Working from Home? Here Are My Top 4 Tips for Staying Productive

As we all work on social distancing to prevent a massive influx of those infected with COVID19, many jobs have moved to entirely remote positions. You might be one of those people: you’ve typically worked in office-only jobs, where you left everyday at the same time and knew what was expected.

First things first, working from home, especially right now with many people furloughed or laid off, is a huge privilege. I think we all know that!

It’s ok if you’re nervous about it too. It’s ok if you aren’t sure if you’ll like it. And it’s also ok if you know right now you don’t like it at all. That’s ok!

If you’re new to the working from home game, I want to help. Right now, there are so few things we can all do to help others and, as a fellow slightly displaced, a little confused worker, I want to help where I can. If there is one thing I know, it’s working from home! I am hoping that sharing a few tips for working from home will help at least once person.

If you want more posts about being productive while working from home, here are two of my favorites:

• How to know if working from home is for you

• How to practice self-care as a freelancer*

*Consider yourself an honorary freelancer now!

Now, let’s get to those tips.

1. Take Care of Yourself.

I want to tackle this one first because I think it’s the most important one. We are all going through something that is, quite honestly, very traumatic. Our lives are being completely turned upside down. We all have family and friends who are suddenly out of work. We all have immunocompromised, immunosuppressed, or at-risk family members and friends. Things are very stressful and it will be natural to have that stress keep up.

So most importantly, take care of yourself in whatever way you can. I highly recommend getting a self-care routine in place right from the get go. Why? Because the sooner you have that routine in place, the easier it will be to maintain when things get hard.

I always tell people there are two pieces of self-care: the actual self-care aspect (what you need to do to keep your mental health good) and self-soothing techniques. Here’s how they differentiate:

• Self care is: going to therapy; taking your medication; practicing deep breathing to slow your heart rate during a panic attack.

• Self-soothing is: taking a bubble bath; using a lotion that smells good and calms you down; turning the news off when you’re overwhelmed.

Spot the difference? I think for many, this makes it easier to understand. Your self-care routine should be a mix of all of these things. Now might be the time to sign up for Talkspace so you have access to a mental health professional. Or, if you already attend therapy, get your meetings arranged to be over Zoom or Skype now. Then, start thinking of self-soothing pieces you want. Do you want to set aside 40 minutes every evening for a bath? Schedule it in, babe!

2. Set Strict Work Hours.

I keep a work calendar for everyone I work with and I block out my work hours on every single one. If you text me outside of those work hours, or your email me on the weekend, I will not respond to you. Period. End of story. I used to be not so strict about those, but once Oregon implemented a stay-at-home order, I decided to be strict about it.

I like working. But I don’t like feeling overwhelmed by work.

So, my advice is this: make your work hours known and stick to them. Don’t let anyone talk you out of them. Not your boss. Not your coworkers. Not your partner who is inexplicably on a work call at 8pm. Don’t let them down it! Stick to your hours. Strictly. If you do decide to be loosy-goosy and start early, don’t work over 8 hours. You’re going to burn out; you’re going to get tired; you’re going to get overwhelmed and frustrated and stressed. Be kind to yourself. Set your work hours!!!

3. Designate a Work Space.

You might not have the space for an office. Trust me, I get it. My office used to be a landing on my stairwell. It was tiny and uncomfortable and I hated it in a lot of ways.

Even if you don’t have an office in your home or apartment, you can designate a space where The Work Happens. This might be your kitchen table, which has a nice plug. You might have a desk in your bedroom that works and has a window you can look out. Whatever works for you. Pick a work space and stick with it.

Just like setting your work hours, I want you to be strict about this with yourself. Here’s why:

• You have to maintain good posture and ergonomic working conditions. Why? Because this will vastly impact how you feel physically. Working on the couch sounds great until your back aches.

• You have a designated space where The Work Happens and when you are in that space, you work. When you are not in that space, you do not work. This is a big thing mentally. It will help you be more productive. I promise.

4. Practice Breaks.

Working from home means there are less interruptions. No coworkers stopping to chat for 15 or 20 minutes. No quick breaks to the bathroom where you end up joining a lively discussion about a TV show. No quick brainstorms. Everything is scheduled out.

That means you get less breaks, mentally. So, schedule breaks into your day. Take 10 minutes to call a friend or talk to your partner. Or take your dog for a walk. Make yourself a snack or a cup of coffee. Do something other than work for a few minutes, then get back to it. Breaking up the day will help you stay on task longer and not feel so burnt out and tired.

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There you have it! Those things might feel pretty basic, but as these days pass, I want you to focus on them and make sure to set and keep plenty of boundaries. Bringing your work into your home can be a great way to save money on gas and protect people from COVID19. But it can also be very stressful and overwhelming.

Here is a handy dandy graphic that breaks down the do’s and don’ts of working from home.

Life Lately: 5 Things I Learned This Month

Oh hey, long time no see!

I first started this blog post on March 11. I’ve deleted and rewritten the whole thing at least 3 times. It’s really hard to put into words how our lives have all changed since then, right? Originally, I wanted this blog post to be a write up about where I’ve been and what I’ve been doing—a sort of call back to the old days of blog posts when things were more personal, less “evergreen”.

Not only has the last month felt like the fastest and longest of my life, I feel like our world has pretty much completely changed. Will things be any different after this? Or will everything be different?

I posted this on Twitter, but I really do think the first boom of bloggers in 2009-2011 was in part caused by the recession in 2008-2009. I know for me, I started blogging from my dorm room in 2009 when shit was going absolutely to hell in the “real world.” When I graduated in 2011, I couldn’t find a job—so I threw myself into blogging, it became part of my identity, and boom! Became part of my career, in many ways.

I wonder how this—that is, what is happening now, alongside the economic impacts—will change blogging in the future. I’ll admit to being incredibly frustrated by the rise of influencers; it’s made having my own blog more complicated, as I feel like I have to compete to work with brands who would prefer a ton of followers over genuine readership. (This isn’t a brag; my blog gets a significant amount of traffic, but God, do I hate Instagram.)

This is all to say one thing: in February, when I started a new temp job, I made the decision to step away from my blog for a little while to decide what to do.

The truth is that I love blogging. When I was laid off in July, I thought blogging might be a key to being part of my career. But the more I’ve tried to make this blog part of my career, the more miserable I have felt about the whole thing. I like writing about whatever I want to write about. I want to review make up again. I want to write about whatever I want again. I don’t want to have to worry about discount codes and monetization and promoting. I just want to write.

That was a lot of what I wanted to say when I started this blog post. Then… COVID19 happened. What can I write that hasn’t already been written?

The last month of my life has really flown by. For a lot of reasons! I often find when writing these life update posts, it’s best to structure things in “what I’ve learned.” So, let’s chat, shall we? Here’s everything I’ve learned in the last month.

1. Always be prepared.

My husband, Danny, has a relative that everyone makes fun of for saving everything. She saves Cool Whip containers and the remnants of every meal, no matter how small. To them, this was sort of a begrudging tendency towards penny pinching, caused by growing up in the midwest during the Depression.

Do you wonder what effect this quarantine will have on us? On our children?

Will I ever let us go without having a small stockpile of toilet paper, laundry soap, and hand soap ever again? Will I pay more attention to have nonperishables in my pantry? Will Forrest be more conscious of how his health effects those around him? Will he be offended by extreme hoarding?

Just something I’ve been thinking about. But this has made me realize how much more prepared I need to be. When the Governor of Oregon, Kate Brown, announced that schools would be closed until the end of March (and then, April 28), I immediately thought, “oh shit, what are we going to do!?” I didn’t have anything. I had nothing for craft projects. My printer was out of ink. My pantry was looking sparse.

I thought I learned my lesson during the snowstorm of February 2019, when we only had a few gallons of water saved up and we ended up melting snow on our wood stove to flush toilets every day. (It took hours.) Danny and I made a preparedness plan then. But, then, life got in the way. I got laid off. I started freelancing. I gave up on finding a job. We got busy. And we stopped being so prepared. I stopped grabbing a few extra cans of soup or broth when I went to the grocery store.

Anyway, if nothing else, this has taught me: always be prepared. Have hand sanitizer and bleach on hand at all times.

2. Late February was probably not an ideal time to start a new job (or maybe it was?).

That’s an exciting announcement though, isn’t it? I started a temporary job, only supposed to last 3 months or so, in late February. I was supposed to start March 1, as I am covering a woman on maternity leave, but things happen, you know. I started, got used to everything, and then… COVID19 hit.

It was like a wallop to the face, huh?

It’s been great though. If there is one way to show people I’m a great employee, it’s really keeping my head during all this crisis. The team transitioned to working entirely from home—and I was already there, with everything I needed to make it work. It felt good. It feels so good to be part of a team again. I love it so much and I love the work that I’m doing, because I feel like I’m learning a lot about what I do in a different way.

It’s definitely a weird time, at least looking at economic impacts, to be in a very temporary space. That being said: I’ve been a temporary space since July. I’m used to it and I think I will be ok after this. If I can survive everything I went through last summer, I can make it through another uneasy, difficult summer. (I wish I didn’t have to, but there we are!)

3. It’s ok to let go of the routines.

I am a routine driven person. I write about it a lot. I like having a routine. I like feeling like I have control.

But sometimes, the routine is just too much.

When Forrest’s school was shut down (right before Danny’s birthday—sorry Danny!), I immediately started making a schedule for him. I knew for his sanity, and mine, we needed to implement something right off the bat so he would feel safe and secure.

But we also needed to explain why he wasn’t going to school anymore.

This was all a big bummer because Forrest had been struggling with anxiety about school for a few months—which was a bit odd for him, but as a family, we were a bit all over the place in October to January. It’s sad for me and him that once he was more comfortable with school… it was gone. He’s been sad and confused about what’s happening, but at 4, I don’t really want to scare the pants off of him.

I knew he needed a routine. I knew I wanted to keep school going for him in whatever small way I could.

But each day, the routine works up until a certain point. And then it no longer works at all. Usually that point is about 7:30 at night. In my ideal schedule, we would get Forrest ready for bed, snuggle him in, and say night night.

That is not how it works. We’ve ended most days the past two weeks with brushing teeth and then Forrest crawls into bed with me to watch a movie. I know, I know… this is potentially the worst sleep habit. But he’s only 4 and he’ll only be 4 for a little while. I don’t want his memories of this time to be scary or weird or dystopian like mine are. I want him to remembering getting to watch his favorite movies every night before falling asleep with me.

So yeah, the routine is important. But I kind of had to let it go too.

4. Turning off the news is ok.

Every day for work, we do a check-in and one of the things we do is talk about any positive or negative news we’ve heard that others might find interesting. For the first few days of my entire team being at home, we all had a ton of news to share: this state was doing this, or we learned this about the virus. Whatever.

By Thursday, we were all really quiet during that part of the meeting. A lot of us simply couldn’t pay attention to the news as much. It was too overwhelming. Too scary. Too much information in some ways and too much of it was misinformation one way or another. We all had to step away.

it felt really good. I believe in being an informed citizen and right now, it feels a bit like my job to be up-to-date on what’s going on. Comparatively, I’m good at staying up to date on just about everything. But at a certain point, it’s not just collecting information. It’s obsessively trying to stay on top of the situation as a way to calm my anxiety—and thereby, making it worse. Every piece of information I learned, I found myself getting more and more anxious. Being snippy. Being unable to focus on tasks.

I stayed off Twitter over the weekend. I muted related terms on my Twitter feed. I tried to stay off Facebook and Instagram. It felt good. I read. I watched TV. I wrote. It felt good.

So yes, I like to stay informed and I’ll probably start to view a few select sources for COVID19 information. But if you, like me, are very easily overwhelmed by too much information, let me be the one to tell you: you have permission to stop paying attention to the news.

5. I have so many projects to finish.

I have all the time in the world now. No weekend trips. No spring break trip that Danny and I have had planned for months. No going to Target and lunch on the weekends. I can’t even visit my mom! We are at home, doing the responsible thing. We moved into our house in July: 8 long months ago. I have so many projects to finish. Rooms I haven’t painted. Boxes that I still have not unpacked. Closets that are still just stuffed with a mishmash of things. Woof! I guess now is the time. I started a list. I’m check it twice. Don’t judge me.

5 Quotes About Goals to Keep You Motivated All Year

Setting, and keeping, goals has been one of the biggest challenges I’ve had for the last few years. As I’ve written before, my confidence has taken a knock a few times in the last decade and it’s been a fight and a struggle to get back to where I was previously… almost over and over again!

But I find setting goals, and tasks for myself based on those goals, very cathartic and healing in a lot of ways. It keeps me focused on moving forward day-to-day instead of continually thinking about whatever it is that’s happened (being laid off, getting a rejection for a job I wanted badly, whatever).

I know for many people, setting and keeping goals is a struggle. Trust me when I say: me too. I love setting goals, but it’s easy to lose track of them day-to-day. I have a whole post about setting goals that are realistic for you and your life, while keeping an eye on timeliness, here.

However, I also wanted to share a few quotes that I’ve found particularly helpful in my goal setting and keeping my mindset positive and future-focused. I hope you love them! Don’t forget to Pin them if you find them particularly helpful.

I’m a quote collector (I have notebooks full of them!). If you find posts like this helpful or fun, please let me know and I’ll add more of them to my calendar. Happy Wednesday!

Top 5 Podcasts for Personal & Professional Development (Plus 1 Bonus Podcast!)

If you’ve ever wondered what my number 1 conversation starter is, it’s time I let you in on a secret. It’s me saying: “So I was listening to a podcast and…” then launching into a story that I got from a podcast.

I listen to a lot of podcasts. Like a lot. Right now, I’m a little behind and have about 45 different episodes to catch up on. I have a few that I always listen to every single week no matter what (usually my true crime podcasts), and then I have some podcasts that I sort of pick and choose from depending on how I’m feeling.

In that second category of podcast is the “personal and professional development” category of podcasts. I love listening to podcasts about marketing, but I’ve learned over time that I have to listen to less of them if I want to stay sane and not get super burnt out. The same goes for personal development podcasts. I want to be able to pick and choose, listen to what I need when I need it. That’s sort of the beauty of personal & professional development podcasts: you don’t have to keep up with any kind of story or narrative.

If you are hoping to make 2020 a bigger year, both personally and professionally, I’ve rounded up my top 5 favorite podcasts that fit neatly into the personal and professional development category.

1. The BossBabe Podcast

The use of the word “bossbabe” aside (full body physical cringe), this is one of my favorite podcasts. Hosted by the creators of BossBabe, a service that provides coaching to help women scale their businesses and launch more products, it combines a lot of elements of personal development with professional advice. I really enjoy this podcast because I find BossBabe to be incredibly informative; I’ve done a lot of their free video trainings and have really enjoyed them.

Top 3 episodes:

• Overcoming Depression, Being Guided by Intuition and Unleashing Your Super Attractor Powers

• 5 Ways to Heal Your Relationship With Food & How it Directly Impacts Your Daily Life With Sarah Stewart

• Wounds To Wisdom: Turning Grief Into Action, Creating Authentic Content + Finding Your “Why” With Mandy Ansari

2. Grow & Glow Show

Grow & Glow was created by Vix Meldrew. in the interest of full disclosure, I am a member of Grow & Glow, a community for bloggers to learn more, connect, and “glow” their audiences. The podcast covers a lot of the same topics as the membership. I really love Vix (and her voice is shockingly soothing). I really enjoy bot the podcast and the membership, and if you’re interested in joining, the doors are currently open. Check out Grow & Glow and join here.

Top 3 episodes:

• Writing a Blog Series for SEO

• Your Instagram Captions are Shit

• My 3 Pronged Approach to Content Creation

3. A Beautiful Mess Podcast

I’ve been reading A Beautiful Mess for probably 10 years, potentially more, at this point. I have to admire both Elsie and Emma because they are truly astounding businesswomen. They have consistently pivoted their business, grown, changed, and continue to dominate the blogging industry. They’re also both really interesting, with a lot to say and teach. Their podcast has been one of my favorites since it launched and I love hearing more about the behind-the-scenes world of ABM. I love that as they’ve grown older, they’ve moved their blog away from fashion and more towards home decor, DIY projects, and sustainability—I feel like that’s true to my life and experience as well!

Top 3 episodes:

• Elsie’s Forever-Ish Home

• How to Decorate Affordably (Not Just from Target!)

• 3 Things that Make Our Homes Happier

4. Natch Beaut

I think I’ve included Natch Beaut on nearly every single podcast round up I’ve ever posted, but it’s one of my absolute favorites. It’s technically a beauty podcast, but I think Jackie Johnson (my girl Jackie J!) sells herself short: Natch Beaut is so much about personal development and being the best person you can be (both for yourself and the world), it goes beyond beauty. (Although we can love beauty too, hunnies!) Jackie had a big 2019 and so many of her episodes have fallen into my favorites list… so picking 3 was hard. But if there is one podcast you listen to on this list, I hope it’s Natch Beaut; Jackie has been a huge inspiration and continues to be one of my favorite people to listen to, follow on Instagram, and aspire to be best friends with.

Top 3 episodes:

• Self-Acceptance with Jeffrey Marsh*

• Kegelbell with Stephanie Schull, PhD

• Snatchural with Loey Lane

*If you listen to one episode from Natch Beaut, this is such a great one—but does include Jackie’s divorce announcement at the beginning, which is very emotional.

5. Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness

WHO doesn’t love Jonathan Van Ness? And YES, he has a podcast and it is as lovely as he is. There isn’t much more to say about it: it’s a podcast about learning more about the world, answering questions that Jonathan himself has about just about everything. It’s good to learn things, even if those “things” aren’t necessarily anything to do with our lives—but knowing more about other people, other cultures, science, and more can help us be better people, make better decisions, and generally be more well-rounded.

Top 3 episodes:

• What Does Inequality Have to Do With HIV?

• Are You My Tanny Bananny? With Tan France*

• Is It Possible I Am the Most Gorgeous Hypochondriac That Has Ever Lived?

*Funny title, but very serious episode about racism that Tan France experienced growing up in the UK, and his new project.

Do you have a personal or professional development podcast you think I would love? Share it with me in the comments! I’m always looking for new things to listen to.

Bonus! 6. The Jet Set Life Podcast

This is a newer podcast that I've come across by Brittany Ryan, aka "the jet set blonde." Sometimes the episodes focus on travel while others focus on personal development. Each episode is a great mix of inspiring yet informative—you never feel like you’re just getting fluff! Brittany is down-to-earth and her episodes feel like I'm just catching up with a friend who has a much cooler life than me! (Those are my favorite kind of friends, honestly!) I appreciate the personal stories she shares to help women get unstuck and start creating the jet set life of their dreams.

Top 3 episodes:

• How to Handle Transitions in Life

• 3 Areas to Upgrade to Live a Jet Set Life

• How to Make Your Home Feel Like a Luxury Hotel

Meeting Goals & Making Decisions: My November 2019 Wrap Up

Happy December!

You’ll be happy to know that this month’s wrap up will be significantly less maudlin than last months. A good thing too. November was a significantly better month than October in a lot of ways. I feel like I’m overcoming a lot of mental blocks when it comes to setting and achieving goals, and moving forward in my career.

Let’s jump into this wrap up!

1. I Switched Up My Instagram Content

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 5, 2019 at 5:20pm PST

You may have noticed a lot of changes over at my Instagram; I’ve been posting more about goal setting, the mental aspect of being laid off/starting my own business (?)/being a woman in the workplace, as well as taking time for myself and self-care and self improvement. These are all things I care about and think about a lot, but haven’t ever really talked about in my social media presence before.

If those are things you’re interested in too, give me a follow over on Instagram!

2. I Started Working On Daily Goals

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 9, 2019 at 4:20pm PST

One thing I’ve been realizing more and more lately is that I need a routine in place.

When Forrest was younger, I found it much easier to be very regimented and organized about my day. I did the same things every day and it helped ease my anxiety and improve my life. But in the last 18 months, my routines have really fallen apart; I was able to keep things organized for Forrest, but I felt like I never was 100% dedicated to a routine for myself. Danny and I stopped going to the gym as Forrest’s bedtime routine got more and more challenging.

In the past month, I started working on my daily goals: day-to-day, I set little goalposts for myself to reach. A few examples are making my bed every day (which helps me to feel accomplished), getting dressed every day, and making sure to go on a daily walk. Those are just a few things that help me organize my day and start building a routine. I’ve also started blocking out my time for my to do list and making sure I actually get things done—even if I have to force myself.

A big thing I’ve realized is that the burn out I’ve been feeling for a year or more has matched up with feeling like I don’t have a good daily routine in place. I’m hoping that the more I work on it, the more I’ll feel myself falling into a natural routine. And I’m hoping that adding in a good work out routine eventually will come a lot easier.

3. I Started Addressing my Lack of Confidence

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 16, 2019 at 6:20pm PST

Anyone who has read my blog for a long time knows one thing to be true: i’m pretty upfront about my lack of confidence.

I’ve always been a shy, soft spoken person. I don’t make waves. In therapy, we’ve been working on my need for external validation for nearly everything I do; I’m often overly concerned with the opinions of other people, worrying that what they think of me is more important than how I feel about what I’m doing. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I noticed this side of me getting worse after I graduated from college; when I didn’t have the validation of school and grades, I found myself really struggling with happiness and feeling confident.

Building emotional confidence and self confidence, particularly in my abilities and my work ethic, is a huge barrier for me in terms of achieving what I want to in my career. On one hand, I firmly believe that I’m good at what I do; on the other hand, I often hold myself back, not completing tasks and not following through, because I worry that it won’t be good enough, that other people won’t like it, or whatever.

I feel like I’ve really challenged that internalized belief this month and I’m excited to see how I continue to work on this.

Those were my 3 big November takeaways. We had a lovely Thanksgiving, obviously; we were supposed to go to Idaho, but ended up not being able to make it due to the Pass being totally snowed in! That was a huge disappointment, but we all coped as we could.

How was your November?

5 Things I've Learned About Being Resilient

Originally, I had this post in my editorial calendar as “things I’ve learned since I was laid off". But as I started to write, I found myself thinking over and over and that again, this puts the focus of my life at this moment on being laid off.

Was it terrible? Yes. Sometimes, it’s hard not to just be filled with a blazing, all-encompassing anger that controls my life day-to-day.

My therapist keeps reminding me, though, that I’ve gone through terrible things before and I’ve always made it out ok. I survived being fired, struggling to find a job, graduating from college amidst my grandfather’s illness, and much more… and I survived all of it, even on the days when I thought I wouldn’t be able to. The only difference now is that I have Forrest.

Before, when things were bad, I had some responsibility, but not much. Now, I have an entire little person to stay functional for and that makes the pressure that much greater. Also, after becoming a mother, I felt overwhelmed by motherhood; I found it at times isolating. It took me a long time to learn that you can love being a mother (I do!) and also recognize that it is a thankless, difficult, and often unpleasant job. It’s not all bad, but sometimes, it’s pretty bad. It can leave you drained.

So when I went back to work, it helped me have a second part to my identity again. I have never wanted to be all mom, all the time. I think if I did, it would leave me exhausted and depressed. It might work for some people, but it doesn’t work for me; I needed more and my job, in so many ways, was the more that I needed.

I’m removing the emphasis from being laid off. I get to tell my story exactly how I want to and part of that means rewiring in my head what that looks like and sounds like to myself. I got laid off—that’s bad. But I think what that actually feels like to me is losing a part of my identity that was helping me to offload the stress of being a mother.

As I started writing, I realized I was talking more about resiliency and inner confidence—not necessarily that I was laid off. Part of the last few months has been rebuilding my identity, figuring out who I am as a professional without an “official” job title (or job, period!), and wrestling with everything that comes with it. This isn’t really fun work (trust me), but it’s been important. And while I would never pretend everything is fixed and perfect right now, I do feel better in many ways than I have in a long time.

All this is to say: when I was laid off in July, I realized I needed to work on being more resilient in my current life. I’ve been resilient in the past in a hundred different ways, but I have really struggled with it the last few months. I wanted to write about resiliency, about what I’ve learned not just this year, but in the years past, and how we can all work on being more resilient.

1. Resiliency is only a little about choice.

“Would you judge me if I canceled X today?” I text my husband at least once a day. It’s usually something small, like an oil change or a work out class. He always sends back: “you can use your energy however you feel fit today.” This is his nice way of saying: if you don’t have the energy to do whatever it is you’re asking about, don’t do it.

We all use our energy for different things, prioritized in different ways. One thing I do every single day, even if I don’t feel capable of doing anything else, is make my bed. It makes me feel good; it makes my bedroom feel cleaner; it’s how I will use a tiny smidgen of energy because it’s important to me. Things I won’t use my energy on if I’m feeling low are: working out; emptying the dishwasher; or vacuuming.

When I went to a therapy appointment recently, I was dressed nice because I had a meeting right afterward. The week before, I’d been barely functional; just really wallowing and feeling bad. My therapist’s first words were: “you’re choosing to be resilient. I see that and I admire that about you.” That day, I had the energy to get dressed (even though I did not feel like it at all) and make myself presentable, because I had an obligation. That’s a form of resiliency.

But sometimes being resilient isn’t really about choosing to do those things. It’s about choosing not to do those things. Sometimes, resiliency might be this: making the choice between showering & getting dressed, and actually finishing a client project you’re on a deadline for. If you have enough energy for either one, you’ll probably do the one that makes you money—but doesn’t necessarily look externally like resiliency.

2. Being resilient isn’t always a badge of honor.

Let’s return back to that time my therapist told me I was resilient and that she admired that about me; right afterwards, she said, “you know, you don’t always have to be so resilient.”

Sometimes, our ability to pick ourselves up and get on with this is something to be lauded. We should feel proud that we got dressed enough to take our kids to school, to make a client meeting. We should feel proud that we used our energy to meet a deadline. But sometimes, it’s not something to wear proudly; forcing ourselves to continue going along with our day (going to work, pretending to be happy or fine) is just hurting us in the long run. It’s ok to take time, to focus your energy on healing and getting better. Sometimes, resiliency is something we use to avoid focusing on what’s hurting us.

3. Like a muscle, resiliency is something you strengthen over time.

We all know someone who has never really had anything very bad happen to them. No traumatic family deaths, no big career shifts. At once, it’s very easy to be jealous of that life; what would it be like to never have something go absolutely topsy turvy one day? To wake up and just be… fine?

But everyone, eventually, has an event in their life that will throw them for a loop and require them to become a little more resilient. Mine, right now, is being laid off; I’d gotten complacent in many ways and now, I have to learn to build an identity that isn’t just about being a working mom. Even the people you look at and think, “they’ve never had anything bad happen” will eventually have something bad happen, unfortunately; and they’ll need to learn to be resilient too. The brilliant thing is: the more you practice resiliency, and healing yourself when bad things happen, the better you get at it because you have the mechanisms and knowledge in place to know what to do.

4. Resiliency is an experience, not an identity.

In the words of my therapist: “you’re entire personality cannot be that you work hard even when you are extremely unwell.” Basically, there is more to life than showing everyone you are extremely resilient and hardworking. No one is going to think you’re any less of a hard worker just because you take personal days, or make time for your self-soothing and self-care activities. Resiliency is something we do, an experience we have throughout our day… but it’s not who we are.

5. Some people are just more resilient than others.

This is slightly related to point 3: some people just go through more in their life and develop stronger skills at resiliency.

Some people are just naturally better at “springing back”, if you will.

And some people just aren’t.

I don’t like change, so I think my biggest struggle with resiliency is moving on and adapting myself to something new, and finding tools to help me make it happen. I don’t think I’m naturally resilient, but resiliency is something I’ve adapted to help me over time. The first time around when I was unemployed, I think I was mentally in a better place, but I was also significantly less resilient in many ways.

Being more capable of resiliency, again, isn’t necessarily a personalty trait. It’s just a fact of life.Some people are better at being organized; some people are just naturally better cooks; and some people are just very resilient.

How to Plan the Perfect Christmas & Stay Organized

Repeat after me: there is no such thing as a perfect Christmas.

Your Christmas might not look like a Hallmark movie (and good gravy, wouldn’t we all love an ornately decorated Victorian farmhouse mansion to cover in garland?). Your Christmas might not even look like the one from the Santa Clause.

Whatever Christmas you love, that’s the perfect Christmas for you.

For me, Christmas is this: the tree lit, watching movies on the couch with Danny, Forrest, and Remus, fresh cookies in the kitchen, a candle lit and smelling like either 1) cinnamon or 2) pine trees. That’s Christmas. When I was younger, Christmas was making sugar cookies with my mom, watching the old, classic claymation movies on TV with my brother, and waking up at 3am to open presents (and try to make as little noise as possible with my brother). Christmas every year can be something different, but I want to put the disclaimer here that, there is no perfect Christmas; there is no prescriptive Christmas.

If your Christmas a little Christmas tree with rainbow fairy lights and a Netflix binge on your laptop, then baby, godspeed.

No matter what your Christmas is, I want you to have the most perfect one possible.

For the last two months, I’ve been working on a Christmas planner for myself. I’m planning to make a BUNCH of embroidery projects for my friends & family this year, and organizing everything was starting to become… a lot. I had lists upon lists of thread numbers, patterns, fabric I needed to buy, hoop sizes… it was a lot. I was tired. So I started mocking up a gift planner sheet where I could record everything I needed.

Then, I started working on a planner for my decorations, to start cataloguing everything I had and figuring out if we would need to buy more lights (aka which of ours died during the year they were in storage). From there, I started making all kinds of parts to this personal planner: bucket lists, shopping lists, cookie backing lists, a memories sheet to add to my scrapbook. I showed it to Danny once I had it printed and he said: “are you going to share this on your blog?”

It hadn’t even occurred to me to share it, but I started digging around on Pinterest and there are some Christmas planners out there… but so many of them put the onus on gifts and buying and planning out your Black Friday. That’s not something I’m super interested; I just needed one place to keep my lists, keep a running tab on my embroidery projects (and who I’ve gotten a gift for and who I haven’t, so I don’t have to crawl under the Christmas tree to check), and maybe write down a few important memories.

I thought: why wouldn’t other people enjoy this?

So here it is: the Christmas planner of your dreams. It includes:

• 3 pages of gift lists to record who has a gift & who needs a gift (plus a notes section for any details, such as crafting supplies). This is perfect if you like making gifts, like I do!

• A decoration planner to record what you have where. Keeping track of decorations always feels like a chore. Come February, I end up realizing I’ve had bits of decor still up, with everything else packed away.

• A shopping list for home, work & school, and “misc” to help keep you organized when it comes to remembering if you need more flour or powdered sugar for those super important sugar cookies.

• A bucket list to keep track of movies that you must watch, activities that make your Christmas (trip to the Christmas tree farm, anyone?), cookies that you love to make, and more.

• A memories page to record the best things that happened, everything you did, and your memories of Christmas day right away. This page also includes a section of things to remember for next year, like that your kiddo loved a specific movie or song!

• A page just for Christmas Eve & Day to write down your plans. This page actually has two sections for Christmas eve because I found I needed much more room than was available! But you can use the second section for notes or Boxing Day!

I keep mine in a folder on my desk, but I plan to laminate the pages once Christmas is over to save in our family binder. You can keep yours loose leaf if you want, put them in a binder, cut them up to stick in your planner—whatever works!

I hope you love this planner as much as I do. To download, click the button below—it will take you to a separate landing page, but don’t worry! Your planner is well within reach.

Thanks for reading & happy holidays! If you’d like more planners like this one, let me know in the comments!

2 Free Winter iPhone Background Wallpapers

In the meadow we can build a snowman

and pretend that he is Parson Brown!

Halloween is OVER! Done! Finito! And you know what that means?

That sound? In the distance? What is that?

It’s me, slam dunking my pumpkins into the garbage can and throwing my Christmas decorations.

I love Autumn. I do. I love it! But I think I might love Christmas just a smidge more. And I am of the belief that Christmas starts November 1, no question about it. It does not help that the weather here has been freezing cold. I want a fire (we’re getting a fireplace installed SOON). I want a Christmas tree. I want Christmas movies. I want it ALL! The whole shebang!

Friday morning, I woke up and immediately searched out some winter-y iPhone wallpapers on Pinterest. The results were… not my favorite. I didn’t want anything too Christmas-y yet, but I didn’t want it to be Thanksgiving themed. I decided to make my own, because why not?

You have two options to choose from: blue mountains & green pine trees. Both look lovely (if I do say so myself). To download, click the buttons below. Happy November! Stay warm!