Beauty Review: My December 2019 Ipsy Bag

Sometimes, I’m afraid that people think my love of beauty products makes me seem air headed or flighty.

I think that’s a message we all absorb, right? In one way or another, we’re taught that “dumb girls” are the ones who are interested in their appearance, who like beauty products. When I was young, I remember feeling like I needed to keep the fact that I wore foundation a secret (even though it was pretty obvious). Girls might talk privately about make up, but to do so too loud was to admit that you cared what other people thought of you. As I’ve gotten older and society has shifted, that’s changed a lot—but you still see tweets about taking girls swimming on the first date, as if the only reason women use make up to make themselves beautiful in the eyes of others (and that somehow make up changes our entire face to the point of a very good disguise).

In recent months, I moved away from writing about beauty and skincare, not because I don’t like it anymore—but just because in terms of my headspace, I just wasn’t there. I couldn’t. All my energy, both mentally and physically, has gone into starting my freelance business, networking, and taking care of my home and family.

I feel like I finally have the mental energy to focus on myself, and my beauty products, again—but there is still that niggling little fear. What if people think I’m vapid because this is what I like writing about? How can I fully combine the idea that you can be a mom who gets shit done but also is very invested in double cleansing? The truth is we all contain multitudes and the attitudes and ideas we’ve absorbed from society about beauty standards are basically 100% bullshit. You can be an entrepreneur, a high level employee, a badass mom, a very dedicated college student… and still care about the new eyeshadow palette you just bought, or the skincare routine you perform every single day. We all deserve to feel good about the things we like and none of them are vapid, empty, or meaningless.

So this is my way to say: if you want to get Ipsy, but are worried about collecting too many products, or being “too invested” in beauty products, or if you’ve worried about those things and have never really let yourself indulge in a really good, expensive moisturizer… here’s your permission. I’m handing it to you. Go to Ulta, buy the moisturizer, subscribe to Ipsy, luxuriate in your oils to your hearts content. It doesn’t make you less of anything to care about those things if they make you feel good.

Whew! Now that that is out of the way, let’s talk Ipsy, shall we? You can read my past Ipsy reviews here. If you want to try Ipsy, you can sign up using my referral link here.

This month’s bag is sparkly, silver realness. Ipsy has slightly changed since my last review (in October). It now costs $12 a month and you get to choose one product in your bag every month—if you remember to log in and choose it in time. There is only a 24-hour window to do so, so if you, like me, are kind of busy and see the email and think, “I’ll do that later!” it will probably be too late by the time you log in the next day. As a warning.

That’s something I think Ipsy needs to readjust or change; not many of us have time right upon receiving an email to act on it. I try to spend less than 10 minutes in my email inbox at a time, just so I actually work on my to do list instead of, say, constantly reply to emails and click links.

That being said, even though I didn’t get to choose an item this month, I still like everything in my bag. Plus, I got 3 bonus items (which I haven’t included in this review) because they were having a buy-2-get-1-free deal on Black Friday. i love the monthly option to add on items for $3 a sample. I almost always choose one or two just so I have something new to try. I’ll actually be reviewing one of my add-ons at the beginning of January, so stay tuned for that!

Let’s walk through everything I got this month, shall we?

1. Hanhoo Watermelon Illuminator Daytime Facial Oil, $8 value

I love a facial oil! You probably know that by now. This facial oil contains watermelon extract and niacinamide; here’s what niacinamide promises: “niacinamide has been getting lots of love lately—and it’s a star ingredient in this face oil. It helps to refine pores, even skin tone and texture, treat acne-prone skin, and get you glowing.” That sounds… pretty good, right?

This facial oil reminds me a lot of the bliss drench moisturizer; it’s more of a cream-to-oil texture instead of a straight oil and has quite a bit of water in it, according to the ingredients list. I really like how it feels on my skin, but it doesn’t feel like a facial oil at all. That’s not necessarily a problem. It’s a good moisturizer! It just doesn’t contain any actual oil; it contains cyclopentasiloxane, which is a common ingredient to act as a lubricant in things like anti-aging creams and conditioner.

Facial oil is a popular term these days and this strikes me as an example of marketing versus what the products actually is. That being said, I don’t hate the product; I actually really like it! It’s just… not a facial oil.

A full size bottle of this products is 1 fluid oz and costs $16; this sample is 0.5 fluid oz and therefore has a value of $8. Pretty good!

2. Jolii Cosmetics Luxe Creme Matte in Lavanda, $18

I love a liquid lip and this one has a great, creamy texture. I received the color Lavanda, which is described as “a vibrant violet shade that’s surprisingly versatile and flatters every skin tone.” Violet is close to how I would describe it; it’s pretty bright in person, and almost grey-beige (greige). It’s really pretty, but there is something about a grey-toned purple lipstick that makes my teeth look yellow as all hell. So I will not be wearing this shade until I get my teeth whitened to roughly the shade of snow.

This is a full size product, though, and I love when I get a full size product in my bag!

3. Cela Black Gold Supreme Coffee Scrub, $3.70 value

I’m not a huge fan of coffee scrubs; I find them messy and slightly useless, as you never receive enough in a sample to really get the job done. That being said, I like this one. It smells good (like coffee, of course). And the packaging is gorgeous. If body scrubs are your thing, this one is a great option.

A full size tube of this product contains 200 grams and costs $37. This sample tube is 0.7 oz or 20 ml. It’s hard to convert between mls and grams as they are two different types of measurement, but in this case, it’s most likely a 1-to-1 ratio. Therefore, this sample tube, at 20ml or 20g, has a value of $3.70.

4. Space Case Cosmetics Blush in It’s Not Me, It’s My Sign, $9

I love blush! It’s my favorite thing to receive in my Ipsy bag because it’s my favorite step of my make up. The funny thing about make up, for me, is that I spend a lot of time taking all the color out of my skin via foundation, then I have to put a little bit of color back so I don’t look like a corpse. Hence why I love blush so much.

This blush is in the color It’s Not Me, It’s My Sign, which is a cute name. The shade is described as “an orchid pink with a semi-matte finish.” However, I would call it closer to a true pink—not necessarily floral or natural. I have a lot of rosey blushes like it, but I do quite like this one. It’s a bit more sheer than the average blush.

This is another full size product. It is sold out on the Space Case website, but the other blushes are also valued at $9 each and look just as lovely.

5. Tarte Amazonian Clay Waterproof Bronzer in Park Avenue Princess, $3.33 value

This is the funniest little product. I don’t wear bronzer and no matter how many times i tell Ipsy not to send me bronzer, they tend to lump it in with blushes. To them, they’re the same sort of product, so why wouldn’t I want both? This one is from the Amazonian Clay line, but comes in a package totally different from other sample blushes I’ve received from the same line. It’s tiny! It clocks in at 1 gram; a full size is 9 grams! The packaging is a cheap plastic and the unit of bronzer itself is pretty small, more of an eyeshadow size really! In terms of color, it’s quite yellow for a bronzer and very light.

I can’t imagine being someone with a darker skin tone receiving this product. It doesn’t look like this bronzer is offered in any other shade, at least on Sephora; it’s just one shade of bronzer and maybe 20% of the population can wear it. It’s so light! This is probably the biggest disappointment of the bag because I just won’t use it.

A full size clocks in at 9 grams for $30. (WHEW!)

Final Thoughts

The total value of this bag is $42.03. In terms of value, that’s one of the lowest valued bags I’ve ever received, but I do like 4 out of the 5 products! I can’t complain too much, but for $13, I feel like I do expect a slightly higher value.

Did you receive an Ipsy bag this month? What did you think?

My Favorite Products of 2019

It’s been a minute since I’ve written about beauty products, or products in general. In terms of my blog, I’ve been focusing more on personal and professional development—that’s just where my head is right now!

But that being said: we all deserve to take care of ourselves. We can’t be 100% business, goal-focused, super productive all the time. That’s unsustainable. And besides, it’s fun to take a break and talk about products that make it easier for us to live our lives with minimal hassle and maximum results. (I’m all about that life.)

And ultimately, my goal with my blog is to always push the point that you can be successful at whatever it is you choose (your job, or parenthood, or hitting that personal goal) while also taking time to pamper yourself and indulge in the things you love.

2019 was a big year for me. As Kylie Jenner so famously said, “I feel like this year is really about, just the year of realizing stuff.”

I’ve realized so much stuff.

But in all seriousness: 2019 was a big year for a lot of very good and bad reasons. I feel like I’m taking more steps towards being a better person than I was at the end of 2018, that’s for sure. I’m a lot less angry and scared this year than I was last year. More than that, I feel comfortable where I am professionally for the first time in a long time and I’ve learned how to take better care of myself.

When it comes to the products that really improved my life in 2019, I think of a few things: things that made me happy, that gave me more time, or just worked really, really well. In a year where so much was happening, especially in the 2nd half, some days I just needed things that made me feel really, really good. So, here are my top 5 products (mostly beauty-related) for 2019.

1. Apothehair by Scapes

I received a sample of Apothehair by Scapes in my Birchbox. As of right now, you can only buy it from Birchbox—which is what I did. It was fairly expensive, but you don’t use much of it at a time. It is an herbal leave-in conditioner that I highly recommend if you have dry, damaged hair. I always let my hair air dry, which can give me some flyaways… but I like that Apothehair helps calm those down, while also making my hair so dang shiny.

I got really into hair care products this year. I started keeping regular hair appointments for the first time in years (shout out to my stylist, Lindy); even though I don’t necessarily need a trim every 4-6 weeks, I like to go anyway. Sometimes, I get a scalp treatment. But mostly, I’ve realized that taking good care of my hair is one way I can take better care myself. That’s why I like Apothehair; it’s one product that helps me really feel like I’m taking care of my hair every single day without fail. It smells good. It feels good. It makes my hair look good. Honestly, it doesn’t get much better.

2. First Aid Beauty Oat & Cannabis Seed Oil

I got a (fairly large) sample of this in my most recent Ipsy bag and let me tell you: if you’re looking for a good oil to finish your skincare routine with, let me recommend this one. It’s a combination of oat-based oil and cannabis seed oil. You don’t need many drops and you can add it to your moisturizer or apply it afterwards to seal the skin.

Throughout November and December, I’ve been struggling hard with my nose being dry. I mean the skin on my nose. And around my nose. It looks awful. The skin was scaly and peeling and just kind of nasty looking. My nose is usually incredibly oily, but I actually stopped using powder because my nose was so dry. I started religiously applying the FAC oil in the morning and evening (sometimes twice in an evening, just for good measure) and it cleared up in a few days. All that hemming and hawing only for it to go away, and improve, over a few days. Sometimes, I surprise myself.

I fully plan to buy a full size of this oil once the new year starts (even though I’ll be on a mild spending ban to start hardcore saving for taxes next year) because I’m not sure I can live without it at this point.

3. It Cosmetics Confidence in a Cleanser

I reviewed this cleanser in November and I’m not sure I have much else to say about it except that: it continues to be my favorite cleanser of the year; I still love the smell of it; and I love how moisturizing it is, especially with the dry winter air.

4. My Diffuser

I have never been much into essential oils; I don’t think they do even 10% of what some people claim and I think the consumption of them is incredibly dangerous and misguided. That being said: essential oils smell very good and I like when my house smells good. I resisted essential oils in diffusers for so long for everything I just listed, but let me tell you: my life improved dramatically when I just started using them for smell alone! This is the diffuser I bought at the beginning of the summer; I ended up buying a second one for my bedroom. I like that it came with a set of basic essential oils; however, it was about $10 cheaper when I bought both of mine, so I don’t know what to think about that!

My favorite oils to diffuser are bergamot anything; jasmine + eucalyptus; and tea tree and eucalyptus. I do find some scents help me feel better or more energized, but I think that’s just because I particularly like them—not because they hold any real medicinal properties.

5. Aveda Shampure Thermal Dry Conditioner

My hair stylist recommended this on my very first visit and I bought it right then and there. And I love it. The link above is to a similar product; I can’t find the one I actually use on the Aveda website, but you can read a blog post about it here. It is a dry conditioner that you can use on your hair when its dry to add a bit more moisture and shine, as well as to provide a small amount of heat protection (if you are curling your hair or anything). It also smells amazing. (The entire Shampure line from Aveda smells fantastic!) I like using it to refresh my hair throughout the day, or if my scalp is being particularly problematic; I spray, brush, and let dry. My hair is shinier and softer afterwards, which is always a plus.

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There you have it! My favorite products of 2019. Do you have anything you’re particularly loving from the last year? That you recently discovered? That changed your life? Tell me about it!

5 Exercises for Setting Goals That Stick

A few weeks ago, I asked my Instagram followers what their biggest struggle was when it came to setting goals. I’ve been doing a 90-day goal challenge (as well as a 100 day, inspired by Elsie Larson at a Beautiful Mess) and it’s gotten me thinking a lot about setting, and keeping, goals.

I’ve always been an incredibly goal-oriented person. I am always working on something when it comes to a big goal—but some goals have always been easier for me to meet than others. In the past, I’ve never quite known why I could win NaNoWriMo every single year… but not be able to stick to meal prepping or other goals that seem like it should be a no brainer to hit.

As I’ve written before, I’ve been spending a lot of time in therapy learning how to validate myself, rather than seek out external validation. I really believe that external validation combined with internal validation is the root of why some goals are easier to hit than others. When it comes to completing NaNoWriMo, I often get a rush of validation from other people: friends reaching out to say congratulations, strangers on the internet, my writing group. Validation comes from everywhere and it’s a good feeling to be validated. I can trust that validation. I know it will be there.

But when it comes to other goals, like finishing a workout series or doing my daily writing… those goals aren’t as public. No one is going to cheer me on when I announce I’ve gone a month without cancelling a therapy appointment. No one is going to send me a nice text to boost my spirits because I managed to fold and put away all the laundry. There are some things we will receive external validation for and some things we won’t.

Relying on external validation for all our goals will only make us give up on goals easily. This obviously isn’t the only reason we struggle to complete goals, however. There are lots of ways we can get distracted or be unsure. Here are a few examples that I was sent on Instagram:

Here’s a summary:

• Setting too many goals

• Settings goals that are not achievable

• Finding goals that make sense 90 days later

• Staying committed

That makes it pretty easy to address the issues we all seem to have with goals, right? Most importantly, it seems everyone struggles to set realistic goals that stick—or that make sense after a month. I hope these 5 exercises will help you set better goals in 2020. Think of these as separate exercises that you can do one at a time, but also steps to creating goals that make sense in your life. Let’s get started!

1. Use a Calendar to Set Your Goals.

This task (or exercise) solves the issue of: how can I make my goals achievable?

Firstly, make sure that any goal you set has an end in sight. On-going, long term goals can be more challenging, especially if you’re used to feel defeated about your goals. Set an end date on the calendar. Think in 90-day or 100-day chunks.

Secondly, set a measurable results for your goal. Here are a few examples:

• I’m going to post 3 days a week and share to Pinterest daily until May 1 instead of I’m going to have a successful blog.

• I’m going to go to 3 networking events a week until June 1 instead of I’m going to grow my business and/or I want X number of clients this year.

• I’m going to work out 2 days a week until April 1 instead of I’m going to be more active.

Basically: when setting your goals, think in specifics: what will you measure, how will you measure it, and when will you be done measuring it (and ready to set a new goal). Set these days on your calendar.

2. Use Goals to Improve Instead of Punish.

Sometimes, we think of New Years Resolution, or yearly goals, as punishment. “I’m getting this goal because I’ve been doing bad and now I need to suffer to be good.” First of all, I assure you: you are already good. With my son, I make sure to reiterate that everyone is good, they just make bad choices sometimes. But even bad choices don’t deserve punishment 100% of the time.

Basically, don’t set up your goals as punishments for your own perceived bad behavior. So what if you gained weight in 2019? How do you feel? If you feel sluggish and unwell, adding a few goals to work out and eat healthier might make you feel happier—but they aren’t punishments to your body, they are ways for you to treat yourself and your brain better.

Your goals should be created with the intention to improve your life—not to make you feel miserable. Aim for things that you know will make you feel good and won’t make you feel miserable and unhappy day-to-day.

Here are a few examples:

• I’m going to eat 1 vegetable with every meal instead of I’m only going to eat X number of calories every single day.

• I’m going to work out 2 days a week instead of I’m going to work out for 2 hours every single day.

• I’m going to write every day for at least 20 minutes instead of I’m going to finish my novel by February 1.

3. Break Your Goal into Week-by-Week Tasks.

Let’s take one of our example goals, because they’re very easy. “I’m going to post 3 days a week and share to Pinterest daily” is an easy one. What would be my weekly tasks?

• Task 1: Write 3 blog posts for the next week (working in advance!)

• Task 2: Share to Pinterest and repin every single day.

Easy, right?

Let’s look at a more challenging example.

Here’s another sample goal: “I’m going to grow my business by 10 clients by June 1.” Here are a few sample tasks:

• Task 1: Go to 3 networking events a week.

• Task 2: Send 2 emails per week.

• Task 3: Finish website.

• Task 4: Post on LinkedIn 2 times per week.

Those tasks are a little heavier than the other goal and there are more of them. But do you see the process? Looking at your goal, what are the tasks that you’ll need to do every single week to achieve them? If your goal is to work out 2 days per week, then your task will be to add work out blocks to your weekly calendar. If your goal is grow your blog, you might add in social media management, developing products to promote your blog, and more. It just depends on your goal and what is achievable for you!

4. Copy Week-by-Week Tasks into Your Planner.

This is an easy one. Take those week-by-week tasks and put them in your planner. Add them to specific dates with deadlines. Make them appointments. Here’s an example; if one of your tasks is to post to Instagram 3 days a week to grow your blog, you might add “Post to Instagram” as a task 3 days a week to reoccur until your chosen date. Whatever your task is, add it to your planner, your calendar, whatever you use.

This exercise solves the issue of losing focus on your goal, and staying committed, throughout the weeks after New Years Day.

5. Incorporate Weekly Tasks into To Do List.

If you make a daily or weekly to do list, add those weekly tasks to your to do list when you get to that week. This makes them tangible tasks to complete on a deadline, along everything else you do. As you work on each task, know you’re getting closer to your goal. As you work through the weeks, you can reassess. Let’s look an example.

If your goal is to grow your blog, and you want to pin to Pinterest 3 days a week, but you notice that your pins aren’t having much traction, you might need to reassess your strategy, your boards, and more. That might become a secondary task that you need to address next week to make your weekly task more effective. You might also address whether your blog posts are in line with what your ideal reader wants, or provide enough information to appeal to readers.

The Truth About Time Management

It’s 9am on a Tuesday. Maybe you’ve already started your day; you’ve had your coffee and your breakfast, you’ve taken your kids (if you have them) to daycare or school. If you work at an office, you’ve arrived, dressed and ready for the day, and settled at your computer. If you work from home, you’re in your home office, ready to start your day.

But then, you don’t. You chat with a coworker, send a few texts, scroll through Instagram. You check your email, maybe answer a few. Your to do lists sits beside you at your desk, or stuck on your computer screen, but you aren’t paying attention to that.

Time management looks different to everyone. You might be naturally very good at it; when you need to get something done, you just do it. Procrastination isn’t part of your world! Or maybe you struggle to stay on track; you get easily distracted by coworkers, chat screens, Instagram, or other tasks that are important, but not high priority. You might think that people in that second group need to take a note from the first group. But what if I told you that both types of people can struggle with time management?

I am a to do list follower. I write a list every day and I do my best to get it done. But I’m always very easily distracted. While I’m cleaning the bathroom, I might just start reorganizing my closet (my walk-in closet opens up from the bathroom!) or I might start reorganizing and cleaning out my make up collection. When I’m mopping the floors, I might sit down to order some of that stuff you put under rugs to keep them from the sliding all over. I’m easily distracted by secondary or tertiary tasks. When I’m writing social media for a client, I often find myself auditing their lifetime social media, which is outside the scope of my work but sometimes a necessary evil. These tasks aren’t unimportant, but they’re not the task I am trying to accomplish.

It’s hard to stay on task so to speak—and that’s where time management often comes in.

So how can you improve your time management skills? How can you actually accomplish what you mean to?

I think the first step is working on prioritizing your tasks, narrowing down your goals, and putting your time where it matters most. You don’t need to manage your time if you focus in and have tasks that don’t leave you bored, overwhelmed, or frantic.

Using the 5/25 Method for Prioritizing

For the past few months, I’ve been using what’s called the 5/25 method for narrowing down my to do list when I feel particularly overwhelmed, frazzled, or easily distracted. Here’s how it works:

Step 1: Write down 25 things you want to do, feel like you need to do, or have to do. This can be your existing to do list, but anything else that’s been nagging at you.

Step 2: Cross out 20 of those items. Be ruthless and don’t spend too much time thinking about it.

Step 3: Rewrite your list with the 5 items you have left. These are your TOP priorities!

That’s it. That’s the entire method! It’s simple, quick, and very effective. In the process, you might notice there are items on your to do list that simply aren’t serving you or your goals. A prime example, for me, is that I’ve had “make a spreadsheet for expenses” on my list for months. Yet, I haven’t done it… because I track all my expenses in Quickbooks anyway. Why do I need a separate spreadsheet? It’s already done for me! I crossed it off my list for good at that point.

I find this method particularly helpful because it requires you to address a few specific needs:

• what you need to get done

• what you want to get done

• what you have the capacity to do

• and what tasks are serving your longterm goals

Let’s look at another specific example. One task I always include on my weekly to do list is posting on LinkedIn and sending follow up messages to my connections. This is a part of communication as a freelancer that I struggle with, because it’s a soft skill I’m working on actively developing. This is something I need to do and prioritize in order to grow my business and develop stronger connections with my peers—but doing it often falls to the bottom of my list. However, if I follow the 5/25 method, I recognize it as a high priority task and it becomes one of the 5—whereas things like “buy storage bins for under bed” and “clean laundry room” get crossed off in comparison.

Using this method day-to-day can help you determine how to best manage your time and meet your goals.

How to Know if Working From Home Is For You

If you’ve ever thought that working from home, or remotely, is the perfect option for you, I’m glad to have you here!

I know many mothers have considered the possibilities of working remotely, wondering if it would be easier (or more difficult) with kids. Working remotely is different from launching your own business or working for yourself; you have the stability of a paycheck, with the stipulation that you don’t have to be in an office everyday. But that doesn’t mean the job is any less rigorous or challenging day-to-day… and working from home, with or without kids, can add some speed bumps to that road as well.

There are many positions now that can be done entirely remotely. Things like copywriting, copyediting, project management, and more can be done remotely and many mothers possess those skills, even if they’ve never worked in those positions before. If you’re considering trying a remote position, I recommend looking for jobs in your area from the start. We’ll talk about why later on.

Here are a few benefits to working from home for moms:

• You spend less money on daycare. If you decide to go for a remote position, you’ll want to decide if you want to put your kids in daycare or keep them home with you. My recommendation is to test out both options. However, with a reduced commute and the possibility to have your kids with you a few days a week, you’ll drastically reduce the amount you spend on daycare.

• You’ll have more time for everything else. Working from home does not mean you’ll be able to do everything else in your house throughout the day; working 8 hours a day from home should mean you work 8 hours just like you would at home. However, that doesn’t mean you won’t be able to throw in a load of laundry or start dinner earlier. Plus, again, without a commute, you’ll have more time to focus on what you need to—instead of driving around.

• You’ll feel less stressed. If you find the daycare drop off plus commute plus getting everything ready for the day plus trying to take care of your home very overwhelming… then working remotely can be a great option as it eliminates several of those things, or at least reduces the time crunch that is put on them.

However, when it comes to working from home, there are also some cons. It would be disingenuous for me to not include those. Here are a few:

• Work-life balance becomes way more challenging. You work in your home. You take care of your kids while you work. The boundaries become much more blurred and it can be hard to manage both. Part of the challenge of working remotely is knowing how to set your boundaries, and that comes with time.

• You’ll feel isolated. When I went back to work after having Forrest, and before I started working from home more frequently, I was so excited to go back to work primarily because I wanted to see other adult humans. There is value in being around other people, even if you’re an introvert, like me.

• You have additional requirements. Working from home isn’t a free-for-all. Most businesses will require check ins and, if your workplace is more local to you, that means occasional check ins in person. If your workplace isn’t near you, you might be required to travel there to check in every once and a while. It just depends.

If you look over these lists and think, it sounds like a challenge, but one that’s exciting for me!, then working from home might be for you. Let’s go over a few more points.

What Skills Can You Offer?

There are some skills that are just plan more suited to working from home than others. If you have a long career of a job that can now be done pretty much 100% online (like payroll, copywriting, and more), you probably can work from home relatively successfully, with maybe a few in-person check ins per month. Some workplaces as well as more suited to remote workers as well. If your workplace has a system like Slack in place for in-office messages, then it’s much easier to work from home. If not, it can be more challenging to work remotely.

You’ll want to consider how your skills can be used remotely and how it would effect your performance. Do you think you could be as productive of an employee from home? Is your workplace equipped for a remote employee or would you be applying for a new position? These are all things to take into account when it comes to working from home or remotely.

How Are Your Time Management Skills?

Working from home means you’re managing your own schedule. No one will stop by your desk to remind you of something; no one will be watching you to make sure you’re working and not, say, drifting to sleep on the couch while watching Hallmark Movies. It’s easy to do when you work from home; it’s easy to get distracted, to start trying to handle everything on your to do list in your home (like all that laundry you need to fold or emptying the dishwasher). But when you are working from home, you have to resist the urge to start doing those things. It’s very easy to slip into the mindset that you can always make it up, that people don’t know. But the more you focus on your work away from your actual job, the harder it will be to catch up and actually get things done.

You have to be able to be strict with yourself, manage your time appropriately, and prioritize. If that’s not something you can do, then forget it.

Can You Handle the Mental Health Aspect?

As I said, working from home can blur the lines between your life and your work. The same is true for people who own their own businesses, of course. But when you work remotely for someone else, you can feel really isolated from your coworkers and your workplace. Part of the benefit of working in an office is being able to connect with other people in your work space and being able to connect and socialize. If you work remotely, there is less of that and you may start to feel isolated. As well, spending days not leaving your house in the winter can be hard. You have to be able to set a routine in place so you don’t end up wearing the same pajamas or sweatpants for an entire week without leaving your house.

For many, office politics can be one of the most challenging parts of their job; for that reason, working remotely can be a blessing. However, it’s important to remember that we’re all social beings, even if we’re introverts, so it’s something to consider when you decide to work from home.

How to Practice Self Care for Freelancers

Working freelance, and working primarily from home, can have a really positive impact on some aspects of your mental health, while also being not-so-great for other aspects.

For me personally, working from home and working for myself gives me the freedom to try new things, to keep flexible work hours so I can also be a parent, and stay on top of tasks, like laundry and keeping my home clean, that improve my mental health. However, working from home can also be isolating, making it difficult for me to keep a routine and making me very, very lonely.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how freelancers can be practice self-care in their day-to-day lives. As I’ve written before, there is a difference between self-care and self-soothing; self-soothing, like taking baths, working out, doing yoga, etc., is just one aspect of self-care, which is a larger routine that makes it possible for you to maintain your mental health.

Recently, I was at a networking meeting with a few other freelancing friends and I asked them what they thought made it easier to practice self-care in their lives. We talked a lot about ways we all worked to keep routines, make sure we were prioritizing our mental health alongside client demands, and more. I gathered up a few of the most common pieces of advice here.

1. Separate Your Life from Your Work

I mean this one literally: separate your life from your work. I love my office at home, but I’ve started to realize that I use it for too much that isn’t my work. Which sometimes makes getting work done harder. I start paying bills when I meant to work on a proposal; I look at the pile of presents I need to wrap and feel a pang of guilt; I decide to tackle my filing (which has been on hold since AUGUST) instead of a task that has higher priority. Something needs to be done and that, obviously, is separation. I need to separate the spaces from my life.

If you don’t have space for a separate office, there are ways you can still make this work; designate a specific corner of your bedroom as your “office” and only work there. Keep your bills and everything else unrelated to work away from it.

2. Keep Boundaries with Clients Firm

It was 6pm and I was cleaning up from dinner, elbow deep in water washing dishes, when my phone rang. It was a client. I dried my hands and pressed to send it to voicemail.

3 minutes later, it rang again.

And then again.

And then again.

When I finally answered it, my client immediately said, “I’ve called you 5 times!” I asked if we had a call scheduled that I forgot and they said no. I reminded them it was 6pm on a Friday and I don’t typically work past 3pm. They scoffed and said they had a question. I decided to take it, reminding them that I did bill for these kind of calls, and they proceeded to ask me a question that wasn’t even urgent! There was nothing wrong with their social media, no pressing need. It was a run-of-the-mill question that could have been sent in email or, if they really wanted to hear my voice, scheduled in a call. I told them this and then wished them a happy weekend, asking them to send me an email Monday morning with the question.

When they didn’t send me that email, I fired them as a client.

For me, I have to have boundaries: I don’t do unscheduled work calls outside of my work hours (we’ll talk work hours in a moment!); I don’t take non-urgent calls outside of business hours; and if my clients don’t keep up their end of the contract or work agreement, then I don’t keep them as clients. I don’t let myself feel bad about these boundaries as I need them to be an effective worker and to stay healthy—and all my freelancing friends agree.

You’ll always have a client that will push the boundaries. When I answered that call on that Friday evening, I expected an urgent question—when I realized it wasn’t urgent, I told them to ask me via email so I could answer on my time and not have to bill them for it. (This was mostly for my benefit, but to them, it seemed like I was being nice!) However, I realized that if someone calls me 5 times in a row on a Friday evening with a question they could easily Google themselves, they are someone who is going to always push my boundaries; if I’d answered their question on the phone that day, they would have continued to push and push. I didn’t want that. So better to stop it before it starts.

3. Make Your Space Functional

I get chronic knee pain from sitting too long when I work, so I have a desk that I can easily turn into a standing desk. This is one aspect of a functional work space.

Sometimes, we tend too much towards wanting our work spaces to look nice (I’m totally guilty of this), without focusing on how it will function. Right now, I have a bunch of boxes stacked beside my desk for my printer because I have yet to find a filing cabinet that I like (I’m working on it, really). While this isn’t really aesthetically pleasing, it works for me right now.

There are many ways to make your space functional; pick a chair for comfort, not for cuteness, because you’ll be spending time in it. Get the blue blocker glasses that will save your eyes and invest in a good, ergonomic set up for your desk top to save yourself from carpal tunnel syndrome.

4. Set Work Hours

This really goes hand-in-hand with the second point, but: have set work hours and make your clients aware of them. I use Contently to schedule 30-minute meetings with my clients and make it clear that I start work at 7am and finish work by 3pm. If they need me outside those hours, they can schedule a meeting if they have no other options. And more than establishing these boundaries with your clients, you need to establish them with yourself.

That means, no leaving dinner early to work on a project. No taking just a few minutes to answer work emails.

I created a new email address that I use entirely for work and I do not have it on my phone; I only open it up, in my browser, during my work hours. I might think of an idea for something for a project or a blog post… but I write it down on a sticky note, stick it in my work notebook, and leave it for the next day.

This has been a huge change for me as I’m used to working basically whenever I get a few free moments or hours. However, I’ve realized that for my mental health, I have to leave work during work hours and give myself a few hours of being just a mom or a few hours where I can just watch TV, or embroider, or read.

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When it comes to self care and freelancing, it’s also important to remember to set aside time for a morning routine: taking your medication, showering, cleaning up your work space, and more. These little things set into your daily schedule can help keep you on track mentally and professionally.

Meeting Goals & Making Decisions: My November 2019 Wrap Up

Happy December!

You’ll be happy to know that this month’s wrap up will be significantly less maudlin than last months. A good thing too. November was a significantly better month than October in a lot of ways. I feel like I’m overcoming a lot of mental blocks when it comes to setting and achieving goals, and moving forward in my career.

Let’s jump into this wrap up!

1. I Switched Up My Instagram Content

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 5, 2019 at 5:20pm PST

You may have noticed a lot of changes over at my Instagram; I’ve been posting more about goal setting, the mental aspect of being laid off/starting my own business (?)/being a woman in the workplace, as well as taking time for myself and self-care and self improvement. These are all things I care about and think about a lot, but haven’t ever really talked about in my social media presence before.

If those are things you’re interested in too, give me a follow over on Instagram!

2. I Started Working On Daily Goals

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 9, 2019 at 4:20pm PST

One thing I’ve been realizing more and more lately is that I need a routine in place.

When Forrest was younger, I found it much easier to be very regimented and organized about my day. I did the same things every day and it helped ease my anxiety and improve my life. But in the last 18 months, my routines have really fallen apart; I was able to keep things organized for Forrest, but I felt like I never was 100% dedicated to a routine for myself. Danny and I stopped going to the gym as Forrest’s bedtime routine got more and more challenging.

In the past month, I started working on my daily goals: day-to-day, I set little goalposts for myself to reach. A few examples are making my bed every day (which helps me to feel accomplished), getting dressed every day, and making sure to go on a daily walk. Those are just a few things that help me organize my day and start building a routine. I’ve also started blocking out my time for my to do list and making sure I actually get things done—even if I have to force myself.

A big thing I’ve realized is that the burn out I’ve been feeling for a year or more has matched up with feeling like I don’t have a good daily routine in place. I’m hoping that the more I work on it, the more I’ll feel myself falling into a natural routine. And I’m hoping that adding in a good work out routine eventually will come a lot easier.

3. I Started Addressing my Lack of Confidence

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A post shared by Michelle | Blogger & Marketer (@michellelocke6) on Nov 16, 2019 at 6:20pm PST

Anyone who has read my blog for a long time knows one thing to be true: i’m pretty upfront about my lack of confidence.

I’ve always been a shy, soft spoken person. I don’t make waves. In therapy, we’ve been working on my need for external validation for nearly everything I do; I’m often overly concerned with the opinions of other people, worrying that what they think of me is more important than how I feel about what I’m doing. I mentioned a few weeks ago that I noticed this side of me getting worse after I graduated from college; when I didn’t have the validation of school and grades, I found myself really struggling with happiness and feeling confident.

Building emotional confidence and self confidence, particularly in my abilities and my work ethic, is a huge barrier for me in terms of achieving what I want to in my career. On one hand, I firmly believe that I’m good at what I do; on the other hand, I often hold myself back, not completing tasks and not following through, because I worry that it won’t be good enough, that other people won’t like it, or whatever.

I feel like I’ve really challenged that internalized belief this month and I’m excited to see how I continue to work on this.

Those were my 3 big November takeaways. We had a lovely Thanksgiving, obviously; we were supposed to go to Idaho, but ended up not being able to make it due to the Pass being totally snowed in! That was a huge disappointment, but we all coped as we could.

How was your November?

3 Tips for Thanksgiving Day Travel with Kids

Thanksgiving is a stressful time of year, as we have established. If you didn’t catch my post about self-care and self-kindness during the holiday season, go ahead and give yourself a break from manic Thanksgiving preparations to read this.

If you’re traveling for Thanksgiving, things can get even more stressful. And if you’re traveling with kids? Forget it! It feels like you have 4 million things to do. Plus, you have to pack up what feels like half the house to take along. What if they get sick? (They will get sick. Or you’ll get sick. Fun!)

We’ve traveled for Thanksgiving before and for anyone planning their first Thanksgiving traveling, I wanted to share a few tips and tricks. Before that, however, here are a few others posts I have about travel prep and packing with kids:

• Make packing a little less stressful with these tips.

• Want to pack some masks for self-care? Here are my suggestions.

• Learn to maintain your skincare routine while traveling.

• All about Autumn road trips.

• My post about taking a toddler to Disneyland (and relevant for all travel experiences!).

• Have to work over Thanksgiving? Here are some tips.

Hopefully, you find a few gems among those previous blog posts. Now, let’s talk traveling this Thanksgiving!

1. Monitor the Weather Leading up to Thanksgiving.

If you’re traveling a long distance and might experience inclement weather, be prepared. Get your oil changed beforehand, check your tires, and have an emergency kit just in case. If you’re flying, keep a close eye on weather at any of your stops and your destination.

When I was young, it felt like there was always some huge storm at one major airport that made Thanksgiving travel way more difficult. Being prepared and aware beforehand is much easier these days, so stay mindful. If you’re driving, remember that if conditions look bad enough, it’s ok to postpone driving—or cancel.

2. Break Your Trip Up.

If possible, the number one piece of advice I always give to parents traveling with kids for the first time is to break the trip up! An example is that when Danny and I drive to Idaho now, we usually stop in Bend. It’s perfectly doable to drive to Idaho in one day; it’s 9 hours, give or take depending on how many stops we make. However, with a child, we’ve found that having a stop makes it a much more pleasant trip for us.

For Thanksgiving last year, we did this for the first time and it made a huge difference in how we felt when we got to Idaho! Plus, we got more time to be with family.

3. Find Ways to Make Your Trip Fun.

Here are a few things we do, besides splitting our trips into two parts, to make road tripping over the holidays fun:

• Get a DVD player (or holder for an iPad!) for your little ones. I know many aren’t fans of this, but let me tell you… that really saves us every time we go for a long drive.

• Stop along the way and do something fun. Whether you get lunch at a new, fun place, stop to take a few photos somewhere exciting, or just get out to walk around a Wal-Mart, breaking up the trip this way helps a lot. Plus, you can schedule convenient bathroom breaks this way.

• Pack a special snack. We also pack one of Forrest’s favorite treats (honestly, it’s usually the yogurt he eats every single day, but it’s still his favorite thing) to have midway through the second day. It gives him something exciting.

• Download a podcast you’ve been wanting to listen to. Danny and I always try to find a long form podcast to listen to for our drive; when we went to California in 2017, we listened to You Must Remember This about the Charles Manson murders and, honestly, it’s one of the most memorable parts of the trip for me. It helps pass the time so much faster!

Those might not be things you would do, but try to think of a few ways to pass the time and make the trip enjoyable for you and your children. Traveling over Thanksgiving can be really exciting, but daunting, especially if you’re a new parent. You’ve got a million things to think about, as well as family relationships to contend with. Find ways to treat yourself well, laugh with your family, and have fun.

Have tips for Thanksgiving travel? Send them my way!