How to Start a Gratitude Journal

I've been keeping journals since I was about 14 or 15, consistently. I write down just about every aspect of my life, which will leave the future a very boring record of one girl who really liked staying at home. However, I journal mostly for my benefit--not really anyone else's! This is really the perfect way to approach journaling, because it removes the stress of creating some kind of "record" for anyone other than yourself. 

Gratitude journaling is something that has emerged, quite recently, as a way to journal through anxiety and depression. Basically, in a gratitude journal, you write the things you're thankful for. It's a pretty easy concept on paper. But getting started (especially if you're struggling with anxiety or depression) can be overwhelming. 

Here are some tips and resources for getting started.

1. Pick a journal you like. 

I have tons of notebooks lying around my house. Some I use whenever I need a sheet of paper--to make a grocery list or write down a reminder. Some I am saving for a very specific purpose. (I have a London journal that I've been hoarding since 2011. Someday!) What I'm saying is: don't just use any notebook you have lying around. Pick a notebook you really want to use. Something pretty. Or something utilitarian (if that's your style). A journal with your favorite kind of paper. And remember, use your favorite pens (or whatever pen, again, if that's your style). If you're persnickety about these things, don't work against them. 

2. Find some prompts. 

When I first started gratitude journaling, I would end my usual journal entries with 5 things I was thankful for or 5 things I enjoyed that day (even if it was a crappy day). Overtime, it got more and more difficult because I found myself listing the same few things every day. Recently, I copied my friend Charlotte's gratitude journal format (that she borrowed from someone else and posted on her Instagram!) to help me get restarted. Alternatively, you can find tons of gratitude journal prompts on Pinterest. You can follow my Pinterest board on journaling here, complete with tons of prompts and inspiration. 

3. Make it part of your routine. 

Journaling works best, for me, when I do it every evening. Some people prefer journaling in the morning--it just really depends on your style! There is something alluring about waking up in the morning and drinking your morning coffee while you journal. However, life with a toddler means that does not happen in my world, but if it's possible in yours, go for it. Make filling in your gratitude journal part of your routine. 

4. Write as little or as much as you want. 

If you work best writing lists, go for it. If you want to write pages and pages... that's fine too! Lots of gratitude journal lists suggest one thing or the other--I suspect in the belief that you might run out of steam or only do superficial journaling if you go either way. However, for me, it's entirely personal; sometimes, I want to write a lot. Sometimes, I'm just going to write a list. 

5. Don't force it. 

Sometimes, I just can't think of anything I'm grateful for besides the fact that I woke up and I get to go to sleep! That's kind of a bummer, right? Unfortunately, it's the truth. However, I find it easier if I don't force it. Some days, I just cannot think of anything I want to write down and that's fine. Maybe the next day, I'll think, "Gosh, I'm in a better mood now and I can see I should have written this." If I force myself, I'm lulling myself into a false sense of "This is fine. It's all fine." If you can't think of anything to write, it's really, totally ok to not write anything. Or to write, "I'm drawing a blank. I hope I feel better tomorrow." 

Do you gratitude journal? Share with me on Twitter! I want to see what your process looks like for an upcoming newsletter! 

The One Goal I Gave Up in 2016

Last week, I wrote about all the things I stopped buying in 2016. Over the weekend, though, I started trying to remember what my resolutions or goals were last January. 

In January 2016, I was definitely fixated on continuing pumping. I remember desperately thinking that if I could keep pumping breastmilk for just three more months, I was at 6 months--and then it would be easy to make it to a year, right? Nope! By the time April rolled around, I was pumping less than 1/4 of an ounce every 2 hours, even through the night, totally just barely 6-10 ounces per day. I had to give up the ghost. So that's one goal (would you call a fixation a goal?) that didn't make it in 2016. 

But I don't remember actually ever sitting down and thinking about goals in 2016. I really wanted to take more time for myself. I really wanted to start working out again. I really wanted to eat healthier. 

But I didn't really set any hard and fast goals. At least as far as I remember. 

Then, my husband reminded me: one of my top goals in 2016 was to use my free time to be productive. 

At the time (January 2016), Forrest was 3 months old and barely sleeping. We were still in an exhausted haze. We didn't start sleep training until late June. Which meant that every day for the first 6 months of 2016, every moment of every day, I was holding Forrest--for naps, for play times, for bottles, everything. 

And yet, I wanted to be more productive. The house was a mess; we ran the dishwasher only when we were totally out of silverware; and I always felt just a bit on the edge of losing my mind in terms of how our house looked. 

Once Forrest started sleeping (which meant I had free time to clean, read books, write, whatever), I started beating myself up for doing things like lying on the couch reading or going to bed early. I got a precious 4 hours every evening to myself--I should spend it being productive... at least, that was my thought process. 

I gave up on forcing myself to be productive. 

Here's the thing: I love being someone who is very self-motivated to learn and try new things. I love the fact that my anxiety drives me to be working nearly every hour of every day. 

But sometimes, I need to be kind to myself too. When I'm feeling exhausted and just want to sit on the couch, that's ok. 

Since August, I've struggled with weeks-long tension headaches and migraines (a super fun combination). I try to still get things done regardless of how my head feels, but sometimes, it's just harder. The floors go without being vacuumed; the windows haven't been washed in months; the dishes pile up in the kitchen. And that's ok. It's ok. I'll get to it eventually. 

For me, forcing myself to be productive was a way of forcing myself to believe that if I don't do something right this moment, it will never happen. But the reality is: if you let things go (the floors, the dishes, the whatever), it's not the end of the world. They aren't going to be ruined. They'll live to see another day. 

And if I allow myself to relax and do what I need to do, I will see another day too. I don't always have to be productive. 

3 Things I Stopped Buying in 2016

2016 was a big year for me in terms of learning to budget and, most importantly, learning to save money. 

I've always been what financial types call "a spender." That isn't to say I didn't save money; I did. I regularly went through phases where I saved more than I spent, mostly because I was lucky enough to not need to spend all my money on boring things like bills. I've also, however, gone through periods of time (especially when I was a teenager and right after college) where I spent every penny I made every single paycheck. 

That's not a super fun way to go through life, but you live and you learn, I say. 

However, 2016 really changed things for us. Why? 

Firstly, Forrest's birth was considerably more expensive than we thought it would be. I was in the hospital for a total of 10 days (that bill still makes me cringe) and Forrest was in the hospital for a total of 7 days. Yeah, you read those numbers right. That's 17 days being billed between us, plus labs, medications, and everything else. 

Secondly, because breastfeeding didn't work out for us the way I always planned, we ended up spending a lot of money on feeding supplies: bottles and sanitizers I didn't buy, a bottle drying tree, bottle drying brushes. And then, as time went on, formula. Have you ever looked at how expensive formula is? A 3-day supply (a single can) costs around $17.99 for the more affordable brands. Seriously. By the time Forrest was 8 months and exclusively formula fed, we were spending about $40 a week on formula. 

All these expenses meant it was time to really get a lock on our finances and start saving money. Mainly, I wanted to have more in savings for a rainy day, plus we have some goals for ourselves. Thanks to some clever budgeting and payments, we're going to pay off our car in half the time. 

When it comes to saving money, however, it's often the big, unchangeable expenses that can blow your budget. Most people spend more on rent, food, and utilities than they would like. Without those expensive payments, it was be easy to save money! However, I do believe there are a few little things that anyone can cut out to help them save a little money. 

So, these are the 3 things I stopped buying in 2016 to help us save extra cash. 

1. Impulse grocery shopping. 

My husband and I both got into a very bad habit of stopping at the grocery store every single day. Oh, I want a soda? It's only $2 at the grocery store! Want something a little extra for dinner? Swing by the grocery store! We were regularly doing our grocery shopping, plus we'd spend $5-20 every other day or so. Individually, that doesn't sound like a lot. But if you spend $5 at the grocery store, or convenience store, every single day, plus do a weekly grocery shopping trip, you're breaking your budget. 

Now, I set a grocery budget ($70 a week, usually) and stick to it. We're lucky in that we only have one, small toddler at the moment, so it's easy to stick to $70. And if we need something at the store that I forgot, well, that's just too bad! I put it on the list for next week. 

2. Take out.

Another bad habit: picking up dinner on the way home. Lots of couples do this and it's easy to think, "Oh, this $10 pizza isn't a huge deal!" But if you're buying groceries plus spending $10+ on dinner every night... then why are you buying groceries again? One week, we ended up spending something like $120 on food and I put my foot down! There is no way two people need $120 worth of food in a week! We were wasting groceries and wasting money. So now, we eat at home and that's it. Once in a while, we will have a planned treat, but we budget for it and I don't buy groceries for that day. We've saved so much money this way! Plus, we aren't throwing out food anymore. We use what we buy. 

3. Lunches. 

My husband and I got very used to buying lunch every day at work. But once we had Forrest, that just wasn't possible anymore. I was the first to stop getting lunch every day, which saves us an extra $15+ a week. Then, finally, my husband relented. Every week, I make him 5 breakfast burritos and 5 lunches to take to work; this saves us over $25+ a week, considering my husband would often stop to get breakfast and then get lunch!

It's amazing how a little thing like grabbing a sandwich or a donut in the morning can add up, but it really does. It's also very easy to get into patterns of going to the bagel shop for lunch every day. Now, I make my coffee at home and I pack something small for lunch (usually a cheese stick, an apple, and a bit of leftovers from dinner), and I don't have to worry about spending the extra money! 

How to Use Daily Notes to Stay Organized + Free Printable!

I love staying organized. And one of the ways I stay organized, day in and day out, is by using lists. Or, daily notes. In my bullet journal from work, I copy the same layout for my daily notes page every single day and use it to record my to do list, my schedule and meetings, as well as a few other tasks (like scheduling social media, posting blogs, etc.) 

Not everyone can use a bullet journal. It's just too much for some people. And it doesn't work for everybody. If you're one of those people, I've created a free daily notes printable that you can use instead--so you can test the waters of daily notes, see if it works for you, and then invest in starting a bullet journal. 

How do I use daily notes? Here's how: 

• I write a to do list for every single day in the To Do section. This is where all my tasks go. If I end up needing more room, I start a list on the next page, but I try to prioritize what I list as an actual To Do. As well, any tasks that I need to get to, but don't have time for today, I put in the Remember for Tomorrow section. 
• I track my water intake and FitBit steps in habits, as well as things like whether I've scheduled social media. 
• In the schedule, I highlight the hours I work, add in my meetings and hourly deadlines, and then note Forrest's approximate bedtime. 
• I use the Meals section to write my meal plan for the day. 
• At the end of the day, I write three things I'm grateful for without fail. It's a good opportunity to reflect on my day and see what I've accomplished, as well as what has gone my way. 

On Setting Goals for 2017 + Free Printable!

I've written briefly before about how I set goals for myself. It's kind of a process, but it's one that I think works really well if you, like me, get a little overwhelmed by goals in the first place. I find breaking down my goals into manageable, easy pieces to be the best way to, you know, convince myself to actually work on it! 

Step 1: Decide what I want to accomplish (aka, what's my goal really?) 

The first thing you need to decide is what you want you goal to be. In my example, what I want to accomplish is to finish Couch to 5K. That's a solid goal, except that it's maybe just a little too specific. Ultimately, my goal is to start running consistently in January. It's not as set-in-stone as specifically finishing a program. 

Step 2: What 3 things can I do to accomplish this goal? 

Once I have my goal in mind, I set myself to setting three deliberate tasks that I can focus on to accomplish this goal. It would be so easy if I could say, I want to run consistently this month; but there is so much else going on. In my example, my three things would be to set aside time every evening where my husband watches Forrest & I go running; prepping meals in advance to cut down on cooking time at dinner; and washing all my work out gear to ensure I'm ready to run. 

Step 3: What 3 things might hinder my progress? 

When I'm setting goals, I know things are going to hold me back. It's best to have an eye on those things before you get too far into a goal. In my example, three things that might hinder my progress are getting hurt, not eating enough calories (and therefore being too tired to run), and the weather (I refuse to run in the rain or if it's gotten too dark). 

Step 4: Set weekly tasks

Sometimes, when trying to accomplish something like running consistently (or cleaning my house, etc.), it's easier for me to break it down into smaller tasks or goals. In my example, my first weeks tasks might be to meal plan for the next month & prep small items (like portioning chicken and vegetables); and my second week tasks might be something like altering my routine to create more time for myself in the evenings. Basically, set a goal and then build up to that goal with smaller, more manageable tasks. 

Step 5: Write it all down

Listen, no one can remember everything. I'm a big fan of keeping calendars and checklists for myself. That's why I created the goal-setting printable for you to download! Just click the button below to check it out. 

How to Beat the January Slump

In my most recent newsletter (remember, you can sign up here!), I wrote about the January Slump. I've often said that January (and furthermore, February) is my least favorite month. The reasons can be summed up in this: The holidays are over, the weather is usually atrocious, and it feels like it will be forever before spring arrives. 

I suffer from SAD (Seasonal Affective Disorder, or seasonal depression) every year. It doesn't matter that I'm not a huge fan of the sun or of summer in general; I still end up deficient of vitamin D and hating the winter months because of it. The January Slump is just another building block of "ugh" on top of that already pre-existing weirdness. 

I want to share my tips for beating the January Slump. I'm not an expert, by any means, but these are things I do to try and take care of myself whenever January rolls around. 

1. Practice self-care. 

Self-care doesn't have to be what it is often advertised as (bubble baths, binge watching TV shows, eating your favorite food); it's incredibly personal. Self-care, for me, is as simple as reading a book, learning a new hobby (I've taken up cross stitch recently), or lying in bed listening to music. I love these tips from Sarah at Lavender Life as well. 

2. Use a Happy Lamp. 

I've said it before and I'll say it again: buying a Happy Lamp was the best decision I ever made in my entire life. What is a Happy Lamp? It's a lamp that mimics the sun, basically. So if you live in a place (like me) where we have nearly 100% cloud cover from November through May, you miss out on a lot of sunlight--which helps your body produce vitamin D, which helps you have energy and reduce the chance of depression. Yeah, a Happy Lamp is... amazing. You can buy one here. I keep mine on my desk (definitely not Instagram worthy!) and turn it on whenever I'm writing, reading, or just sitting around. 

3. Exercise. 

As I said in my newsletter, recommending exercise is always opening a can of worms. Some people just aren't capable of exercise: it takes up time they don't have or they're dealing with physical issues that prevent exercise. I totally get it. For the past year, I just haven't had time to exercise in the strictest sense of the word. I also just didn't have the motivation. But now that Forrest is older, we can take walks in the park and I don't have to worry about him getting too cold. You don't have to run a marathon or take up bodybuilding; adding in a few walks a day, jogging up a flight of stairs, doing an exercise video in the evening... little things can raise your endorphins and help you feel less depressed and more motivated. 

4. Focus on your goals. 

Have you set any serious goals for 2017? When things are getting hard (the weather is bad, the month just won't end, you're still recovering from December splurges, etc.), focus on what you want to achieve. Set small, manageable tasks for yourself so you can get through the month. Even if those tasks are things like "I'll dress nice for work every day this week" or "I'll cook myself a nice supper instead of eating a packet of saltines and a banana." 

My New Year's Resolutions

I told myself, about a month ago, that I wouldn't be setting any New Year's Resolutions. 

However, as January 1 gets closer and closer, I find myself getting that familiar feeling. I want to set goals. I want to try to do things that are tangible and measurable. 

Sometimes, I think people get caught up in the word "resolution." All resolution means is "the firm decision to do or not do something." It doesn't mean to make a vast, sweeping change to your life. It doesn't mean anything different than a goal or a desire. 

So, my advice to others is: set the same goals for yourself for 2017 that you would for a month, or a week, or whatever. Then build on them. 

These are my goals for 2017. 

1. Write 600,000 words.

This is my biggest goal. I want to write 600,000 words in 2017--and my blog posts, my daily writing at work, and my journals don't count. I want to write 600,000 creative words. Words that are for me, as a writer. This divvies up to 50,000 words a month. A NaNoWriMo every month. 

Also included in this will be editing & rewriting my NaNoWriMo novel--and potentially previous years NaNoWriMo novels. 

2. Support more bloggers & writers. 

My newsletter is a big part of that. I want to give a platform to other creatives who are just doing what they do: running Esty shops, writing, creating content, whatever. 

3. Be brave & stand up for myself more. 

I had an experience two weeks ago where I felt more empowered than ever to stand up for myself and take charge. It was terrifying, but exhilarating. I loved every second of it. Usually, I'm the type of person who rolls over, who apologizes, who lets other people make the decisions. But not anymore. I'm done. I'm over it! 

4. Practice intuitive eating. 

The best thing I did for myself in 2016 was starting to listen to Food Psych, a podcast about eating disorders and intuitive eating. It really, truly changed my life. If you're a podcast listening, it's a must-hear, especially if you've ever had issues surrounding food, anxiety, and body image. Since then, I've been tiptoeing around intuitive eating, trying to implement it but still preoccupied with using it purely to lose weight; in 2017, I want to take bigger steps towards freeing myself from restrictive eating and embracing food. 

Happy 2017!

In so many ways, 2016 felt like the longest year ever. 

Full disclosure, I operated on about 4 hours of sleep, every night, until 86% of the way through June. So there is a large portion of 2016 that, to be completely honest, I just don't remember. Until March, I was still lost in a haze of pumping, bottle washing, and trying to balance going back to work with raising a tiny human. 

These things made 2016 feel long. 

But in other ways, 2016 felt really short too. Danny and I went on four (or was it five?) vacations, including to the Oregon Coast, where Forrest saw the ocean and rather reluctantly put his toes in the sand. We mostly kept ourselves at home, having barbecues, going to Target, or walking around the park. Forrest turned a year old (!!!!). 

In context, one year ago, Forrest was still considered a newborn. This week, he said "thank you" distinctly when my mom handed him something. He says real words. He expresses himself. He falls asleep in his high chair when he's too tired. He walks and talks and signs. One year. That's all it took and it's like he's a little boy all of a sudden. 

What was 2016 like for me, personally? 

It was really tiring. Rewarding, but tiring. 

To be perfectly honest, I don't do so great at the "cherish every day" thing. Mostly because I believe that's ultimately gaslighting: you can't make me cherish something I don't want to cherish. I didn't want to cherish the four hours a day I spent pumping, but I did it anyway, begrudgingly, because in my heart, I wanted to and I made that choice for myself. (And the moment I decided to stop, it was the most freeing feeling in the world.)   

Part of me is embarrassed to say, "Well, I did a lot of things in 2016 that I didn't want to do, that I totally resented, but I did them because sometimes you have to do things for other people and put yourself last." Isn't that every mom's life, though? 

Sometimes, I don't want to spend the evening cleaning the living room and kitchen; I don't want to spend my only free time attaching our furniture to the walls (so long quick and easy furniture shifts!); I don't want to put all the toys away again and again and again. But I do them because I have to. It's hard to cherish those moments, when I'm hunched over wiping peanut butter off the floor under the kitchen table for the 100th time or when I'm wrangling a baby into a bathtub. It's easier to the cherish the moments when Forrest yells "DOGGIE" at a group of dogs in the park or when he falls asleep as I carry him inside or when he waves and says "hi there!" to someone at the grocery store. 

Eventually, I won't have to do these things: Forrest will be older and understand more of what I'm saying so he can help (perhaps this is wishful thinking), but for now, for 2016, it's how things were. Washing dishes, cleaning the same messes in the same rooms, constantly doing laundry and putting it away, vacuuming up dog hair. It's not all pretty Instagram feeds and idyllic family photo shoots. 

But 2016 was also the year I made some really important strides at work, the year I launched my newsletter (finally!), the year I learned what it is to be both a person and a mom and how I can effectively balance those things. 

It wasn't the best year. But it was one that I loved because I got to see my son (I made him with my body, is still something I think to myself once a day) grow into less of a baby and more of a child. It was also great because I got to see myself grow as a person.