3 Ways to Help Relieve Tension

One of my biggest pet peeves is feeling tension. It’s a feeling I absolutely can’t stand. Whenever I start to feel tense, or a tension headache starting, it’s almost unbearable. It’s not that it hurts physically—but I just find it so annoying. “Why are my shoulders doing this? I don’t have time! Shoulders, chill!”

For a few days, I started getting a sharp, dull pain almost like heartburn. I was reading a book that I found pretty upsetting—My Dark Vanessa for anyone who is curious—and realized after 3 days of wondering if I was having a heart attack or what that I only felt this feeling while reading the book. It was a mixture of tension and anxiety. All I had to do was… just stop reading the book. More than anything, I found this discovery deeply annoying; thanks body, I can’t even read a book!

That being said, there are ways to relieve tension that can help you, like me, stop feeling so annoyed that you’re getting another tension headache (it can’t possible be that I stare at a screen 14 hours a day). And no, I don’t mean diffusing a certain essential oil scent (although that can feel nice and if you love it, you love it, no shade).

A few weeks ago, I realized that I needed to start taking steps to tackle my tension before it became a full blown tension headache or migraine. I tend to feel my tension in my shoulders and across my chest/collarbone area—usually after a few hours working in front of my computers or particularly when I’m doing a task I find really stressful. I’ve found a few solid ways to do just that and I thought I’d share.

Here are my top 3 ways to relieve tension.

1. Use Hilma Tension Relief.

I unabashedly love Hilma products. I even wrote a whole review about Hilma. Hilma’s Tension Relief is one of my favorite products because it does just that: relieves tension. It helps get rid of those annoying tense shoulders, the eye strain, everything. After a long day in front of a computer, it’s become part of my routine to take a Tension Relief, run a warm bath, and settle in with a good book. You can try Hilma’s Tension Relief for 20% off your first order by using my code MICHELLE20.

2. Take a screen break.

Are these the words you want to hear? No.

Are these the words I want to hear? Also no.

I love screens. There, I said it. I love them! I love staring at the bright blue light of my tiny phone. I love reading on my computer. I love my Kindle even. I love my Switch and my TV. I love them all! I love screens!

But screens aren’t good for our eyes. And they definitely aren’t good for handling tension either, especially if you’re feeling overly stressed. If you start feeling tension in your shoulders (or whatever your sign of tension is—tightness in your chest, a back ache, your legs itching to move), take a break from the screen(s). Go for a walk. Go sit outside with a real, physical book. Talk to your neighbor through a window. Dance in your kitchen to music. Just take a break—it doesn’t have to be a long one, just 20-25 miuntes or so.

3. Do some stretches or yoga.

I’ll be the first to tell you: I hate yoga. I get so bored during it. My attention span is low and when it comes to exercise, I want to move. That being said, yoga is one of the best ways to stretch, focus on your breathing, and (yes) relieve tension. Finding a simple routine that works for you will take time. I gave up on following videos a long time ago, but I do have a series of moves I do in my office when I’m feeling particularly wound up. It gives me time to think, breathe, and focus on something other than a screen.

I don’t have any recommendations for routines to follow because I think this is highly personal. Even just sitting outside and gently stretching like you used to before PE class might be better than anything else!

How to Create Workflows to Simplify Your Life

Whenever I speak to a new client, I talk about workflows. Here are a few questions I commonly ask:

• What’s your current workflow for this?

• Do you have a workflow for your social media approval process?

• What would your ideal workflow be for this item?

Workflow is a mouthy word and, to be completely honest, it’s not the best word in the world. It sounds complicated. It sounds jargon-y. It sounds kind of terrible.

That being said, workflows are one of the best ways to keep your small business running smoothly, especially if you offer a service-based product.

About 6 months ago, I started trying to keep track of all my different workflows: the processes I used in my business and my day-to-day life to keep things running smoothly. Workflow is a fancy word for “this is what I do, what I use to do it, and why.” That’s it! That’s literally all a workflow is!

But you’d be surprised at how writing down your existing workflows, and working on documenting new ones as you add services or products to your business, can improve your time management and efficiency.

Here are a few of my top tips for creating workflows—and a few examples.

1. Pick a Place to Save Everything.

Choose one platform to keep all your process and workflow documents. This could be Notion, or Google Docs, or the Notes app on your phone. No matter what, keep all your notes in one specific place so you can tweak them when things change (like when you find a better tool for scheduling) and refer to them if you need to train someone on how to do it.

2. Pick a Format That Works for You

I personally like flowcharts best for my workflows—but some people prefer step-by-step outlines, numbers, or just sketches or notes. Whatever works for you, stick to that format. If you find it isn’t working (or you find a better method), don’t be afraid to switch. Just make sure you switch everything to the new method.

3. Focus on Efficiency

Part of the beauty of workflows is always knowing what comes next when you’re working on something. If you a service-based business, then being able to send a client-facing document that outlines the process you’ll follow for them is huge in terms of customer service. Making these documents (or systems) as efficient as possible, and keeping them organized, will help you be more efficient.

That being said, when creating workflows, focus only on the bare minimum steps. If you’re like me, you sometimes get caught up in the little things. For example, some of my social media clients prefer a week-by-week approval system; others prefer to have all their social media done in bulk for the month. That means, those two workflows will be different in terms of timing—but not in how I actually plan for that content, since I plan each month at a time. For the sake of efficiency, I keep my “social media strategy and content development” workflow simple: just the steps I follow, regardless of the time period it occurs in.

4. Use Workflows to Stay Focused

I’m easily distracted and I get very excited about new tools. This can really derail my work day if I’m not careful; having a workflow that I’m familiar with and I know to follow every single time for best results (and maximum efficiency!) helps me cut down on some of that distraction. It also really helps my to do list; instead of having one huge, bulk item (like “social media for X client!”), I know what steps it separates out to and can schedule them through the month appropriately.

Some Example Workflows

Need some examples? No worries. Here are a few basic examples of my workflows that I use most often.

The best thing about workflows is that I can easily give them to anyone to let them know my process or ask for help with something. Maybe not with meal planning, but if I were to ever hire a VA or fellow freelancer to help with my clients, the social media workflow would help me save time. These are just short summaries; my full workflows tend to have a flowchart set up, with notes and more info, like where I pull content ideas from, how long it typically takes me to write content for a month (or for blog posts), and more.

How to Create Workflows

Like I said, pick a format that works for you. Then, when you’re working on a project (such as creating something for your store, providing a service to a client, or whatever), jot down the steps as you work, including the tools you use and any notes. Then, work on putting those notes into the format of your choice, streamlining the information.

Once you have your workflow in a format and form that you like, work on creating a client-facing version, if you want; this can help keep your clients organized and aware of your process, as well as when to expect things. (This will also help you set deadlines and keep expectations clear!)

Workflows are a simple organizational step to help you be more efficient in many different parts of your life. I hope you found this blog post helpful! Let me know your thoughts in the comments.

3 Journal Prompts for Setting Boundaries

This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts. You can read all posts in this series by clicking here.

Today’s post will be pretty short & simple. I wanted to share a few journaling prompts to help you explore your need for boundaries, what boundaries you want to set, and how you can set those boundaries.

As I’ve shared in previous posts, this past year has been a huge one for setting boundaries. Before I was laid off in July 2019, I worked constantly. Sometimes, I would drop everything I was doing when I got a Slack message. I have always worried about being viewed as lazy, needy, or inconsistent, so I made sure to be available 100% of the time. After I the layoff and as I started freelancing, I realized that this simply wasn’t a sustainable option for me. Especially as COVID-19 hit and we were quarantined, I realized that sometimes I just needed to say, “No I can’t do that” to just about everyone in my life. Dropping everything to go do a work task or dropping work tasks to go help Forrest were both unsustainable options.

Establishing boundaries around my work life and my home life were important especially because I work from home. I used these journaling prompts myself to help clear my mind, get all my thoughts out on paper, and created a plan for boundaries.

I hope you find these helpful!

Thanks for reading!

4 Signs You Need Boundaries

This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts. You can read all posts in this series by clicking here.

For years, I heard about setting boundaries. About drawing distinct lines. Putting the toxic people in your life that you wouldn’t be taking anymore or making it clear to your job that after 5pm, you were simply unavailable. I never considered that this was something that applied to me: I was stressed and constantly anxious, but I didn’t consider any of my relationships (with my family, with Danny, or with work) to be toxic enough to need boundaries.

But here’s the thing: toxicity doesn’t necessitate boundaries. A toxic relationship really is the last step in the process, where someone isn’t respecting your boundaries.

Everyone needs boundaries. And some of us are better than others are setting boundaries and keeping them. Some of us are better at recognizing when we need boundaries. So the question here is, of course: what are the signs that we need to set boundaries? Here are a few things I’ve noticed in my own life.

1. You’re Burnt Out.

To me, this is the biggest sign. You find yourself getting snappy and easily annoyed by everything: the people you love, your job, people at the grocery store. You never feel like you’re actually resting. You wake up every morning feeling just as exhausted as the night before and, worse, dreading your day of parenting, working, or interacting with others (or all 3!). That’s burn out, friend, and it’s unfortunately very common, especially among young professional women and mothers. We’re prime targets for not having enough boundaries, imposter syndrome, and feeling like we have to reach peak productivity to be important.

It goes without saying: if you’re feeling signs of burn out, you need to establish boundaries. Here are a few you might consider:

• Setting strict work hours and not adjusting these unless it is a bonafide emergency (as defined by you, not your boss, not your client).

• Scheduling in quiet time for yourself everyday. This might be a bath, watching a movie by yourself in your bedroom, organizing your closet, whatever.

• Taking a week off every 6 weeks to reset, recharge, and get some much needed chores done (or just relax).

2. You can’t get anything done.

It’s not procrastination: it’s stress, baby! Because you’re constantly taking on things for other people, allowing yourself to be interrupted or distracted, you find yourself pulled between 100 different tasks and stuck, unable to complete any of them. The laundry that needs folded. The living room that needs cleaned desperately. The dinner that needs cooked. The client project’s that need tackled. There is so much to do and it’s so overwhelming—but the emails don’t stop, your husband standing in the door asking about your child’s favorite stuffed animal doesn’t stop, said child running in to ask to go on a hike… it doesn’t stop.

Between the disruptions, the overwhelm, and everything else, you just can’t get anything done. It feels too hard, too overwhelming. It’s a sign you need boundaries. Here are a few suggestions:

• Set filters on your email or politely ask friends, associates, and clients to limit their emails to you throughout the day.

• Remind those in your household to keep interruptions to a minimum. Using a red-light/green-light system for your kids is really effective.

• Write a to do list of less than 5 items to help narrow your focus and trim away the fluff. If other tasks can be delegated back to clients or coworkers, do that and communicate that this is not a task you can take on.

3. You feel like you don’t have any space of your own.

Speaking of email… your email is full of people asking questions, getting your advice and emotional energy for totally free. Your Instagram DMs are full of people asking questions about your content, your posts, everything. You get texts from clients. You feel like you don’t have any space that you can control, that doesn’t feel overwhelming and demanding.

This is an interesting point because it might feel like it doesn’t differentiate from the others. But I think the point here is: sometimes we have to set boundaries on our communication and carve out space for ourselves that doesn’t feel like it drains us. You might want to just enjoy Instagram and not be bombarded by repetitive DMs! Or you might want to reply to fun emails from friends that don’t ask for favors, free advice, or whatever. You want to enjoy those digital (or physical) spaces without the pressure to be working, productive, providing a service, or answering questions that you’ve already answered.

Here are a few boundaries you might consider:

• Setting up filters in your email. (Seriously, this helps SO MUCH).

• Communicating with friends that you love talking about your work, but that you simply can’t provide free services to them. (This is a hard one for me too, so I get it!)

• Setting clear standards on Instagram and other social media about what kind of messages you will and won’t respond to.

4. You feel guilty constantly.

You’re behind on a client deadline, but can’t focus because you feel so bad that your child is out in the living room alone. You go play with your child only to feel guilty that you should be working on that massive to do list for a client project.

Everything you do makes you feel guilty. Every choice makes you feel guilty. You never feel like you can rest because you feel so guilty.

Carrying guilt is so common these days. There’s a lot to think about, a lot to worry about, and, of course, a lot to feel guilty about. However, if you’re feeling guilt over everything you’re doing and not doing, you need to create some boundaries to free yourself from those feelings and expectations.

Here are a few ideas:

• When you find yourself spiraling into guilt, set up a series of actions to take, such as taking a walk, listening to a song you love, or doing literally anything else besides stewing in your guilt.

• Make a schedule and stick to it: these are the hours you work, these are the hours you spend with your kids, these are the hours you have to yourself.

How to Set Boundaries As A Mom

Happy August! This month, we’re going to talk about establishing boundaries: in your business, in your personal relationships, and beyond. Establishing boundaries is so important to everyone and something we don’t talk about enough! I hope you find value and comfort in these blog posts.

A few months ago, I was talking to my therapist about how difficult it felt to give my son the attention he needs while also finishing my work. She asked me a few questions about how we spent our time during the day. I talked about the added pressure I felt to be doing activities with him: making things and keeping him entertained.

“It sounds like you need some boundaries,” she said.

We kept talking on our Zoom call and when I hung up, I sat for a while thinking about what she had said. Boundaries? With your kids?

I knew all about setting boundaries: I have pretty strict boundaries set up between my work and my life, such as no working after a certain time, taking every other Friday off, not checking my email on my phone, and more. But as a mother, I couldn’t quite wrap my head around what it mean to establish boundaries as a mother. With my kid!

We tend to think of setting boundaries as an ultimatum, as something negative or a consequence of something bad happening. But the truth is, the more I thought about what my therapist said (and the more we talked about it over the next few weeks), the more I realized that setting boundaries doesn’t have to be a bad thing. It can be a good thing!

Let’s talk through a few points about setting boundaries as a mother (or parent!). (As a reminder, I’m not a counselor or therapist; this is just what I’ve learned from researching and establishing boundaries in my own life.)

What does it mean to establish boundaries as a mother?

Imagine it: you’re in your office, working away at a task that shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes. 5 minutes in, your son rushes in and needs help. You get up to help him. 5 minutes later, you’re back at your desk… and your son rushes in again to ask you to do something else (fill in the blank: make a comic book, make cookies, go to grandma’s…) That 30 minute task stretches out to an hour, 2 hours, as you work to give your child the attention he needs (because you feel guilty if you say no).

“Sometimes we need to set boundaries around things to protect our own mental health, and that’s ok.⠀⠀”

— ourmamavillage on Instagram

Now, imagine this scenario: you’re in your office, working away at a task that shouldn’t take more than 30 minutes. 5 minutes in, your son rushes in and needs help. You say, “Did you check the door?” He loops back and see’s the “red light” sight on the door, which means “give me time.”

Establishing boundaries isn’t about punishing our kids or making them feel unimportant in comparison to our jobs. It is about providing us the ability to get our work done and not lose our minds in the process.

As working moms (or not working moms, but just moms trying to get shit done during the day), we can often feel like we don’t deserve to set these boundaries because being a parent is one of our jobs of many. We manage homes and schedules, we work jobs, we do the laundry, and we entertain the kids. And if entertaining the kids gets in the way of the other jobs, well, shouldn’t we prioritize our kids? Not necessarily.

You deserve to set boundaries because:

• You deserve to be able to finish a simple task in a short amount of time.

• You need space and rest just as much as anyone else, including your children.

• Your child will benefit immensely from it as well.

How can you set boundaries with young kids?

There is a lot written out there about establishing boundaries with mothers. That is, if you’re an adult and you have a difficult or toxic mother who interferes with your life. There is considerably less out there about establishing boundaries with kids, probably because this is relatively new for women, especially in the millennial generation. We were raised to think kids were our 100% and the current media bent (as well as hospital initiatives like BFHI) is that we should martyr ourselves for the good of our children. However, running ourselves on empty for the sake of our kids… isn’t great either, we just don’t have the evidence to support it quite yet.

So when it comes to setting boundaries with your kids, what can you do?

• Put a small sign on your office door to indicate if they can come in and ask you a question. (My son responds well to “red light” and “green light” signs as he understands what these mean without being able to read.)

• Communicate your boundaries clearly, in language that children understand at their developmental stage. (“When mom is working in your office, please knock before coming in or asking a question” will work for older kids; it won’t work for a 3-year-old!)

• Enforce that some areas are off limits for kids, such as your bedroom or your office. Remind them to knock or ask politely before coming in to ask you something.

• Let kids feel the consequences of a boundary being crossed. It’s easy to give in when kids are sad or disappointed. However, keeping boundaries enforced for both of your sakes is important. Let them understand the consequences and feel the emotion.

What does setting boundaries teach our children?

Setting boundaries in our lives is really hard. We’re all tempted to let them go at certain times (like when your boss texts you to do something ASAP), but setting boundaries, and protecting our mental health, isn’t just good for us. It’s good for our kids too.

Here’s a great post from ourmamavillage on Instagram that I highly recommend you read the entire caption!

View this post on Instagram

A post shared by Jess: Therapist for Parents (@ourmamavillage) on Jul 9, 2020 at 6:15am PDT

Here’s the summary though: it’s kids job to ask for the world. That’s their job! However, giving them the world doesn’t teach them anything about boundaries or what is best for them. If you child asked for ice cream for every meal, they’d be very happy if they got it for every meal. However, they probably wouldn’t feel very good after a few days. It’s our job as parents to create the boundary that says, “you can have ice cream with dinner, but not for every meal. In the meantime, let’s talk about what kind of ice cream we’ll have with dinner!”

In the same way, setting our boundaries as parents helps them learn to set boundaries, protect their own mental health, and respect the needs of others.

How do we stop feeling guilty about establishing boundaries?

Now, here’s the big one: how do we stop feeling guilty?

Part of the reason we feel so guilty is because we are inundated with media that suggests we should feel guilty. Would I have been happier postpartum if I hadn’t read article after article about feeling guilty about not being able to breastfeed? Possibly. If I had just sat down my phone and focused on what was working, would I have been happier in the choices I had to make? I actually am pretty sure of that. Would we feel less worry if we didn’t Google things? Also, definitely.

There are entire Instagram accounts dedicated to feeling guilty, momshame, breastfeeding this, bottle feeding that. It’s easy to get stuck in the idea that there is one best way to parent and we have to follow it or else we’re doing something wrong.

Here’s what I want to ask you: do you think moms in the 1950s were laying awake every night wondering if they were doing it right? The answer is, maybe a few did, but probably not as much as now. Here’s another question: do you think your mother lied awake at night feeling guilty for not letting you have everything you asked for? I know my mom definitely struggled and didn’t get enough time to herself (sorry mom! I love you!), but I don’t think she felt that guilty when she closed her bedroom door and turned up the TV.

If you struggle with guilt (and trust me, there have been a lot of nights in the last 6 months where I’ve lied awake worried that we haven’t done anything fun for Forrest), here’s my advice: stop consuming media about feeling guilty as a mother. Unfollow the Instagram accounts that seem to bathe in their guilt publicly. Unfollow anyone who makes you feel guilty. Stop Googling about it! And most important, set the boundaries so that, when you are in a space to be just with your child, you’re able to have more fun than when you’re letting yourself be run dry.

If you start you feel guilt settling (and sometimes we feel guilt in our body before we think about it), remind yourself that you’re doing your best and that you are protecting both your needs and your child’s (or children’s) needs, that you have a hard job, and our lives right now are not normal. However, if you show your kids love, respect their emotions, and do the best you can… they will be fine. They don’t need supermom.

The 2 Biggest Mistakes I Made in My First Year of Freelance

Running your own business is hard. Especially when your business is service-based. It would be a whole lot easier if I sold candles or something similar: a single purchase, a relationship formed only if both parties want it to continue.

For service-based businesses, the relationship is the point. And with a business that is predicated on relationships, on managing expectations, things can get really challenging.

This isn’t to say that running one type of business is easier than another. There are things that are super challenging about both, obviously. But sometimes, for me, there are times where I wish I could just ship a physical product and call it done!

Unfortunately for me, I don’t make a physical product. I’ve been super lucky to have a really great first 8ish months of working for myself exclusively—there haven’t been any big issues. However, over the last year, I’ve definitely been able to see the mistakes I’ve made clearly. I wanted to share these as I think, for everyone who works for themselves running their own business, they are things to look out for.

1. Not Setting Clear Expectations with Clients (or, Ignoring Very, Very Red Flags)

If you work in a service-based business, eventually you’re going to come across a client who doesn’t know what they want. They know sort of what you do, they know they need to hire you, but they don’t have any idea what any of this means. They might be micromanage-y about it; they might be standoffish about it; but either way, you’re never going to be able to meet their expectations because they don’t know what they are. For you, this creates a situation where the target is always moving, you aren’t able to get what you need, and, especially if you’re in the early part of your career, you don’t really know how to deal with them.

I have had 2 clients like this so far. Both of them had red flags from the very beginning. With these kind of clients, I often find myself falling into the same cycle:

• They ask me to do something that is outside the scope of my contract with them.

• I’m a pushover, so I start doing that work. I communicate with them a new need (such as a login, payment information for a new tool, etc.)

• They do not respond to my emails.

• I think, “I’m an adult. I don’t need to chase my clients when they don’t respond.”

• I send a follow up email.

• They don’t respond.

• A week goes by and they ask me what’s wrong with their website, why haven’t I done the work they asked for, they don’t understand what’s going on, etc.

I end up feeling gaslit by the end of it—am I the one being flaky? Am I the one not doing what I’m supposed to do? And for both of these clients, I sensed a red flag from the very beginning; I suspected that they didn’t know what they want and got the vibe that they would ask for more work from me than what was in the contract. (Such as asking things like “Oh, you do SEO writing too, not just VA work? That’s good to know!” is usually a sign that they’re going to try to get me to redo their website.)

What did I learn from this mistake? Set expectations at the beginning. Here’s a good script I write for myself:

• “So, from my understanding, you’re asking for [#] hours a week of [task-based work]. While I do provide other services, at this time, that is outside the scope of this contract. I understand that your goals are X, Y, and Z. To help meet these goals, I’ll send check up emails on Monday morning.”

That’s just a brief script—I might include more, as well as an email summary that includes a write up of what I’ll be doing in the hours I have dedicated to that client. I also keep my expectations really clear: I am not an employee and I won’t act like one. If an urgent task comes up, I will do my best to tackle it right then and there—but most likely, I will have to work it into my schedule. Making these expectations clear—that I am not their babysitter or manager, but rather an expert in my field they are hiring to take over—is a huge aspect of my on-boarding now. Live and learn, y’all.

2. Not Invoicing My Clients for All the Time I Spent on Their Projects

“Well, I spent 3 hours working on that due to technological issues, but I feel bad that it took so long, so I’ll invoice for 1.5 hours instead,” I said about literally every project with literally every client for the first 6 months of freelancing.

Not only does this cheat your clients—they think you’re doing a ton of work efficiently in half the time, giving them a false sense of how long projects take—it cheats you. You didn’t spend 1.5 hours on that—you spent 3 of your hours (out of 24 in a day, of which hopefully you spend like 10 or so sleeping!) on it. And you deserve to get paid for those 3 hours, even if it took you longer than you thought it should, even if you feel bad about it.

Which, note to self, why do I feel bad about invoicing my clients? They hired me! They’re paying me! That’s what I’m here for!

What did I learn from this mistake? This was a huge mistake I made that doesn’t really have any impact on the work I did or the relationship I built. But it did effect how I saw my work over time, it impacted me financially (obviously spending 12 hours a day working and invoicing for half of it and then wondering why my invoices are so tiny at the end of the month—note to Michelle, you gotta stop this), and it made me feel burnt out. Not only that, I felt really stupid about it!

Now, I invoice for every minute, every second that I work for a client. I personally use Clockify to manage my time and see how much I’ve worked on a project (and to know if I’m using too many hours—in which case I communicate with the client and let them know I’ll either need to scale back hours or we should increase their budget)—it includes a timer so that I just set it at the start of a task and have a detailed description of every minute I’ve worked.

This leads me to a specific example. This is actually one of the clients in my first example—a client I had to fire for asking me to do more work than was in the scope of my contract, paying me too little (I didn’t negotiate and I was making $12 an hour—that’s right, $12 an hour), and blaming me consistently for things that were not my fault. (A prime example is their website went down because they renewed the wrong website—which unfortunately badly effected their SEO. I wasn’t hired for SEO though and I’m not a programmer; I couldn’t help them with the technical bits of their website!) When I fired them, I sent my last invoice—and they didn’t pay it, didn’t pay it, didn’t pay it. When I finally asked them what was up, as our parting of ways was not contentious, she replied that because she would have to redo some of the work I had done, she didn’t think she should have to pay me for those hours and her bookkeeper agreed. I was so upset that I just said fine, pay me whatever. (Reminder: this was work that was completely outside the scope of my contract to begin with!)

Friends, this is wrong. Your client does not get to determine whether you are paid for the work you did for them or not. You did the work, you get paid for it. There is no arguing. If they do argue, tell them you will speak to a lawyer. If you have a contract (and you should always have a contract), make sure to stipulate payment terms. If you have to prove you did the work, that’s fine. But if you do deliver the work that is asked for, you deserve to be paid for it—and there is no reason why a decent business would ever argue about it or try to step back on a contract.

Whew! All this is to say: invoicing is a challenging part of freelancing, I struggle to bill clients appropriately (due to some guilt issues and imposter syndrome), and I completely understand if you feel lost and confused about the process because, honey, honestly, same.

Ok, over to you: what’s your biggest mistake you’ve made freelancing? I’m not talking email-sent-at-the-wrong-time or email-gone-unanswered, but rather—what is a mistake you made that taught you a serious lesson about running your business?

3 Tips for Social Media Managers

Social media management isn’t the only thing I do—and, I’ll be honest, it’s not my favorite thing to do.

Back when I first got into marketing, I dreamed of being able to take on social media campaigns, writing witty Instagram captions, optimizing hashtags… I took on other roles in the meantime, like email marketing or blog writing. When I finally got to social media management, I realized that it’s not quite the walk-in-the-park that people think it is.

I do want to start off this blog post with a bit of a disclaimer and explanation: social media management is a challenging, difficult field. It requires a lot of work behind the scenes in analytics and strategy. It goes without saying: just because you happen to have a large number of followers on Instagram personally does not mean you can successfully run social media for brands. You know the basics, for sure! But these are not the same thing and a brand that is selling a product is going to want more from you than perhaps you understand.

This isn’t to say it’s not something to strive for. But I’ve found myself getting frustrated seeing very young girls on Instagram try to pivot to being SMMs…. just because they’ve grown their Instagram (sometimes through blogging groups, sometimes through buying followers) to 10,000 followers. Those simply aren’t the same thing. This might be a bit of gatekeeping on my end, but all I ask is that if you’re interested in this line of work, you understand what you’re getting into, what it means to offer social media management services to a business, and how serious it is to take a business’s money in exchange for results.

All that being said, if you’re new the social media management world, I hope this blog post is helpful to you! I wanted to share 3 pieces of information I’ve learned over the past 6 years that have helped me become better at my job.

1. Social media management requires cooperation between lots of different departments—so make sure you know the entire marketing plan and how you play into it.

Too often, businesses and brands want social media to exist on its own island. They don’t want to provide creative; they don’t want to hire a graphic designer; they don’t have a blog or if they do, they don’t think social media is related to that at all. They just want the results. This is such an incredibly common attitude and it comes from a place of not understanding marketing.

My advice here is this: if you suspect a client is like this, it’s a red flag. You aren’t ever going to be able to do your job effectively; your client is going to get frustrated at the questions you ask; and the relationship will sour pretty quickly.

Social media does not exist in a vacuum, completely separate from other pieces of the business; a good social media manager knows the company calendar, speaks to others in the marketing department, and plays a role in each part of developing a marketing plan for the year.

2. Managing expectations is 50% of your job.

Here’s an example from a client I had at an agency once. When we asked what his goal for social media was, this is what he said: “My goal is to spread rumors about my competition and destroy them politically.”

Yes. He said that.

He wanted to use social media ruthlessly. And unethically. After the meeting ended (it was via teleconference), I turned to my coworker and said, “That’s not something we can do.” She shrugged her shoulders and we both went about our days. I knew what was going to happen though: we would do one month of social media, he would get mad that he hadn’t gone “viral”, and he would refuse further services.

Which is exactly what happened.

The person i am now knows that, during that phone call, when he first made that statement, I should have said: “that expectation is unreasonable. Here are some better goals.” Or I could have talked him through the purpose of why he wanted to do that. Eventually, though, I would have adjusted and managed his expectations so we could provide a better service without burning a bridge entirely. However, I didn’t know that at the time.

Managing expectations is an important part of running any marketing services; your clients need to know what is realistic and what isn’t. Most likely, a furniture company in the midwest isn’t going to go viral—and if they do, it probably won’t be a good thing. The same goes for literally any business in any sense. Managing their expectations of social media, what they want, and what it can do is a critical part of your job—and unfortunately, it just takes practice and experience.

3. Social media is an on-going, rapidly changing business.

What worked for a client last year might not work this week. What was popular a few weeks ago no longer is. The things you expect to perform well suddenly won’t.

Social media management can be very frustrating in this way: you never actually know what’s going to take off and what will succeed. It’s always a bit of guessing game because things change constantly on all platforms.

Here’s an example: in March, many of my clients pulled all their social media when COVID19 shut downs hit. This just felt responsible. Most of them shifted to a week-by-week basis of social media content creation, which increased my stress and the amount of time I worked with each client. However, it was the responsible thing to do with so much changing.

We were just starting to get back on track when BLM protests erupted. Again, clients pulled their social media and social ads. It seems that every single week, something is changing on social media, requiring brands and businesses to reassess what they’re doing on social media. This requires me to be on my toes and able to pull posts at a moments notice. It also means that, in terms of community management (a huge part of being a social media manager), I have to work with their PR (or if they don’t have PR, be their PR) to provide the best possible responses.

A lot of “social media gurus” (again, these are people who grew large personal followings then tried to transition to being a social media manager in the loosest sense of the word—without being too harsh, they are charlatans and much of their advice for businesses is bad) offer these kits or services where you plan your social media months in advance. I can’t begin to explain to you what a bad idea that is.

Yes, plan your calendar out in advance; yes, have an idea of your plan for the year. But I’ve begun to realize that scheduling an entire month’s worth of content for a month or two at a time is a good way to make it so your client finds it challenging to pivot should anything need to change. And now more than ever as social media managers, we need to be able to guide our clients in a way that is ethical and responsible.

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Whew! I think that’s everything! Are you interested in social media management? I’m always up to chat about how I got into the industry, how I get clients, and more over on Instagram. Send me a note—I’d love to talk!

5 Steps for Getting Organized Fast

Happy July! This month, I’ll be posting a series called Let’s Get Organized!, all about organizing your home, your business, and your life. Organization is not about perfection; it’s about having the tools and systems in place to make your life easier, whenever you need it. I can’t wait to share my tips and tricks, and much more. If you’d like to see May-June’s series on Daily Routines, click here.

Here’s something I famously said to a professor: “Sometimes, I’m so organized that I feel like it holds me back.” I can still remember the way she looked at me, her head slightly cocked, and her expression of puzzlement. It didn’t make sense to her.

I’m a naturally organized person: I tend to always put things back where they came from, I love having a place for everything, and it’s very easy for me to get, and stay, organized. But in many ways, having that rigid of a way of thinking can be incredibly restrictive for, say, writing research papers (where sometimes you need to let your mind and interests wander!) or baking cookies with a 4-year-old (who doesn’t understand where anything in the kitchen is).

When it comes to organizing, I have found that it’s not a case of organizing a space and having it stay there. Living spaces are static: they evolve and change, just like we do. A system that worked when you first moved into your home or apartment might not make sense 6 months later, or after you have kids, or whatever!

Here are my 5 steps to organizing your space—whether it’s your office, living room, kitchen, closet, or whatever you need it—fast. (By fast I mean, in the space of 1-2 weekends!)

1. Start with one small place to organize first.

When it comes to getting organized, take it one step at a time. When we moved into our home a year ago this weekend (!!!), I wasn’t focused on organizing. I just wanted our stuff in the house. It didn’t matter where it went. As a result, we have a ton of messy closets, a messy garage, and much more. I still haven’t found my glue gun, which I misplaced at some point during the move.

However, I know if I tried to tackle every single closet and the garage and the living room and the kitchen all at once, I’d get overwhelmed, stressed, and burnt out on organizing. Just yesterday, I told my husband: my goal for this summer is to get our garage organized into a functional space, not just a bunch of stacks of boxes of stuff that we probably don’t even need.

Pick one space to start organizing and stick with that space, and that space only, for your first round. Don’t move outside of that space; don’t let yourself start thinking about those laundry room cabinets while you’re working on this space; don’t deviate from the plan. Pick one space, seriously.

2. Buy what you need for the space—not what’s available.

I was recently listening to the A Beautiful Mess podcast with Elsie Larson and Emma Chapman (it’s seriously really good!) and Elsie had a tip that I had never thought of before: if you need to buy something to organize the space, buy the perfect thing, not just what’s available. I have always just gone to the Dollar Store and bought whatever organizer bins or storage containers I can find. Sometimes, the options are just not great—but I didn’t really worry about it, even if they didn’t look how I wanted them to or even work in the space.

However, I realized that if I’m going to invest the money, rather than buying 3-4 rounds of different organizers at the Dollar Store or Target because they’re all that’s available… why not just save my money and buy the bins that look cute and fit the space and are functional? Why not buy the right size bin organizer, or the right entertainment center, instead of settling? Thanks, Elsie, we needed that one!

3. Focus on function.

If you search “pantry organization” on Pinterest, you’ll get a lot of super cute pantries: cereal emptied into gorgeous glass jars, Oreos stacked Khloe Kardashian-style, spices in teeny tiny glass jars, all organized 1.5 inches apart from each other in a perfectly clean pantry. If there are brand packages available, they’re boujee brands. And there is also this trendy thing going around where you put up a tension rod and use clips to hang individual bags of chips or crackers or whatever.

I can’t begin to tell you how impractical I think all of that is. Yes, while rushing home from Costco, I’m going to put my box of chips on teeny tiny hangers in my pantry, which my son won’t be able to unclip on his own—he’ll pull the whole thing down, repeatedly. The glass jars of Oreos, oatmeal, flour, and spices? Those will get gross. Better to put all those things where they go: the spice cabinet, the baking cupboard, in storage containers that are functional. The glass jars are cute, but they’re not functional. Those Oreos will get stale. Those spices will be exposed to more air and light than they need to. They’re all at risk of being knocked down at any point.

Your organization should be functional, not focused on what looks cutest on Pinterest. Please don’t feel like you have to buy little hangers for your bags of chips.

4. Declutter as you organize.

It goes without saying, but, I will say it: you should declutter in the process of organizing. That’s just kind of the point.

I recently organized my pantry a little bit. We have 4 Halloween buckets, at least 2 of them full of various holidays worth of candy since… 2018? I don’t know why I moved these from one house to another, but I did and, gosh, I am a little embarrassed about it! I threw them away. And I threw away the box of fruit snacks that we’ve had for a year, the boxes of cereal we opened once and didn’t eat, the mac and cheese that we haven’t touched… there are so much I was just holding onto because I didn’t think about it.

Declutter, declutter, declutter! It’s as important, if not more important, than organizing. Even if you don’t have the time or energy to redo the space you want to get organized, you probably have stuff you can toss or get rid of. That will make the space feel new with hardly any effort.

5. Remember that it won’t be perfect.

Taking on the space of your choice isn’t about making it perfect or Pinterest-worthy. It’s just about getting a system in place that works for you and your life! It won’t be perfect immediately. You’ll find ways to keep improving this space the more you use it and interact with it. And you might also find that the needs of the space changes over time. These are all fine things to have happen! We’re aiming for developing a system for a space, not a set-in-stone piece of perfection.