last 5 or so.) I wonder when this cultural shift happen, or do you think this is something that always happens during times of social upheaval?

No matter what: 2020 is behind us.

What did you learn this year?

And what of those lessons do you want to carry in 2020?

For me, my main takeaway from 2020 is this: I can do challenging things. I need to learn to say “no” and set boundaries. I need to start being intentional with my time to avoid burnout.

All good things.

This year, I decided to not set strict (or SMART) goals for 2021. That feels like maaaaybe just a little too much. (On this note—is anyone bracing themselves for March 2021? I feel like March 2020 has become the litmus for when things really changed.)

Instead, in 2021, I’m setting intentions. And that works because my word for this year is, well, intention. Be intentional. Have intentions.

We’re all learning how to grow as people in this new world of ours. That’s sort of the fun thing, isn’t it? That we’re all figuring out what’s normal now, what we can reasonably achieve, how we can impact others in real time, right along each other. There are no experts, no one who is ahead of the curve. We’re all flying blind beside each other. It’s kind of a nice feeling.

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For the sake of public pressure (yes, I am that kind of person—I need to tell other people my intentions or goals to make them “real”), here are my intentions for this year.

• Drink more water. My husband and I often joke that I’m a succulent. To be completely honest, I don’t drink much of anything all day. I will have a cup of coffee in the morning and then not really take a drink of anything else until the afternoon. At night, I try to drink water, but mostly just so my mouth doesn’t get dry when I sleep. This is a bad habit and I’m an adult, not a succulent, and I have to start trying to drink water.

• Redo the Curated Closet. I bought the Curated Closet Workbook last year and was working on it in February and March. Then, obviously, I didn’t leave my house for 6 months? I’m working on redoing it and learning a bit more about myself in the process. It’s one of my goals to also start posting outfit photos on my Instagram again. Big scary!

• Spend more time on my hobbies. Like this blog, embroidery, reading, and journaling. 2020 was a year where I worked a ton and it became rapidly clear by around September that I was suffering as a result. I took on too much; I was so burnt out I couldn’t even start a book, let alone finish one; I started and didn’t finish probably 20 embroidery projects. However, once I took a break December 16 and stopped working entirely… I was able to read 4 books, work on an embroidery project, and actually watch a movie without scrolling on my phone. It was really eye opening. Part of this spending more time on my hobbies means also being really strict about work boundaries and giving myself weekends again.

• Save money for Disneyland. Isn’t it crazy that in 2020, my husband and I had more disposable income (a combination of me being paid more for my work and us not really being able to go anywhere for 6 months when I was making said bank), and yet we literally couldn’t do any of the things we always wanted to do once we had more disposable income? What a trip. Anyway, if Disneyland is ever able to open again, we are going and I am saving money in order to give myself the trip of my dreams. C’mon vaccine!

That’s it! Those are my only intentions for 2021. I’m keeping it simple this year, y’all: hobbies, fashion, not being a succulent, and going to Disneyland.

Tell me: what are your intentions (or goals) for this year? What do you want to achieve?

How to Set Goals for 2021

Am I being really wild by suggesting goal setting for 2021?

I think if 2020 taught us anything, it’s that life can change in a second. Your goals can shift from getting a big promotion to just staying afloat in the matter of a week or two. It’s always good to have things put in perspective and I feel like this year has taught us that too. Things can change; our lives will change; and sometimes, we’re not in control of those things.

But that’s ok.

Here’s my dirty little secret: I did kind of hit one of my goals for this year. In early January, I set a goal of having 2 additional clients by the end of the year.

This year, I grew my business from 1 single client in February (I started my contract with them in late February and the pandemic hit 2 weeks later) to 7 total clients in December. These are clients that I work with on a month-to-month basis.

I didn’t necessarily set out to meet this goal; I didn’t really even think of it every day. I just did good work; I kept going; I journaled my feelings; and I went to therapy. That’s about it. On the way, I was sent referrals from clients, past mentors, and more.

It always feels a little selfish when I say that, despite some hiccups, I’ve had a really great year professionally. 2019 was an extreme “down” year for me, at least for my career. But 2020 has been… amazing. For the first time in my husband and I’s marriage, we have disposable income. We can fix all the things in our house we’ve been meaning to fix! We can splurge occasionally! We can buy Christmas presents without scrimping and saving! It’s kind of wild, to be quite honest. Because while all that is happening, we aren’t able to travel, or go out to restaurants, or celebrate in anyway.

All this is to say: I think it’s totally possible to set and meet goals in 2021, even when things still feel so up in the air. You can both plan for anything and set goals for your own growth at the same time.

Here are my tips for setting goals in 2021.

1. Keep things broad.

Focus on the bigger picture. Normally when it comes to setting goals, I try to keep things larger. Instead of SMART goals, things something larger, more overarching. This might mean setting a goal of establishing a daily routine, rather than saying “I’ll do XYZ every single day.”

Here are a few broad goals:

• Buying a planner and checking in every month.

• Creating a daily routine that works for you.

• Finding an exercise you love by November.

2. Now more than ever, keep goals realistic.

Are you going to save 1 million dollars, meet the Queen, and travel to all continents in 2021? Probably not.

But will you be able to meet some smaller goals. Absolutely.

One thing about setting goals is that you should always focus on what is realistic. What are you actually able to achieve in 12 months?

Maybe you want to go freelance in 2021 or 2022; a great goal to set would be to start networking throughout the year, emailing contacts, and building up your LinkedIn profile.

Maybe you do want to travel more in the future; a good goal in 2021 would be to work on your savings account, research places you want to go, and follow accounts that help you do that. We still might not be doing much traveling in 2021… but we can dream about it, definitely!

3. Your goals should reflect growth.

Your goals should be about growing as a person—not becoming a better version, not about punishing yourself.

When we think of “New Years Resolution”, we often think of weight loss. But I want to encourage you to think about this differently: will losing weight make you happy this year? Will it help you grow as a person? Or would it be more beneficial to focus on the things you can improve in your life? Finding an exercise you love, making more nutritious choices about your food… these are all things we can control and that can help improve our lives, without putting the onus and focus on deprivation and punishment for our bodies.

As well, setting goals that are restrictive in nature—”no more THIS” or "less THAT”—are found to be ineffective. These are the goals that people tend to fall off track with. It’s really easy to do that, because we don’t like to be restricted or to feel like we’re missing out.

Final Thoughts

What goals are you setting in 2021?

For the sake of transparency, my goals for 2021 are: to work on establishing a better work from home routine; to clean up my bookkeeping (it is a constant source of frustration); to release at least 2 paid products; and to begin adding working out to my daily routine again.

I Tried Banish Acne so You Don't Have To*

A few weeks ago, Banish approached me about reviewing their line of acne fighting products. I, of course, said yes. I love trying new skincare products, even if it’s not what I write about everyday. And I don’t know about you, but ever since March, my skin has been absolutely out of control. Stress, masks, the fires in September… it felt like my skin was being attacked every day!

Banish kindly sent me the Banish Starter Kit, plus the All Clear Mint Cleanser. As you might know, I’ve struggled with my skin for most of my life. A few years ago, a combination of going dairy free and using jojoba oil religiously gave me the best skin of my life. However, times change, our bodies changed, and what used to work doesn’t work anymore. Story of my life, am I right?!

Here’s a quick and easy review of the products I received and how I liked them!

The Banish Starter Kit

The Banish Starter kit is one of the best, all-inclusive sets Banish offers. If you’re looking to really rejuvenate your skincare routine, this is the one for you.

Banish focuses primarily on Vitamin C and all natural ingredients to help fight acne, plus reduce the appearance of scars and hyper pigmentation caused by acne.

Here’s what comes in the Starter Kit and what I thought of it:

Banish Oil: this is a vitamin C serum that is intended to help reduce the look of acne scars. I liked this oil, but found that as far as a serum goes, it wasn’t my favorite. It made my skin feel really sticky and grimy. But that being said, I did notice an improvement in my scarring on my chin!

Vitamin C Beauty Elixir: this is a facial mist that gives a boost of Vitamin C and moisture. It’s great for applying throughout the day. I kept this on my desk for days when I felt rundown and in need of a little extra TLC.

The Banisher 2.0: This is a microneedler. I’m not here to tell anyone what to do necessarily, but this is the one product I disliked the most. I don’t believe in microneedling, but mostly just believe that you should leave this to the professionals. I was personally too scared to use this, so I didn’t. However, I know some do love using it! It’s just not for me.

The Pumpkin Enzyme Masque: This was my favorite product. It smells like pumpkin; it makes your skin feel amazing; and it contains AHAs and BHAs that act as natural exfoliators. On the days after I used this mask, my skin definitely felt 100% better and I noticed my redness that I get at the beginning of my cycle was diminished a lot.

Fighter Gel: This gel is a water-based, aloe vera gel that helps calm redness and inflammation, as well as other skin complaints. It smells incredibly mentholated, however, so be careful of that. I did really like this gel! It makes your skin feel very soft and soothed!

Vitamin C Creme: I’m on record as saying Vitamin C all over my face tends to make me break out bad. However, this cream was an exception! It’s 20% vitamin C and is heavy enough for a winter moisturizer. I used it at night and loved how soft it made my skin!

All Clear Mint Cleanser

I love a good cleanser! This cleanser is a gel-based one with chamomile leaf, mint, and vitamin B5—all intended to get your face clean while reducing inflammation. This was really the perfect morning cleanser; really light, but with a smell and feel that is perfect for a wake up call!

Who is Banish best for?

If you’ve had acne most of your life, or cystic acne at any point, you probably have some scarring. I know I do. My chin is a wreck these days thanks to several years of pretty bad cystic acne break outs. Banish is designed to soothe existing break outs and skin conditions, while also fading those scars and areas of hyper pigmentation. If you struggle with any of those issues, Banish is definitely worth a try.

Even better, it’s just nice to be able to get everything in one go: moisturizer, cleanser, etc. It’s nice to have one line up to turn out! Some items are definitely better than others, but overall, I think there is potential for every product to work for somebody who needs it.

Final Thoughts

If you are struggling with your skin’s texture or appearance due to scars, I think this is a line that will work perfect for you. To try Banish, visit their website here. Thank you again to Banish for sending me these products to try!

Disclaimer: As denoted by the asterisk (*) in the title of this post, I received products for free in exchange for a review. However, all opinions remain my own! If you’d like to learn more about my disclosure policy, click here.

3 Things to Do When You Feel Anxious

Did anyone else blink and the entirety of November was over?

Just me?

It feels like we started the month stretched tight like a rubber band. I don’t know about you, but after November 3rd (and realistically, after November 7th), I felt better than I have in months. Years, maybe. It just nice to have it be over no matter what. I slept like a baby, actually! As a result, unfortunately, things fell to the wayside: I found that I could keep up on my work and NaNoWriMo, but not my blog or Instagram.

And that’s fine! Sometimes, in the midst of taking care of ourselves, we have to let some things go. The blog, as it is, survived. The NaNoWriMo novel is almost finished (thank goodness—I hate it already, but I’m determined to win!)

Originally, I planned to have several articles in my Self-Care for the Holidays series—but as time passed in November, I just didn’t have the energy for them! The first blog post is very good, so if you want to read it, please do. This blog post is related, but different and not necessarily part of the series.

If you’re like me, you’re finding yourself having moments of sudden anxiety, I hope you find this post helpful! These are three things I do whenever I’m feeling mysteriously anxious—when I want to pace around or get in my car and drive somewhere. Let me know if you have something that helps you!

1. Go for a walk.

Fresh air is often the best medicine and can help break you out of a panic or anxiety attack.

When Forrest was very little, whenever he would start crying and be unable to stop, I’d take him outside. We’d stand in the brisk air and just breathe together. This always helped. In the past few months, I’ve realized that whenever I’m keyed up, on edge, and stressed, I need to do the same thing with myself: no matter how cold or hot it is, how rainy or muggy or (in the case of September) smokey, if I go outside and just breathe for a few minutes, I feel instantly better.

2. Talk to someone—even just yourself.

Vocalizing what is worrying you out loud can often help the most. However, not everyone feels comfortable expressing their deepest worries or anxieties to other people—and that’s ok. I often talk out loud to myself in my office.

If you aren’t at a place where you feel comfortable sharing with someone, try journaling, talking out loud, or texting a friend (not necessarily about your anxiety). Journaling is one of the best ways to get all your anxieties out! Even if it’s just typing in your notes app.

3. Practice self-soothing.

Everyone has different self-soothing behaviors. Mine is lying in bed with a weighted blanket and a good book. I try to avoid my phone during moments of high anxiety as I find this tends to make me go into freeze behaviors—like scrolling endlessly on Instagram.

Self-soothing is often what people think of when they think of self-care: taking baths, reading books, those kind of things. When you self-soothe, you’re finding a way to soothe your anxiety and take care of yourself at the same time.

4 Ideas for Holiday Self-Care

Welcome to another series here at Writing Between Pauses. This month, we’re going to be talking all things self-care and the holidays—given how November started, I think we all need a little self-care refocus these days! I hope you enjoy this series. We’ll be covering everything self-care gifts, what’s the difference between self-care and self-soothing, and much more.

When writing self-care posts, it is very easy to slip into those easy tropes we’ve all seen. Take baths! Read a book! Put on cozy socks! Those things are nice and they’re very soothing, but they aren’t self-care for everybody. (We’ll talk about why I consider those things part of self-care, but actually a different part of self-care in a future post. Stay tuned!)

In this blog post, I wanted to give you 4 ideas right now that you can use to prioritize your mental health in the coming months. This past week, I think most of us (at least, those who read my blog—and if you know me, you know where my thoughts lie) experienced a huge lifting of feeling and emotion. The past 4 years have been hard. The past year has somehow been the hardest. And yet, here we are.

If you’re reading this, you survived. You made it.

We can do hard things. You can do hard things.

But I know for so many of us, this has taken a huge toll on our mental health. Personally, the past 3 months have been perhaps the lowest I’ve been since 2015, when I struggled hard with postpartum depression. It is a very hard time right now; part of me is always guilty because I think, I have it so much easier than other people. I want so badly to be someone who remains resilient. But the truth is: we all have our struggles and we can’t put up a decent fight if we aren’t giving ourselves kindness and space to be healthy.

I hope these suggestions give you ideas for the holiday season, for moving forward with self kindness and self-care. Thanks for reading, as always. Let’s dive in!

1. Set Clear Boundaries Early.

Do you have family who wants you to visit for the holidays, even though there is still a pandemic and you’re not sure how safe it is? Do you have family who doesn’t believe the pandemic is even real and they want you to visit them during the holiday season? Here’s one suggestion you can do right now: set your boundaries now.

“Hi [relative’s name]. Thank you so much for thinking of us this holiday season. We won’t be able to make it to your party this year, but expect a gift from us in the mail!” That’s all you have to say. You set the boundary. You communicated it. If there is pushback, you don’t even have to give a reason if you don’t want to; you can just say, “we aren’t able to make it!” No apologizing, no giving in. That’s your boundary.

If that isn’t your boundary (and I get it, it’s totally your choice), still work on setting your holiday boundaries early. Communicate when you’ll be working and when you won’t. Let others know when you’ll be available and when you won’t. Setting these boundaries now means you’ll be more comfortable enforcing them later.

2. Create a System that Prioritizes Your Needs.

Guess what? You’re important! Your needs for sleep, comfort, food, and more are important!

Creating a system is a kind of complicated way of saying this: make it easy to prioritize yourself now. Create the framework that means you have the things you need and will need for the coming months available. Schedule the grocery pick ups. Meal plan. Set aside special days for take out or just plan for it once a week when you feel like it. Order your prescriptions and medications. Stock up on what you’ll need for your favorite holiday baking or craft projects.

Make it easy to prioritize yourself and your needs now so that it’s easier later.

3. Ask Your Friends if They Can Be An Ear.

Reach out to your closest friends and ask in advance: if I’m struggling in the next 2 months, can I call or text you?

It’s just as easy as that! If they say yes, add them to your favorites. If they say no, thank them for their honesty. If you’re in the mental place for it as well, you can also offer in the same breath to be available to someone if they need to call and vent, or get advice, or just talk about something happy for a moment. Ask for an ear, offer to be an ear. No matter what, get a list of people you can turn to for support now, rather than later.

4. Schedule Therapy.

You don’t know you need therapy until, well, you need therapy. I’ve been going to therapy once a month recently; more frequently and it tends to have an opposite effect for me. This is the perfect sweet spot for me to have enough to talk about and get enough “homework” to work on.

However, if you suspect the holiday season might be hard for you, here’s my suggestion: find a therapist to work with now (if you don’t have one) or schedule your sessions in advance (if you do have one). Right now, I have sessions scheduled for the coming month, knowing that the weather, the holiday season pressures, and work issues are going to come to a head.

No matter what, I’m prepared to either be fine OR need additional support from my therapist. Whatever happens, happens, but I have my schedule in place and I’m prepared.

My New & Improved NaNoWriMo Prep Guide

Last year, I shared my NaNoWriMo prep guide in this blog post about planning NaNoWriMo when you work. (It’s also available on my freebies page, along with pretty much every other printable and guide I’ve ever made.)

As I’ve been preparing for NaNoWriMo this year myself, way later than usual, of course, I found myself turning to my own guide and making small changes that have made a huge difference in my planning.

Here’s what has changed:

• The design: pages are now easier to print out and read, as well as write all your notes

• A New Goals Page

• Brainstorming pages for ideas, names, motivations, and more

• Improved outlining pages that let you map out your stories climactic scenes

I’ve been having so much fun recreating my NaNoWriMo guide. Even better, this guide is not gated (no signing up for my mailing list to receive it!)—however, starting January 1, it will be removed and only available for purchase! I’d love to know your thoughts if you download it… which you can do so HERE:

Thank you again! Happy NaNoWriMo—it’s getting close.

Do I Have to Write Everyday?

Another month, another series! This month, I want to talk about writing: how to become better at writing, how to effectively set writing goals, and much more. So many people love writing, but when it comes down to it, it can be tough to get started. Writing can seem intimidating, but it doesn’t have to be. In this series, I hope you’ll take the opportunity to really jump into writing. Thanks for joining me! You can see all posts in this series by clicking here. 

Here’s a question I get a lot—from my family, from my friends, from comments on this blog, in writing groups, everywhere:

Do I need to write everyday? I struggle to find time and I often hear that writers write every single day. What does that mean?

Here’s the thing about writing every single day: some people can do this and be fine; some people do this and get burnt out fast; some people do this and don’t think about it; some people have to take time training themselves to write everyday without feeling like it’s a chore.

Where you fall on that massive spectrum is up to you.

But here’s my answer: you don’t have write every single day to be a writer, become a better writer, or even write a novel. But you should work on writing at least every week and focus on building your creativity every single day (even if that isn’t in the form of writing).

Here’s why: creativity is a muscle. The more you work it, the easier it will be to call on it.

When you take care of yourself every day—give your brain plenty of rest, good food, take your medication, whatever you need to be a human—it will be easier to call on your creativity when it’s time to write.

Here’s what that process looks like for me. I try to journal every single day, but I’ll be honest: I fell into a pretty serious depression starting in September and as a result, I let go of journaling. I needed to be focused on healing myself and feeling better. So, when it need, I drop journaling. Otherwise, I try to at least read for 15 minutes everyday, stop using my phone after 6pm (this one is hard), and do something creative (write, embroider, whatever) every single day.

I do write every single day in that I write blog posts, social media for clients, and more. I can’t really stop doing that unless I quit my job(s). However, outside of work, I do try to at least thing a little bit about writing and flex my creativity muscles.

All of this is to say: you don’t have to write every day. But the issue isn’t necessarily writing every day, but being creative every single day. You might work on characters; you might research and read books that you like or that are related to your story; you might draw or paint.

So, I think the answer to the question is ultimately this: it depends on you as a person; you should try to at least be creative in some way everyday; your mental health comes first, always; and if writing everyday works for you, then go for it, hun.

Want more about writing everyday? Here are a few blog posts I liked on the subject:

• 9 Steps to Writing Everyday

• How to Write Everyday

• Why You Need to Write Every Day

• “Write Every Day” is Bad Advice

How to Set Boundaries for NaNoWriMo

I love NaNoWriMo and I love setting boundaries, but how on Earth do those 2 things go together?

Well, more than you would expect.

If you’ve ever done NaNoWriMo, it can feel all-encompassing, like it’s taking over your life sometimes. That’s not really how it should be. Not be blasé, but at the end of the day, you’re writing 1,600ish words every day. It doesn’t need to take over every waking minute of your day.

It’s ok if it does! If your life is set up in such a way, that’s a totally fine. Wanting to succeed at NaNoWriMo is one thing; feeling like it dominates your life for a month kind of sucks the fun out of it, doesn’t it?

What do we need? Boundaries. How will we get them? By setting them and sticking to them ourselves!

Yeah, that second part isn’t quite as catchy or fun sounding, is it?

Before we jump in to setting boundaries for NaNoWriMo, I want to share a few resources for setting boundaries in general.

• A Complete Guide to Setting Boundaries

• 4 Signs You Need Boundaries

• 3 Journal Prompts for Setting Boundaries

• How to Set Boundaries with Kindness

What Boundaries Do You Need for NaNoWriMo?

It goes without saying: start by looking at your life, then your process, then what you want to achieve.

Here are the boundaries I set during NaNoWriMo:

• I have a certain time frame every day to write my words. I make time for it, I communicate that need to everyone around me. If I can’t accomplish my words in that set time frame, I can adjust it, but I also can’t push aside other needs in my life for the sake of words.

• Limit my screen time outside of work and NaNoWriMo. The rest of the year, I might play Animal Crossing or scroll through IG to rest; this year, since I’ll be increasing my computer screen time, I have to limit my screen time outside of those hours too.

• My other work exists and matters outside of NaNoWriMo and I reserve the right to abandon NaNo if it doesn’t serve me.

Now, here are a few categories of boundary that I think everyone attempting NaNoWriMo should consider:

• A time boundary: how much time do you have to dedicate to NaNoWriMo?

• A mental health boundary: are you in a place where participating in NaNoWriMo will serve you?

• A relationship boundary: are you able to communicate to those around you regarding NaNoWriMo? Will they understand to not pressure you to skip it or to dedicate too much time to it?

• A physical boundary: are you able to give yourself space to complete NaNoWriMo while still meeting all your own personal needs?

Setting Yourself Up for Success

Setting boundaries isn’t just a chance to be a fuddy duddy or to annoy your friends or loved ones. (It should be said: setting boundaries can seem like a drag, especially if you’re not used to advocating for yourself, but it’s not annoying behavior.)

When you set effective boundaries for yourself and your goals, you set yourself up for success. You take into account your limitations, the limitations of your space, and the abilities of those around you. You make your needs clear to other people and yourself most importantly.

I don’t want you to think of setting boundaries as annoying, or a waste of time. Think of it as just another step, like having the right tools for a job, of being successful.

Other Resources

Here are some other NaNoWriMo-related posts that you may find helpful!

• How to Prep For NaNoWriMo When You Work

• 3 Tips for Staying Motivated During NaNoWriMo

• 5 NaNoWriMo Essentials

• Is It Time for NaNoWriMo Editing?

• 4 Things to Do To Prepare for NaNoWriMo

• Preparing for NaNoWriMo in 3 Steps